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Struggling as the only Female
I sit on the executive team of a larger organization. I happen to be the only female on roughly a team of 12. Up until a year ago when a new President started, I was very happy and had no complaints. Over the last year, I was blatantly told I had a lot of potential but would get nowhere due to being a single mom, I am in a lower pay grade than the rest of the team (which comes with a lower salary, lower bonus percent and less perks) and I am expected to do the same level of work (sometimes more). I am excluded from after hours team events, which is optically bad to the rest of my team members. I have raised my concerns to several individuals, including my boss, with no results.
I love the rest of my coworkers, but can feel myself getting bitter due to these factors. I don't necessarily want to leave my job as I love the work I do and the majority of the people I work with. I would love to have another woman to sit and discuss this with at work, but there are none to be found. Has anyone found a productive way to deal with this?
Anonymous
08/10/20 at 11:05PM UTC (Edited)
Another perspective: were you invited to after-hours team events before the new president arrived, and did you attend? If yes, has anything changed other than the arrival of the new president?
My suggestion is to reflect on this situation from all angles, and to ensure that you are sending the right signals at your company and to the president— that you are a strong contributor to the team and able and enthusiastic to be included. If there are any factors or mis-impressions that you need to correct, do so. In addition, is there anything that you can do to establish/strengthen rapport with the president and the leadership team?
If the change in your status is in fact attributable to the president, a meeting should be scheduled to discuss how you, he and the company can align harmoniously, including your desire to participate in after-hours team events.
As a matter of U.S. law, it is illegal to use your marital status (single) and/or gender (female) as factors on which your employment, treatment at work or evaluation of performance are based . If management is naming these as factors, it may be a violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act and your employer might be creating a hostile work environment. If you can’t resolve this situation independently, consulting an employment lawyer— ideally one who specializes in employment law (not a general practice attorney who occasionally takes an employment law case.)
I would add that employment disputes are not easy, and that a dispute might end with walking away from your job, ideally with a financial settlement.
The best outcome would be for you to settle this harmoniously, but also be prepared to find a new job if the situation does not improve.
Gillianne Hetrick
HR Manager & Non-Profit Director
426
08/10/20 at 9:23PM UTC
As a wife and mother I have always set boundaries of what I can and cannot do - I hold my family as a priority over my job. However that does not mean that I skip all after 5 p.m. events or that I am not productive or valuable to the team.
I agree that discussing with the highest level/ highest influence person you have access to at the company with the goal of understanding what has made you the person who isn't invited.
Also, what is your goal overall - do you have desires of the next promotion or of pay increases at this role? It's good to take time for self reflection and identify what you want out of this role (or out of your next!).
Jackie GhedineCoach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans
5.75k
08/10/20 at 8:02PM UTC
Were there any incidents where being a single mom precluded you from participating in work functions or after work functions? I'm just wondering if one statement you made once is what this president is carrying forth into the future or if it's just assumptions.
What are the results you are looking for when you speak to your boss and your teammates?
Do you want to be promoted to be on par with the rest of the executive team? Would you like to be included and invited to after hour events?
If the boss and other individuals aren't able to help, it's time to go higher up and speak directly with the president. Being upfront and clearing the air with, "There was confusion along the way about my ability to be an effective, integrated member of the executive team due to being a single mom. I believe it is holding me back. Can you share with me what your expectations are as an executive member of the team that I may not be fulfilling?" This puts the ownership on him to be able to articulate what may be amiss. Good luck.
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