Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, aka, PTSD, a mental disorder I never knew existed until Dec, 2018. Almost 2 months after the final knock down in a long abusive relationship, with me loosing the ability to speak and rushed to the ER, to learn that I am suffering from a dissociative speech disorder, due to fear and extremely stressful situation.
The months following I have gone through all the unbearable symptoms that any PTSD patient would go through, all the difficulties, the memory being relived through a high end VR gear. I felt at times that if I open my mouth, I would through up my soul!
Despite that, I kept using any minute I can to get back to work ans quickly get my professional career going after years of on and off and being used for the success of an abusive partner without being acknowledged!
It was the toughest thing to do, but still any step forward gave me content and a pinch of self confidence that was lost.
Al most 2 years later, I am 100 times better, despite some blue and anxious days. I am a positive role model to my kids and many friends, and I am able to earn the respect and trust of employers and colleagues.
It is still a long journey to go, to be as I want to see myself, but I am determined to go all the way, I love life, my kids, my profession, and above all myself!
To all my sisters out there, who have been in a similar situation and the PTSD ghost has taken over their lives and left weak especially after having years with an abusive narcissistic partner, there is hope, you have a full life in front of you, take baby steps, even if just from your bed! Seek help, speak your mind, scream, get OUT all the negativity that has been engraved in you for so long. Believe in yourself even if no one else does. You are the only one who knows exactly how you feel, what you have been through, and if you are still alive to read these lines, then hey, you are a true warrior, a survivor!
I know 2 things after this journey:
1. I am on the better side of the equation. I would never like being the abuser.
2. I am sure that the outcome of such journey is a more empathetic person with a strong heart and will. Some one who can analyze inputs better and see beyond the presented reality.
Now put all these attributes to a hard working professional, and I know that your future and anyone’s you touch will be filled with fireworks and success.
All my love and best wishes to you all!