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Thinking of a life change... Advice?
My husband approached me yesterday about quitting my job. He said... this would be the perfect time to take a step back from your career, get precious time home with our young girls and do whatever you want. The thing is, I love my job and I feel a sense of self worth from it, so to give it up seems crazy. I have been there six years, am compensated really well, have lots of flexibility and have been a consistent top performer. But... I have to put in a lot of effort and a lot of time, and I am missing a lot of quality time with the kids. The pandemic has actually benefited my husbands business (I am so sorry to say that when others are struggling) and we elected to keep my daughters home from school, so this would be a great opportunity to focus more on them and their education.
So - I am seeking advice from other working professionals as I weigh the decision. Should I stay with a company and position I love - but is taking a huge chunk of my life, or quit to stay home with my precious daughters - but, sacrifice some of my long term earning goals & give up a career that gives me self-confidence and freedom?
Thank you fellow FGBers!
Kimberly Olmo
260
10/13/20 at 9:02PM UTC
Interesting situation. I notice you say not only that you love your job, but that you are allowed a lot of flexibility. If you are a top performer, can you be allowed even more flexibility in order to get more of what you are missing out on? Flexibility is huge. If you love your job and don't want to give it up, you shouldn't. But ask yourself if it is possible to get that extra flexibility so that you can be more present in your home life more often than you were. Maybe there is a best of both worlds' scenario. Best of luck!
Anonymous
10/13/20 at 9:08PM UTC
No additional flexibility, work share, part-time, etc. We are a really traditional company in the sense that we have never allowed remote work for leaders or professional level employees. In fact, I was once on a project team evaluating job share and part time as options for professionals, and there was no appetite for that program.
I also struggle because my firm has the expectation that an exempt position is 50+ hours a week, not 40. Taking a step back from achievement, particularly at my level, would be seen as not meeting expectations.
I could ask to temporarily work PT or take a leave of absence, which could be a good option to test the waters, but I am hesitant because it would just mean that my team and partners would get less support (we aren't keen on replacing talent right now and everyone is already stretched thin).
Eilene Kerley Wollslager
26
10/13/20 at 7:40PM UTC
No one sits on their porch when they are 80 and wish they’d spent more time at work and less time with their family. I have three grown children and managed to keep a career going working mostly part-time. I did job sharing, tele-commuting before it had a name and pursued higher education (I have a PhD now). How would your job respond to job sharing or working from home? Could you go part-time? There are many options to spending more time with your children if you think creatively about making it happen. Keeping your foot in the door is important, but maybe you don’t need to keep all of you in the door.
Bianca LagerOwn. The. Room.
179
10/09/20 at 8:42PM UTC
I'm going to go ahead and chime in to fully support a decision to quit. You sound like a qualified, competent and resourceful individual with grit. I don't think a choice to leave the workplace will be a permanent scar for the rest of your life and make it impossible for you to reignite a career if you chose to do so. There's plenty of opportunity for contracting/part time work these days if you want to keep your skills sharp. The opportunity to lean out while your girls are young is a nice one to have. I also don't believe that the only right time to take a break is when you hate your job. Sometimes the timing of opportunities is such that you have a bunch a really good ones! Sounds like you will take your time which is great and maybe get used to one option over the other. As a dedicated working mom myself who loves her job too, I have to say that I would probably take the chance to not work. I'm confident in my ability to navigate a return to the workforce scenario and I honestly get the feeling you should be too. Whatever you decide, sounds like you can't go wrong!
Melissa BoillotPassionate people leader and business partner
237
10/09/20 at 9:55PM UTC
Really great insight and I love that you know your worth!
Allix StewartHuman Rights Graduate Student & Resume Developer
193
10/07/20 at 5:54PM UTC
This is definitely tough and will ultimately come down to what you want to prioritize for yourself in the next few years (as well as right now). If you have never been a stay-at-home parent before I think it's valuable to ask yourself whether doing so is something that will bring you the same joy you have now while working. I know some parents who dreamed of being able to just stay at home with their kids and once they were able to do so they realized just how much working helped them balance their lives and children. Others had a different experience and never wanted to go back! If the job gives you a profound sense of satisfaction, consider whether it would be easy for you to find that again elsewhere if you want to re-enter the workforce earlier than you would expect. Additionally, how you fill and explain the gap in your resume will be up to you, but definitely expect that may be a question in future interviews. Alternatively it might be possible to arrange something with your job that allows you to have the best of both worlds and maybe cut down on your hours? Best of luck to you in your decision!
Sandra PlacideBusiness Continuity Analyst
58
10/07/20 at 4:33PM UTC
My mom always worked, She's my hero!!! Seeing her get promoted and succeed was the best lesson she could have taught me how a woman can work and have a family life. NO ... things were not perfect but I didn't see that growing up. I cherished the moments we had and never noticed the time gap. Your daughters are very fortunate to have two parents in their lives. I applaud your choice to PAUSE and REFLECT on what 2021 will bring; however your company will probably need more (not less) from you as this pandemic continues. Remember: kids are resilient!!! Ultimately, YOU have to decide what lesson you want your girls (and your husband) to learn from this season of challenge we all face and how you want them to reflect on your resilience.
Tara C.Career Coach/Advocate
285
10/07/20 at 3:01PM UTC
If you love the work, maybe there's a way to make the work you love work in a new way? I know someone mentioned consulting, but perhaps there's another organization that is similar that allows you the flexibility to have a better work-life balance but still build off what you've achieved?
Carli GarciaProfessional Dot Connector
658
10/07/20 at 2:47PM UTC
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flexible-workplace-covid-19-isnt-working-female-execs-fairchild
sandmanstone
135
10/07/20 at 1:37AM UTC
Some pragmatic advice, right now your kids see a woman who is doing work she loves. It is a profound gift you give them. You could tell them to find work that is challenging, you could tell them that reward comes with hard work- but you already know that what impacts them most is what they see. You are parenting, and in a very important way. Don’t underestimate your impact on your kids. :).
Khyati VyasTechnical Product Manager in Seattle
43
10/06/20 at 10:44PM UTC
From my own experience I am a better mother when I am the most happiest and leading a fulfilling life and mentally healthy. This has looked very different for over the passed 11 years. When my twin girls were very young my hub stayed at home (it made more financial sense), I was resentful and riddled with mum guilt. He wanted to work and also was resentful. Fast forward to 1st grade. I took a one year sabatical - I was so bored and depressed, but hey no more mum guilt. I later started consulting and was able to take the summers off - this was a great balance for having intellectual stimulation and raising my family. On reflection, I think I am a much happier person when I am to balance of both.
From your note you don't come across as someone struggling with mum guilt. Also agree with above, talk to hub and understand why he thinks it's a good idea.
Hope this helps!
Anonymous
10/06/20 at 10:08PM UTC
Thank you all for the advice. To clarify and add additional context, I have joked about quitting my job for years and always talk about more time at home with the girls, so it isn't my husband pressuring me - more him wanting me to be happy. That said, I absolutely cannot give less to work, it is an expectation at my organization to give a lot.
It is a really hard choice, and I don't know what I will decide. I will think about it for at least the remainder of the year prior to making my decision and see what 2021 brings! Thank you all for your candor and thoughtfulness.
Cathy ColliverMarketing & MBA
199
10/07/20 at 1:35PM UTC
Also think about consulting or freelancing as a different option - it's not for everyone, but could allow for more flexibility on schedule while still working doing what you love.
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