My manager is a micro manager.

Anonymous

September 19,2022 at 3:12PM UTC

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My manager is a micro manager. Shes hyper threatened by other women (she regularly has issues with the director who is also a woman) and is regularly digging into the work I do in ways that feel at best nitpicky and at worst invasive. Whenever I have a conversation with anyone else (something that is part of my job as a project manager) she often follows up with that person to see exactly what we talked about in ways that other people suggest its as if shes surprised by my actions. If im 30 seconds late to a meeting i get a message from her yelling at me for being late. Ive made very few mistakes and none of them critical, meanwhile i've spent the last year fixing her mistakes. In the places ive worked ive done a better job in ways that are obvious. She regularly talkes about being over burdened meanwhile im almost begging for more work (yes i have litterally asked for more work). She often takes credit for my work in a way that gets under my skin or makes me thank groups of people while never giving me credit for the work i did on a project. Compounding this is Her manager is my previous manager at another place and is the person who hand picked me for this job and I dont feel comfortable talking with him about this because ive tried to suggest that she get training and mentorship and it went nowhere. I quit another higher paying job to take this because it was in the industry I want to be in but is one thats very difficult for under represented people to get a foot into. I have 25 years of compounding experience culminating in the last ten being at an engineering management position to which this was a step down. Im frustrated trying to manage up to a person who refuses to listen reguardless of how I pitch things. Shes particularly tetchy about provess changes and im making it notmy circus but we are in a growing company where many of the processes she set up wont work for a larger org.

I fear she's purposefully out to get me as this has been a regular activity of hers for the last year. We might be hiring but I can not suggest any person I like apply to be a direct colleague. I feel stuck, I can't leave or job hop without destroying my chances in this feild (it's one where spending less than five years in a consistent position looks very bad).

Anyone have any tips for reducing the toxicity of this? She's a new manager and she's not racist, a terf, or otherwise a terrible person but I don't know how to get her to chill and deal with her lack of safety.

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Lesa Edwards, Career Coach & Master Resume WriterSeptember 19,2022 at 4:27PM UTC
Have you tried having a 1:1, scheduled meeting with her about this? Lay out your concerns in terms of how you are perceiving her actions and how you are reacting - not blaming her, but rather how it's affecting you and your work. Come to the meeting from a place of trying to understand her actions, rather than accusing her of bad behavior.
I think this conversation will guide your next step(s).
AnonymousSeptember 19,2022 at 7:57PM UTC
I've tried, modeling a nicer version of "do you trust me to get my work done?" And it's had limited success on getting her to back off on requiring an extensive list of things I need to do (to the point the list she was asking for was taking longer than it was taking me to just do the thing". But it's not stopping the other behavior.
AnonymousSeptember 19,2022 at 4:56PM UTC
This is all fear based controlling and there is nothing you can do to change that. Perhaps with time she'll become more confident and less fearful but don't count on it.
All you can control is you and your performance which sounds on point.
AnonymousSeptember 20,2022 at 9:46PM UTC
Agree that it's definitely fear based, and at its root probably has nothing to do with you personally. I suspect she would probably be doing the same to anyone in the position. There could also be a bit of jealousy there as well if she knows that you were handpicked by her boss. I also have a manager that has a tendency to micromanage. Here are a couple of things that have worked for me.
If you haven't already, build time into your workflow to send things for her to review. Note that this isn't necessarily because you need her to review, this is so that she will feel like she has some control and is involved in the process. If there are things that she does that you know how to do, see if there is a way to take it off her plate. You have to be really careful about how you do this (so she doesn't feel attacked), but if something specific comes up in conversation you could volunteer to do it and again send it to her to review afterwards.
Also, try to loop her in/update her more often during your projects. Again, this isn't because you need her opinion necessarily, it's to hopefully head her off so that she doesn't feel like she has to go talk to people behind your back. If you have the type of projects where there are lots of stakeholders that need updates, maybe doing a weekly update would be a good thing. You could also have weekly meetings with her to discuss what you will be focusing on during the week. I'm in a small group and we do this with my boss and it works great...most of the time.
Both of these things help build trust. She might not actually ever let go, but if she feels involved, and sees the work you are doing, it could help.
I don't have any advice about the taking credit part, aside from if she gets asked technical questions about the project it will probably be very clear she knows nothing and is taking credit for things that she didn't do.
You mentioned that you were handpicked for the position. Is it possible that your original manager wants you to manage up? Or do you think he was just getting you into the door? It's a rhetorical question, but definitely something worth considering.
If your company is hiring, is there a chance you could make a lateral move? Are there other groups in the company that you could help? Or projects your former manager can give you to do?
Hopefully, some of this works, or at least gives you ideas on things to try. Managing up, especially a micromanager sucks (for lack of better word). If absolutely nothing works, and you don't want to leave the position, figure out a way to make your life outside of work as fulfilling as possible to balance out the toxicity. Good luck! :)