The Waiting Game

Question

I'm miserable in my current position.  Psychological abuse in the work-place is very real and inflicted on me on a daily basis.  I'm constantly being bullied, demoralized.  I'm constantly compared to coworkers who are working 24/7, when I am not.  I am always being reminded that my coworkers are better than I am.  My boss has even made comments that I will probably kill myself and that they are afraid I will sue them. With this being said, I'm waiting on results of a few applications I've completed - some which may take up to 8 weeks.  Anyone else playing a long waiting game?  How do you handle it when you're trying to keep your wits about you and remain sane on a day-to-day basis?

Anonymous · Answer

Mirroring is one option... They say: 'You will probably kill yourself' (or for a lesser offense). Once your bile is down and the shock wears off, one could say in a curious tone, 'I will probably kill myself?' Then a silence for them to expand or hear themselves. If one's shock continues through the conversation (usually does for me), one could email later: 'What was your intent in telling me I would probably kill myself?' I spent a year with near daily agitation while I demanded my abusive boss treat me respectfully (HR, personally asserting myself, Integrity Line) and to my surprise he left the group and now I am subjected to a moderately toxic environment and not downright abuse. It's a weird win. (I'm leaving the company soon.) In my State it's Legal to record a conversation without notification. I'm doing so.  A friend got her office manager removed that way. I am so sorry for this horrible situation you are in.

Anonymous · Answer

Document the situation and behavior towards you as infallible proof. Get yourself an attorney who specializes in workplace harassment. And, litigate.

Anonymous · Answer

I haven't experienced a workplace quite as abusive as what you are describing, but if you have to stay at that job until you have another offer, try to make time each day for self-care and things that make you happy outside of work while continuing on your job search.  Our lives are more than our jobs, and we have a right not to work 24/7.  If your boss made comments that you will 'probably kill yourself', then that is very inappropriate. Joking about an employee taking their life is not ok.  Document these instances of bullying in case you need to go to HR about it or if you really did have to sue them.

Anonymous · Answer

Sending you loads of good wishes!! I know first hand how much these situations suck for us and our families!

I had to do so for several months. Terrible new boss who removed me from several projects and put me on lay-off list. This when I was getting Global department head congratulations on my projects. While applying, I kept my spirits high by torturing her through my successes. I would network with even more senior folks and send even more deeper analysis without her approval. I remember when we were in the office how she would cringe every time I had a success and in those days it was once a month. I made it twice a week and imagined her expressions. That’s all I could do - succeed! She would cut me from one project and I would send a summary email on it, tell people I had been told to stop working on it and just like a tree, grow my limbs in other key projects. No one can stop you from sending an email especially over the weekend (because that’s your own time) and such small acts of rebellion gave me the strength to go on while building my knowledge and skills for other jobs and prepare for my interviews.

Victoria · Answer

This is shockingly unacceptable! Your bosses comments are completely out of line. While you do have to play this waiting game I would keep a record of every horrible comment your boss and coworkers say. After you think you have enough go to HR. Good for you for applying to other jobs and being proactive! That is not easy to do when someone who is supposed to be a motivator is beating you done. I am sorry that you are going through this. What has helped me through toxic work environments was to speak to a therapist/family/friends. Get as much support as you can! Reward yourself at the end of a really tough day. Keep your head high and remember that you are soon to be at a new work place!

Anonymous · Answer

Have you considered telling them where they can stick their ridiculous commentary? Sounds like you have little to lose. They're scared to fire you because of being sued. If they do you should.

At least you'd feel less beaten up and more in control if you stuck up for yourself. Then you could say you'd be happy to meet when they're ready for a productive conversation and end the call. Until then, do your job to the best of your ability and document all the b.s. that comes your way along with your reasonable boundary setting. And do not work 24/7.

Cristina Zuazua · Answer

What Bobbie and the rest of the commenters said. One thing that was a godsend while I was in a particularly toxic job back in the day (if you're able, I was in a cubical) was hooking up earphones to my computer and listening to music while I worked. If things were especially tense, I could listen to metal to process some of that mental steam and still be calm and professional outwardly. I'll keep my fingers crossed you find something soon!

Kim Zaninovich · Answer

It sounds like the environment is toxic, to put it mildly. I'm so sorry--that just sucks. No supervisor should ever joke about suicide--in fact, supervisors are morally, if not legally, obligated to report suspected self-harm to keep their staff safe. You can make it through, though. Keep sending out your resume and hold on to as much patience as you can before your next offer, but in the meantime, I would absolutely write a formal complaint. Be specific--name names and mention dates with as much accuracy as possible. Try to keep emotion out of it--stick to the facts. If you're worried about retaliation, mention that, too. The day you accept your formal offer for your new, awesome job and give your current employer 2 weeks notice, send your formal complaint to HR and senior leadership to make sure that what is happening to you does not happen in the future to other people. You'll have said your piece, recorded the problem and helped the people that come after you.

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