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Anonymous

09/20/18 at 6:15PM UTC

Women In Tech

How do I deal with unwanted social interaction at work?

I’m an introvert at heart. I’m surrounded by engineers so everyone is great with zoning in and making it a distraction free setting, except for the guy next to me. He is always making small talk. I want to figure out a way to move my desk somewhere else. I’ve given him all of the “I’m busy working” signals but he can’t catch a hint. I don’t want to be mean about it but I don’t want to continue feeling like I’m dodging him.

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Ladyboss229090

09/29/18 at 10:42PM UTC

I'm surprised that this is even an issue any more. Men, particularly higher up, are avoiding women like the plague. One technique that they use to avoid women in informal group settings is to steer the conversation toward mathematics; that causes anxiety in women and they just leave.

Anonymous

09/22/18 at 9:03PM UTC

I'm sorry that this is a frustration for you! As a huge extrovert who sometimes misses cues that might seem obvious to other people, I agree with the folks who say it's a good idea to ask for the space you need (as in actually ask with words, not just try to deflect with body language that they're obviously not picking up on). Everyone can be oblivious sometimes, and I'm sure this person would be more than happy to back off once they understand that there's a problem.

Carrie Topolski

2.34k

Empowering women and beyond!

09/21/18 at 4:42PM UTC

Grab some headphones and listen to music. That should deter the conversation.

Anonymous

10/03/18 at 3:46AM UTC

It doesn't work. I've tried. The man is unstoppable and doesn't notice obvious social cues.

Carrie Topolski

2.34k

Empowering women and beyond!

10/03/18 at 1:05PM UTC

At this point you're going to need to be blunt about it. Nice but blunt. There is no other way unless.

Carrie Topolski

2.34k

Empowering women and beyond!

10/03/18 at 1:06PM UTC

unless someone else does it for you.

Gillian Armstrong

114

09/21/18 at 3:21PM UTC

I take it you've tried things like, "Hey, I'd love to chat about this, but I've got a tough deadline coming up. Let's find time later/next week to discuss." If that's the case, definitely tell your supervisor about the ongoing issue-- it's quite common in most workplaces (open offices!), and it sounds like they would understand since the majority of your coworkers know how to focus. They would be able to gently let this coworker know that they need to take the chit-chat down a notch/move you to a new area (does this person make small talk with others though?)/basically act as an intermediary, which sounds like what you need at this point. If you're brave enough though, just come out and tell them straight up: "I'm finding that I'm having trouble focusing on my work because of how often we're talking during the day, so I'm going to try to be better about resisting socializing. I hope you understand!"

Anonymous

09/20/18 at 6:35PM UTC

Just tell him -- some people don't pick up hints. I had to do this with a coworker myself. I told him, "hey, I'm an introvert and it's hard enough for me to concentrate at work without balancing a conversation. Do you mind giving me some space?" Don't feel bad about being honest!!!