Divorce with grace

Question

Anyone else currently going through a divorce process? I work full time, currently remote and may be indefinitely, have 2 littles (5 and 6), a dog, mother, mother in law and host of others who’s opinions are unsolicited but often given... My ex and are are in agreement and doing things very amicably however, it was my decision ultimately and am made to feel the guilt daily... we’ve separated officially, went to mediation (waiting for the first set of papers since May), I’m living in my own house, he’s still in his, the kids are on a 50/50 schedule, every 2/2/3, we’ve worked out holidays and all the things going forward... I’m moving my things slowly into my home as to not disturb the kids everyday but all of a sudden their house being 1/2 empty... he’s had dinner here a couple of times so far and the kids are doing as well as anyone could hope... my mother in law and my mother are the ones that seem to be having the biggest problem with it all and it is understandable since they are from a different generation and self worth, self care, generally anything that makes you happy is deemed selfish and inconsiderate to the family as you are not the martyr they thought they raised you to be.  I find myself ignoring or avoiding them more than anything which makes me sad and feel even more guilty... I’m searching for maybe some advice or ways to help with this ❤️ Anything is greatly appreciated ❤️ I’m still unlearning a lot also, so my backbone is growing, not as strong as I’d like it to be and I’m learning to set healthy boundaries as well. So even something small may help ❤️

Explorer603543 · Answer

Hello. I am divorced as well. Lucky for you it is amicable- mine wasn't. All I have to add, is you only get one life. It should be full of as many positive moments as possible. If your ex isn't the person to do that with move on. After divorcing myself I know it takes much more courage and strength to decide to have a better life and leave versus staying in something you know isn't working. You will be a better stronger person for yourself and for your children.

Myra Symons · Answer

Amicable is way way way cheaper.  If possible, do that.  It's expensive to divorce (they lure you in with the cheap marriage licenses and those diamond commercials)  But a contested divorce will likely wipe you both out financially.  If you are thinking of getting back together for the kids, think of a better reason or forget it. An amicable divorce leave WAY more reason for changing your mind.  I did all my paperwork myself with some clues from a dear friend who'd done it herself also (from the same area)  We saved thousands.  It sucks when kids are involved way more agreements must be made. Amicable divorce paves the way for amicable co-parenting which is the best for the kids when it's possible.

Stephanie Beck · Answer

I just want to share that each decision you make needs to be the best one in the moment. It will lead you where you need to be. I have been divorced twice and am now married to the love of my life (3rd time's the charm). Interestingly enough, we first met in college in 1989 and reconnected years later. Make decisions that feed your intentions. All the best to you and your family!

Geri Atwood · Answer

Break ups are never easy.  Good for you to move on.  I hope things continue to stay amicable.  Ages ago a wise sage told me 'we choose our feelings' - so next time you feel guilty try to figure out why.  You can choose to NOT feel guilty........

Cat · Answer

Just my two cents, Kristina I am divorced as well since 2013 and desperately tried to be amicable , friendly and caring after our separation but over time it changed drastically on his side.  I realized my ex was not mature enough to keep the agreement even at his age- early forties. It all depended on who he hooked up with, any girlfriend became more important then his two daughters. I have always taken the high road for my girls sake and it has made me stronger and proud of the person I have become . So my advice no matter what the future holds don't let anyone change how you feel about yourself and your decisions. As for the family they are just going to have to deal.... being a mom and everyone else these days have to adapt to changes, good or bad.. best of luck I truly hope every things stay amicable and caring

Robyn Wick · Answer

I've been divorced for 5+ years. We don't share kids, but we share/d a lot of friends. What I realized was that some of our friends and family struggled with it more than we did. People will be angry or afraid and you cannot control their behaviors or feelings. I had to lay it out there that I didn't want to hear any trash talk about my ex (even though, personally, he deserved it) because it didn't make me feel better or benefit either of us. I had to take the high road a lot and it sucked, but five years out, it has served me really well. I've retained meaningful friendships and even relationships with some of my former in laws and I've let some go because they didn't have my back. Whatever happens, please take care of yourself. Your kids will see that you value keeping yourself healthy and happy, which allows you to keep them healthy and happy. I'm so glad things are amicable with your ex. Sometimes relationships end and we are ready to let go but the others in our lives aren't. :) Good luck and be sure to enjoy the process of building a life for you. I know it feels selfish, but it truly makes a big difference and the people around you who love you and whom you love, will value that.

Erin McCabe-Barbera · Answer

I to divorced, I won’t share the details however my question is could it be that the mothers are afraid they’re on t see the children as much as they used to? Maybe they are afaraid they will be left out and won’t have relationships with the kids ? Just a thought ? 
Divorce is never easy ,even when you both agree and try to work it out , everyone has an opinion for you, at the end of the day it’s your life live it as you see fit

Divorce with grace

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