Going through this right now

Question

My manager, always points out my flaws ( whenever she get's the chance, never a positive remark ) I've even been approached by others in our office ( who wonder why she is, the way she is. ) In the beginning, I thought it was just me. But, now with others seeing who she really is. I feel a bit better, that it's not just me. It's not in my head. Still, I'm tired of being verbally abused everyday. You can only break the spirit of someone for so long.

Kathie Thomison · Answer

Best advice I was given...when receiving criticism, just say “okay”. That’s all. Also, I would have a conversation with her. She probably doesn’t know that’s what everyone is thinking.  You could say, I appreciate all the feedback to help me improve my performance, and it would be nice to get positive feedback too. Also, lead by example. Start pointing out to other coworkers when you see something good that they do.

Brittney Griffin Therrien · Answer

I read something recently that really opened my eyes to what i had been feeling, which is very similar to what you are describing. It's called 'Set up to fail syndrome'. Its more about the manager being an ineffective leader more than it is about you and your performance.

I work in a male dominated field (construction management) and work with a weak manager. He is constantly seeing only my flaws when there is so much that I do well. Its infuriating. To constantly feel like you are being attacked in your own company, its hard to focus on doing your work when you have to worry about being criticized about every move you make.

In her eyes, you are already a weak employee. She has made her judgment. you can either find a new job, ask to be moved to a different team if possible, or deal with it and hope to impress her with your skills.

Annetta Moses · Answer

Sorry to hear that you have a manager that seems to only focus on your flaws. I like to assume positive intent and think that she is trying to be helpful by pointing out things you can correct or adjust.
To encourage her to notice things that you are doing well,  perhaps you can ask for her feedback on something and ask that she point out one thing that you did well and one area that you can improve.   By you being proactive in asking for feedback,  she may limit herself to one area of improvement.

Anonymous · Answer

Look for another job. It does not get any better. Be compliant, do what she says to do but keep remembering that you are leaving. Just do the job nothing extra. Do not ask feedback because you will never get any thing positive. Being abusive is in her DNA. I had a boss like that and I couldn't get out soon enough. I had to endure her negativity for over 6 months until I got out. When do leave do not leave any negative feedback. After a while personnel will hopefully figure out what she is like unless that is the type environment they are nurturing. Your self esteem and image is not worth her negativity.

Molly C. Braswell · Answer

I’m totally going through this right now.

Does anyone else have a one mid-level manager between you and the C-suite who acts perfect whenever the COO is around, but is condescending and calls micromanagement “reinforcement”, twists the truth to fit her narrative whenever she talks to us or to the COO about us, straight-up lies to her subordinates, and never lets herself be wrong? 
She’s constantly trying to assert dominance and authority over her five subordinates, and I just don’t understand why she’s so insecure when she’s highly-qualified for her position. She’s just terrible as a manager.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m dealt with the same

Sue DeRosier · Answer

I had a previous boss who always pulled her employees aside for 'coaching' after a meeting or presentation, but it was done in private and wasn't abusive. However, when it was done every single time you got up to speak or manage an effort in a room, it becomes debilitating in the long run. You know she isn't pulling you in to say, 'WOW! That was terrific! Keep up the good work.' It was always, 'I saw a few things you should work on....' In this scenario, she means well, but in some ways it has the same affect as your manager who is just being blatantly abusive. You no longer have the same drive or motivation to succeed. We all need to hear 'Great job' with no reservations from time to time.

My recommendation to you is to start documenting her comments, day, time, incident, witnesses, etc. If she isn't the kind of person you can talk to directly about how her remarks are affecting you -- most people who act like this never think they are in the wrong so don't react well to someone fighting back -- then I would escalate up the chain or to HR. Depends upon your trust level with these folks. Our company went through a big overhaul the last 6 years with an emphasis on giving employees a place to come forward without retaliation from the boss. Retaliation can be a big deterrent to keeping people from coming forward.

Hope you have an outlet.

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