How to get my boss to give feedback.

Question

I have one-on-one meetings with my boss every week.  I review what I'm working on, discuss priorities with her, and I always end with 'What can I be doing better?'  She usually says just keep doing what you're doing.   This week, when I asked that question, she said, 'Well, that's the 64k question.'  I asked her what she meant, and she said 'let's just wait until the meeting tonight.'  She was referring to a finance committee meeting.  The meeting went well, and I emailed her asking for clarification of what she'd said.  I've gotten no response.  Should I ask again at the next meeting?  I tend to overthink, so I'm unsure if I should be worried or not.

Tabbi Kinion · Answer

I think it is time for you to reframe the feedback question for the person you are working with.

First, consider what it is like for the person you are asking this question to. Asking for feedback is something that takes some folks out of their team mindset and it may feel like you are asking them for criticism. You are part of the whole team that she is responsible for. You also have to trust that if something isn’t right, she will let you know because of the impact of your actions on the team. And, as a manager, people who ask me for feedback all the time give me the impression they aren’t self aware about their performance or paying attention to the team enough to be able to self correct.

Whatever the reason, clearly your question isn’t working for the person you work for.  No big deal - you can get the same results by reframing. The easiest reframe when you are talking about something that happened is to ask for advice for next time. For example, your finance meeting, instead of asking for feedback (which, again, may sound like asking for criticism of one instead of celebrating a team win) your email could have gone, “I feel like the meeting went pretty well tonight because of X, Y, and Z. Do you have any advice or thoughts about what could be better or make things smoother for next time?” And be sure to make X,Y, and Z team things - great employees show up to make teams succeed. Most of us want to work with a group people who show up to make each other succeed. Be the person you want to work with and ask for advice when you need help.

Amy Randall Beltz · Answer

Your manager should be able to give you feedback, especially if you’re asking for it! Have you tried a structured approach? For instance, using a feedback framework like start-stop-continue - What can I start doing to improve my performance? What should I stop doing? What can I continue? I will often present this framework and give people some time to think about it until our next 1:1, which leads to productive conversations. 
 Additionally, evaluating your own performance and identifying where you feel your strengths and opportunities are might jump start your manager’s feedback. 
I’ve been in low-feedback situations, and know how frustrating it can be. Good luck!

Michele Cresmen-Block · Answer

You asked if you should bring up at the next meeting. I'd say yes. Bring in your thoughts about the meeting's outcomes and what you saw, see what they feel differently about. Then, taking a page from what's been said here, be specific in what you're asking about. Did you facilitate the meeting? Ask for feedback on that. Did you prepare the materials? Ask for feedback on that. Whatever was specific to you, ask for feedback on it.

See what you can do to guide the narrative of your meetings. I have a leader who was recently promoted and now they care for a span of organizations, not just the one I'm in. I come to our 1:1's prepared with a punch list of topics I want to cover - giving them the floor first and if they don't have anything for me, I have something we can be productive on together. See if something like that will work for you and your manager.

Jacqueline Biollo, MBA · Answer

Although I don't have much more to add to the conversation than what's already been said - I do want to thank you for the question.  As a boss, who prides myself on giving specific feedback - I have internalized some of the comments made in this thread and will hope to continue to evolve my own feedback process for and with my employees.  I hope you find a method of seeking specific feedback that works for you - and a position/company you feel appropriately validated at.

Brittany · Answer

I agree on the comments to be specific and that may help to get feedback.  I would ask for clarification on what was meant by the comment.  It is always important to ask for clarification so you are not having to decode what was meant.

Sydney Susan Hart · Answer

Vague or no feedback from a manager is a red flag. Your manager knows exactly what you’re asking for. Her remark about the “64K question” is a veiled threat. It meant that you either come off well during the meeting or else.

Devra Carmical · Answer

Wow! What a terrible update. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. If it were me, I'd be doing my best regarding any work output and treat that manager with kid gloves until I could get to the bottom of it or find another job or position (under a different manager). I'd definitely drop the subject until I could figure out my next move.

Anonymous · Answer

One potential way to turn this around is to be more proactive vs reactive.  Beltz's suggestion of a structured approach would be one proactive way to identify some areas for improvement. Asking for feedback on areas you have already identifyed, or want to improve on will likely get you better results.

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you, all of you.  Update:  it was a red flag.  The whole week became one of scolding emails for really unusual things.  Why haven’t these bills been paid?!?  Answer:  the company hadn’t invoiced us yet. On Friday, I told her I was sensing some unhappiness with my performance.  She said she was taking the weekend to think about whether or not I should continue working there.

Liz Milne · Answer

I've just skimmed the other answers, so not sure if someone has said this already: if I was the boss, I would be annoyed getting the same question every week. I would want my employee to think about where they could improve, take steps to do it and feed that back to me: 'So, I noticed I'd not made my target because I was distracted by [X] - this week, I did [x] at a different time and focussed more on achieving [target].' That opens the door for boss to give praise or acknowledgement, and then perhaps point out other areas where work is needed.
Also, maybe the timing isn't great for her to give feedback after that meeting, eg if it's a Friday and she needs to run because she's got a date or appointment later, she doesn't want to be thinking about that... I'd say, email her with a list of points that you think you need to improve on and ask her to feed back on them in her own time, instead of putting her on the spot then?

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