Husband is Unhappy

Question

My husband is unhappy in his job. He is reluctant to leave it because we need his income to pay the bills and he is worried another job will not pay him enough. I can tell he is also nervous he will not get the job he wants or will not be qualified for a job he likes. Every time he has a 'good day' at his current job he rethinks changing his career. He brings home (well he is already at home now with COVID but you know what I mean) his anger and frustration. It has not effected our relationship too much but he does get angry faster and I can tell that it is effecting him greatly. His drive to workout and participate in his hobbies has gone down. I have told him many times I am on board with him getting a new job. How can I tell/show him in a different way that will help him understand that I want to support him and help him find a career he find joy in?

Victoria Crispo · Answer

How open is his manager to a candid discussion about his role? If he still likes the company but is mainly seeking different tasks or to pivot into a different role, maybe speaking with his manager would reveal some new opportunities for him. The other thing is if he's comfortable actually vocalizing that he's not happy, his manager may be willing to either a) work with him to reconfigure his responsibilities in a way that makes it more enjoyable for him or b) develop an exit strategy complete with a severance package, which would give you a financial 'cushion' while he looks for new employment. Not having the stress of a $0 paycheck could also put him in a better frame of mind than if he were to just resign.

Maxine Chang-Avetisyan · Answer

My husband is also unhappy with his current job. I often encourage him to look for other opportunities....reminding him that minor steps is better than no action at all to change one's circumstances. With the current economic climate, he hasn't received any responses yet but he continues to look and update his resume.

Louise · Answer

You could look for jobs for him, and then show him ones you think he'd really enjoy. Hopefully that will show him that you're a team in this, show your full support of the change, and take some of the burden off of him. And if two people are working on the job search, you might find more jobs and ideas than if just one person was searching, b/c you both have your own forums and ways of searching. Sometimes the searching is the most drag-your-feet part of trying to get a new job. Once you find ones you like, you gain motivation and have a clear path to moving forward in those. But finding one in the first place is tedious. So having someone help can be encouraging and motivating.

Anonymous · Answer

I was there not long ago, but I was your husband. I was in a stressful job, that I now recognize as abusive, with no room for movement that involved a ton of work with little reward.  I was very concerned about bills as the higher income earner; plus our area has been in an economic slump for several years so jobs were sparse. That said I probably hung in there too long. I also brought it home which I now feel terrible. If your husband is anything like me all you can do is encourage him and he will come to the place he needs to be when he’s ready.  It’s  amazing how kind words understanding and encouragement can help. Wishing only good things for both of you.

Husband is Unhappy

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