in need of advice

Question

hi I don’t really have anyone to talk to at the moment so I hope you don’t mind if I talk here. I feel out with one of my only friends as I found out she was doing something awful to me (for personal reasons I would rather not say) I have close to no friends, I don’t have a group, all my other friends choose popularity over me and I just feel so alone all the time. I dread going into school, feeling the pain of simply being alone in a room full of people and I’m constantly holding back tears. Every night when I get home I cry for hours because I feel so alone and have no real friends. I have anxiety about simple things like finding someone to have lunch with or be partners with for a project or walk to class with. I cannot describe the effect it’s having on me and how hopeless I feel. Teenagers like me should be going out to party’s, seeing their friends and loving their teenage years but I’m constantly so scared I’m wasting them and I’m a loser for having no real friends and being social awkward and anxious. At this point I have nobody to turn to and I don’t know what to do because I just feel so unhappy all the time. I have tried different clubs and everything you can think of to make friends but I’m just so socially awkward and fixated on others opinions that I simply cannot make more friends because I’m such a boring meaningless person to be around. This has been making my mental health increasingly worse and I feel so unmotivated in everything I do, constantly telling myself “it doesn’t matter” when I try to do a piece of homework and give up.  Should I seek a doctors opinion, please give me some advice.

Sage Fraser · Answer

Absolutely talk to a counselor or psychologist. Perhaps find an online community to connect with  ( such as this one). Reddit is funny for those of us with a sarcastic or offbeat personality. You can only handle living life with that kind of stress for so long.  Things will change but I wouldn’t have believed it when I was in high school. Are you 18 yet? If not, I’m not sure your ability to see a dr without a parent’s permission. Feel free to DM me if you’d like. Happy to talk about your concerns or just support in some way.

Mery Ramirez · Answer

Hey love, I personally had a very awkward time growing up, I was never the outgoing, popular person and it simply didn’t help that I grew up in a place with very few ppl that looked like me or shared similar life experiences. I had some of the same anxieties, figuring out where and with who to eat lunch was simply stressful. But let me tell you things do get better, as corny as it may sound. As for now, my advice would be to love yourself, to try new experiences and be open to meeting new groups of people. Your group of friends may not be the ones you’re coming into contact right now but they’re out there, it may take some more time finding them. Please don’t spend any time worrying about those who have not appreciated you, don’t give them any importance. If you ever need a person to talk, feel free to connect with me here or in LinkedIn. Don’t you ever feel like you have nowhere to turn, I assure you there are plenty of gals in this community that will be there to listen.

Aura Severino · Answer

Hola Love! Friendships are hard. One thing we need to understand is that people come into our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. It seems to me you haven't found your lifetime but that doesn't mean that it isn't coming. You have to love you first. You have to find what makes you happy and live in that truth. The real friends will come to you then, don't feel like you need to go looking for them. I am sure you are a beautiful smart young lady and understanding that being different isn't a bad thing you will slowly start to find your happiness. Good Luck to you and feel free to write if you need anymore advice or support.

Anonymous · Answer

Aloha Anonymous, I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness.  I was not allowed to have friends unless it was a Jehovah's Witness, and there were not that many where I went to school.  Thus I only had my siblings as friends.  I learned to love me! Being with just myself as I grow older.  I focused on what made me happy, and went for it.  It took a lot of heart ache to understand that loving myself and doing for myself was the most important thing.  What do you want in your future?  Make a 5 year plan and stick to it.  Along the way you will make new friends.  Learn new things about life.  Give yourself yourself.  No go get'um!

Jesika Babylon · Answer

Hey Anonymous, I underwent some pretty turbulent teenage years, feeling awkward and alone and like I couldn't make things any better. I found a really great therapist and engaged in some CBT/talk therapy to help get my head straight. Sometimes having a professional to talk to who can identify where things are realistic and where maybe they are molehills looking like mountains can give you the perspective you need to inhabit your life and make it how you choose.  I know getting advice from people you have never met might seem strange, but I always say a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet. There are more good people in the world than selfish, hurtful ones, and we just have to find them and then say 'hi!' Please do find a therapist in your area, sometimes community health centers have free ones, and your guidance office should be able to help you out. Good luck. It does get better, just hang in there.

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