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Anonymous

12/02/19 at 5:30PM UTC

Career

Resigning

I'm currently in a toxic environment at work and I'm burned out. I have a boss that acts worst than a toddler having a tantrum. If my boss isn't yelling and belittling people, then he's using derogatory and profane language, or he's simply not around and unavailable. So dealing with him is like jumping from one extreme to the next. I have tried to talk to him about it, but that's only results in him talking over me and getting mad. Meetings w/ him are uncomfortable to say the least. To make matters worst, my team calls out every other day leaving the department short staffed, and then complain that they're overwhelmed with work. I've tried meeting w/ them more frequently and being transparent to no avail. I have tried to shift work responsibilities around, but no one wants to give up their duties, and they all withhold information to hold on to some perceived power. I have spoken w/ HR and set up coaching for my team. That hasn't been successful, and HR advised me to get out because it won't get better. The department has had high turn over in the past several years (I have been here a year) and that doesn't seem to be a concern to anyone. I haven't been able to find another position yet, but I'm ready to leave. I don't want to give notice. It's not about sticking it to my employer; I'm simply TIRED! I constantly have a headache and I'd like to just quietly go and recover from all of this. To give notice or not, that is the question. I know there are times and situations when it is okay not to give notice, but I wanted to get the community's thoughts. Thanks in advance!

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Erin Howard-Reid

318

Career Counselor

12/03/19 at 11:40PM UTC

This is tough, and I admire your courage for being so strong. Typical advice says don't quit without having a job lined up. But is your mental health worth more or less than a small gap on your resume? Yes, we all need a paycheck. But in the grand scheme of things, it may be best to leave and keep what's left of your sanity before this job eats up your passion for your field of work. Worst case, with it being the Holiday season it should be easy to snag a retail job just to get by. Also, I LOVE the advice about going higher up in HR, but many times HR isn't helpful AT ALL. There are many good people in that industry, but in my experience it's ridden with lip service. HR works for the company, not the other way around unfortunately. No matter what, I feel for you. Whether that means anything or not, I'm sending well-wishes your way. I know there's a lot of people griping about "thoughts and prayers" but it really is the least I can do. Feel free to message me if you want to talk further! This post breaks my heart for you and you deserve better.

Anonymous

12/04/19 at 1:49PM UTC

I've considered finding a gap job so that I still have some money coming in and I don't whittle down my savings too much in the interim of interviewing and finding my next position. I agree with you about HR. Unfortunately, my experience w/ HR hasn't been positive and I also feel that they look out for the best interests of the company only. And it pains me to say that because I have some friends in HR who are great people and who work hard to be fair and helpful, but it's just never been my experience. I was leery in going to HR about my current situation and I feel that I should have just followed my gut and planned my escape from this insanity because the conversation wasn't helpful. And I truly appreciate your kind words and well wishes. It actually does mean a lot!

AnonymousBrand Strategy Leader • Entrepreneur

12/03/19 at 10:40PM UTC

Having left an extremely toxic work environment (I was a VP, head of a large team) with a sexist sociopath for a boss (the CMO), I can't emphatically say enough — leave as soon as you can! I waited far too long to try and solve things and work with HR, and it took a serious toll on my mental health and personal life. It was consuming (pus the hours were 60+ hrs a week). The damage to your confidence and psyche aren't worth trying to line up another job that's perfect. Preserve your mental heath and get out. If his comments and behavior violate any of your state's Employment Laws or Civil Rights laws, I highly recommend you work with EEOC and at least talk with a lawyer. Sounds scary, but honestly this is the only thing that will make some companies address abusive environments. Especially since HR is ignoring the problem. Let us know how it goes!

Lady Pele

3.96k

Retired Project Manager

12/03/19 at 8:14PM UTC

I normally advocate for giving two weeks notice, but if your boss is going to be abusive for those two weeks, that's a different story. Do you have any vacation saved up? You can always resign and take the vacation in lieu of your two weeks notice.

Anonymous

12/04/19 at 1:39PM UTC

I thought about that, but there's a policy against doing that.

Corina

855

12/03/19 at 8:52AM UTC

I've been in the exact same situation last year. I resigned although I did not have a plan B. It was the best decision ever because once I got out of that negative environment everything started to fall into place. I found a new great job in less than a month after resigning. I'm sure you can too.

Anonymous

12/04/19 at 1:37PM UTC

Thanks for sharing. That gives me hope that this too shall pass and I'll find something else soon.

Anonymous

12/02/19 at 8:26PM UTC

Thanks for the comments. My boss has been w/ the org. 10 yrs. and his boss is a commissioner. I've tried to get on their agenda, but that hasn't happened. When I spoke a few times w/ HR, they're aware of the problems in the dept and w/ my boss as he seems to be a repeat offender, but that's it, they're just aware of it and not actively doing anything.

Wendy Saglime

Software Engineer in Buffalo, NY

12/02/19 at 8:23PM UTC

Once you have your new job lined up, I would recommend you give your notice if it’s at all possible. I know that’s easier said than done. This sounds like a ridiculous work environment (and HR employees should also be looking to move on if their department hands out advice like that). However, I think this is one of those times in life where you will be glad you gave two weeks notice and were a complete professional (even if others were not). For me it is very empowering now to tell myself: I set the standards for my behavior, I don’t allow my environment to lower my standards. As for practical tips to get you through the two weeks... can you consider it to be a training period for a critically important personal skill and also for a professional skill? Think of it as a self-designed boot camp. The personal skill is leaving work at work. Use those ten workdays as a boot camp for a personal ritual you use at the end of the day to box up work until your next shift. Try making a list of priorities for the next day on paper, and then leave all work accounts offline entirely. Silence your phone’s notifications for any work apps (learn how to schedule these automatically, since most apps allow that). Most importantly, even if it sounds a bit woo-woo to you, pick an affirmation you’ll use to repeat to yourself every time thoughts and emotions about work crop up outside of work. “I’ll worry about that when I’m on the clock. Right now I’m not at work.”, or “I trust I’ll handle that well when the time comes, but the time is not here now.” Then don’t (and I mean DON’T) negotiate with your worries. Just tell them the affirmation and move on to another topic that grabs your interest. Think of work thoughts as an inner anxiety terrorist— don’t negotiate with terrorists. They feed off of custom attention and use it to drain your energy. You won’t win. If it’s about work, then it gets the standard affirmation reply and that’s it. Now for the professional skill: use the last two weeks to learn to cross-train others well. Later on this will be a source of pride for you and a valuable skill you can point out at interviews or in annual reviews. Document your key processes, schedule trainings for them, and cross train at least three coworkers on each key task. Best of luck! You sound like a saint and I hope you get a better job soon... like “this afternoon” soon!

Anonymous

12/02/19 at 8:31PM UTC

Thank you! You're so right. It's kind of funny, but not, but I do find myself negotiating with myself about my worries. Lately I started going to yoga which has really helped because my back was killing me from all of this stress and it forces me to leave work on time (I'm supposed to work 35 hrs/ wk and have worked more like 50 hrs/wk from the very beginning). I've documented my processes, cross training is another issue since I have 1 person on vacay now, 1 vacant position, and 1 call out today.

Anonymous

12/02/19 at 8:39PM UTC

Take care of yourself, but get out of there as fast as you can!

Anonymous

12/02/19 at 7:50PM UTC

I worked at a company where HR let my boss behave badly because he had been with the company 25+ years. After many good people quit (including me) he was finally demoted - but they let him stay until he retired. I wish that I had something better to tell you; but all you can do is protect yourself. You are not alone. Best wishes....

Anonymous

12/02/19 at 8:33PM UTC

I'm not sure how many others have to quit before HR does something or what their magic number is, and I don't care. I won't stay around for this insanity.

Anonymous

12/02/19 at 7:39PM UTC

If HR is telling you to leave because it won't get better, go higher in HR! That is not acceptable that your manager's behavior is allowed nor is it acceptable that it's the norm. I had a boss exactly like this recently and I filed a complaint with his manager and HR... He's a repeat offender and he ended up moving on. The other advice I can give you (since this type of thing won't resolve overnight) is to really try to compartmentalize yourself between work and your time off. Fulfil your duties, don't kill yourself, and go home and enjoy your time. I let my issues get to me and it just drives negativity into your life which you don't deserve. Sincerely wish you good luck because I understand the toll this takes on a person.