I had a client reach out the other day with this message, "Jackie, I know we aren't scheduled this week, can we grab some time? If I don't talk through how to discuss the distribution of responsibilities I might leave him."
She has two young kids at home...no camp and her and her husband both work full-time and she's always the one having the take the lead with the kids. He doesn't ever step up or volunteer and when she asks for his assistance (she has a big meeting, the sitter isn't coming that day, she's on deadline) he either huffs and begrudgingly steps up OR worse yet, says 'he's busy with work' but will walk by and find him scrolling websites or playing Mahjong.
We worked through how to approach this conversation in an effort to get the best results and limit blame.
This got me thinking, as successful career women, do you find the distribution of responsibilities equal with your spouse?
How are you handling this?
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Nervous about a company that prefers Ivy League grads.
I worked on a team previously that placed a lot of emphasis on school prestige, preferring graduates of Ivy League schools.
The organization in general didn't have that value, but this particular team did. It was a negative experience, as some adopted a very superior attitude that disregarded experience and demonstrated capability.
(As for why I was hired--sometimes you can be the best option they have without being their "ideal" option, if that makes sense. Also, pressure from HR to think more practically and to be more open-minded.)
I'm interested in another company that I've admired for years yet have been hesitant about because they clearly primarily recruit from Ivy League schools. While the initial conversation with the internal recruiter was positive and he wants me to move forward, I continue to think about the negative experience I had before.
*Would you assume that any company that cares about pedigree to this extent will behave the same way as my former team did toward someone who doesn't fit that mold?*
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My manager knew I was dealing with a very close family member/SO dying this spring, and my "depression"(from the situation)/exhaustion combo impacted my performance to a degree.
It wasn't an FMLA eligible situation. He did a 180 from compassionate to putting me on a PIP on his way out the door, so I had to navigate extreme work stress on top of end of life/death. I can only hope he gets the most painful kind of cancer possible, tomorrow. Or as someone else said "who the F pips someone in that situation?"
My ADHD coping mechanisms were broken by this stress combo, and I'm so depressed--more from the PIP than anything else now-- that it's rare anymore to have one day where I'm NOT crying at my computer or randomly otherwise. I wake up devastated Sunday morning that tomorow is Monday and borderline suicidal Sunday night for months now. I have been remote since well before the pandemic and am killing myself when I'm not at work trying to find another remote job (necessary for me now), so I'm also beyond burned out from the job search every day.
The other night, the phrase "killing myself" almost became literal, albeit because I was stewing about work and distracted, but this is totally destroying my mental and physical health. The PIP was supposed to end last week but my boss wouldn't give me a clear answer when I asked if I'd completed the outstanding items to her satisfaction, so I spent a chunk of time thinking I'd get bad news and focusing on my job search. Instead of caliing it done, they extended it with additional items despite my doing the things I was told to do in a previous week 1:1 to call it done. I have been pushing for them to just end the pip early (because it was so counterproductive to my ability to focus on ACTUAL work) but to no avail.....and then they extended it. I've been so miserable that I would totally take a huge pay cut for another remote job just to GTFO and yet I have had no luck with my search yet since I didn't really have bandwidth to start looking until the "after death" phase of this a few weeks ago. I have never disclosed my ADHD to anyone at work other than a colleague who is openly autistic who has been supportive and thinks disclosing might "level set" better with my manager; has anyone disclosed something like this in a difficult situation like this and had it help? Could it? The company seems like its allyship with neurodivergents is performative at best since there is no real willingness on anyone's part to respect what I need to be successful despite the million times I've mentioned neurodiversity in passing in discussions when I'm saying what I need to work best. I'm not asking for anything with a dollar value and what led to this would be hard fo r a neurotypical person! It's insanity to be punished for failing to be superhuman and then get additional time despite noted improvement because they want more than what they wanted 2 weeks ago to call this done.
At what point do you just tell them to discuss severance in a bad market? If I didn't have others to take care of I would have already!
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Please HR people, what EXACT information is given to the employer when a credit check is done?
How specific or complete is the information? Is it just the credit score or more details like the amount of outstanding debt and past due amounts? Thank you!
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Has anyone left their full time toxic job for a contract role ?
I work with a very condescending, micromanaging manager and honestly it makes me sick to my stomach every time she puts a 1:1 on my calendar. I currently have a part time contract role that is way better environment wise, but no benefits. They offered me more hours and I am considering it.
Additional info: Contract role is well paying and is a level up from my current role. So pays more, better environment.
what would you do in my shoes ?
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It's tough to overestimate how effective these two tools — visualization and mindfulness meditation — are when trying to figure out what in the world your dream job really is.
I know this because I've engaged this holistic and empowering method personally and with hundreds of students and clients.
One of the many reasons it's so instrumental in gaining clarity is because we tend to romanticize what we think our dream job is. That can pull us off-course really fast, and we often feel like we've gone too far down that road toward it to turn back, so we're disappointed yet again finding ourselves in a job that's not a great fit.
In today's post on my blog "Reimagine," we look at what visualization and mindfulness meditation are in the context of a dream-job pursuit and how separately and together they can transform your experience.
If you would love to change jobs but have no clue what you’d rather do instead, or you find yourself trying to find a new opportunity but not gaining traction, this approach may be exactly what you need.
You can read it here:
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My manager does not listen.
she will jump in and take the conversation in the wrong direction and provide wrong information.
I tried telling her the client had issues with something, she cut me off and said the contract is under review that’s why the issues. It sounded wrong so I clarified but she further explained the contract being in review. I know my information was clear therefore I believed her. During a meeting with my client I passed along the info and they had no idea there was contract issues and after they emailed my boss and I.
my boss responded that she was not aware of any contact issues. Now the client is confused why I told them there were issues and even questioning my abilities.
She has done stuff like this before, today in a different client meeting she made me look incompetent.
how do I address this with my boss or do I just ignore her when she does it? my worry is sounding childish and being a complainer but I also don’t care to look bad to clients.