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Anonymous
12/03/18 at 11:04PM UTC
in
Lifestyle & Relationships

Romance on the rocks

One of my good friends has been with her boyfriend for 10 years. His parents don’t want him with her because of cultural differences so he hasn’t taken any next steps . She claims he’s changed after a brief breakup. I think it’s all a lie and she’s just going to get hurt again. Do I offer more advice or stay out and let her find out the hard way?

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Anonymous
12/04/18 at 6:51PM UTC
When it comes to friend's relationships, I think the best thing to do is refrain from advice unless she asks for it. You have to be okay with her choosing to be still be with this guy, and support her decision even though you don't agree with it. At the end of the day it is her choice and nothing you are going to say is going to change her opinion. Just continue to be a good friend and support her!
Anonymous
12/04/18 at 8:17PM UTC
That is what I am afraid of. Her opinion not changing and getting hurt down the line.
Anonymous
12/04/18 at 5:42PM UTC
This is really tough, and I don't know your relationship dynamic with your friend, because she could either take your advice as helpful and constructive, or as being mean and unsupportive. I can only tell you what I would personally do. I would be straight with her and tell her that if the parents don't approve and it's been 10 years already, and if he's not going to step up and make his own choices, that it's not going to happen. If marriage isn't a deal breaker for her, this could work, except she still has to be okay living with his parents' disapproval. (Sounds like terribly awkward family holidays). But who wants to live with his parents never accepting her, and him never making his own choices and standing up to them? He's a grown man. If he doesn't choose her now, how will he choose her later in life in other situations? Overall, I think you should be diplomatic and just lay out the facts, don't make it about him emotionally, just the facts about what's transpired so far, and ask her what she would tell you to do if the roles were reversed. Support her either way in what she decides, but also be prepared she may be upset with you or not listen to your advice. At the end of the day, a good friend acts with your best interests at heart, and sometimes as uncomfortable and painful as it is, that's being the bearer of the truth to help your friend see what she is refusing to see, and helping her understand what she actually deserves - which is a partner who chooses her and builds a life with you that both of you want.
Anonymous
12/04/18 at 8:16PM UTC
Great advice. I just did this, especially when I found out that she just went to his parents house for the first time in 10 years last weekend.
Anonymous
12/04/18 at 1:04PM UTC
Yeah.. how has he changed? What was wrong with the relationship before?
Anonymous
12/04/18 at 2:10PM UTC
She wants him to propose, he can't because of his parents disapproval...
Elizabeth Marie
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1.58k
12/04/18 at 1:03PM UTC
Question: What other than cultural differences with his parents is the issue?
Anonymous
12/04/18 at 2:09PM UTC
I can't quite figure that out. He seems like he has always been the baby of the family and whatever his mom asks of him he does, except he is 28 so he needs to start making his own decisions.

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