Is it the stress?

I am 16 months into a new position. Not only am I new to the position but the position is also very new. My predecessor was the first one in the position and left after just a year to relocate with their spouse. My boss is the head of a department in a large organization, has been here for decades, and is quite successful. She is eligible to retire and it is thought she will soonish. But I hear that conversation has been ongoing for years. While she and I did well during the time we were in the office together, which was about 10 months before remote work started, I am struggling reporting to her remotely. I willingly took on new duties related to the pandemic when we went to remote work. I have felt very productive and successful, although isolated. My boss is crazy busy, so our interactions have been limited to phone calls on the fly. I have had two one on one meetings, both at my request, since mid March. I keep her up to date of what I’m doing via email, but it’s clear that she doesn’t read them. Two or three times per week she will ask for follow up information which I have already provided to her via email. These requests are typically days later, indicating she did have time to read them. Phone calls I make usually become a to do list of things for me to add to my plate. When I try to receive clarity or follow up on my list, which is made up of items that she previously handed to me, she will cut me off and get back to her list, even if I initiate the discussion for a specific reason. She is also sarcastic and a yeller. Many of my new duties require me to be the liaison with other departments, often who get to decide what’s what on specific parts of projects. If they push back on her, which happens a lot, she yells. Usually it’s just a venting yell, but other times it is shoot the messenger yell. I have realized that this is triggering something in me, making me passive (which I have NEVER been known for) or avoidant (another new trait for me). Fast forward to now. I am working on a project that was handed off to me on the fly when someone quit. It has a short turn around, involves several other key departments, and is very high profile. As I work more and more with other departments, I am learning that she is not well liked. She is respected for her expertise, but she is known for badgering people until they wear down and just do what she wants to shut her up. It’s becoming more and more difficult for me to communicate with her because I am losing the will to put up with her yelling, her sarcasm, and constantly pushing back, putting me in the middle of departments that have the final say on something, and her displeasure. In the last few weeks we have communicated primarily through her deputy, my peer. The best way to describe him is her whisperer. He has mastered communication with her where I am at a loss. Friday was the first time she and I were in the office together since March. When I was trying to explain to her something she wanted do to was not appropriate due to copyright laws, and provided several alternatives, she cut me off, and told me and several others to find a way to do what she wanted. I passed on this effort, went on with what I was in the office for, which was essential to the project and time sensitive, while one of the assistants did her bidding. Of course the same conclusion was reached, but only after hours of work. A few minutes after the copyright issue was handed off, she told me that she was going to supervise the part of the project I was working on and sarcastically added “I know you won’t like it.” I blew up, expressing my frustration with her constant sarcasm and yelling. She was clearly surprised, but obviously interpreted my frustration as being related to wanting credit for the project. I don’t care about credit (and the way everyone is getting ticked off I don’t want it). What I care about is being able to have a normal conversation with my boss and not feeling like every interaction is going to end with more work for me, being shot as the messenger, or emotionally triggered. I did not communicate this well and spent the rest of the day interacting with her only when necessary and things went ok. The project has a drop dead date this week, so this will all be wrapped up soon. After having taken just 1.5 PTO days and one holiday since March 17, I am taking the week of Labor Day off because I have a block of time I will lose if it don’t take it by then. I am trying to determine if this is all just stress or if this is really what I have to look forward to in my job moving forward. I have pondered asking to switch to whom I report, which has been done for others in the past, because this is not unique to me. I am not concerned about that request impacting my career path. I’m in my 50s and took this position knowing that it is so unique that there would be no path up. I like the tasks of my job and the impact it is having on our mission. I have had a lot of jobs in my career, frequent changes are normal in my field, but I don’t want to change jobs again. I do think that the week I am off needs to be one of reflection. What advice do you have for this seasoned professional who feels she has met her match?