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Anonymous
10/26/20 at 5:59PM UTC
in
Career

Volunteer Dilemma

This happened a while ago and I just would like to share my experience and what I learned from it. I joined a volunteer project a while ago, thinking it was a flexible way to help me gain flexible hands-on experience in my industry, since the pandemic has put a heavy toll on my family duties and a full-time job wasn't realistic yet. I had a pleasant conversation with the coordinator and the project cause was something I genuinely supported. There were 2 other volunteers who were already on the project and I was welcomed join in. Everything seemed to be moving in the good direction. However, after a few rounds of conversations over the course of the following weeks, things began to turn sour and eventually turned into (what my title said) -- a dilemma. I have worked on a number of volunteer projects before. The processes were mostly easygoing, the communications were always polite and friendly, which is the norm for any kind of volunteer work I assume? *My foremost mistake was I assumed this project would be just as easygoing as any other ones I have worked with in the past, and disregarded a lot of human factors. I spent a lot of time studying over existing materials and compiled a good amount of background research to get myself fully prepared. As I examined the existing work done by current volunteers, I noticed a number of major mistakes according to industry standard. So I naturally took note of these and tried to compile proposals to revert the current work and move forward. But the response I received were only accusing tones saying (not a direct quote, but a rough recap) I shouldn't have the guts to pinpoint problems or issues in something that was (again according to industry standard, mistakenly) agreed upon by the existing team. My reaction was mostly shocked, from being howled at, also from seeing an attitude that is so defensive for their part of the work, for the sake of being defensive, to the point of overlooking (or rather turning a blind eye upon) major mistakes. I was given no chance to explain my intentions or where & why I saw things went wrong. So before the next round of conversation, I spent time to craft a full-scale explanation with very specific industry-related references attached. At that point I was still being optimistic, thinking that if I explained everything according to professional measures, then the other teammates would at least understand where I was coming from. But I was wrong again. The next conversation wasn't hostile, but came to a dead end where all my industry-related measures/proposals were getting shut off, because according to the other teammates, they spent so much time and worked so hard on the existing work, that I would be wrong for questioning any part of it. The next day I scheduled a talk with the project coordinator who introduced me to this project. The feedback was fairly neutral, saying sorry I had to go through that, I most likely ran into a personality issue, they (the coordinators) are not in the position to judge who's right & who's wrong, and at the end of the day I always have the freedom to walk away if I find myself in an uncomfortable position. That was exactly what I did, I sent an official email to bid adieu and walked away, because my gut reaction over what I went through was telling me to do so. It wasn't worth my time and effort to continue with a volunteer work that was this agonizing, which it shouldn't be. To sum up what I learned out of this experience: - I should have paid attention to the fact that there were already two volunteers working on this project; I should have understood their ways of working and expectations. If I had done this I would've reconsidered before joining in. - I should have found out more about the role of the coordinator during a time of crisis. I found out later during the process, that whenever a disagreement happens between volunteers, the coordinator leave it to the team to sort out the differences and work things out. I should have seen this as a warning sign, because this basically leaves the work with no real decision maker and whoever cries the loudest wins. (I understand that most volunteer coordinators do not come from the same background as the projects they are leading, but I think it'd be better if they can at least spend some time to learn the standardized operation. This may be my own opinion, but I feel the project coordinator didn't see the need to learn the standards from our industry, because the other volunteer teams have collaborated harmoniously and never experienced such disputes) This wasn't a totally blissful memory, but I am still thankful for what I learned out of this experience. I also think situations like these are less likely to be happening in real workplaces because there would always be a decision maker assigned and everyone would have known the full industry standard before coming on board. I'll be happy to hear thoughts or suggestions from you!

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Peg Bittner
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620
retired auditor now into volunteering
10/29/20 at 5:09PM UTC
Hi original writer, Yes mine was much larger but the feelings we both have had are very similar and I can readily relate to your situation. I support you whole heartdly on what you did and was able to do so quickly. I have a deep sentilmental connection to the part and had a hard time seperating myself from the park. Once I realize it wasn't the park but the people I was leaving I had no problem. This person and the park will always be best friends and loyal to each other. Thank you for your open and honest story. Hope you are doing much better and found a new volunteer group that makes you happy and is very worthwhile. I know I have.
Anonymous
10/29/20 at 4:55AM UTC
This is the original post writer. Thank you for all your replies! A few additional notes: I can tell you the project did involve a combination of research, content structure and designs. It wasn't one of those more commonly seen volunteer duties where you help out at registration desks or hand out gift bags (no offense to those who do this at their jobs/services, I did those too). While I was still on that project, I actually proposed a workable schedule that was able to contain all modifications or improvements, re-quoted industry-specific principles from professional sites to explain why I did so. But the response I received from other teammates remained as -- yes your proposals are correct and legit, but no, no, no, we worked very hard on this so there is no way we are changing what's already there (paradoxical?). I believe the coordinator (supposedly the project leader) hired a handful of volunteers to craft out a number of similar proposals. We can't really say if that's right or wrong since they have full authority to recruit as many helpers as they like. But then I began to see that since the coordinator will end up with a number of choices, the life and death of one particular project was probably not THAT serious, which could've been the reason why the process was sort of "set loose" in the first place. So considering the work was not very seriously taken, and the hassles I went through, I knew it was the time to walk away.
Peg Bittner
star-svg
620
retired auditor now into volunteering
10/28/20 at 9:54PM UTC
Oh my, you have sung to this choir. I feel that we were in the same situation only different types of groups. Mine was a county park volunteer group whose mission was to conserve the history and enhance the park for future generations. I was one of the original members and we had a wonderful group of people. Everyone respected each other and worked well together. Then over a length of time the board members changed and so did the group. Now the members are more interested in pursuing their own agendas instead of thinking about the best for the public. There has been numerous clandestine conversations and projects planned and aproved without group agreement. Whenever there was a presentation and I questioned or suggestion an item be checked out which I knew as fact it would be shot down faster than I mention it. All my improvement ideas were rejected but anywhere from 4 to 6 years later, the county would put the project in action and I would never get any recognition for the idea. The final straw was when a large number of people joined the group and went before the county council for approval to join. Now prior to this , it was stated in order to be on the board, a council member had to approve a member's appointment to the board. Well the group I belonged to had then 15 board members and only 1 basic member, me and I am the one with the longest tenure. Then I was told that it wasn't like that and I am a member even if I didn't go before the county council. There has never been a clear clarification. I this was the last thing that I was going to put up with. A very unorganized group who bent what was at one time according to a handbook of rules but never really followed unless it was at the benefit of the group. At the same time they were doing work in the park that we were told we were not permitted, that it was strictly the work of county personnel. Today I found out that the group is on suspension until March 2021. I resigned two weeks ago. Perfect timing and a great relief
Anonymous
10/29/20 at 4:51AM UTC
This is the original post writer. Oh wow your situation is definitely a much longer-enduring challenge. Structural or organizational changes are much harder to address than work/project-specific concerns. Glad to see you came through!
Anonymous
10/28/20 at 7:31PM UTC
You explained why it is humiliating to be a volunteer amongst a group when you know more than the people working there. Unfortunately due to ageism, this has happened a lot. And I just don't bother to make suggestions because I know they are not wanted and it will just make me look bad. It's actually why I will never volunteer for anything ever again.
Anonymous
10/29/20 at 4:43AM UTC
This is the original post writer. Most of my volunteer experience have been fine and pleasant, with very friendly staff/coordinators, and they resulted in great relationship-building or networks. So please don't lose hope!
Anonymous
11/05/20 at 9:44PM UTC
Hope departed a very long time ago. It's the way everything is run (and it is why America is a failed state now). And I am trying to not care anymore.
User deleted comment on 11/05/20 at 9:39PM UTC
Joanna Giordano
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347
HBO HR experience. Resume/Job & Health coach.
10/28/20 at 6:39PM UTC
You could try Catch a Fire or some matching site that will recognize your professional skills as more than a warm body volunteer. Also, it might be the nuclear option, but if the NFP is truly that badly run or flouting the standards that much, you could blow the whistle on them because it sounds like they're not operating in the best interest of mission or impact. Not every accredited NFP is necessarily doing more than wasting other people's money. sad but true.
Danielle Lively Neal
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35
Career Pivot Coach
10/28/20 at 5:30PM UTC
This is a tough one and I am sorry that was your experience. It's especially a slap in the face when you are giving of your time and energy and it's clear that, even if they disagreed with you, that it was coming from a place of good intentions. In your situation I don't know that this advice would have helped as much because some people will never be open to feedback, but I volunteered with an organization that had similar issues with people being entrenched in their ways and not really being forward thinking. I thought they wanted me on the Board because I had skills they were lacking and could help...which they did...but not if I wanted to change anything they liked of course. This led to a few push backs (nothing like what you went through!), but then I just sat down with the Executive Director and said: "Look, at the end of the day I want you to know that I make all of these recommendations based out of experience and love for this cause and please remember that anything I suggest is coming from that place. It is fine if we don't necessarily agree, but I do need you to be open to these recommendations because this is why you asked me to help. If I cannot be helpful in that way, maybe I am not the volunteer for this role." She was actually receptive to that because she could see I was truly genuine in my desire to help. But it also led to a good discussion about people entrenched in their ways and how it would be better for the organization to be more progressive. It ended up being a win...but that would be my suggestion to start with for someone in a similar situation.
obe
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458
10/28/20 at 3:06PM UTC
This sounds like an opportunity I was very much interested in participating with that turned into almost of the displeasures mentioned. Volunteering for a greater part of my life has been both rewarding and challenging and I am learning to understand the politics and nuances behind each and every organization that I’ve supported. In retrospect I now see how bringing in new volunteers can either make or break an organization because of revamping the entire operation to suit their own agendas, sometimes much to the detriment of the organization. Two volunteer organizations close to my heart and certainly necessities during my tenure have ceased operations, one due to a complete makeover caused by staff retiring and new staff refusing to abide by the guidelines left behind to ensure continuity. The other disbanded sometime after I left. I was made to feel very uncomfortable by the head of the organization because she had a personal vendetta against people who were different. Even comments made during the volunteering process were demeaning at best. I still hope in my heart that some day soon I will find my niche and find the satisfaction in what volunteering truly means to me.
Amy Carissa Oliver
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626
10/28/20 at 2:31PM UTC
I want to be helpful and some of this will be a bit blunt, but I hope you know that this is coming from a place of caring. I manage over 60 volunteers, and have managed hundreds of staff and volunteers throughout my career. I understand that you're feeling very upset and what I want is to help you see from a manager's point of view what happened. It won't fix the current situation, but maybe can help you in the future. Please know I'm using all caps as headers to help highlight sections here. WHAT I PERCEIVE: From your description of what happened, it seems like you want to be told that you were "right." But since you're here asking for that, it means you're questioning yourself. SOMETHING YOU SAID THAT RAISES A RED FLAG: You made a statement that you should have reconsidered the volunteer gig because there were already two volunteers working on the project. WHY THAT'S A RED FLAG: Presumably, when you go back to work full time, you will have to work with other people, who were already there before you, and may be mid-project. In life, we often walk into projects that have already started, and we need to find ways to navigate gracefully through and become a part of the team, even if not everything is happening the way we think it should. SOMETHING ELSE THAT SEEMS WEIRD: In the case of the volunteer situation, it appears that you decided to go solo rather than trying to work as a team from the beginning. There could be many reasons for that of which this thread is not aware. But if there were already volunteers working on the project, I would hope there was an opportunity for them to bring you up to speed. If they didn't offer, I hope you asked before flying solo. A DIFFERENT APPROACH: How I would have approached this group when I found an error: "Hey guys, I was reading XYZ and I saw something that doesn't appear to jive with the industry standards. Could you sit with me for a bit and go through it and help me to understand?" That opens the floor to a very safe conversation for everyone, and a meaningful discussion. THIS MIGHT STING, BUT HERE'S HOW I THINK THE OTHER VOLUNTEERS PERCEIVED WHAT HAPPENED: Instead, it looks like you found the errors, dug around for "all the evidence" and then thrust it upon two people you didn't know very well and who didn't know you, and couldn't possibly have understood your intentions. Even though your intent was to be helpful by correcting the work, being human beings, they reacted poorly to being told that all of their hard work was filled with "major mistakes" (who would react well to that?). Your response at that time was to go find even more evidence to drive the point home. And so they reacted even more poorly. Despite your best intentions, which were about the work and doing it right, you forgot that there were bonafide human beings involved, who have opinions and feelings, and no matter what the "error," human beings have to come first because they're the ones who have to do the work and fix the mistakes. REALLY BIG TAKEAWAY: By the time you got to the project coordinator, the problem was no longer about the errors in the project. It was about the way you made the other volunteers feel. Relationships will always come first and matter more, especially in volunteering. MY OWN MANAGEMENT STYLE: I walked into my present role in a museum to find that someone spent a large sum of money on starting an exhibit and it not only didn't meet best practices and industry standards, but the design and install location meant the exhibit wouldn't even work. Rather than telling them they did it "wrong" or "made mistakes," I lauded their efforts, and explained all of the ways we could make their exhibit a centerpiece with just a few upgrades. Do you see the difference in how I solve "major mistakes"? A mistake can always be fixed somehow and some way. But breaking a person on the way to fixing a work mistake often can't be fixed. The end result for me was a correction of mistakes combined with the building of a strong and trusting workplace relationship. My colleague knows that I come from a place of expertise and caring, but that I will always care about them first, and that makes it so easy to work through anything. We're both human beings, and because we put each other above the errors, it's easy to fix mistakes and not take it personally. WHAT I HOPE YOU'LL DO: By letting the other volunteers--the people who made the mistakes--lead the discussion and feel safe and appreciated and valued, you could have led them to the correction of the errors, just like I convinced my colleague to let me help them upgrade their exhibit. So, what I hope you will take away from this is that while you had good intentions and wanted to do a good job on the work and make sure it was correct, in the future an equal or more pronounced emphasis on the people involved will help you to get to where you want to go.
Anonymous
10/28/20 at 4:26PM UTC
You touched on each point I would have made; but you were a lot more detailed and eloquent than I would have been
Asha M
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12
10/28/20 at 4:26PM UTC
Possibly the most important thing I've read all year- thank you for your stellar emotional intelligence.
Kimberly Lyn
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91
Life after Corporate
10/28/20 at 4:16PM UTC
Your feedback was something we can all take away a learning from. I too volunteered at a small, local volunteer organization. I had been in corporate leadership for 30 years. The first thing I figured out was that the other volunteers did not want or need my "professional opinion" unless they asked for it. One thing I was able to quickly realize is that the organization was the only thing some of the others actually had to keep going ( a lot of retirees)....and they did not want some "new kid" coming in and telling them how to run something they had been handling for many many years. Another thing I noticed was that some of the older female volunteers had never worked outside their home and were traditional in their marriages. This organization gave them an outlet to be something other than "their husband's wife". This was their chance to shine. So to the O.P. point, the learning for me was the same. Assess the previous players before making any approaches unless specifically asked.
Amy Carissa Oliver
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626
10/28/20 at 4:26PM UTC
It’s definitely always difficult to enter a new situation. We all have an obligation to each other to learn multiple different ways of communicating. Nearly all of my volunteers are over age 65 and some of them have been with my org for 20+ years. There’s always the potential for clashes. My primary thing I always ask people to do when communication goes wrong is to focus inward. It’s very rare that the “blame” is one-sided. The particular learnings presented really put the onus on other groups and recognizing their problems rather than owning and making internal adjustments to allow for others to be different.
Anonymous
10/29/20 at 4:37AM UTC
Hi Amy -- Thank you for your response. I can respond to some of the concerns you brought up: - I didn't need to be told I was right, I know by industry standard I was. I was struggling for a proper chance to communicate. Or... I can also say I "naively" assumed everyone working on this would've know the standards by heart and see obvious reasonings behind my proposed modifications - Yes I should have reconsidered the volunteer gig. Not because there were already two volunteers working on the project. If I could do it again, I would've take some time to find out how the current work come into being and in what ways do they wish to continue, plus how would they feel about possible modifications & improvements -- if I had found out beforehand, I would've definitely reconsidered because I wouldn't be able to deliver promising results by working with an "incorrect" process - The same situation may not even have the slightest chance to happen in real jobs. If this was a real project, it would've been led by someone with basic industry knowledge, someone who is capable to make critical decisions during important milestones, the working staff would have started everything on the right track in the first place, and there will be no need to flip flop. - I totally see your point on communicating "mistakes". Actually it was another co-volunteer who suggested me to give full explanation regarding my modifications, which is why I came back with fully prepared presentations. I wasn't expecting everyone to suddenly agree with me on everything after that, we almost came to a peaceful conclusion by saying -- "OK let's try both ways and see what works the best", then the other teammate responded with several firm no's. That's when I sensed the project itself did not allow a communicable atmosphere and concluded my portion. Nevertheless, there is always room to reflect back on what could have been improved on my side of the work. Finding the right communication is the lesson of a lifetime. I really appreciated your insights!
Saidah Abdulhaqq
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978
Digital Strategist Marketing Technologist Coach
10/28/20 at 2:46PM UTC
That is an excellent analysis and great recommendations for how better to deal with this type of situation. Tactful and direct. Many can find value in this type of level headed advice and behavior in more than just conflict situations.
Anonymous
10/28/20 at 1:39PM UTC
Unfortunately unlike a work environment with management and repercussions for behavior, volunteer coordinators usually accept anyone who will show up and won’t manage for fear of losing what little resources they have. It sounds like you handled it well and were right to walk away.
EMILY KIKUE FRANK
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1.1k
Emily is the founder of Career Catalyst
10/28/20 at 1:30PM UTC
Props for walking away! Like the song says, you gotta know when to walk away, know when to run. I think situations like this are often so fraught, and it sounds like a situation you wouldn't have been able to salvage.

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