Relocating

Question

Hello there. I’ve lived in the Carolinas all my life and my kids father is here too. I was offered a great job about 8 hours away. I have always been the care taker for my kids..no offense to the dad..so I accepted the job. Some people feel like I should’ve had a conversation with the father of my kids but I don’t because he doesn’t help financially and honestly he doesn’t do much. His mom does a lot for my kids but he’s still the dad. I’m not able to find this great opportunity where I’m at and I accepted the job knowing that I would also be away from my family. Everyone is just a plane ride away. I am taking my kids with me. Should I have had a Courtesy conversation with him? Or let him add his input? He knows I’m leaving. I’m not just disappearing with the kids.

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely have a conversation - then write an email and get him to acknowledge it. If you weren't married and subsequently don't have a formal custody agreement - you need something that says you didn't just up and take the kids. If he later decides to make your life a nightmare - this will be used against you.

In fact, I'd see a lawyer and fully understand your rights.

#NeverSayNever...protect yourself

Nancie Shuman · Answer

I moved out of state several times with my son for similar reasons.  Prior to leaving, I always had a conversation with his father.  We created an informal custody agreement, which included arrangements for visitation, in detail.  Get this in writing.  Find out if your State requires a judge to sign off on it. Also, find out if the State you are moving to will require both parents signature on documents involving your kids, or if the custody agreement is enough. (Hint: passports require both parents signatures or custody papers.)

Good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

of course and you may want to chat with a lawyer about custody rights, not sure what if any agreement you have currently but formalizing it would protect you.

Anonymous · Answer

This is a question for your lawyer, and potentially a judge. What does your custody agreement say?

Naomi Mercer · Answer

You owe him the information that you and the kids are moving but do not owe him some sort of veto or input.  You write at the end of your message that 'He knows I'm leaving,' so did you already tell him?

Robin Stone · Answer

Yes, sometimes taking the higher road isn’t always easy but in this case very necessary. Also, ensure you can take the children out of the county per your legal agreement. If you don’t have one, suggest you get one. You don’t need him to stir up trouble when your trying to begin your new life.

GirlBossanova280552 · Answer

Whether he's a good partner or dad, he's still a partner in your child's life.  While you got to do what you can to financially take care of your child and family - and may not have changed your mind or plan - consider he's still a partner in your child's life.  Always good to treat it as such.  Don't let someone's poor leadership get on yours.

Jenn Rigg-Brandt · Answer

Depending on if he is a part of a custody agreement, many states require notice and the opportunity for the dad to have a say.  If that is not in place, a conversation with him is a good thing, and with the grandmom who has done the stuff for the kids. Laying out how 'easy' it will be in the future.  Airfare, schedules are not as easy when the kids are older and in activities, so just remember to be fair if the relationship is stable or important to the kids.  I agree that you need to do right by you and in support of the children.

Kim Beasley · Answer

Yes, you should have.

Lady Pele · Answer

Yes.

Relocating

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