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Anonymous

08/17/20 at 5:23PM UTC

Career

Need for Balance

So like so many others, I'm adjusting to working from home. And I'm definitely experiencing Zoom fatigue. I'm trying to create a work/life balance for myself within the midst of this pandemic, but I'm struggling to do so. My boss is a bit unorganized, and has tons of last min. requests especially when it comes to meetings. And since I've been working from home, I'm working longer hours than when I went into the office. Is anyone else experiencing this? I rarely get time away from my home office to take an actual lunch break let alone anything else. My co. offers flextime, and my hours prior to the pandemic were 7:30AM-3:30PM though most days I was at my desk by 7:00AM and left around 4-4:30PM. I've tried to set some boundaries while working from home and that has failed miserably. My family understands that I'm working and that isn't a problem, but work is another story. The only area where I've been successful is in not putting my work e-mails on my phone. I refuse to check off hour e-mails once I log out for the day or on the weekends. But I've gotten late meeting requests for 5 or 6PM when I typically wouldn't be working. Or I'll get a last minute meeting request at 12PM for a 1PM meeting. If I have nothing else scheduled fine. But there have been times where the request conflicts w/ another meeting I have scheduled, and when I decline the meeting, my boss asks me to move the other meeting(s) that I've already committed to in order to accommodate the last minute request. So essentially, I don't feel that I can say no to my boss. I worked the 3rd of July (my co. observed the 4th of July the Friday prior since the holiday fell on a weekend) because my boss wanted people on call in case there was an issue during the monthly close (which typically takes place from the 1-8th of the month). I allowed my team to take off because many of them said they had plans, and I stayed on to be available. My boss said we could request another day off to make up for working the holiday. I put in a request 3 wks. in advance to be off July 31st. No response from my boss. At 5pm on Thurs July 30th., my boss requested a meeting for Friday morning (the day I was supposed to be off). I knew I had a flight and couldn't attend the meeting, so I responded saying that I had requested the day off and really couldn't attend the meeting. He responded and said that he forgot and he'd schedule it for Monday. I participated in a 3 hr. training last Sat. Aug. 8th that was rescheduled from Wed. to Sat. morning and ended up having to change my plans for a church back to school event in order to accommodate the work request while still fulfilling my personal commitment. Since I have flex time, if I do end up working 50 hrs. a week (I'm paid for 40 hrs. a week), I try to take an hour here and there to get some of my time back to do other things, but that usually doesn't happen. So Fri. I logged in at 6:45AM because I wanted some uninterrupted time to focus on a reporting project that was due on the 21st. I attended all of my late morning meetings, and finished up the reporting project a week ahead of schedule so I felt pretty good. A friend of mine asked me to a late lunch and I said I was free after 2:30. I had a 2-2:30PM Zoom meeting. I attended the meeting, but as usual, the meeting was starting to run over. I continued the meeting from my phone/car bluetooth and preceded to drive to meet my friend. I left my house at 2:40PM because it seemed it was wrapping up. At 2:48PM, I was asked if I wanted to share my screen to see where to upload a pay schedule (we have gone over this point about 16 times in the past 2 months). I said I could not, and asked one of my direct reports who actually does this task to do so. That was fine and the meeting ended at 2:55PM. At that point I got out of the car, and commenced to meet my friend. Fast forward to this morning, and I get a meeting request for tomorrow w/ my boss (who wasn't in the Zoom meeting) and one of the other accountants who was on Friday's Zoom meeting. As usual no agenda, and no details. My boss doesn't hold any regular meetings even when I've requested it in the past. I hate to assume that this meeting is in reference to Friday, but e-mails often go unanswered, so asking for an agenda or what this is about is probably pointless. This way of working and communicating isn't working for me, and I need to find a way to establish a better relationship w my boss. I partly blame myself for not setting boundaries and so now it's just expected. Is anyone else encountering this? How have you managed to balance things?

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Vanessa Burrell

Searching for talented professionals nationwide!

08/21/20 at 9:28PM UTC

Work/life balance is a tough one, most especially now during Covid. But you have to commit to yourself some grace and downtime as much as you have committed yourself to doing such a great job at your work. It's clear you are very dedicated and passionate about your work product. If you are like so many of us, you feel guilty for taking even 5 minutes for yourself. Why do we think this way?! Think about the downtime you set for yourself and your family now, as a means for you to deliver an even better work product later. Breaks/lunch/personal days/walks/power naps/ a little online retail therapy - any or all of the above - give us time to clear our heads, think more clearly, maybe even allow room to see something differently or give us room to think creatively. Re: the relationship with your Manager- it sounds like he has issues striking this balance himself, but at the same time it also sounds like he doesn't much care how you manage or balance your day so long as you deliver on the work. So the silver lining here is you have some room to give yourself some room. Give.Yourself.That.Room .. and make it as nonnegotiable and standing on your calendar, as you would with any standing meetings or deadlines for your work. If this is overwhelming to consider- start slowly and wade into the work/life balance pool. Start with 5 minute breaks at the top of every hour. Walk away from your desk and your phone for 5 minutes. And marvel at when you return - how nothing fell apart! 5 minutes at the top of a 10 hour day is nearly an hour you gave yourself. Go from there and increase it to 10 minute breaks at the top of the hour a 2-3 times day, and before you know it, you are taking actual full on lunch breaks, and dare I say, eventually a whole day off! Or even an actual legit full weekend ;) Work will not set boundaries for you. Work sets expectations. We own setting boundaries for ourselves- and we alone own holding true to and honoring those boundaries. If the expectations remain or continue to be inconsistent, unclear or unrealistic with your Manager, it may be time to have that heart to heart conversation that enough- is -enough, and it's time for you evaluate if this career is right for you and your life right now . The answer you give your Manager- and more importantly yourself, may surprise you.

Anonymous

08/21/20 at 8:34PM UTC

Thank you all for all the great suggestions, I truly appreciate it.

Kelley

306

Higher Education professional in Upstate NY

08/20/20 at 8:10PM UTC

This is a tough situation but finding balance is a definite must in my opinion. You need to do it for yourself and your health. It could possibly help your productivity as well. I’d recommend communication with your boss to really talk this through. Call the meeting yourself and if necessary last minute as is being done to you (if that ends up being the only way to get this person’s attention). Come in with clear points about balancing your hours/working as you had when in the office, scheduled meetings rather than last minute, agenda’s etc. Also, point out why all of this is important so your boss realizes that the way things are now are not in the best interest of the company. Having your own agenda to make this meeting effective will hopefully allow your boss to see the importance of what you have to say.

Anonymous

08/21/20 at 8:36PM UTC

Thanks Kelley. I haven't been successful in scheduling a meeting w/ my boss. Every time I try to get a touch base in, he either doesn't show up to the Zoom or asks to reschedule and so it's just being put off time and time again. I've had 2 brief meetings (about 10 mins) with him so I haven't been able to get answers to my questions. I've emailed him some questions w/ no response.

Jackie Ghedine

5.75k

Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans

08/19/20 at 11:10AM UTC

When our physical worlds of work and home collide it can become near impossible to stop the lines from blurring. Setting boundaries is important but apparently your boss is struggling with setting his own and staying ahead of tasks so he can be responsive instead of reactive. Shifting your perspective a bit, he is always seeking your advice and support on calls (asking you to move your prior meetings) which shows how valuable you are to him, now let's leverage this differently. It's time to have a direct conversation with your boss so you can come to a better agreement about how to work together. Start by sharing that this transition has been difficult for all of us and what could have been a 10 minute hallway conversation has now become a planned Zoom meeting. My goal is to support you so our department continues to succeed and I plan to do this. However, I do want to have a dialogue about the constant meetings and last minute adjustments to my calendar to see how we can eliminate this practice together. I am a planner. I plan out my projects and my days because I don't like to miss any project deadlines. Unfortunately, the constant meetings are hurting my ability to be as productive as necessary. They also aren't even providing me with time to eat lunch. What solutions can we work on together to create better meeting boundaries? Can we set up a shared calendar where you review my calendar prior to making meetings? What about meet-less days, Mondays and Thursdays? Could we evaluate meetings to see who really needs to attend versus who could just get an email recap? My goal is to help create an overarching collaborative environment that also allows for time to work and the ability to eat lunch (you can insert joke here to lighten the situation). Good luck.

Anonymous

08/21/20 at 8:38PM UTC

Hi Jackie. Thanks for the response. I was able to have a meeting w/ him yesterday. It was supposed to be 30 mins., but he came to the meeting late and it lasted 10 mins. I had an agenda and some questions. I was only able to ask one question. He then stated that he needed to jump off and that I should send him wkly updates on what I'm working on. I felt talked at and rushed.

Jackie Ghedine

5.75k

Coach for Gen X Women | Jack Russell of Humans

08/21/20 at 8:56PM UTC

How frustrating. It sounds to me as though he is incapable of managing his own time which is having a direct impact on you. If he isn't being able to support you in your need to find balance then you need to create it on your own, and find ways to do so for your mental health.

Audrey Batterham

Transformation Coach in Toronto

08/18/20 at 8:35PM UTC

I love that you are thinking about managing this stress by setting boundaries. Too often, we talk about stress just as something to cope with through "self care" practices, but if we actually MANAGE stress by reducing stressors, we don't have to do all that self care. When we're stressed, self care feels like more chores we're failing to complete. So it's great to solve the problem at the root instead. In working through my own burnout, I discovered Dr. David Rock's work. He came up with the SCARF model, looking at ways managers trigger stress responses in workers. He said workers need Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness and Fairness. Part of the problem here seems to be around the issue of certainty - you can't predict the work, you don't know what meetings are about. These are well-researched stressors. Sometimes it's easier to just point managers in the direction of places they can gain skills. Here's my article on it https://medium.com/@audrey.batterham/manager-power-a-threat-and-an-opportunity-532a0f14310d but you might want to point the manager directly to Rock: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XDEf6Fh-J4 GOOD LUCK!

Anonymous

08/21/20 at 8:39PM UTC

Audrey thank you for the book and articles!

Gail Renfrow, PMP

192

Project Manager and Systems Analyst in Chicago

08/19/20 at 8:48PM UTC

I am absolutely going to remember that SCARF acronym. Thank you for sharing the YT video and article!

Ali Carr-Chellman

Higher Education Leader

08/18/20 at 8:18PM UTC

The boundaries are really difficult. I love my work so much, and it can be tough to get boundaries set up. I do email all hours night and day and I am happier doing that, otherwise it's overwhelming on the other end when I try to plow through them. So I prefer it that way. Are you able to turn off the zoom camera, some fatigue has been linked to being "on" all the time.

Anonymous

08/21/20 at 8:40PM UTC

Thanks for the response Ali. Yes, my Zoom camera is off. My boss doesn't like to use the camera.

Cara Houser

1.93k

Coaching + Digital Courses for High Impact Women

08/17/20 at 10:02PM UTC

Hello, Does your company have a shared calendar where the team can see each other's availability for shared meetings? This can be a helpful way of scheduling this work while respecting other work commitments of the team. Sounds like managing time is not a strong suit of some on the team, so you might have to manage yours even more intentionally/expertly: take the initiative to calendar meetings with others where possible so they less frequently "pop up" unexpectedly, block out chunks of time for desk work, it might be helpful to go so far as to block out time for your recharge breaks since it sounds like those tend to get gobbled up by poor planning as well. Essentially, start scheduling in your ideal work flow and see to what degree you can herd the cats. For any meeting you calendar, prepare an agenda (even if you aren't the only one with items to add). Ideally this will help streamline things, and start to build a new company norm once others see the value in planning and holding meaningful meetings. Best of luck to you.

Anonymous

08/21/20 at 8:42PM UTC

Hi Cara. Thanks for the response. No, we don't have a shared calendar. I do use my calendar to schedule things I'm doing even if I block 30-60 mins to review reports or something. I'm adding a lunch break to my calendar starting next week.

Cara Houser

1.93k

Coaching + Digital Courses for High Impact Women

08/21/20 at 8:45PM UTC

Excellent! One step at a time.

Aly Brine

1.59k

Helping Corporate Hippies thrive on LinkedIn!

08/17/20 at 8:52PM UTC

The great thing about this pandemic, if I dare say so, is that everyone is navigating something new. So your boss is also navigating these new waters. You have the ability to step up and ask your boss how you can best support him. It sounds counter intuitive but it will open the door for having a conversation about expectations for one another.