In Need of Advice on Managing a Passive-Aggressive Direct Report

Anonymous

October 26,2022 at 10:33AM UTC

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In Need of Advice on Managing a Passive-Aggressive Direct Report

I am a middle manager of a small group of creatives. Just before the pandemic, I made my first hire of someone just out of college. Other than an internship, this is her first job. Immediately after the pandemic started, my management asked me to justify keeping this person - which I did, and with the pandemic creating fewer projects for us, she was able to have a whole year to really practice our style and flourish without a lot of pressure - something no one else on the team has had.

Now, 2.5 years later, she’s pushing for more responsibility - which having had a manager who hid talent and didn’t allow any new responsibilities - I know it is really important not to stifle. But in the meantime, she has become extremely passive-aggressive, jumping in to answer questions when someone is clearly addressing me, having a running bit with a coworker in another department about how she’s the only one who’s always there (I took time off earlier this year after a miscarriage and then getting Covid, and another team member has taken a leave due to ongoing health problems), and just every day making little attempts to “other” me on the team usually relating to how young she and her coworker are, she’s started to gatekeep, and I could go on, but everything amounts to that she’s becoming insufferable. I’ve heard from one other member of the team about it, but it was very vague and not enough to take action. It’s like a train wreck I see coming in the distance, and it’s too soon to explain to everyone else what’s coming.

The problem is, these things are all extremely small aggressions, and explaining them to HR to ask for advice on how to handle the situation seems just as petty as the events. When I originally found out I was pregnant (before the late term miscarriage), my second thought after excitement was, “Oh no, I hope she doesn’t try to take my job while I’m gone.” Which I realized was a whole year ago now. So this problem isn’t going away. I’m at a loss to deal with it, and I would love some advice!

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Aurora MeyerOctober 26,2022 at 12:45PM UTC
How have other departments in your organization handled similar situations? If your organization has been in business for awhile, other managers have likely encountered a similar employee. If you think she would be open to a conversation, you could let her know that you would be open to giving her some stretch projects and additional responsibilities but that you need to see some specific leadership qualities before that can happen and be specific, ability to be supportive of team members without necessarily knowing the details, allowing everyone on the team to share thoughts ideas and opinions openly, etc. Either she'll be successful and make the changes necessary or she won't and you'll know the right course of action.
AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 1:50PM UTC
Hi there! This article posted by FGB may help! https://fairygodboss.com/articles/are-you-dealing-with-a-passiveaggressive-boss-try-these-heartled-leadership-tips
Jessica Chavez SmithOctober 26,2022 at 2:49PM UTC
I think having a heart-to-heart talk with her is in order. I would try and see the situation from her point of view. Why is she acting this way, maybe she just wants more responsibility and feels she's not being heard. It could be as simple as that. But you won't know until you address the situation. If you do not, your relations will be strained and the situation will get worse. Start off the conversation with the facts; for example, I have noticed for a few of our meetings, you have jumped in to answer questions for me when I"m being asked a question from others.
Next, add what story you are telling yourself about the situation; for example, This is making me feel like you are being passive-aggressive against anything I am saying.
Then ask for her point of view. For example: Can you give me your point of view? Make sure when you are talking to them, it is coming from the heart and more concerned about the relationship than her being passive-aggressive.
I learned this from Crucial Conversations which is a really good book to read about how to have a difficult conversation with anyone about anything.
AnonymousOctober 26,2022 at 7:25PM UTC
If you are her manager, sit her down and discuss her comments and inappropriate conversations with coworkers. I would definitely address her comments about people's health conditions as completely inappropriate and none of her business. Make it clear that her attitude has affected the overall morale of the team and it needs to improve. Give her specific examples of what she did wrong and what you expect in the future. Let her know that future issues may lead to her being freed up for another opportunity in another location.
AnonymousOctober 27,2022 at 5:55PM UTC
I think this is a great way to go about it. To an extent I think you should give her all of the responsibility she is looking for (unless it's completely outside of her job description or skills). She will either rise to the occasion or crash and burn. Hopefully she rises to the occasion, but if she doesn't it will be a humbling experience. Either way it's a win for you.