How can I survive? I need to make a change for my health and emotional stability!
A few months ago I posted a question regarding what to say when people ask why you are leaving your current job. I got lots of great advice and have been using it!I have been a preschool Administrator/Director for almost 30 years. I am currently in a situation where I am working 12 hour days for over 2 years. I have been interviewing for other jobs in the field I want to get into, however the pay scale is half of what I currently make. How can a single person survive on what companies are offering?Money is so very tight, I don’t have savings to fall back on. How have others managed? I desperately want to leave my current position but feel stuck and utterly defeated and hopeless of ever leaving it.
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44 Comments
44 Comments
Anonymous
12/30/20 at 2:56PM UTC
You can try moving to an apartment with lower rent. I’m so sorry to hear your struggles and completely agree. So much of my salary now goes on grocery deliveries. Things have been more expensive during covid except for rent.
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User deleted comment on 12/30/20 at 3:58PM UTC
Anonymous
12/30/20 at 4:01PM UTC
I looked into that, but after calculating all utilities and insurance plus mortgage payments I’m paying slightly less or equivalent to what I would pay for an Appartment.
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Anonymous
12/30/20 at 4:35PM UTC
What about getting a roommate? Not sure where you live but maybe go shopping when the older adult hours and stop delivery costs? There are loans you can take out that are forced savings plans.....if you are working 12 hours is there anything you can do to get to 10 hours?
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Salma Khairane
21
12/30/20 at 3:47PM UTC
For now and until you find a job with a better salary, try to look into expenses to see where you can cut. It is not an easy task, especially if you already think you are doing your best, but when thinking outside the box, there are always alternatives. Good luck!
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AnnFennerSpiegel
81
01/02/21 at 11:59AM UTC
Cable. Walmart annual delivery fee...save on gas, time and germs!
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Anonymous
12/30/20 at 4:03PM UTC
That was the first thing I did. And then I needed a new car. But thank you for the support and suggestion.
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Anonymous
01/01/21 at 3:35PM UTC
You could sell your car and bike everywhere (I do this yearround in New England) or get a cheaper used car if you bought an actual new one.
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Brittany Bauerle
11
12/30/20 at 4:48PM UTC
Could you help us understand more about what you don't like in your current role and how your new role will be more aligned with your passion and goals? Are you trying to switch because of the 12 hour days or is there more to the story? What are the new roles you are looking into? Is the large paycut due to significantly less work? Maybe if we can understand where you are now (aside from 12 hour days, which are not okay!) and what you're looking for and that might be a better start to how we may be able to help. ☺️
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Anonymous
12/31/20 at 2:17PM UTC
I’m wanting to switch from childcare to senior and assisted living. I would love to be an activity director or coordinator. After two years with this company, I’m “ burning out” from 12 hour days and a disrespectful boss. I have had several interviews for positions in my new chosen field, however I have had to turn them down due to the pay scale, or no one wants to take a chance on me.(which, in some ways I do understand.) I accepted a part time weekend only job as an engagement assistant, but after a few months had to resign due to extreme exhaustion. I want a better balance of work and home so I can spend time with my elderly parents and enjoy my house.
I don’t want to be ungrateful for what I do have, but I feel so stuck. I know the first step “is yanking up my big girl pants” but I’m at a loss as to how .
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Robyn Childs
14
01/01/21 at 3:28PM UTC
This may not be be easy for you without making some schedule adjustments, initially...however, the way I opened the door to a new career in Senior Living was by starting as a volunteer with activities, for just an hour or two a week. That was 12 years, ago, and I wish I had done it 20 years, earlier. It’s an outstanding field, full of opportunities. In my second week of volunteering, I was offered a part-time job, which I did alongside my other job for a year, then transitioned into a full-time new career in Senior Living within a year.
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Maina Stephen
17
12/30/20 at 4:52PM UTC
Sorry for your current situation.... There are moments in life you prioritize and see what comes first.
You could be employed, earning well, but totally stressed which could lead health issues... If taking a less paying job you work for 8hrs it means you will have your joy back, high esteem free time to think through the self, time to rest and think of what is this else that i can do to make an extra coin... Maybe start off a small grocery and attend to it after 8 hrs job which gives more joy and new energy since you are doing it deep down from your heart
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Anonymous
12/31/20 at 5:29PM UTC
Agree with this comment. Maybe you can work an extra job to support the pay difference. I worked grocery part-time for two years and enjoyed it! You may also look into doing companion care to bring in extra income. I’ve done companion care, and it’s something easy, it brings in extra income, and it’s impactful. Win, win, win.
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Anonymous
12/30/20 at 5:12PM UTC
Switching my diet for a short period to just bread and butter helped me save on costs. Don’t do this long term obviously.
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Anonymous
12/30/20 at 5:14PM UTC
A second job would help in the interim along with a roommate. These things would help make up the difference in income.
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Anonymous
12/31/20 at 2:18PM UTC
Unfortunately, my house is not big enough for a roommate.
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Anonymous
01/01/21 at 3:37PM UTC
Move to a less expensive area
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Sandra Regnell
26
12/30/20 at 5:19PM UTC
I have been in my job for a very long time too and have gotten to a pretty high level. I also want to leave but I had to orchestrate an exit strategy. Being that you work 12 hours a day, this is going to be tough. I do too.
I started an e-commerce business that creates passive income. It’s work too and hasn’t taken off yet but it gives me hope and I am starting to make sales.
Stretch your mind to determine how you can do more with less. Can you create teaching materials for others? What are your gifts and talents and how can you do more in less time. Big hugs to you!!!
Feel free to reach out if you want to toss some ideas around .
User edited comment on 12/30/20 at 5:20PM UTC
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Kate McDonald
407
Founder + CEO of Broadreach Career
12/30/20 at 5:49PM UTC
Ugh, I'm sorry you're in this tricky predicament. Have you considered consulting on the side for schools to make up the salary difference? I'm sure there is a need!!
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Anonymous
12/30/20 at 6:09PM UTC
Like someone mentioned above, maybe creating courses on a platform like teachable.com (they even have a free plan option that charges higher commission) is one way, you can also list things you no longer love on Facebook marketplace, resell free stuff listed on FB marketplace or Craigslist (or search for items that are priced to sell but are worth much more at estate sales and garage sales). If you have time throughout the day to check on a portfolio, I know people who exponentially grew their small savings via day trading stocks, but make sure you practice first with fake money using tools like ThinkorSwim.com. Child care is still in high demand in most places, if you feel comfortable with that. Maybe you can do overnight sitting since you’re already working 12 hour days when the kid(s) are asleep. Dog walking/sitting via Wag or Rover can be both an additional source of income and a way to step away from regular work. Getting veggies directly from the farmers (found online) is often cheaper than groceries. Shopping sales at the grocery store is a good way to cut back also. If you’re going to limit your groceries, consider something like broccoli or legumes that still provide protein and are inexpensive. Sardines are also a great source of affordable protein. Evaluate if you really need a car or if you can do without, as after housing that’s the most expensive item for most people. I know it’s even harder with the pandemic to ride share etc., but if you live somewhere warm with reliable roads, a bike or a scooter might do the trick until you save up more - you can get a cheap one on Craigslist or FB marketplace. As others have mentioned, a roommate or house hacking might be another way to save. Check out biggerpockets.com community and podcast for more ideas. Also look up Tony Robins “Money” book, it has a ton of helpful info in there. Take care of yourself first and foremost, make sure you allot a budget for the essential vitamins like D+K, selenium, and magnesium to support your body, especially if you’re working non stop. Sending big hugs!!
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Anonymous
12/31/20 at 5:36PM UTC
Great ideas! You can also use apps like turo to rent out your car for extra income. I also read a post here recently about using your car as advertising for companies. I like a previous poster’s suggestion about consulting. Similarly, you can start a blog to showcase your expertise. It may take awhile to gain money from it, but in the long run, it can be a great stream of supplemental income. Oh, and since you are already in the school system, you can try moonlighting as a substitute teacher, bus monitor, administrator, etc.
User edited comment on 12/31/20 at 5:42PM UTC
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Judy Porter
41
Public Relations Guru Here for YOU!
12/30/20 at 6:33PM UTC
After my very kind and fun boss died unexpectedly (at age 47) a few years ago, I knew for CERTAIN I wanted to slow down and do less hours at work. I have a four bedroom home and three are open to women like me who want to work but NOT pay $1,200 + bills (so over $1,600) for an efficiency apartment. Two are from California and one is a traveling nurse. We share the kitchen but all have our own space and work. One is moving into a condo January 16 (after living here for a year to save up money and find the right space for her) so I'll have a room available. Sometimes a radical change--like packing up your stuff into a storage unit, cutting your hours from 12 back to 8 or even part=time--and moving in with new friends is a LIFE CHANGING/LIFE SAVING event. My stress level is much lower knowing I'm living here surrounded by friends. Sort of like "Hot in Cleveland" or The Golden Girls (but we're not retired.) And yes, I took a pay cut when I stopped working those 10+ hour more-than-full-time days... but it's worth scaling back to have more free time and better mental and physical health. Ask yourself: if you died tomorrow, would you have done everything you wanted to do in your life? Every day I try to help others so when I go (hopefully decades from now) I'll know I (happily) made a positive difference in others' lives. I'm Judy Eckenrode Porter on Facebook. Become my friend and let's lower you stress level! I'll help you find a new job and life!
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Crystal Rhineberger
2.06k
professional rofl nevermind lets just wing it
12/31/20 at 2:45AM UTC
K I have been there. I had to be cold and calculating to the point almost everything had its price. What can you sell off and put that money towards bills, debt, even a savings?
What expenses can you lower or eliminate? You are doing this for you and you are worth it!
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Anonymous
12/31/20 at 1:03PM UTC
You've received such great suggestions. Please let us know what worked and what you actually implement. Good luck in 2021. I look forward to your updates.
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Susan Lime
34
Southwest Civil Engineer
12/31/20 at 1:57PM UTC
I wouldn’t be able to sustain this level of effort. It’s unreasonable ? Can you advocate for an assistant and work towards the regular 40 work week? Or figure some quick tech tricks or process to follow that will allow the work to be done in 40? With 10 min. stretch breaks every hour!
I’m also stressing about the possible need to a new job...it’s really stressful thinking (especially now during a global pandemic) - it makes me very anxious. I heard a life audit can help one to achieve balance - so I have been contemplating doing that - but also lots of work.
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Anonymous
12/31/20 at 4:03PM UTC
You cannot continue like this. Since you've discounted most recommended solutions, perhaps you can seek counseling to assist you in decisions you can't seem to make right now. I wish you well in 2021. You can do this you and have all the transformative power you need but just need help understanding your options and one option might turn out to be to stay put and wait until retirement when you're truly ready to reinvent your life and find joy. When you're clear it's amazing the focus you have.
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Anonymous
01/01/21 at 1:49PM UTC
Excellent recommendation! I also don’t get the sense the poster is ready to transition into solution mode and make the hard choices. If you’re not changing it, you’re choosing it.
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Anonymous
01/02/21 at 3:06PM UTC
You are right, in some ways I am not ready to make a change, however It’s the hard choices I need guidance with in order to make the changes. I love and appreciate all the suggestions and wisdoms of everyone. The childcare industry is different and difficult in that there is little money to save. It is one of the lowest paying fields unless you are in a higher up corporate role. My state also has zero guidelines for paid salary. The owner of this facility is of the mentality of “I’m paying you to do whatever it takes”. In part, so she doesn’t have to put in the time but can just dictate from afar. And heaven forbid you don’t do it exactly her way! That’s when the rudeness and cursing starts.
Since the pandemic occurred, the pay scale in this field has lowered dramatically. I can’t afford to leave and try something different for a little while and then return if it doesn’t work out. Once I leave this position, unless the new job pays what I need - or close to it- I will not be able to survive. I’m at the point in this career that if I leave and try to return I would be facing some age discrimination, and would not even be considered for a management position anymore. I have cut my expenses, I’ve looked into roommates and moving, and lots of the previous suggestions, but I don’t have a lot of savings and just can’t afford some of the ideas mentioned. I am trying to be optimistic and open minded, but I am tired, worn out and at a loss as to motivate myself anymore. I apologize for taking up anyone’s time with this whole thing. Thank you all for listening and trying to help.
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Anonymous
01/02/21 at 3:09PM UTC
In this field there is no retirement pay of any kind. There is also no money to retire on.
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Heather Cutler
131
01/02/21 at 3:30PM UTC
You’ll need to create your own retirement account then. Even $5 a week will start to add up.
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Anonymous
12/31/20 at 4:17PM UTC
Maybe there is a reason you have dug in your heels and remain stuck? Change most times involve sacrifice and a lot of effort. Maybe you're not ready and just need to accept the status quo until you're truly ready? Make the most of your situation and change your perspective and be happy for the job you've had for 30 years and your friends. When you're ready you'll see your future.
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EmpoweredGirl189007
12
01/01/21 at 2:13PM UTC
Could you move in with your parents and help them also while helping yourself? This would save money and help you transition to the job of your dreams. Baby steps, one thing at a time.
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Anonymous
01/02/21 at 2:46PM UTC
My parents are elderly and while it’s seems a great idea, it is not what they want.
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Anonymous
01/01/21 at 3:29PM UTC
I have done this, and more than once in my career, including going back to school to enter a career with a probable max income of less than half my former career. From the mistakes I have made I can offer the following:
1. Figure out what you can "REALLY" live without first. It might be the gym membership or trading in the late model car for a used car that provides less than half the car payment and insurance cost. (In my current position, I have become alarmed at how many people spend as much or more on car payment, insurance and gas as they do on their rent/mortgage payments.)
2. Relocate to some place that provides appropriate shelter at a lower cost. This might mean moving into an apartment closer to where you work and selling your house.
3. Talk with a credit counselor. This was my big mistake, because by the time I did this, my credit was already ruined and I didn't have many options, and even bankruptcy was not an option because where I lived at the time, I had not met the residency requirements. I am still digging out.
4. Tear up your credit cards. My biggest downfall when this all started was a great credit rating that had everyone wanting to give me revolving credit with a high maximum. This allowed me to live at the level I had been when I was earning more without the income to support it. Then when I couldn't make the minimum payments, my rating tanked, and now I can't get any credit card unless it is secured with cash.
5. Develop a budget based on your current income and stick to it. Even if you have that credit card stashed in your wallet, "for emergencies", and you "REALLY" feel like you need something your budget won't allow, make sure you wait 72 hours before making a decision to buy. This will give you time to determine if there is a different way to get what you think you need a different way. Sales people make a living on the "impulse buy" and will pressure you to make a decision on the spot. These are the ones to run from. These deals will always be better 72 hours later than right now, and if they are not, you are better off without them.
Hang in there. There are ways to manage and work towards a goal you want. Although I struggle every day to meet the daily bills, I am doing what I believe is work for the "greater good" and is a significant passion of mine. Meeting the bills is important, and I understand that, but your self-care and mental heath is also important. The current situation with the pandemic has brought out many of the flaws in our current economic system, and I, for one, deal every day with people for whom there is no "safety net," so I totally get what you are going through. There are, however, agencies, even state sponsored programs, that can help you out. I know that that the non-profit and agency based services can be demoralizing to some, but if you find the right ones, they can help, and most are there to "fill a gap" rather than provide long term entitlement type of services. Clothing banks and food pantries can provide a significant reduction in interim expenditures, as well as thrift stores and other types of "lower cost" alternatives to a "trip to the mall."
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BeaBoss500113
281
Accounting consultant
01/01/21 at 5:19PM UTC
Look in other industries or even a public school system. The preschool industry pay is among the lowest. You have to really love it to be willing to work for so little.
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Rosa Goes
94
01/01/21 at 6:40PM UTC
All great suggestions! I would also make a plan to set aside the OT money from working 12 hour days (you didn't mention if you were exempt or non exempt). Either way, decide on a set amount that will help offset expenses. Then you can accept that new job knowing there is a pool of money saved in case you fall short. It's good you have a job right now, I know it's hard working long hours but hopefully knowing your savings money for a more fulfilling opportunity will keep you motivated. Best of luck to you & happy new year as well!
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Aly
44
01/01/21 at 7:02PM UTC
Sell some things you’re not using. Ask your employer for more money. If you leave they will have a hard time finding someone willing to give as much as you do. See if you can barter or share expenses to save money. Change your grocery budget. Network with people to find a higher paying job or ways to make money on the side. Use the app Nextdoor to see if anyone in your area needs small errands they are willing to pay you to do. Pick up babysitting or elderly sitting on the side. Some people will pay you to stay overnight with their parents or children if they work nights. Get creative and be flexible.
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Karen Kelemen
37
Benefits Administrator in New York
01/01/21 at 11:16PM UTC
Apologies if this was brought up before...but what are the guidelines of your position? Most companies have rules about what is expected of your position. 12 hours in one day on a regular basis seems very excessive to me. If there are rules and the company is not adhering, I would speak to your supervisor or someone in HR about it. Come from a point of view that you don't mind putting in extra time, but feel that a constant diet of this is not only against company rules, but is not healthy, and does not provide a proper work-life balance for you. Work as it relates to mental and physical health is a big deal with companies today. Hope you find relief. Best of luck.
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Annora Coffyn
12
01/01/21 at 11:48PM UTC
Our local government has more than one opening for persons who work with seniors. There are counselors that help with getting insurance, checking on conditions at nursing homes and establishing community programs. There are also senior centers that are operated by the state government. Look into agencies.
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Aly Brine
1.4k
a little corporate a little hippie alotta hustle
01/02/21 at 1:54AM UTC
All very viable suggestions but here's something a little different, Amanda Frances is a money teacher. She teaches that money has energy and you can take practical and energetic steps in order to call money and new circumstances in. Here's some of her free resources and she just recently put out a book that has really opened my eyes to some of the stories I've had around money. https://amandafrances.com/
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Watts
17
01/02/21 at 5:27AM UTC
Ugh, this sounds really rough. You are tapped out on energy and time bringing in a set amount and using it all each month. Without savings you can't even move to a better opportunity or handle a month break in between positions if you were to get another job. This isn't sustainable because either a) you keep treading with your head above water slowly burning out until you can't or b) *something* happens and you have no emergency fund.
From you posts it sounds like you've done the basics: look for another job, look to cut expenses, look to move, look at career changes and it's just not adding up. So here is my recommendation.
1) Ignore everyone's cookie cutter advice (did you sell your stuff? move to a cheaper place! Sell your car and bike!) You sound like you are past this and need to deep dive into your specific issues. Letting go of countering all these generic arguments will help.
2) Divide your problems into smaller ones and work through them one at a time. Example:
a - You need to reduce expenses
b - you are burned out
c - you need a more sustainable job environment (not perfect, just better)
d - you need a permanent change to your job or a new industry
3) Tackle these independently and one at a time and as logically as possible. I suggest the first two as even tiny improvements will give you the space to handle the second two.
For the reducing expenses - it sounds like you've tried all the advice here and you are just at the limit. So, it's time to really dig into the details: I suggest you estimate where all your money is going then also pull your last 6 months of expenses and go over them with a friend. You know the one who gives you side eye when you make excuses? Yeah that one. Find something to get to an emergency fund. You can also try financial resources like this book and blogs. https://smile.amazon.com/Will-Teach-You-Rich-Second/dp/1523505745/ But ignore the general advice click bait that isn't helping. Another mental model that can be helpful is to look at "The Minimalists" Netflix documentary. I think it's on YouTube as well. It can give you another framework to think about what you actually need in life, but everyone will need to figure this out for themselves.
Burnout is a bit harder, I suggest dividing this one into work and home. (notice a trend? Keep making your problems smaller and more specific until you can solve them) For home, this is a struggle, and you'll have to come up with your own plan. Mine was starting with bullet journaling, cooking, and cleaning more sustainably and that helped me find the space to then sleep more. Then I was able to start to exercise, eat better, and relax better. All of these built on top of each other to create breathing room to actually go tackle the big problems since you can't figure out a career change while struggling daily. Here is an old post I wrote about the effects of just cleaning more efficiently as an example: https://www.quora.com/For-those-of-you-who-keep-a-clean-home-how-do-you-do-it-What-tricks-or-techniques-do-you-use/answer/Nicole-Watts-5
For work, look at your day to day job and see if you can make it suck less and how you got to be so overworked. Do you need to delegate more? (cliché advice, I know) Can you make anything more efficient? What really happens when you leave something on the table? Do you have a organized plan day to day or do you need one? Can you improve your systems? You probably can't get out of busy times in the year like right around enrollment, but maybe you can make it suck just a bit less. Again, listing out all the things you have to do and finding that friend to give you fresh detailed and relevant perspective can help and look for small wins of 20 min here and 10 min there to add up.
Once you start making progress there start to tackle the root of the job problem. If you decide you like your job, start to look into fixing it by getting it restructured or moved to a new company. Look into negotiating more money or less responsibility (maybe hiring a associate or assistant). Network with other professionals to understand what you are worth. This gets super tactical and I can't help you much without knowing a lot more. At least if you like the job and just need a new boss or company, at least there are lots of preschools in high demand and hopefully you can find a better fit. My strong recommendation here is to not leave an industry you love because of a shitty boss or situation. There is a reason you loved it and often the grass isn't greener.
If you decide to change industries because it's the right answer for you, I recommend job research to narrow down what position and a shortlist of companies. This research needs to include networking with people who have the job so you know that you will like it. Then, you find out what is important to getting that job and how to demonstrate it as well as networking with the right people. If you can do it right, they will literally write the job description for you.
I realize that this is probably not EXACTLY what you need because I don't know the specifics, but I hope it gives you a mental model that you can adapt to what you need.
Good luck and I really hope you figure this out!
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Liz K
14
01/02/21 at 8:58AM UTC
I had this problem, and I just jumped ship, for my mental health.
I burnt out.
I found my perfect job, but the money was so bad, but it was the foot in the door i needed. Worked 8-5.30 weekdays.
I delivered pizza in the evenings, Tuesdays, Friday and Saturdays.
12hours per week. I took extra pizza shifts when I was asked to.
Working those evenings meant I didn’t go out or spend money.
The great thing about delivery work is you know it’s not your career, it’s a means to an end (for me, buying a new motorbike)
I planned on doing it 2 years. Stayed delivering for nearly 6 years & 2 brand new bikes later, I left pizza delivery when I got my main new job.
And a 6-9pm delivery shift on a weekday goes so quickly!
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Oleta F. Clay
13
01/02/21 at 2:28PM UTC
When I first started out in my profession more than 35 years ago no one was wanting to hire a new graduate without coding skills. I decided prior to graduation to become a volunteer in a Health Information Management department and asked that they cover my lunch and mileage. I got to know and do various jobs and they got to know me. When I graduated from college a night position opened up which I applied for and got. Due to your long-term history in the childcare field is it possible that you could share your vast experience in authoring a book or other consulting/teaching capacity? Maybe if your home isn't large enough for a roommate or two there's someone out there who has space and the need for a roommate.
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Kathy Wisniewski
53
Health Coach and Dream Chaser!
01/06/21 at 1:57AM UTC
Definitely a tough situation. I wonder though....you said you have been a preschool Administrator/Director for nearly 30 years. Could you perhaps take that knowledge and create an online course for others to learn from? The amount of knowledge you must have is probably incredible and I'm sure that people coming into the field would love to have you as a mentor to help them more quickly learn the ins and outs, tips and tricks and your experiences that have worked and that haven't. Online coaching/mentoring is also very hot right now. Pair the 2 and I think you have a winning combination for a lucrative side income so that you can leave the job that is causing you so much stress. Best of luck to you!!
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Rebecca Kaufman
69
Social & Digital Media in New York
01/06/21 at 2:28PM UTC
Never let what others think prohibit your decisions. You need to do what is best for you. So often, we expect others to watch out for us as we watch out for ourselves. Focus on what is best for you first and foremost.
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