© 2022 Fairygodboss. All rights reserved.
are you who you say you are?
Hi everyone,
I've been wanting to write something here for awhile but just never really had a chance to. I wanted to ask a question and hope may be someone can relate to how I feel or what I've been through.
For a very long time I've been lying to my colleagues at work and people who I just meet about where I'm from because since I was little I was being discriminated against in school among my classmates. They treat me differently because I wasn't born here in the US. My parents immigrated to the US when I was in grade school and I speak perfect English so it come very shocking to a lot of people. In my previous job, I lied to my colleagues and those who I just met me that I was born here because I don't want any questions about where I'm from. I know some colleagues of mines that are the same ethnic group treated me differently because they say I'm not like them so they distant themselves. Unless its work related we have no interactions at all.
Now I started my new job. A colleague of mine asked if I was born here and i said yes. Am I making a mistake here? I feel guilty for lying because I feel like I'm not being truthful. I'm not hiding who I am by any means. I just don't want to feel alienated or treated like a outsider. I practice the same good morals that my parents and grandparents taught me growing up. Be good and kind to people no matter who they are or where they're from because for every person that you know you would want to wish good things for them.
Anonymous
04/09/20 at 10:09PM UTC
I agree with the previous replies. Where you were born has nothing to do with anything in a work setting. Unless you’re talking about how your heritage expands the cultural diversity of your workplace.
And yes, this whole anti-anything-that’s-not-American makes my blood boil, because the people who embrace that ideology are descendants of immigrants. The people who have the right to call themselves true ‘Americans’ don’t think that way.
Anyway, I would suggest you spend some time exploring your reluctance to share your birthplace with coworkers. True, it’s no one’s business, but declining to answer or responding with another question (“Why are you asking?”) are other replies that you could have chosen. Regardless of this country’s relationship to your home country, YOU were born there, so that’s enough reason to celebrate it! Whatever your reasons, until you resolve whatever “It” is, this issue might manifest itself in other ways. What else will you start to hide or deny about yourself? Or is this a symptom of the struggle to embrace all of your truths?
Being all of who you are is not easy. I am black. I was born in England. I am gay and married a woman who transitioned 2 years ago. I am a Buddhist. I have a pierced nose, tongue and dreadlocks. There aren’t many aspects of my life that don’t make me a target of someone’s hatred. But this is me.
At the tender age of 49, I’m finally coming to terms with all that! My life could have been in a much healthier, happier and more prosperous place now had I owned all of my bits and pieces a few decades ago.
Barb Hansen
Startup Product, Growth & Strategy
6.67k
04/06/20 at 4:53PM UTC (Edited)
I was not born in the US, I immigrated to the US when I was 40 and have been living in here for the last 15 years.
I am white and grew up in an english speaking country so I generally "pass" but occasionally someone will still pick up a slight accent and asked me "where are you from?"
Because I don't suffer from an ethic or country-based prejudice, I "usually" answered the country I'm from.
Sometimes I will tell the truth and sometimes I don't, it depends on the situation. I have gotten pretty good at reading who is asking the question and what their reaction is going to be. Again, I don't suffer from any ethic prejudice, so people don't treat me differently, but I got tired and then I got really annoyed at the "jokes" that follow after I say the country I'm from.
I started to get so annoyed at the jokes that I started to respond with the "less-than-humorous-aspects-of-american-culture" and that's never a good way to start a conversation, so I decided that I needed to remove my country-of-origin from conversations in some situations.
If I felt that I would be marginalized by saying the country I'm from, I would absolutely not tell the truth. It's none of anyone's business where you are from.
And in today's political climate, the growing xenophobia of a segment of the US population, and the fact that you generally don't know the political leanings of the people you interact with, I tend to lean towards not saying where I'm from.
Nikki PowersPractice reckless kindness and optimism.
544
04/06/20 at 3:11PM UTC
Do you feel guilty that you are lying to your co-workers or that you are hiding a piece of your story?
It's no one's business where you born - and, frankly, no one should care. I ask questions like that when I'm rather close to someone - like, "What was your upbringing like? Where were you born? Where did you grow up?" and it's because I simply want to know about their story - not to judge. Never to judge.
We all have a history and a story to tell. Don't let anyone shame you out of telling yours. Unfortunately, people can be ignorant. To me, it's totally fine if you don't tell people where you born...but instead of lying say something like, "I grew up in *insert your town here*" ... that way you aren't lying.
All the best. Sending love and light.
Anonymous
04/06/20 at 2:15AM UTC
What kind of colleagues ask if you were born here? I've never gotten or asked that question ever. That is so strange to me. But, besides that, I think you should be proud of where you are from. Kids are awful! I got teased and made fun of relentlessly. It's terrible! But, where you are from is a part of who you are. If, as an adult, someone doesn't like you because of that, that's their problem. You can't control what people will or won't like about you. But, you are not even giving people a chance to know the real you and are assuming the worst. My vote is to be honest. Hope that helps!
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