Intense conversation with (male) manager

44 Comments

1. AnonymousMay 23,2022 at 2:00PM UTC

   Whenever repeat experiences have occurred with different people at different companies, I take a step back and realized that the common denominator is me. It is something I need to take a look at about myself if I want to have a better experience I've made it my mission to figure out my behavior and how I need to improve so that my life improves.

   I've turned to therapy for the fastest improvement. I'm not usual defensive when it comes to improving my life. I speak with trusted friends as well. I want to know what it is so I can change it fast.

   So I would consider your actions and common reactions if coworkers and managers. Consider therapy so you can identify and correct your behavior and also so you can identify situations that may trigger you behavior so you are are aware of it and can either avoid these situations or be aware of the kinds of behavior they bring up for you.

   If just takes being honest and being willing to improve so your experience improves and you stir clear of these situations with managers.

   Good luck.

2. AnonymousMay 23,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

   I don't know if there is a specific way to avoid these situations out right but I would encourage you to look at it from his point of view and maybe even have a friend look at your message you sent. This has helped me understand how what I say might come off differently then I intend, especially through messaging. People will infer tone of voice all too often and I am very direct and curt so it has been helpful. In the end, you may find that it is truly just him and how he read the message.

   I am in no way saying what he did was right. If there is a problem, managers shouldn't avoid them and should discuss it with the person directly instead of that person having to reach out to them. He also should have talked to you about delegating work so you knew what was occurring.

3. Alison PlumeyMay 23,2022 at 2:22PM UTC

   Hello! The first thing, I learned about being White Blonde Hispanic is that you need to get a substantial-good look at the culture you are interacting with.

   I hope this help:

   1) Stop overthinking anything and mostly stop apologizing or giving them the substance of guilt. In what I read from you I caught that you are giving him excuses and substance of guilt about what is a job that he is entitled to do, is not your fault he is not accurate nor doing his due diligence to make sure you are working correctly according to the business operational model. And even though he is clearly at fault, you are giving him substance to overthink and somewhat doubt you.

   2) Know your job operational rules, and always be ready for them. In case of doubt, send an email asking why there has not been the catching up meetings, and what steps and information you need to know to continue working on your job.

   3) Prioritization is always a must in any business, now always give them an idea, of what you are planning to do with the ones you are not part of the priority always have a plan for them. And communicate by email. Individuals tend to forget when they have lots to think about so, you keep them in the loop, and always ask if there is a reason to plan differently so, you can plan according to the company's needs.

   4) Remember about culture, well Japanese culture is one of the kindest cultures I've met, but they tend to be suspicious about behaviors. For example, putting both your arms on the back or not looking right into their eyes when talking could be a sign of doubt. So, I believe your best bet here is to even though, he avoids the catch-up meetings, you can catch up with emails, and responses. Plus, Always have a plan. And never ever, apologize unless what you did was on purpose and ill-advised.

4. Andrea Macek, Career Change Coach for Professional WomenMay 23,2022 at 2:30PM UTC

   Thank you for sharing.
   The fact that you brought this here shows that you're ready and willing to address it, that shows a lot of personal/professional awareness and a willingness to grow congrats!
   -I agree with the suggestions here that it can be helpful/insightful to ask someone you trust to review the message and help you gain clarity.
   -While it may be uncomfortable, you may want to consider having a follow-up
   conversation with your boss and thank him for address the items he brought up. If you have questions the situation, it's certain be show initiative and follow-through to ask for clarity to make sure that you can change the situation and do you best to make sure the same mistakes don't happen again. -I would address this with your boss first and try to collaborate with him before you take this to HR. It could be perceived that you're going "around" him if you've not yet addressed it with him first. I hope this helps, wishing you the best!

5. Julie HumbirdMay 23,2022 at 4:04PM UTC

   A Leader would have immediately discussed a mistake with you to prevent further missteps. A Leader would not have involved other staff unless you specifically asked for help. A Leader would not avoid staff that need further help. A Leader makes the development of their individual contributors a primary indicator of their own success.

   My only advise is to ask this manager if they are willing to be a Leader invested in your success. Comments like "You don't get it" are condescending and immature.

6. AnonymousMay 23,2022 at 6:42PM UTC

   Since this is a reoccurring issue at a number of companies with your managers, you need to figure out from your personal perspective what you are doing to produce identical situations and reactions.

   Your current manager is detailing the same response so there is some common behavior happening.

7. JJMay 25,2022 at 1:09AM UTC

   Sometimes due to stress, low self esteem, or past trauma we pick bad bosses and toxic work environments. If you keep ending up in bad situations it may be something you need to face within yourself.

8. MargueriteMay 25,2022 at 12:40PM UTC

   I disagree, we don't pick toxic work environments nor do we pick a bad boss, is it the women's fault when she is beat or raped?!

   In today's world as women we are the first to take the blame and tell ourselves "this is my fault". There is 3 sides to every story, however, it does not give people with authority to treat us badly!

   She should bring her concerns to HR, and if nothing is done, then it is time to dust off the resume and find a better place to work.

9. Sheila PhieldsMay 25,2022 at 12:19PM UTC

   Yes, and it’s highly frustrating after 20 years.
   In some cases, I would leave a job due to a bad manager. In others, I got to witness the firing of the bad manager. I’ve gone to HR a few times, and that never works. They seem to always protect the villain. I’m now in a consulting role thinking that all of this would be behind me. Sadly, it’s not. The worst manager I’ve ever encountered is in the drivers seat of a project that I’m managing. I’m miserable and looking for another job. Luckily, the job market is hot, so I have plenty of options. I hope that my experience has helped in some way and best of luck!

10. DeborahORellMay 25,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    I'm sure this page will give you a lot of positive, pro-active feedback. My initial feeling is this guy is a shitty boss. He may be a nice guy but is doesn't know the first thing about leadership. So don't take on what isn't yours.

    Yes, of course, we need to look at our behavior. What can I do better or differently? Sometimes the answer is there is nothing you could do differently.

    Sometimes the doubt you're feeling is your inner wisdom telling you you don't belong here. This is not where your unique gifts and talents are required.

    Listen to your inner wisdom. Get the heck out of there. Fast.

11. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 12:25PM UTC

    You may want to ask him to follow up on his specific concerns in writing. Right now the fact this exists only as a phone call puts you in a super bad spot because there's no documentation of anything.

    I would be VERY CAREFUL about what you are sharing in your team chats/channels. For right now I would keep it specific to work tasks and minimize anything that could be construed as casual/social interactions.

    Do you have anyone else on your team that you can trust to give you honest feedback about conversations anyone else has been having with the boss about you? I would tread carefully here as well.

12. Eloisa JacintoMay 25,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    Hi. I hope you are doing better. You may consider giving it a week or two and then schedule a follow up talk with your manager. During the lull, try to consider getting an honest opinion from a trusted third party who knows you both and see if there might be differences in cultural orientation or collective experiences that may have influenced you/your boss’ perspective about the situation. And to do a self-examination if something in your attitude or behavior is causing the friction. Good luck!

13. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 12:46PM UTC

    If you like to interact with people, you may be an extrovert.

    Extroverts talk to think. Introverts think to talk.

    So, you bringing up what you did on the group chat may have been, to you, simply sharing something for further discussion. However, it obviously touched a nerve with your boss (for whatever reason, we don't know). And, as a human, he then brought up other things that normally wouldn't be a problem, while the core issue was the social media communication.

    Who knows why it upset him? Maybe it was about a subject that someone has already brought up to him or maybe it was a bad day. Maybe, when you brought it up, he thought it was because you had no idea how to address it (or any suggestions for handling it). Maybe he only wants to hear solutions, not problems. I would let things cool down and allow him to process everything, because when you pushed for a status meeting, it was probably too soon for him; he hadn't done that yet.

    It does not mean that what he said, did, or thought was the correct thing to do, but people don't always think, do, or say the correct thing, unfortunately, especially when triggered. Sometimes, we are so focused on what we need from our bosses, we forget that. They are people with multiple priorities and pressures, too.

    After being on both sides, I cut my bosses a lot of slack in that regard. If a status meeting is delayed, ok. If they are not ready to talk about something, ok. If they want to talk, no matter what I am doing, ok. I also don't initiate a lot of contact unless it's necessary because I'm busy doing my job. I try to adapt my working style to theirs, and not the other way around.

    Also, as an introverted boss myself, I had to learn that my extroverted employees bringing up things that didn't have anything to do with what we were discussing weren't trying to be subversive or hijack meetings. They wanted to talk (think) through them with me and/or the group. If this happens in person, how much more can intent be misconstrued when it's virtual? A whole lot, I'm guessing.

    I would not initiate any more conversations, I would simply keep working to the best of my ability until it either blows over (or doesn't, in which case you can start looking for another opportunity). Again, if you are a good employee, he will approach you again with (hopefully constructive) feedback or about new tasks, signaling he is ready to move on. If he is introverted (and it sounds as though he is), he needs time to think through this before properly responding. If you are a good employee on the whole, it will work out in your favor.

    Stick in there! Just try to wait it out (which I know is difficult). I definitely wouldn't talk to HR or anyone in that company. Seeking advice from people outside of work is the way to go.

14. Filipa SoaresMay 25,2022 at 12:49PM UTC

    Hi !

    I am assuming you are not Japanese yourself, am I right?

    Despite your manager's actions (which are not easy to fully understand only from what you've written), I advise you to start by trying to understand better the Japanese culture in itself. That is a very peculiar culture, and your messages (or their intention) may be misunderstood by your manager.

    I totally recommend you to read the book "The Culture Map". I have enjoyed it greatly, and it has given me a lot of value that I apply in my day-to-day work, as I work in a multicultural corporate environment.

    Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it is your fault. But this way, you can be sure you are not doing anything that can be perceived by them as rude or improper.

    Hope things get better your way.

15. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 12:51PM UTC

    Hi, I can't say whether or not you are the problem, or part of the problem but I applaud you for having enough introspection to recognize the pattern. In conflict resolution typically both parties are accountable when you dig deep enough to understand how and why a situation went side ways. I highly recommend this book as I feel it will give you great insights and tips on how to resolve these issues, hold yourself accountable, and improve communication skills in general. Hope it helps!

    Book Title: Speak Up, Show Up, and Stand Out: The 9 Communication Rules You Need to Succeed.

    Author: Loretta Malandro

16. Crystal HowellMay 25,2022 at 12:56PM UTC

    Maybe he is feeling inadequate, and putting shade on you. I wouldn't share my h with team, emails are obviously watched.

    Speaking Japanese, you could look into a linguistic position, if you are unhappy start with recruiter. Mayb he will think about it and come back,as any good boss would. Always ask a question,not confront .

17. John HerndonMay 25,2022 at 12:58PM UTC

    I’ve been there in my respects to your story, had hostile managers and worked for a Japanese company.
    Your manager is determined that you are guilty of something, that much is certain. Regardless if you are at fault or not, I don’t believe he will be of help to you.

    You are right about HR, going to them will make the situation worse and they will not be an advocate for you in any way.

    I hate to say this, but it’s time for you to leave this company.

    you’ll be better off elsewhere.

18. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 1:30PM UTC

    Do not go to HR. They are always on the company/manager side. Only if you are in a protected class, seek advice from an employment lawyer or trusted friend who is in HR and external to your company. Do not go to HR.

    perhaps there is an unintended social media policy that was overlooked. Consider reviewing your company’s social media policy or expectations for communicating via slack, MS Teams, Skype etc.

    I typically keep my interactions at work cordial and surface level because I’ve learned people will use whatever you say against you. Therefore, I do not give them any ammunition.

    wishing you a smoother relationship. It will never hurt to be on the safe side and put in some applications.

19. Rebecca MillikenMay 26,2022 at 4:54PM UTC

    Exactly. I am usually shallow and bland with my coworkers. I honestly don't trust anyone.

20. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 1:30PM UTC

    It's really hard to give any kind of thoughts without understanding more clearly what you posted from social media? Should you have/Could you have handled it by taking it to him personally rather than showcasing a fault of the company's (or even a perceived fault) in the group chat? The thing is, if you are working for a company outside the U.S., you are subject not just to their policies and procedures, but to the normal working culture there. Here in the U.S., we might call something out and have the group weigh in on what to do, but there it might be something that reflects on another team member or the company poorly and you took a misstep without realizing it.

21. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 1:32PM UTC

    Huh, so Japanese sexism, and American sexism look a lot alike.

    The work place is not a friendly place, it’s a battle ground. Sure, there are some good people, and bosses out there, but the competition in the work place is, and always has been a thing.

    I find that Male bosses can get into a place where they just turn off, stop listening, and act like sexist asses. Woman bosses can almost be worse as they get real Bitchy, and MEAN !! Woman can be mean, and Men can be sexist.

    That is why it is best, unless you really trust them, stay away from them as best as possible. Do your job, keep your mouth shut, and don’t look for them to have your back. It’s a battlefield.

22. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 1:35PM UTC

    My two cents - one conversation does not equal a bad boss or a hostile boss. You have not talked about this as a pattern, but are putting the behavior of past bosses on this person. Bosses are not going to get it right every time. You need to continue the conversation, ask for clarification, give clarification, and move on. Let's stop acting like everyone is perfect. We aren't. They aren't. No one is. As people, we work through things. If the relationship dynamic continues, decide if you can deal with it or not. If not, move on. Otherwise, understand that bosses are not perfect.

23. MichaelaMay 25,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

    I don't think he handled this conversation very well at all and the way he spoke to you was not reasonable, but it's hard to judge whether his general response/assessment of the situation was overblown or not without knowing what the post you shared was, and I don't know how industry norms or cultural values might interplay with what is considered appropriate in a work setting.

    On whether or not the issue is with your behaviour, it might help to sit and reflect on your prior roles - you've had mainly unpleasant experiences with managers in the past (and it's true that there are a lot of bad managers out there)... is there a specific pattern in the experiences you've had? Has there been a particular recurring issue, or a theme to the issues (eg- communication, professionalism, time management)?

    If there is no pattern or common themes in the issues, then maybe you've just been really unlucky with your management! If there is a recurring element, then it sounds like you're ready to work on it so I'm sure you'll be fine :)

24. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 1:42PM UTC

    I think it's odd that it's automatically assumed sexism. It sounds like he had some issues with your work, didn't want to check in because he was digesting- you pushed him for a meeting (which is totally ok) and he had to bring up things before he was able to marinate on it. (Which is why he was hostile probably). I'm not saying that's ok but I'm saying let's not automatically assume. All that said- what I think most people don't realize. Myself included- wfh comes with a very specific set of issues... we will not be able to build deeper communication or bonds at work. If that's ok with you- that's great but communication is going to get more to the point, less sensitive and less relationship driven because there isn't that in person connection. It'll be interesting to see how it all plays out culturally.

25. LaurenMay 25,2022 at 1:46PM UTC

    Yes - I have been in the same situations whether it’s in my job or personal life because they are lessons for me in order to grow.
    The only way the lesson ends is when I learn it and practice it fully. I would ask yourself what the lesson is? Everybody has different purposes and realities in life. So only you can answer these questions for yourself as you know yourself best? I would inside of yourself and ask for guidance on this.

26. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 1:55PM UTC

    Don't contact HR!!!!!!

    A game-changer for me was reading about indirect communication vs. direct communication, and "guess" culture vs. "ask" culture. In a high-context culture, everyone is on the same page and much can be unsaid or subtly indicated and everyone understands everyone else. In a diverse culture, direct communication is more important because there is less of that shared experience that allows for assumptions to actually be true. That could be part of the issue for you. I can't get along at all with someone who expects me to "just know" what was meant by some vaguely stated non-response.

27. Karen GongawareMay 25,2022 at 1:55PM UTC

    First never apologize for something you have NOT done. Why take on blame? Second it seems like this manager enjoys being a verbal bully. Take assertiveness courses or counseling so you can be assertive and not let others put you down. You have skills or he would have fired you. Stay with this job while you job search (weird but true, easier to get a job if you have a job). Go take care of your self, believe in your worth, and find your happiness with a job that values you.

28. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 2:01PM UTC

    I’ve been there again and again and again… it erodes your confidence, your self worth, you name it. I had a former HR go so far as to tell me I needed to change myself no matter where I went, but they’d love if I completely rewired my personality to suit them and stay there.

    Them, finally… at an epic low and on the heals of yet another disaster of an employer choice it happened… I found the right company who appreciates me for what I bring to the table. They enjoy my sense of humor and love when I step out of “my lane” to make improvements that will help the whole team and sometimes company. They don’t feel obligated to “keep me in my place” like past employers. When something goes wrong, we talk about it and how to put in guardrails or whatever it takes to make it better/smoother/less error prone in the future.

    this is to say, keep your head up, keep working hard and definitely keep hope. These experiences suck, but they teach you things… even if you’re learning how you don’t like to be treated, you’re learning.

29. Teena JonesMay 25,2022 at 8:41PM UTC

    I applaud you and thank you for this post. It speaks volumes. Many of us have been here. And we question our value. I am glad to read the post and see its not just me. :)

30. Nancy SteinMay 25,2022 at 3:00PM UTC

    Thank you for sharing this. I always wonder if it's me being a non-conformist. I find myself as a round peg trying to fit in a square hole.

    I left a company after 9 years because I could not play the game any longer. I found a company close to home, more money and they boasted about their culture. Well, guess what, the culture here is worse. And yet, again, I'm unhappy.

    I know I'm a good worker, but I really need to find a company who collaborates with each other on projects and thrives on my creativity.

    Thank you for being open and vulnerable to share your experience. It helps me to not feel so alone in this!

31. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 3:13PM UTC

    Japanese companies and Japanese work culture is so insanely different from anywhere else, I am not surprised you had a conversation like that with your manager.

    You should do some additional research on Japanese corporate culture and expectations. It'll make future conversations easier to take and respond to.

32. AnonymousMay 25,2022 at 3:46PM UTC

    I found this really interesting as I've also struggled with the idea that the common denominator in my job experiences is me. There isn't an easy answer here except that it's hard to be an assertive, direct, or skeptical woman in the workplace. When we raise concerns, we're too negative or not open to new ideas. When we ask for what we want, we're aggressive. And when we are direct, we are told to work on our soft skills. And other women are sometimes the worst offenders of keeping strong women in their place. I don't think we need to change. I think the world does. Because, I'm fairly certain her boss wouldn't have reacted to her post that way if a man had posted it.

33. Teena JonesMay 25,2022 at 8:38PM UTC

    Love this comment. Diversity is the catch word now. I believe we all have work to do so that we can make a better work environment. However, you make a number of strong points.

34. Alison PlumeyMay 26,2022 at 6:13PM UTC

    Think Dolly Parton. One of the first Straight feminists of all Time. In her movie 9-5, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin were mesmerized that women are often seen as kind gentle beings that can be criticized and objectified by their standardized concept of Seeing everything and saying nothing. In Spanish, there is a saying that even my mother enforced in me " Shush, Calladita te vez mejor" this means Shush, you look better when you shut your mouth. Even though Hispanic women are more vocal, because we are in high need of competition, nothing more than our mothers told us to shush to look better.

35. Kristie WhiteMay 25,2022 at 3:52PM UTC

    Lots of good comments. I'm sure there are impacts from culture, but not sure what they are as you have stated English is not your first language. So the first thing that strikes me is that the manager sounds offended by your sharing of the social media post that seems to be an internal or company oriented social media channel. I don't understand why something related to the team and/or company would be offensive. Second, this manager then proceeded to judge your performance and capabilities based on HIS context of being offended. That is illogical and was an emotional response. I cannot say whether or not his offense was justified, but he took it too far and started to belittle you because you didn't understand his reaction. That is a red flag to me, something is amiss.

    Re: running into bad managers repeatedly, it is rampant out there. IMO, managers are not held accountable enough for their leadership and results. And it is getting worse after the pandemic. So if the management is poor, you have to determine if you can or cannot live with it.

    Finally, I am HR - and I have ALWAYS been a round peg trying to fit in a square hole - in HR, in corporate, in lots of places. HR DOES work for the company - just like you do. They are hired to perform a function - keep the work moving, resolve conflicts, reduce risks. Executive management see this as a transaction - you work = you get paid. It is the same for everyone. Logically, it is easier to replace you than it is to replace the manager - unless the manager is a train wreck.

    So based on the information, it sounds like this is not about you. You probably haven't done anything wrong, but your manager is reacting to something that he refuses to explain. Instead of explaining his actions, he is trying to make you insecure and humiliated so he can be right. When you take this conversation further, stop worrying about the time and ask for specific information about the problem. Defend yourself with calm and clarity.

36. HannahMay 25,2022 at 4:02PM UTC

    This is one of the painful dramatic scenes you find in the work front these days.

    People don't admit to their mistakes but rather play the blame game and make you feel that you are at fault, when honestly they know they did. It's all because of the position manager have and how they effectively relate to thier HRs. My advice to you is prepare and leave. Start searching for another job and this time, check or make background check on the origin of the company before you apply. Most companies boast of great cultures but truly, only few live up to it. Having known how this manager operate, be careful when dealing with him. Make sure you documents, get substantive evidence about his negative dealings with you, before you can bring him to book, he's a bully and expect in playing the blame game. Good luck

37. Erica MitchellMay 25,2022 at 4:07PM UTC

    I'm wondering what the post was. It could be that to you it wasn't anything to get upset about but to him it was. You should always think, could my message be misconstrued? Now, he still shouldn't have treated you the way he did. If it offended him he should have reached out to you for clarification. It sounds like he's an awful manager. Do you feel it's time to change jobs so you can feel comfortable and happy at work? There's nothing wrong with leaving a toxic situation.

38. GirlBossanova934974May 25,2022 at 4:52PM UTC

    1 word describes this entire conversation. PETTY! Your manager feels very insecure that you found something amiss that he did not find. Oh boy! Unfortunately, this has always been a major downside of many Asian business cultures. All about not "losing face" aka being embarrassed by XYZ. As a manager and business owner in America, I tend to focus on the fact that I am PAYING THIS PERSON to do their job. The fact that this person is doing their job allows me to take care of important company business. I have worked in Asian business cultures before and found a lot of this "Saving Face" stuff

    to be a huge waste of time and in many cases, has prevented me and other senior managers from attacking serious issues that we should have found out about much sooner!!

39. Heather BinghamMay 25,2022 at 6:31PM UTC

    I have an Anglo-Japanese friend who has switched a few times now between British and Japanese organisations. After much trial and error he has found happiness in a Japanese organisation, but he found that the organisational cultures on both sides were hard to get used to. He'd feel comfortable in one, and then over time crave elements of the other, and then he would switch and it would play out again in reverse. The business cultures, in this case within banking, were incredibly different from one another, but he has settled now and is very happy. The sometimes painful exploration has ended very well.

40. EMILY KIKUE FRANKMay 25,2022 at 7:11PM UTC

    I used to work in Japan, and this old-school kind of boss is the WORST! Sexist and xenophobic and super driven by status. Ugh. I have nothing substantive to add, other than to remind you that you're not making it up and you have a right to prioritize your own well-being.

41. Teena JonesMay 25,2022 at 8:33PM UTC

    A few suggestions going forward. Now you know the job culture is not one in which you can share your thoughts concerning social media on the team site as it maybe taken out of context.

    Take this time to observe how other's handle the same situation before presenting. If it is something of grave concern try running it by someone you trust before dropping it in an open forum. Second take time to repair for your manager's state of mind and his rebuttals to your comments and workload. You want to show you are highly gifted and competent. Take detailed notes on your meetings and make sure you can provide an outline of steps you have taken to complete any task you have been given.

    When it seems you may not meet a deadline even on less significant projects make sure you provide a reasonable update and outline of when you expect to have the task completed. Make sure you are seen as a positive and gifted member of the team.

    Diversity has become the goals of the modern work culture however we have a long way to go. Whatever, task or position you take on next understand you bring a lot to the team and that we can be perceived by others in many ways even when we are doing our best work.

    Wishing you the best in your endeavors

42. Bradford McCormickMay 26,2022 at 11:33AM UTC

    Putting in my 2 cents about what you write that is not clear to me. But you are a female employee in America with a Japanese male manager? Japanese men sometimes think differently about women in in the workplace than Americans (whatever the issues with the latter), Even if you speak the Japanese language fluently might there be cultural issues? In general, aren't Japanese persons much more "reserved" and less open about things like feelings than Americans? Often more following formal customs and even "putting on a good face" when in America persons can "drop their guard"? Differences in cultural expectations can be "good" or "bad" but even "little things" can be "big". Are you yourself Japanese? Then does what I am saying make sense? I spent some time as an American who spoke no Japanese in Japan in the 1980s so things may have changed but I did not expect the people to be like here in USA. Sometimes much better, like wearing masks on the commuter trains when they just had a little cold, but also expecting people to be a little "cold" and very formally polite so I might not know what they were really thinking about me. Is you manager a Japanese working in America? That may be something of a problem for him? Maybe he gets defensive because he is unsure of his own position in a "foreign" i.e. culturally different enironment? You hav e a contract, not "employment at will"? Study it very carefully to see how you can both make the best of it and also maybe get the most out of it? A contract makes your situation different from a lot of people here in USA, doesn't it? Doesn't a contract entail both rights and obligations? You owe them something and they owe you something, not just neither side owes the othe nything? All I know about Japan are things like Genji and Bizenware pottery., not how to work there....

43. Rebecca MillikenMay 26,2022 at 4:46PM UTC

    How much do you love your job? If it were me, I'd start getting my resume updated and looking for work elsewhere. What I inferred is your manager is already cutting you out of updates and looking for reasons to blame you for stuff. Why did he already talk to HR about you? I guess you'll find out.

    But even if you aren't about to be let go, it sounds like a toxic environment. You need to take care of yourself and see what else is out there.

44. C AllenJune 21,2022 at 6:15PM UTC

    I certainly applaud you on being bi-lingual and able to "hold your own" in a foreign company. However, when accepting such roles it's important to consider culture. Culture in any company is important, but in this instance I mean a foreign culture.

    How you respond or speak can have a negative connotation even if that is not your intent. There's just a lot "extra" to be considered in such a role.

    With that being said, I wish you the best in this and all your endeavors!