"Don't quit your job before you have something else lined up," They said.
"Most people don't love their jobs every day. You're exaggerating. Stick it out until something better comes along," They said.
"You can't quit your job in the middle of a pandemic. There's too much uncertainty, " They said.
I knew on day one I had started a job that wasn't for me. That was a little over four years ago. I also knew I was in a position that would add great experience to my resume, so while I almost immediately started looking for something else, I took advantage of the opportunity I had. My searches would spike during my slow season, when I felt I had more energy to devote to the job hunt and freedom to sneak away for interviews. A few times I headed to final rounds on and lost out to another candidate before heading back into the busy season at work. This pattern repeated annually as I became increasingly miserable in my position. A few times I wanted to jump ship but everyone said it was unwise to quit before having a new job lined up, and even when I wanted to ignore their advice, the timing never seemed right for a department of one to leave: I was in the middle of a big project with company-wide impact, it was the height of our busy season, my boss was retiring, my boss' replacement quit after only 3 months, etc.
Finally, in January of 2020, after three years of misery, I made the decision to get the company through my busy season and give notice in April. Well... 2020 did what 2020 did. Not only did the uncertainty of an unprecedented pandemic give me pause, but my role in HR made me a key responder to the COVID-19 crisis for the company. I had already felt stretched thin and unsupported as a department of one pre-pandemic, now I had a whole new job to do, and no one was stepping in to take anything off my plate. Working remotely, living alone, with no social outlet, and mounting responsibilities, I reached an end filled with dread, panic attacks, tears, and endless days in bed. While the change to virtual operations made interviewing easier and more accessible, I began to realize that my desperation, anxiety, and dislike of my current job was really affecting the tone of my interviews despite my best efforts to shine. There was only one option left: Take the risk to put myself first. I resigned in July.
It took about a month after my last day before the depression and anxiety from that job lifted, like I had shed a layer of toxic skin. My head was clear and I could finally breathe, albeit behind a mask. It had been so long since I felt like myself I'm pretty sure I looked in the mirror one day in August and said "Who the f are you?!"
By early September, some companies started revisiting roles they had put on hold. I received steady, but not very promising responses throughout the fall. Then suddenly at the end of November I was juggling interview schedules with four companies and received the best Christmas/Hanukkah present with an official offer to start a role in the New Year. My first day is tomorrow. :)
To be perfectly honest, I'm struggling to feel as excited as I want. Of course starting a new position remotely in a pandemic isn't ideal for anyone. I am very much looking forward to the day I get to commute to work, settle in to my new desk, meet my new colleagues face to face, and have some celebratory happy hour drinks. However, what's really dampening my excitement more than anything is a bit of residual dread. A "what if this job is just as bad as the last" feeling that I can't seem to shake, that I know will fade with time on the job, that I'm annoyed I even feel, but makes me so glad I finally set myself free.
I'm sharing my story for anyone else out there who feels stuck and debating whether the risk is worth it. Putting yourself first so you can be best version of you for yourself, your family, your friends, and your employer might be the most important risk you can take.
Happy new year and all the best for new opportunities and great success in 2021!
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41 Comments
41 Comments
Spiceyboots
29
01/03/21 at 7:06PM UTC
Congratulations and seize the day!! It takes courage to do what you did. You will do just fine and the change will bring the best out in you. This pandemic will end eventually and you will finally meet folks in person one day so take it as it comes and don’t worry too much - they picked the best candidate- you!
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Amy and Nancy Harrington
273
Women Support Women
01/03/21 at 8:50PM UTC
We both left our jobs without a safety net. It took some time to find our true passion but now we are doing exactly what we want to do — together. It's great working together as sisters. We're really lucky.
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galros
776
Engineering Manager for food manufacturing site
01/03/21 at 8:53PM UTC
Well done you! I handed in my notice in a job that was affecting my health in August 2019, 3 months notice period (Irish employment law), started new position at the end of October 2019. It took me until about August 2020 before I trusted my new boss wouldn't turn into the ogre my last one was. It takes time to deal with that and honestly, time is the only thing so far I've come up with. I've spoken to my therapist about it as well and he said the same. Some things just take the time and the proof. In saying that, I hope the new job is as successful for you as this one is for me!!
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Aurora Jacobins
27
01/03/21 at 9:16PM UTC
Congrats! Please send me a message, I would love to connect with you!
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 1:18PM UTC
You never realize how damaging staying at a job that is not right (regardless of the reasons) really is. It is a slow, corrosive process that is almost hard to pinpoint. Like a dull ache the starts slowly throughout your body. You can work with it, cover it up and compensate for it, but it slowly builds robbing you of sleep, enjoyment and then compromising your mental then physical health. It's a insidious process that grinds away at your like. Unless you recognize the toll it takes can all but destroy you.
I'm glad you took the steps to stop your decent. Now, with time, you can heal and rediscover your joy with purpose and growth.
Many people never take those steps.
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Anonymous
01/04/21 at 4:16PM UTC
Great job taking care of yourself first! I wish I had your gut to leave my job right at this minute!
User edited comment on 01/04/21 at 4:16PM UTC
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Brionna
53
01/04/21 at 5:45PM UTC
First off congrats on your new job. I have been job searching as a career transition for two years. I graduated from college three years ago (28) and had a job offer as a sales representative. Unfortunately, my position only lasted for a month and was advised by my university’s career service to not put it on my resume.
Before the pandemic, I attended two career fairs, one or two networking events, and an informative interview. Since then I have been helping my family out at home and have been researching different industries. In the third week of July, I was going to start a contract tracing position to fill in the gap on my resume, but I had a family situation that was going to overwhelmed me from doing it.
Now, we are in the New Year; I am looking at industries to get me out of my comfort zone (Supply Chain, Project Management, Government, and Marketing). I am going to research companies for these industries, network, and ask for an informative interview with companies for an internship.
I have two questions:
1. I am looking at remote positions like contract tracing the previous example I gave, what jobs can I look for during this time.
2. Is a temporary job worth doing one or no?
Thank You and Happy New Year!
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2 Replies
Lauren Firestein
24
Experienced Epidemiologist and Project Manager
01/05/21 at 1:54PM UTC
Hi Brionna - Thought I'd share my two cents. I'd recommend reaching out to people through FairyGodBoss and LinkedIn to set up "informational chats" as I like to call them. I've learned a ton talking to different people - from types of jobs I'm intrigued by to ones that I thought I'd be interested in but the day-to-day actually wasn't what I thought it would be. I've also gotten consultant work through networking, which has led to some amazing relationships with senior staff in the industry.
I'd highly recommend taking a role you're interested in - temporary, contract or permanent. I find it helpful to caveat "permanent" staff positions as still being dependent on adequate funding and aligning with company priorities. Yes, they are more stable and come with benefits, but you can do a lot of interesting work in a temporary or contract role with a clear end date. There is also the possibility of getting a temporary role extended or being hired on full-time after your temp gig is up.
Sorry for the long winded answer - one more thing on taking temporary work. I had minimal job experience when I graduated with my Masters and needed to build out my resume before I could meet minimum requirements for a lot of "entry" level jobs. I didn't realize at the time that taking ad hoc consulting roles would also mean I had multiple senior staff at different organizations willing to serve as my reference on my future job applications.
My impression is that a lot of companies mark job locations, and if it is a full-time remote role (even post-pandemic) they are marked as "remote". I hope that helps. Good luck on your search!
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Brionna
53
01/05/21 at 8:48PM UTC
Hello Lauren, Thank You and I appreciate your post. After research; I am going to contact companies on Linkedin for virtual informational interviews.
I started to read about temporary jobs read that they are Ideal option and thought of it as an option to look for in the New Year if finding an internship or remote job becomes harder for me later this month.
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Cassandra Schaffa
163
01/05/21 at 10:43PM UTC
100% take the temporary jobs!
1. They'll help you get varied experience and exposure to different industries
2. They could be a foot in the door for a permanent position
3. They help you establish relationships/build your reputation with recruiters
About a year and a half after grad school I was between jobs and went to a temp agency. They placed me on some pretty awful 1-2 day assignments doing market research but then one day they called me for a 3 weeks assignment filing paperwork at a software company. It sounded boring but it was a paycheck. Turned out I'd be filing HR paperwork for one of the world's most successful video game companies. I fell in love with the company culture and despite having no education or experience in HR, took a natural liking to the work. The company kept extending my assignment and after 3 months they hired me on as a full-time HR Assistant. I learned my entire field on the job and now 9 years and 2 companies later I'm boasting a manager title.
One more important thing, make sure any temporary or contract roles listed on your resume clearly state as such. I've worked for many hiring managers or recruiters who frown upon seeing short stints of work or a lot of different jobs in a short period of time. If the positions are clearly noted as a temporary or contract assignment it prevents them from assuming that you're flighty or a poor performer.
User edited comment on 01/05/21 at 10:43PM UTC
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1 Reply
Brionna
53
01/05/21 at 11:29PM UTC
Thank You Cassandra for your story.
Wow! I took HR classes in college and realized it wasn't for me. I’ll look into Temporary Agencies in my city. Two quick questions.
1. How did you approach a Temporary Agency?
2. Can you explain to me your second comment?
User edited comment on 01/09/21 at 2:52AM UTC
1 Reply
Cassandra Schaffa
163
01/08/21 at 7:33PM UTC
Most temporary agencies have a general application on their website, or if they have a job offering that interests you you could apply for the job specifically. You could also try calling them. Let them know you are considering temporary/contract work and would like to have an information interview.
My second comment was about how having a lot of different jobs on your resume and/or having jobs that only lasted a few months can look bad if it is not clear that they were intentionally temporary or contract. Managers often think a person whose job history jumps around a lot is unreliable or they keep getting fired, so it's important that your resume clearly states that the position was temporary/contract. It can be something as simple as
Administrative Assistant - Contract
XYZ Company
January 2021-March 2021
1 Reply
Joni Roberson Factor
42
Talent Strategy Expert
01/05/21 at 1:30PM UTC
Thank you for sharing. Much of this resonated for me as I put my succession plan in place (at a job I loved in January of 2020). December 31, 2020 was my last day on the team. I know I did the right thing both for the organization (as the work had evolved) and for myself personally, as I am ready for something bigger!
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Arazz
14
01/05/21 at 1:35PM UTC
Congratulations! I had a similar experience and also made the leap during the pandemic. It is scary but your health and well being is most important. I found a new job but had decided to leave the toxic work environment I was in either way. I had 30 days in between and spent the time reflecting on all I learned and getting back to the happier, healthier person my family had been without for too long!
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 1:36PM UTC
It is me...you provided that message for me! I want to quit my soul sucking position that provides no opportunity for growth, no challenge, hasn’t provided an increase in 3 years and due to covid mandated a pay cut. I run a business on the side to and find so much joy in it and I believe it’s time. Like you, everyone says now is not a good time due to the pandemic and the uncertainty that goes along with that. I, on the other hand think what better time...there are a lot of unknowns and at this point anything goes and anything is possible! Thanks for sharing. Let me go and draft my notice now.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 1:37PM UTC
Congrats on the new opportunity.. I also just started a new job yesterday.. (cringe). The feeling of uncertainty and anxiousness is normal. Try to go into with open mind. You got this!
For me my new role checks the boxes I’m missing for that next tier of career advancement. However, the environment is not what I expected and hoping as a I get my barring my gut feeling will adjust.
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Angie Nordstrom
17
Team Lead/Medical Claims and Cash Posting, MN
01/05/21 at 1:38PM UTC
I so wish I could have the courage to do this, I hate my manager and management in general, One day I'm going to do me.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 1:41PM UTC
Thank you so much for sharing. I was in a job at a company that is considered a darling in the industry that had been on my radar for awhile. I had heard "They rarely post jobs because no one ever leaves. Therefore it is an amazing place to work." Turns out it depends, and I was put in a really bad situation. It was so difficult to acknowledge I needed to leave when I was at an organization that outsiders admire and hold up as being perfect, and I could tell I was learning great technical skills. The day after I was no longer with the org my husband looked at me and said "That's the first time I've seen you smile in a long time." Still makes me sad how I didn't take the leap sooner - for myself and all the people in my life.
Sorry for sharing anonymously. It's still a bit fresh for me. I hope to share publicly sometime in the future, but wanted to say thank you for sharing. And to everyone in this situation right now (or trying to go into a new role with optimism when you feel guarded) - You are not alone in navigating this. You got this!
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Dynahlee Padilla
14
01/05/21 at 1:47PM UTC
You have to do what you have to do in order to protect your peace. Kudos to you! Be proud of yourself. I began a job in Sept. and resigned 2 months later in the middle of a pandemic. If it's not your cup of tea, find which tea is yours!
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Teresa Gibney
15
Sassy, classy, and all around bad-assy
01/05/21 at 1:48PM UTC
This really resonated with me. I was promoted a few years ago and it was everything I wanted at the time. Almost immediately, I knew it wasn’t the right fit for me. Aside from the internal struggle I felt, there were external factors that added to this. I voiced my fears, concerns, intuition (call it what you will) to a few in my VERY close circle. They told me to give it time, it’s just geography, maybe it’s my fear holding me back from being great.
It’s been 2 years. Can I do the job? Yes. Am I great at the job? No. Because it’s not for me. I can feel it deep down in places that I don’t like to show the world. But if I’m honest with myself, I know this to be true.
Reading this helps give me courage to take those next steps.
One foot in front of the other...
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 1:54PM UTC
Thank you for sharing! It’s surprisingly comforting to see how many people feel the same as you and myself - in a soul-sucking position that is slowly turning us into something we are not. I am in that position and feel myself becoming more bitter and negative every day. I have the opportunity to leave my full time position for a freelance gig that might make me happier, but I’m a bit anxious to lose the stability of a full time job right now. I’ll be re-reading your post a few times to help me in my own thought process. Thank you for sharing.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 1:59PM UTC
I turned in my notice after 2 years with a toxic organization at the end of February, making my last day the week before our city locked down. With nothing lined up, I went from entirely confident in my choice to totally panicked. I had intended to take a little recovery time before looking, but hadn’t planned on the entire world taking a break with me. To make matters worse, I strongly suspect my former supervisor (a very inept & insecure man with no discernible skills beyond dazzling amounts of BS) was badmouthing me throughout our small industry, making sticking in my industry, where I have 20 years of experience impossible.
After a few months I decided to just snag a temp position for a safety net, the next week I started as a temp (outside industry) making the same amount I made with the former company, but in a supportive and professional environment. This went great for about 7 months, we were even talking about how I could transition to a permanent role. Then a former colleague and good friend came to me with an even better opportunity that suited my background, played to my strengths & paid literally double... plus a supportive environment.
Suffice to say, I found 2 good jobs in the middle of a pandemic. While there was a brief period of anxiety due to the pandemic, my overall anxiety and stress levels plummeted after leaving that toxic job & the need to be constantly looking over my shoulder is slowly fading.
User edited comment on 01/05/21 at 2PM UTC
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Jennifer
15
01/05/21 at 2:15PM UTC
Thank you for sharing your story. I have to say it resonates with me so much. I too knew at day one I wasn’t going to be happy at my place of employment. I too have been there now for 4.5 years trying in slow times to find something else.
I too am a “one man show” in my current role. I want out so badly. I’m miserable all the time. I have interviewed a lot with no success and I, like you, fear that my desperation and anxiety are emulating in my interviews.
Your story is inspiring. The only thing holding me back are financials. I can’t afford to not work. I have a mortgage and mouths to feed.
But your story inspired me nonetheless that I’m not alone and that I need to persevere.
Thank you again for sharing your story.
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Becky Harborth
228
HR professional focused on"human" experiences
01/05/21 at 2:29PM UTC
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your experience! I'm sorry you had to go through this experience, but I am relieved to know I'm not the only one who has experienced this situation. I am now working a job with very low stress, but I know that eventually, I will have to find a better paying and a higher responsibility position.
Meanwhile, I am dealing with PTSD from my last job because of a toxic environment/supervisor/coworker. It's great to be able to leave work at work and come into an office where people appreciate their jobs and you.
Good luck to you and all who may be suffering during this difficult time. Remember, take care of YOU first.
<3 <3 <3 <3
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1 Reply
Anonymous
01/05/21 at 6:52PM UTC
Same here Becky, I uprooted my family and moved to what I thought would be a better position after almost 10 years of a toxic boss who took all my confidence away. Yes, I applied to a lot of different opportunities during those 10 years but there was not a lot of options and salary matching where we lived. I had to move to get a decent job-- and I'm 21 years into my career. The new job has a new boss and she basically told me my department could be replaced with a style guide (we are facing budget and personnel cuts). It's not so much as being potentially let go but the devaluation of my years of experience and tech skills that was the blow and brought back so many uncomfortable feelings from my past job. Plus the job is not what I was told it was going to be and come to find out after three years of complete department turnover-- no one else wanted this position either. All that info was just glossed over. So here I sit, with a potential job loss, a huge weight of guilt over my career failure and my effort that uprooted my family from their lives, and have no clue how to get the energy to 'get out there' again. Thanks for all the sharing here and to all take care of you!
User edited comment on 01/05/21 at 6:54PM UTC
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Cassandra Schaffa
163
01/05/21 at 10:48PM UTC
I'm so sorry to hear that your salvation from your previous toxic job is turning out to be no better. The most important thing for you know is that you're not a failure. You know who is a failure? Your boss. A successful boss would never devalue their employee in that way. You mentioned that there weren't a lot of opportunities where you previously lived, so my hope for you is that now that you have relocated, maybe this new position is just the bridge to cross to get you to the right place!
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Ashyra Haynesworth
12
All about budget and policy!
01/05/21 at 2:29PM UTC
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I agree with your message wholeheartedly. I decided to give notice last year as officially started working from home. I never regretted it and am happier after making the leap from a workplace that was toxic for me. I had that same anxiety. Regardless, you knew that you had to leave the last place. Celebrate that you were able to walk away. Trust that you asked the right questions and made the decision that was right for you. If your transition is anything like mine, I am sure that you will enjoy the improved support you receive in your new position.
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Heather Cutler
183
01/05/21 at 2:36PM UTC
What a wonderful, inspiring story...thank you so much for sharing this with FGB! Some jobs, like the one you left, really have a PTSD component to them, don't they? I hope you'll be able to parse that experience off from this new job. You're resilient and will prevail! Best of luck in your new position.
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Thandiwe A. Telesford
12
01/05/21 at 3:02PM UTC
Thanks for this post. All the best in your new endeavors.
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LISA FORSYTHE
417
Introvert trying to tackle the world of Ed Tech
01/05/21 at 3:05PM UTC
Congratulations! That was such a great testimony and motivator. I wish you all the best in your new position and company!
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Betsy Barker
13
01/05/21 at 3:25PM UTC
Thank you so much for this post! I've been struggling with the same exact thing and in the HR realm as well. Wish you all the best!
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1 Reply
Anonymous
01/12/21 at 11:29PM UTC
Betsy - Same for me. I'm in the HR realm and struggling with the fear of leaving to take care of me.
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Changemaker962109
12
01/05/21 at 4:22PM UTC
Thank you so much for sharing this. I was in a miserable job but with a good compensation package but hated each and everyday. I had been stuck for 1.5 years and knew within a week of my joining that it wasn't the right role. I took a salary cut and joined a new job yesterday. I have the same anxious thoughts, what if this is not the right role/job again. I could relate to the post so much but it gives me comfort that there are others sailing in the same boat. I wish you all the best and hope that you enjoy the new position.
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Wendy Taylor
52
job search coach — exec coach — interview coach
01/05/21 at 6:18PM UTC
Good for you — breaking free from a job that was taking you down — gave you not only the time, but the energy needed, for a successful search. The good thing about a nightmare job is all the things you learned to avoid for the future. I've found that many people struggle with choosing "good fit" jobs (a little finding "good fit" romantic partners). Here's something I do with clients that helps with getting "good fit": build yourself a criteria list for what works and doesn't work for you in a workplace (bosses, products, teams, culture) and while they screen you, you screen them.
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Anonymous
01/05/21 at 7:10PM UTC
I had a similar yet opposite experience - I loved my job for ten years, and was terminated as the department readjusted and eliminated positions for non-profit budgetary reasons - during Covid. I received a comfortable severance, which gave me the freedom to find my next opportunity. It took two months, and have been learning a new job remotely since Nov 1. The remote aspect makes the transition so much more difficult yet it's still exhilarating to be here.
User edited comment on 01/05/21 at 7:10PM UTC
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Jessica J
12
01/05/21 at 9:56PM UTC
It's like you read my mind. I knew from day one at the job I'm still at over a year later, that it wasn't for me, that it's not of interest to me and I just keep struggling through looking for something with decent pay that fits my passions. I have anxiety every day over the work load and struggle it is to do my job when I don't care about the industry I'm in....
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Cassandra Schaffa
163
01/05/21 at 10:53PM UTC
Thank you all for your positive feedback! Hearing that this resonates with so many is therapeutic! Also, as an HR professional, having had such a bad experience has made me really want to focus on making fantastic company cultures and great employment experiences. Sometimes when I talk about that I feel like it sounds frivolous to some people (like I just want free pizza and a ping pong table in the office), but hearing that so many of you have struggled with toxic work environments is that have really, truly affected your mental and physical wellbeing reassures me that it's not frivolous to make a great workplace.
Thank you!!!!
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Catarina Rodrigues
21
01/06/21 at 1:40PM UTC
Congrats on your job and for sharing your story. So many of us continue trying to work through or fix toxic situations and don't realize how it is impacting the rest of our lives. In times when I have been in toxic situations at work it is not until the end when the 'toxic layer of skin' is released that I realize the full impact on my body, mind, personal relationships etc.
With the pandemic and the lack of social / human interactions it is that much more important to take a pulse of mental health and ensure we are all realizing our best selves and not short-changing our worth.
Thank you for the reminder and best of luck to you as you begin your new journey.
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Jenny Pliester
12
01/06/21 at 3:02PM UTC
As a good friend and mentor of mine says - Always bet on yourself! Good for you! Be bold! Thank you for sharing what you're going through, how tough of a decision this is and best wishes for your journey ahead.
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Anonymous
01/09/21 at 7:35PM UTC
Thank you for sharing. I relate to your experience a lot right now. I was planning to resign from the job I hate last month due to moving out of state, then ended up agreeing to work remotely through the next busy season and to help train someone to take over my position.
I was stretched thin, unsupported, and filled with dread and panic attacks before the pandemic. Counseling has helped, but the toxic work culture and the fact that the job isn't right for me won't change. Getting ready to move out of state while trying to work from home during a busy season has made these last few weeks a nightmare and I regret not sticking with my original plan and resigning.
My family is pressuring me to keep my job as long as I can because it pays well and has good benefits, economy is unstable, etc., but they are not the ones who have to live with the dysfunction and misery 35+ hours a week. I know times are tough and I may have to take a "bridge job" until I find what's right for the long term, but there has to be something better for me out there.
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