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Anupa George

12/14/20 at 12:21PM UTC

Lifestyle & Relationships

New Job New Me

Hi, I am about to start a new job and I would really like to reinvent myself. My default is to be introverted, but around extroverts I can be outgoing. I feed off of the energy around me. In the past this wasn't so bad, many of my responsibilities are solo and I did not need to work with people that often. But this new role isn't like that: lots of collaboration. And on top of that, it's a place a family member recently retired from at a really high level. Basically, everyone knows me who I am, even before I've started. What advice can you give me that would help me be more comfortable around all types of people? And how can I be more outgoing without that external stimulus? I've always been jealous how some people could just start up a conversation with random strangers. How are you that brave? Thank you for your suggestions ☺️

16 Comments

Monica Hilgenberg

206

Driver Mentor Coordinator

12/14/20 at 2:17PM UTC

Count to three and just do it. It has nothing to do with bravery really. You just have to want to commit to the change and then do it. Everyone has it in them, you have said so yourself that you can with the right energy around you. Create your own energy.

Michele Burling

164

12/14/20 at 2:59PM UTC

Anupa, I understand the introvert that sometimes comes out of her shell. One thing I would suggest here is, since the company personnel know of you through your relative, introduce yourself to them with a bit of humour: "I don't know what you heard about me, but I'm Anupa and I ... enjoy collaboration, you may find me quite, but I assure you I can be quite outgoing when the circumstances call for it." Humour usually goes a long way to break the ice for both parties and will make you more comfortable as you see them smile and relax as well. Could be they are just as nervous about making your acquaintance. Let us know how it goes.

1 Reply

Anupa George

12/18/20 at 12:48PM UTC

Thank you! I like that introduction a lot

Amy Barnthouse

Medical Device Director

12/14/20 at 3:02PM UTC

One of the best pieces of advice I received was to stop worrying about how situations made me feel and to focus on the people around me. If you focus on making others feel comfortable in your presence, i.e. ask them questions/get them talking/etc, the conversation starts to flow more easily. When others feel comfortable talking to you, that naturally flows back to you and you feel more at ease. It doesn’t happen overnight, but making the conscious effort to focus on how they feel around you is a great start!

Krista

12/14/20 at 3:07PM UTC

I can strike up a conversation with anyone, to me people are just people and I like taking to people. Drives my husband nuts when we're on vacation, I like meeting and learning about people from all over and he is much more introverted. I've gotten positive feedback, for example in a job fair and they were pleased that I walked right up, shook their hand and started a conversation. I've also gotten kinda negative feedback about being too open to speak to anyone, so sometimes I wish I was better at being quiet! Just be you! Preparation might help in meetings, for example we had a suggestion in my womens network called 2 + 2, go into meetings ready with 2 comments and 2 questions. That might help you initiate conversations and be more comfortable in it.

1 Reply

Anupa George

12/18/20 at 12:51PM UTC

Thank you! And yes, I tend to feel a lot better when I'm prepared to talk to someone. But if I'm just thrown into a situation, I feel like I lost all my brain cells ?

Lesa Edwards

635

THE career expert for high achievers

12/14/20 at 3:09PM UTC

Anupa, be yourself! Reading between the lines, it seems like you are judging yourself for being an introvert. Embrace who you are naturally - and don't try to be someone you aren't. We all have a range of personality - not a single data point - so adapt to the situation within your range. You were made exactly the way you were supposed to be!

Jessica Rutherford

Senior Chemist in DFW

12/14/20 at 3:13PM UTC

I agree with Amy above - notice something about the other person. Give them a sincere compliment, ask about the weekend, the project, etc. Once the other person starts talking and there is a commonality, the conversation can become more organic. It will become easier with time and confidence. You will do great!

Anonymous

12/14/20 at 10:54PM UTC

I would suggest moving out of your comfort zone outside of work to give you opportunities to interact under many different circumstances. Hobbies. A book club, volunteer work would all give you practice in creating a more outgoing persona. Places where everyone is new and participating by choice in a common activity. Being social is like working a muscle to perform. You get comfortable as you hone your socual skill, practice relating to others and you in turn gain confidence over time as you expose yourself to different kinds of people and situations. You'll find you have more in common and more to share as you put yourself out there in different ways.

1 Reply

Anupa George

12/18/20 at 12:55PM UTC

Yes, this new job is having me to move as well. That's why it's the perfect opportunity for me to "reinvent" myself; to be the person I want people to know, not the one they think they know.

Mimi Bishop

1.24k

Biz+Life Coach for GenX Women (and Millennials)

12/15/20 at 10:30AM UTC

HI Anupa, congratulations on getting this new job. You are so smart to be thinking about how you want to show up in this role and being very mindful here. As a fellow introvert I completely understand! You mention energy -- as an introvert, I know you need to be mindful of your own energy. Nothing will deplete it faster than being something that you're not. So be sure to respect your natural needs. With that said, I also understand how beneficial it is to be more extroverted in a professional role. My suggestion is to set small goals in being more purposefully extroverted each week. Maybe it is committing to reaching out to one new person each week or having a virtual lunch date with a co-worker once a week. Don't underestimate the power of small actions taken consistently. Best of luck to you as you start this new and exciting job!

1 Reply

Anupa George

12/18/20 at 12:57PM UTC

I love that idea. Small goals leading to bigger accomplishments. Thank you!

1 Reply

Mimi Bishop

1.24k

Biz+Life Coach for GenX Women (and Millennials)

12/21/20 at 2:15PM UTC

You are welcome! Keep us posted on how it is going for you!

Shanita Taylor

244

Author, Leadership Certified & Life Coach

12/16/20 at 4:20AM UTC

Congratulations. I think it is great that you can feed off of the energy around you. The typological theory tells us that each of us are born with a predisposition. That is of one of the four pairs of personality preferences. There are 4 pairs but 8 labels. I suggest you be yourself and it's up to you as to how you prefer to interact with people. I understand introverts may be more of loners, but if you truly desire to mingle and conversate, that's completely up to you. But keep in mind it's your work environment, a place for work.

Monique Aduddell

280

12/16/20 at 5:13PM UTC

Going in as a 'known' entity can be a challenge but it can also mean that people will tend to view you favorably given the connection you have with the retired family member. This could be handy but it does place pressure as well. However, try to take the focus off introvert or extrovert. Your work will be done in a collaborative way so be a good collaborator. Contribute your share (nothing is worse than a team member who doesn't contribute anything), be on time for meetings, be prepared, ask questions, follow-up, give credit where credit is due, establish that you are trustworthy, don't indulge in gossip, remember names, and try to have some fun. You are being you, but you are also in a larger role. Finally do not make a point of telling people you are uncomfortable or shy. You will only be undermining yourself.

1 Reply

Anupa George

12/18/20 at 1PM UTC

Thank you, this is great advice!