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Kathryn A Broyles
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24
Coach, Author, Advocate
08/23/20 at 4:03PM UTC (Edited)
in
Lifestyle & Relationships

Silencing Self-Criticism

Too often, we are our own worst critics. Why? There are many reasons. Sometimes, we use self-critique as a kind of armor. We say to ourselves, “ If I demand more of myself than others can possibly demand, then I can’t be criticized.” Nice idea, but it doesn’t work that way really, does it? Self-critique may be about filling in the outline of a self others have drawn in the stories they told us about ourselves — lines that may not be right or true. Self-criticism can be a flag — a signal of low self-esteem — and a brutal cyclical master never letting us raise our heads up to see that even a simple change can move us forward. Certainly honesty with ourselves is not a bad thing. Living in denial, refusing to see who we really are, what our actions truly say about us, is certainly not healthy. Embracing denial vs. reality can lead directly to us harming ourselves and others in myriad ways. Truth telling is important. But too often, self-criticism isn’t truth telling… Isn’t being honest with ourselves. Too often, it’s repeating the mantra of others who undervalue or render invisible the best parts of ourselves — the parts that scare us (and them) because they are the parts that can change our lives and change the world. This week, work on telling the truth about yourself to yourself, so that you can live into that truth in relationship to others. If you have behaved badly, be honest about it and ask forgiveness and move on. If you have been put down, assess where the real growing edges are, make a plan to work on them, but shove aside what is not true — it belongs to the lie and not to you. And recognize that words that devalue, that harm, or that hide beauty, whether they originate inside yourself —and are directed at the self — or whether they come from the outside and the voices of others —- they not only steal joy but they steal life. Your life is valuable. You are valuable. You, when you live and speak and act in ways that genuinely express self-care, self-respect, and care and value of others —you will change the world.

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Kristy Freeman
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12
08/27/20 at 5:09PM UTC
Being able to decipher the truth about yourself versus the lies that invade from self criticism or the criticism of others is a skill well worth honing! Enjoyed this post very much. Thank you for sharing.
Heather Denniston
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333
08/26/20 at 2:45AM UTC
All up in this right now. Just gave a talk on self-compassion. I love this subject! Inner Bully psychology is fascinating.
Kathryn A Broyles
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24
Coach, Author, Advocate
08/26/20 at 8:49PM UTC
Heather, did you record your talk by any chance? I'd love to check it out.
Anonymous
08/23/20 at 7:25PM UTC
Self criticism is a defense created from a child who grows up in an abusive home. Being criticized for being doubtful or humble or not being confident enough. It’d a journey to discover for oneself not to believe the lies that one was told most of one’s life. Self discovery of who one is and who has a purpose in life for the betterment of others and oneself plus distancing those who told the lies. If someone who wants you to believe that you’re less so that person can rise, then remove yourself. Good people will rise when they lift others up even in a professional environment.
Kathryn A Broyles
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24
Coach, Author, Advocate
08/23/20 at 9:52PM UTC
Yes! I agree completely. You've expressed this beautifully.
Teresa Bayer
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27
High Tech Marketer
08/23/20 at 6:56PM UTC
Thank you for this! I've been being incredibly self-critical lately, and this was the gentle reminder I needed to live in my own light.
Kathryn A Broyles
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24
Coach, Author, Advocate
08/23/20 at 9:50PM UTC
Teresa, I'm so glad!

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