Feeling picked on, left out, or “everything worse happens to me” at a job?
Feeling of being picked on or the “worst things happening to you” workplace syndrome?
Hi I am relatively new to writing on this website and very interested in not only helping others find the best reasoning and solution resources to assist them in their search for fulfillment in career, and ultimately personal life.
I have been battling a major issue about working that has seeped into my private and very personal life, and that is this feeling that I am being “picked on” and or dealing with these “moments” that nobody else has happen to them…
A little background on me, was I had a rocky start in life, coming from more lower income parents and rough living conditions, I was pretty much primed to have a tough life, and subsequently experienced a lot of humiliation and bullying in a very corrupt and impersonal school system where teachers and like ignored bullying and didn’t bother helping students in need of support. I have not been able to make decent lasting friendships throughout my life, and my relationship with my mother has been mostly toxic In she has some type of mental illness that shows in her demeanor, how she talks, behaves, even dresses…it’s embarrassing but my very wise dad has stuck around despite her nearly unlovable characteristics.
Back to me…so this rough upbringing, rough school experiences (I got mistreated so badly that I dropped out but later achieved my GED, then bachelors later)…my lack of friends, lack of much social support, lack of a mother who could be a positive role model but instead subjected me to horrible name calling and overall negativity about herself and me (as if she was seeing me as her and hating herself), gave me very little self esteem to feel worth anything good. In my early twenties I was in an abusive relationship with a man much older which is a crazy story, but ultimately was testimony to my null self esteem and even after I got away ….years later I struggle with ptsd and the choices that were not really my own but his, that still affect me, by this I mean job choices that were direct influence of being in that “relationship” and forced to find anything to pay him.
Back to my present, I struggle with my work history and don’t even want to mention it on resumes I put out because it is too triggering. And I don’t really “own” those jobs, he did!
So , writing a resume is a struggle because nobody can understand how horrific my past was and how it impacted my “work history” and perception of my capabilities as a human being in a world all about careers, and having others success to be envious about.
Back to my current dilemmas, I have been through some horrible times in previous positions that left me feeling isolated in shame, even caused me to have serious depression and doubts about my ability to continue to be “me.” Ex coworkers were so cliquey and I ended up doing majority of the grunt work or being forced in high stake situations where I did get hurt either physically or emotionally. These ex employers left me cold and listless and well…hating people. Another job I was a studio assistant and was set up to fail due to unrealistic expectations and then laid off because I wasn’t in the “in crowd” or something about me they just didn’t like so made up an excuse to lay me off. It made me feel inferior and otherwise never acceptable to the “in crowds.”
My current position is working for a retailer in a copy center, and have since noticed and experience what I would deem inequalities and being “picked on” because I swear nobody else has my issue at this current job. For one, I was hired for a specific department yet my name tag just says “sales…” and yet, everyone else hired for my department has that specific department on it. Why does mine not?? I have been too muted to speak up and ask for a new one.
Another issue that happened recently is that a supervisor there practically screamed my name, very angry sounding, across the store because the were typing to tell me something over our “walk talkie system” and mine was turned down so I didn’t hear it. And it later turned out to be something she didn’t need to be so gruff about.
Point being however, is I doubt she would of done the same to another coworker, or anyone else I work with (mostly other women), it has definitely caused emotional upset and again feelings I am being picked on, for just being me, as I have never committed any offenses in the history of employment or otherwise and have a super strong work ethic.
Anyway, I would write more but I am writing on my iPad, and just could use some serious advice to address this and to cope, and to maybe hear others stories that can relate to a feeling of “everything worse happens to me/I am the one who gets Picked On despite good personality and strong work ethic.
There’s More I could write, but I just needed to at least get this out of my system.
I am truly concerned about myself and my ability to get a career I truly want and deserve, and be respected, as I deserve, not picked on, called out ridiculously, left out, or mistreated in any way shape or form.
Could use advice and can anyone relate?