Starting from scratch - 47 yr old single mom

Question

Reaching out to this tribe of awesome ladies for guidance, opinions, pathways, thoughts.  I am 47 years old and plan to move to Atlanta to be closer to my elderly mom (76 yrs old) who lives there now.  This means I will be moving with my two school aged sons across country and starting from scratch.  Yes,  we are in COVID.  Yes, there are remote working opportunities.  And yes, I will have to juggle the whole work from home and school from home thing with my kids.   Currently, I am in court with their father who resists orders to give child support.  So when I make the move I will be on my own on all levels.  And I want to make the move, yet I  am scared at the prospect of new city,  virtual job interviews, making new friends, navigating in this COVID time.   This decision keeps me up at night.  Yikes!!!!!

Jackie Ghedine · Answer

What an exciting time in your life!
What an overwhelming time in your life!

There are so many little things to think about, worry about and plan for that during situations like this our stress levels can skyrocket making it near impossible to think clearly.

Yes, it's a lot to consider but a few things that may help.

First, break everything up into chunks. Don't look at all the tasks at once which can send you spinning into procrastination mode and instead focus on one thing at a time.  Finding a place to live or packing up, not all at once.  We can this the 8% rule, looking at your overall goal and moving toward it at only 8% increments.

My other advice would be to start a worry log. Change will send our fight and flight into overload and we'll start thinking about everything that could go wrong or that you're worried about.

In our group, Just Gen X-The Resting Mind, we have women start a Worry Log.  Here's how it works,
* Write down each worry as it pops into your heads, writing it down helps keep it from ruminating and getting bigger in our minds.
* Place a big star next to the worries you can control. Packing (control), making friends (can't control) so you can visual see how many things you are worrying about that are actually completely out of your control thus depleting your mental energy and well-being.
* Lastly, at the end of every week take a look at your worries and highlight those that ACTUALLY came true. You'll be shocked by how few (scientifically proven about 15%) come to life.

The goal is to try to minimize your worry so you can see clearly and make better decisions.  Visual cues are invaluable to changing worry habits!

This will be so amazing for you, your children and your mom!

Leslie A Strazzullo · Answer

Hi Dennise -  I agree with all the great advice so far.  Start networking today.  Do you know what you want to do -- function, industry, company size, etc?  If yes, start reaching out to your network to set up informational interviews.  Join local associations.  If you are a marketing professional, you might want to join the local chapter of the AMA.  Get involved in the community.  I know this will be hard with COVID-19 but lots of organizations are taking their initiatives online.  Volunteering, as mentioned already, is a great way to meet new people and learn more about your community.  I find that people are more likely to help you if you give them some background and direction on what you would like to do.  Good luck!

Angelica Tara · Answer

Well Dennise I'm going to wait for another post from you which talks of your success and joy in all areas of life. Have a pizza with your children and mom from my side and think of all the support you have. To hell with Covid!

Guadalupe Olvera Montes Hirt · Answer

Girl, you got this. Change is scary, but it is during these challenging times that your character will be revealed. You sound like an amazing woman who was dealt a bad hand, but that doesn't mean the game is over. Give yourself grace along the way and remember you are not alone. This fear, just like anything else, will too pass. While cliche, it's true - that which does not kill us will make us strong. Know, many of us at 40 & 50+ go through crazy changes during these years so you are definitely not alone. If you want additional support, check out SecondActWomen, an online community for women 40 & 50+ only. Big hugs girl, you got this!

DENNISE WILLIAMS · Answer

Thank you all for words of encouragement and sage advise.

Mindy Green · Answer

I can understand some of what you’re going through. I relocated for work from Maryland to Texas. I had lived in Maryland my whole life and I was leaving everything I had known behind at 37. I had a new city, state, job, new boss, new team.  But it was just me, not a family moving. Moving a family is more challenging. Having your kids leave all their friends behind won’t be easy for them.

It is a brave move for you, and one that will cause some fear and anxiety at first. I remember being nauseous a lot before and after I moved.  Just the fear of the unknown. I finally calmed down after a month or so. You will learn to love your new place as I did. I moved back to MD after 4 years for the same reasons you’re moving now.

To get new friends, volunteer for an organization/charity you like. It will be a bit trickier due to Covid, but you have to remember the safety protocols. Or join a Meetup group for people new to ATL. I’m sure there are plenty of other newbies in that town. Also, you can reach out to a tourist site for Atlanta and get a visitors guide. That will give you an idea of the main attractions of the city, and help you and your kids start planning your new life. However, the locals are the best to find the good/bad areas of town. Your GPS will be your best friend your first year or so.

It will be challenging but you can do it. Covid is everywhere, you can’t avoid that. You’ve come this far on your own.  I happen to know a few people that live in Atlanta. If you can’t find a resource to help you, DM me and I’ll reach out to the people I know.

You got this!! Best wishes for your new life!

Colleen Martin · Answer

This sounds very difficult to do in such a crazy time. But - you’ve made it this far and that says a lot about your work ethic and determination.

And there is an adage that on the other side of fear is everything you want. Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone shows you strengths you never knew you had.

Good luck!

Pamela Lynch · Answer

Hi Dennise!
I moved to ATL with 2 small children (and no child support) 14 years ago at the age of 41 so I know the angst you must be feeling.  Just remember to show yourself some grace and remember that you are just 1 person and cannot do everything - get a support system, ask for help when you need it, accept help when it's offered.

If you have already found a place to live, I would suggest that you go ahead and use that address/zip code when you apply for jobs so that you appear to already be local because some companies are still hesitant to embrace remote location on a permanent basis.

Please reach out if you have any questions that I can help you with.

You've got this!! I hope you have a smooth transition!!

Pam

Anonymous · Answer

I second this move Dennise, as you being brave.   You are starting a new journey and you will learn a lot.  Remember yourself in the middle of this change.   
I did something similar, a bit different, but parallel.   I started with a part time job for experience and then moved on from there.  I did go back to school for official training/certification.  This can be done online.   The limit is that there is only 24 hours in a day.  You must give yourself room to let things slide when another responsibility takes priority.  
Let me know if I can answer any specific questions    Thanks
Wendy

Nora Fahlberg · Answer

Hey Dennise!  I can understand how this move is a lot to do and take in.  Just FYI,  I’ve been in Atlanta for 21 years, and it’s a wonderful city. People are friendly and welcoming, even in a pandemic. I don’t know what area you’re looking at, but if you need any help, please message me and I’ll do my best.

Starting from scratch - 47 yr old single mom

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