Hunched shoulders, sharp glances, and gusty sighs are as contagious as the flu these days.
We often feel irritable, weary, and disheartened.
And maybe we feel this way justifiably.
Maybe life does kind of suck a little.
And we drag ourselves from day to day celebrating our weariness and feeding our irritability.
Often we spend more time complaining about our workload than complimenting our colleagues.
Or we chat about how tired we are more often than we chat about how our sweet doggo or babe learned something new.
We wind up giving away our energy to our negativity and complaints.
And sweet friend, we only have so much energy.
Whether it’s your cup, your spoons, your cares to give, or your universal vibrations, our minds and hearts only have so much energy to put out into our world, and we’re giving it to the wrong things.
In a world where we constantly compare and complain, we need to take back our positivity!
And I know a teeny, small part of you (or maybe a large part of you) feels a little called out by this idea. Or downright opposed to this idea.
Because comparing and complaining is almost a foundational way of finding common ground with other people, and it can be hard to come to terms with letting it go. Even I struggle some days with letting it go.
I’ve even noticed myself doing this when talking about my beautiful wedding last year.
And what the heck! How could I be negative?? My wedding was phenomenal! The weather was PERFECT for an outdoor wedding, and we knew we were gambling with scheduling it for the last weekend in October. (I know, we’re crazy people, but I just KNEW October 27th was our date!)
But it was flipping GORGEOUS, my wonderful father— who has survived two strokes— walked me down the aisle, and I married the love of my life. It was literally perfect.
And in the last two months, in the midst of reminiscing with friends and family over the course of our first anniversary, I’ve caught myself consistently complaining about our DJ. (Like, seriously railing against him).
And to what end?
My complaints don’t change anything. I wasn’t warning brides-to-be to avoid him. All I’ve been doing is wallowing in something negative, when it doesn’t get me anywhere but into an even more negative headspace.
And so I stopped.
I replaced negative DJ comments with compliments to my friends who set up our cute, swanky DIY photo booth!
I started detailed discussions about the amazingness of our catered mac n’ cheese! (YUM!)
I began waxing poetic about our officiant and how beautifully she delivered our ceremony (Seriously, a HUGE shoutout to Amber Wormington for making our day truly, exceedingly, and soulfully full of poetic love!)
Does occasionally venting about ridiculous bosses and deadbeat DJ’s still have a place in our lives? Of course. We totally need to talk about our feelings and experiences. But we also need to notice when we’re doing it, how often we’re indulging in it, and where the bulk of our energy is flowing.
Because it’s important to internalize the idea that you have control over where your energy goes. And you have control over whether or not your mindset is pickled in positive seasonings or negative ones. (I’ve clearly been reading too many canning blogs lately).
You don’t have to let the negativity from one situation frame your mindset for another.
You have choice in how you move forward, sweet friend.
So how do we actually do this?
Here are your Official Action Steps:
>*>*> Listen for your own negative comments and thoughts. Work first and simply on labelling them in your own head. Saying something to yourself like “Whelp, that was negative, wasn’t it?” starts the process of helping yourself be aware of how often you’re thinking negatively. (If you want more guidance on this, here's a good guide to positive self-talk! >*>*> http://braveheartopenmind.com/sign-up-to-get-a-free-pdf-of-kaylas-guide-to-positive-self-talk )
>*>*> Reframe your negative thoughts or comments positively. Sentence starters like “On the flip side…” or “On a more positive note…” can be helpful in guiding your mindset and your conversation.
>*>*> Guide the conversation you’re in towards positive outlooks by asking questions like “What’ll be the most fun part about that?” or “What was the best part of your day?”
Doing these things will feel weird and forced at first, but don’t worry! That’s only because all new habits feel weird and forced to begin with. You are TOTALLY capable of doing small things like this to help guide the energy you have towards celebrating the positive in your life!
Which action step do you think will be easiest to start using today?
Champagne clinks and mac n’ cheese love,
P.S. I want to point out that this stay-positive mentality isn't meant to apply to situations of prejudice or injustice. This is not a philosophy that seeks to dull dissent or gloss over taking action against wrongdoings. You should definitely focus on negative situations or systemic issues that need your attention, love, correction, allyship, and advocation.
P.P.S. I’m sending you love across the internet! From my heart to YOURS!