Planning on having a stable life

Question

I am 33 years old. Single mom of two kids with different biological father. How will I start to have a stable life?

IntentionGirl576662 · Answer

34 here in kinda in the same boat (my 2nd child is adopted). Stability and happiness, firstly depends on what or how you define the two. What's helped me manage, is compartmentalize parts of your life: career/job, money, family (mainly your children), self, and relationships. Because you didn't give a lot of info, due to mentioning two fathers, I'll assume it's your relationship and self that's causing the most issues (?). If that's the case, take a break. Like seriously, take a break! Don't date, and put that relationship box away for a while. Focus on the self (first, because if you're not good, nothing will fall into place), and then on the rest of the boxes. Took me very recently, to understand why I behaved the ways I did, and why I tolerated b.s. and abuse (yup, i also go to therapy and I'll admit jump on the happy-pill-train, because I was at wits end). I stopped fearing in being alone, and started to actually be comfy with silence and space. Granted it's not easy with minions pretty much dictating your life, but the moments you do have, focus on yourself. Give yourself the chance to mend the brokenness, take care of you and accept the wonderful person (scars and all) you truly are. There will be days where you will have to sneak into the bathroom to have a cry so the kids don't see you, or have to explain to them mommy is 'in time out' ( my girls are 6 &7, so ask a lot of questions). I've made so many mistakes (struggle with the guilt still), and when I think back as to what I used to think would make me happy (always wanted a big family, happily married and a home- didn't think this was a lot to ask for), I do get sad. Yet that sadness passes (because I believe we have to get through our emotions, instead of masking or ignoring them), and then remind myself how far I've come. Just try hon. Wish you and your babies the best!

Rose Holland · Answer

Not sure where you are at but establishing priorities are important. Your number one is your children and creating that stable environment. That might mean not dating for you, something you need to decide. It could mean focusing on your career and education. You could need to focus on your finances. You really need to sit down and determine your own priorities. What does it look like for you to be stable? Does it mean owning a home, having a career, being comfortable being single or what? Take the time to really envision your ideal.  Write it all down and figure out your priorities. From here do some backward planning to determine how you can get there.  For example if having your own home is important - figure out what that looks like - how much would it cost - what credit score do you need - how much savings do you need to have - then backward plan to determine what you need to get in order to get there one small step at a time.  Consider talking to a counselor or coach to help you determine and focus on your priorities

Planning on having a stable life

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