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Is this an example of gas lighting?
I have been asked if the following is considered gas lighting. It was on an annual performance report of a friend who has been pursuing a promotion and was overlooked, which seems a bit fishy.
I need your feedback ladies. I do agree that it "feels" wrong. How do I advise this person? What should she do?
Quote follows:
"I have invested in putting you in positions that match your strengths and interests that may result in the recognition you desire. However, your output, productivity and overall performance does not match your focus on advancement.
I believe in you professionally and personally, and I need your partnership to move the department and your career forward."
Vanessa Correa
Branding + Marketing in the DC Metro area
72
08/06/20 at 10:18PM UTC
Not gaslighting. By definition, gaslighting is when a person responds by acting like they don't know what you're concerned about/as if you are imagining things. From the written response you quoted, the person is basically saying, "I chose not to promote you because your desire to be promoted does not match the quality of your work." It's a good thing the person who declined to promote your friend was honest about why and made a point of saying he/she would like to promote your friend in the future. But yes, concrete examples on their difference of opinion--your friend thinks they deserve a promotion and the person above them thinks they don't deserve a promotion, at least not yet--are needed and should be given as goal setting to get the person on track to the promotion being sought.
Bianca LagerOwn. The. Room.
179
08/06/20 at 10:06PM UTC
It doesn't sounds like gaslighting per se but I read some defensiveness on the part of whomever wrote it. Like they are trying to document how they have done their best to provide growth opportunities yet the person is not living up to it. Agree with the above advice that there are specific details needed for more constructive improvement.
Cassandra Stelter
113
08/06/20 at 8:21PM UTC
At face value, without context, I don't think this is gaslighting...I think this is a poorly structured and conducted performance review.
Effective managers should be providing this kind of feedback well before a performance review- the information contained on reviews should never be a surprise. The employee first should discern whether or not this is the kind of place they want to work. If they do want to remain with the company, ask for clear, structured learning paths and milestones for the employee to demonstrate the appropriate "productivity and performance" metrics. If the manager can't articulate expectations with measurable process markers, I would consider that a red flag for the employee to look elsewhere or raise concerns with HR.
Anonymous
08/06/20 at 3:17PM UTC
I would say if this is the first she’s hearing about it, it could be, if there are conversations that follow with specific examples of this behavior and the desired work output it may just be tough feedback. I personally and many other younger people I know, especially in our 20’s can feel like we know and deserve it all and in discontentment in a position under perform because we feel like we deserve better. I learned the more mature thing to do is put your head down, do the work and prove that you do deserve the postions you are aiming for. However, if you work for someone with poor leadership and team development skills and they are not offering consisted and constructive feedback on work that is “under par“ this can be a very toxic work environment for an ambitious employee!
Carmen HonackerFraud/Risk, Content Moderation, Trust & Safety
407
08/06/20 at 3:16PM UTC
Not seeing gaslighting here. However, I do see an example of a incompetent manager. First of all, there should never be any surprises in a person's performance review. The fact that she had no idea what her manager thought definitely shows that said boss never spent the time to give her candid and clear feedback. Secondly, telling a person that "their performance doesn't reflect something" is about as vague as it gets. What does that mean? What specific actions and behaviors has she exhibited that drove such a harsh response?
Lastly, ask your friend if she truly has never gotten any feedback about how she is doing. If the answer is "no" I'd start looking for another job/department. If the answer is "yes," then she may have to figure out what specific skills or behaviors she is lacking that would help move her career forward.
Anonymous
08/06/20 at 2:37PM UTC
Thanks everyone. I really want to advise her to look for work elsewhere. She is an awesome person who really has had a string of crummy supervisors. From what she tells me, it looks like the first boss passed some attitude about her to people she hired from the outside. So the successors have taken up the banner. Unfortunately, the first one was a narcissist. I actually know her, and she is bad news.
Silver SageProgram Manager
33
08/06/20 at 2:26PM UTC
I think I might argue that gaslighting would imply some intent. The quoted text seems like boilerplate text used in the absence of an honest effort at evaluation based on clearly defined expectations. In other words, this makes me wonder how many other performance reviews contain this same string of words.
Anonymous
08/06/20 at 2:20PM UTC
Its a sugar-coated good for nothing feedback filled out only because the review box cant be left empty. I get why you feel the gas lighting effect. Feedback like this will which is as clear as mud will drive anyone insane!
Basically they want a work horse and they want to tell you that we gave you opportunities and you have delivered against them but it somehow somewhere it didnt match someone's imaginary expectations
Your friend wont get anywhere with this but do ask her to dig deep more and more , scratch deep into this ,so she wont have to see this kindda feedback next time.
Christy SchwartzLead by example and listen to learn
335
08/06/20 at 1:39PM UTC
I would not consider (based on the quote provided) this to be gas-lighting. However, I would caution that the very definition is based in manipulation of another's feelings. Any context that was made verbally in the review may lead someone taking that feedback to feel manipulated into believing they are not doing as good of a job as they thought they were. Your friend should request more detailed examples of what was not accomplished or direct areas of improvement.
As stated above, everyone wants to be promoted. Sometimes a person's drive for promotion can have them not focused on the current role they are assigned. Depending on the person giving the promotion and what they are looking for your friend may want to really dive into the EI of this person to find what they consider meeting expectations.
Anonymous
08/06/20 at 1:13PM UTC (Edited)
No, I wouldn't call this gaslighting. It is, however, unhelpful unless the statement was accompanied by a set of goals for measuring the desired productivity and output. Maybe it was; we only have a piece of the picture here.
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