Should I take the offer of help to go up the ladder?

Question

I've been in a manager position being an individual contributor for 3 companies so far. My supportive bosses often have asked me if I'd like to get into managerial positions. I love my work and the problem is, I love it so much before anything else. I enjoy talking about my work and challenges at home. I even find it meaningless to watch a movie or go to a party unless it's job-related. And I foresee myself being true self like this if I go up the ladder, while my partner has completely opposite mindset (he doesn't even work 8h/day somehow - I can't believe how he can leave his office before completing his work!). Should I take the offer of help to be in a true manager? I'm afraid of ruining my marriage again because of my too work-driven mindset.

Barkerslh · Answer

That’s a tough spot to be in!  I once had a wise woman ask me this question—if something happened to you, who would be most impacted?—your work place or your family?  Stopping and reflecting on that question has always helped me in my decision making. I will be thinking about you as you wrestle with this decision. Take care!

Gina Diamante · Answer

I don't think the problem here is the work itself. You paint yourself as a person who has no life outside of work. Time to start developing something. The trip suggested above is not a bad idea. Or involvement in some kind of group that is NOT connected to your work. For things to be meaningless outside of work connections does not say good things about your balance.

What drew you and your husband together in the first place? Try to focus on the things you enjoyed together from the very beginning.

You may need to see a counselor to get some help in figuring out a work/life balance. That's perfectly all right! And when you've got that balance, then you can look at offers like this one in terms of whether they will truly benefit your family.

BansheeBailey · Answer

I was reading this, thinking “the more job functions you’ve performed, the more options you’ll have,” UNTIL I read about your marriage. You know yourself better than I do. You know you don’t have to say yes to your managers.

If you have a good marriage, don’t take it for granted.  Have you discussed it with your husband? That’s partly what spouses are for.

With respect, a nice off-the-grid vacation may be in order. I didn’t work as faithfully as you, but I still ended up burnt out. Jobs come and go, but our relationships are what fulfill us in the long run. I don’t think burning the candle at both ends is productive for long.

Congratulations on having the self-awareness to think twice about this before automatically saying “sign me up.” Not everyone does. I didn’t.

Summer Bammes · Answer

Sometimes an unbalanced life is fine, for a season. Right now, you seem focused on career at the expense of family and leisure, and it's possible that's as it should be.  Maybe now is the time to charge ahead in the workplace and enjoy it! As time moves on, your priorities will probably shift, but I suggest there's nothing wrong with taking the sprint if you feel like you want to.

Jackie Ghedine · Answer

Being passionate about your job is a magical position to be in, one so many women (and men)wish they had.  Kudos for finding the passion and fulfilling job.

There are so many layers here that we could tackle.

Are you passionate about the work or are you passionate about the way being successful at work makes you feel? This is a huge distinction because its about where you are putting value and worth.

I was you for awhile and I put my job first for a very long time.  What I would suggest is to set boundaries for home and at home so you can be 100% committed to your spouse when you are together.  THAT is really the key, not the amount of time but the quality of time.

Commit to doing something together every other day.

Watch a great TV show together and debate it afterwards. (I know you don't choose to watch TV but its a great bonder).

Go for a walk after dinner together and talk about something besides work.

With everything happening with COVID-19, connection and communication with people will be critically important.  Stay bonded.

BETH HEDERMAN · Answer

I think you have gotten some really great advice here.  I did put work above all else and it left me unbelievably burnt out and I had health issues as a result.  And when I did have a tragic event happen (my husband passed away) the company wasn't there for me like I hoped.  Without going into detail (or hacking your post) some colleagues were there for me but not the company....so when I felt it was time I left 4 1/2 years later.  And six months later I'm not looking back.

What did I do?  I found hobbies that interested me and prioritized myself, and my new relationship.  I think its fine (and great even) to be driven, but I think you need to find the balance between work and life.  And keep open communication with your partner, and your job.

It is great that you love your job but as someone else said, the company loves your work until you can no longer do it, then they find someone else.  It's harsh but true and its a lesson I had to learn unfortunately.  I still think its fine to climb the ladder but with a safety harness :) (I/e/ your interests outside).  Best of luck!

Anonymous · Answer

Hi, I was like you, but I lost my job several months ago, and I had no outlet to fall back on. The beauty of the loss is that since then,  while I'm looking for a new career, I have started to spend more quality time with my husband and volunteer more in the community. This COVID thing has put bigger and greater things into perspective, too. Enjoy your family, work is just work.

CONNIE CASTELLANO · Answer

Being a true manager does not mean you have to give up family life, personal time or time to yourself. You have to find a balance so that you can enjoy the best of both worlds.

Should I take the offer of help to go up the ladder?

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