My job started off amazing, but in the past 6 months has gotten horrendous.

Anonymous

February 25,2023 at 6:32PM UTC

Welcome to Fairygodboss!

We’re the largest online career community helping women achieve their career goals. Gain access to articles, jobs, events, and a supportive network of women and allies. Membership is free, always.

My job started off amazing, but in the past 6 months has gotten horrendous. My supervisor is about my age, and singles me out for her bullying behavior. Her best friend was also a supervisor and they tag team bullied myself and a few other new employees at the office until the other employees quit, and the other supervisor was demoted and eventually fired after myself and others talked to upper management about the behavior. Now, i feel like my supervisor has escalated her behavior towards me since her friend got fired. She has waited for me daily since November at my desk to arrive in the morning, and historically has promptly left when I do arrive. I since learned she’s been tracking my exact time every morning, and has reported me to HR. She had a one in one meeting with me about my tardiness to work, and threatened my employment status if I continue. We’re talking logging times like 8:03, 8:06, etc etc etc, when coworkers of mine are walking in the exact same time, because our building is not accessible to us really prior to 8:00. The doors open around 8:00 sharp, so it’s nearly impossible to be in exactly at 8. My supervisor is notorious for not even being there logged in ready to go prior to 8:00 AM. Her expectation of me is to arrive to work early to be logged in and working by 8:00 AM, but will not allow me to be paid for arriving early and waiting until the doors open. No other employee has dealt with these expectations or behaviors. Now, since our one on one meeting about time, she is making me check in with her in person every morning before I go to my desk. She stated if she is not in her office, I must walk around the building until i find a manager to “show them” i was here at 8. To note: I’ve never missed a day of work, unless previously approved time off. I don’t go missing, I’m at my desk accounted for all 8 hours of my desk shift. My supervisor also gives me horrible attacking feedback in our one on one meetings. She will tell me I lack self-confidence and that in constantly regressing in my work (though my numbers clearly show otherwise and I’m praised by other individuals in high management). She spreads rumors about me, and it’s negatively affected my mental health to where I take sick days and annual time now solely to avoid going into the office to deal with her. I’ve spoken to upper management about this and have provided my evidence (she attacks me in writing too), but they won’t do anything, and in turn, are trying to push me to get on ADA and FMLA instead for the time off. They acknowledge that she’s a problem, and has been a problem, but state they don’t have anyone to fill the position so they’re trying to train her to be better and work with what they have. Ive tried to reach out to HR but the rep I talk to cut me off and stated I need to continue to talk to upper management like I have been. She wouldn’t hear what i had to say. I’ve recently submitted in writing a complaint to HR about the hostile work environment, but have yet to hear back. Right now, I feel my options are to contact an attorney about this, or quit. It’s hard, because this job pays well and does have decent benefits, but I can’t see the toxic behavior going away anytime soon. I guess more than anything, I needed to rant. There’s so much more that she’s done, and I have tons of examples and evidence, I’m moreso just tired and am ready to give up. I don’t feel I have a chance at this company.

Why women love us:

Daily articles on career topics
Jobs at companies dedicated to hiring more women
Advice and support from an authentic community
Events that help you level up in your career
Free membership, always

25 comments

Share your insight

Join an authentic community that helps women support each other at work. Share your professional experience or ask for advice — you can even post anonymously.

25 Comments

Join the conversation

Jennifer WeaverFebruary 25,2023 at 9:05PM UTC
I hear you and I see you. Many times getting it all out helps you take a look at the situation. (Which is just gross, by the way. I am sorry.) Nothing is going to change. Not her and not the way the company handles it. From experience, it just continues to take a toll until you are so sick you end up leaving. But by that point, you are too exhausted to put your best self forward in a job search. I KNOW job searching is soul crushing. (I am in one right now). But do what I didn't do - start trying to get out when you have some peace left. Hoping it all works out for you.
AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 4:37PM UTC
I agree with this! I too am so sorry that you're going through this. I've been in similar and it was my supervisor and one of my colleagues who essentially bullied me to quit (and I did). I too went to HR for advice (I was fortunate to have a friend there) and upper management. It would get better for a short time but the games/behaviors reverted back to the silliness/unprofessionalism that baffled me. I endured it for 6 months and quit. I made it easy for them/the company but at that rate, I was physically and emotionally spent. I don't regret my decision whatsoever (I am fortunate in that my husband supported me). No job is worth being treated like that. Please keep us posted!
AnonymousFebruary 25,2023 at 10:05PM UTC
I feel sad that you are going through this . This describes a toxic work environment. You deserve better.
Look for another job!
Rhonda RoyalFebruary 25,2023 at 11:10PM UTC
I’m sorry this is happening to you. You spoke about going to upper mgr. and HR to complain about this situation but to not much avail. Id consider making a good old fashioned police report. This is harassment and those who can help you won’t, you’ve gone to them too many times and received no constructive response or feedback. After the police report contact an attorney, trust me, she will not stop! You have to take stronger action!
Robin ThomasFebruary 28,2023 at 3:35PM UTC
Filing a police report will get you fired and probably blacklisted. In certain industry sectors, it's a small world, and management may be acquainted with management at other companies.
AnonymousFebruary 25,2023 at 11:11PM UTC
You are the target of unlawful retaliation.
Document your supervisor’s actions and your company’s failure to take corrective action and consult a plaintiff’s side employment lawyer (ie represents employees.)
Ideally, you will receive a financial settlement under a non-disclosure agreement that will help you to exit and look for another job. You will either pay your attorney’s fees or (more common) your attorney will work on contingency and earn 33-40% of your settlement.
If you don’t want to consider legal action, I agree that you should put your energy into finding a new job.
AnonymousFebruary 26,2023 at 8:09PM UTC
I have consulted an attorney about a similar situation and learned employment laws protect the employers, rarely the employee. Unless you are in a protected class, there are no laws that prevent employers from treating some employees differently. Do consult an attorney, typically the consultation is free. My attorney encouraged me to try to work things out with my employer on my own. Just don’t assume you have a legal case or rights you may not actually have, without speaking to a lawyer first. That kind of thinking may lead you to do things that won’t help your situation. For instance, my supervisor asked me to turn off my cell phone at work even though no one else was required to do so. I refused and thought I was in the right because I was being singled out. Turns out HR and the law were on her side. If your employer asks you to do something, you likely need to do it.
Mary PoolFebruary 26,2023 at 1:40PM UTC
Besides document, document, document, another option is to ask for a reassignment. Also, every time she bullies you, write her an e-mail about it, just the facts, no emotions, and send a copy to personnel, her management, their management, and an attorney. That will get some attention. Also, regarding finding a manager to prove you are at work, send an e-mail instead (which provides you with the evidence you were there, saying it to a person does not). Again to everyone in her chain of command and personnel, saying you arrived and are at your desk working and informing them as your manager asked you to, be sure to include she asked for confirmation. They will get sick and tired of the e-mails. If you want to get petty, you could also send e-mails about when you take a break, leaving and coming back, when you take lunch (going and coming back), and when you leave for the day. One way to fight a bully is to make it so annoying for everyone enabling the behavior that they will stop enabling. Also, look for another job or get reassigned if you can. Unless they fire her, you have no future there.
AnonymousFebruary 26,2023 at 2:38PM UTC
Take the leave & fmla and while you're off, hire a professional to update your resume and find a new job. I was in a very similar situation after 10 years at my job but the last 2 of those years with a boss similar to yours. I found a better paying professional job that I love going on 3 years now, and I'm 67 now. I even got a promotion at end of last year. And I'm no longer dreading to go to work each day. You deserve better and unfortunately they have proven they are not going to help you or change the abuse and bullying from happening.
Audrey KirschFebruary 26,2023 at 3:55PM UTC
It’s hard but stop reacting to her abuse. You’re giving her the energy to continue the abuse. It makes her feel powerful. Fill your head with something fun or amusing while she rants. If you’re not cowering she’ll either ratchet up the behavior to a point that upper management can no longer ignore or she’ll just ignore you. You win either way. Still keep documenting all of her abuse. You may need it if you decide to file a harassment claim. Ultimately that might be your only option if you don’t want to quit.
AnonymousFebruary 27,2023 at 8:17AM UTC
Hmmm..document the arrival of all other employees and the locked door until 8am.
Write this up briefly to the CEO, HR and upper management as harassment, singled out for targeted bullying and retaliation for the former supervisor issue.
Find an attorney to send this note to. Free yourself of mental stress from these jerks and look for another, better job. Saunder in at 8:05 with a smile and a latte and hand her a report of all completed work ahead of delivery date. Whisper, “I know what you are trying to do and I am ahead of you, nice try.
if they fire you sue them and her personally for harassment.
Enough of these creeps.
Zeecil KimmelFebruary 28,2023 at 3:53PM UTC
Take the high road for sure. But also contact a lawyer and file. Someone needs to stand up to these bullies
AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 1:36PM UTC
I had a colleague being relentlessly attacked. She ended up going out on FMLA, going through pretty serious therapy, and suing her employer. They ended up settling with her. There is no harm in speaking to an attorney. Have a consultation and see what they think. They may see it as a slam dunk, or they might say you don't have a solid case. That will at least give you some guidance and options. Good luck. Some managers really are the worst and there's no training that out of them.
GirlBossanova934974February 28,2023 at 2:11PM UTC
To be very succinct, your manager has "lost it"! On her way to the place with the folks with the white suits and the rubber room! It is only a matter of time before she gets demoted or fired. This sometimes happens when a friend at work gets the axe and the remaining manager cannot handle that. I would be gone if I were you! Like sending out resumes and looking for another job very quickly. If there is one thing I have learned about bad managers or crazy managers, you don't stick around. Unless you are in the Tech Sector, there still seems to be a good quantity of jobs out there. I would go get another one of those jobs.
AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 2:42PM UTC
Work comp for stress related anxiety?
Rebecca MillikenFebruary 28,2023 at 2:45PM UTC
For your own sake, you should start the job search now. The company seems to be more invested in this toxic person than you. Do you have the stomach to fight it and is it worth the energy and emotional toll to fight? I mean, honestly, you shouldn't even HAVE to fight, but it's clear that she's going to make it a fight.
I've been in similar situations and it always ended with me leaving. I feel like a lot of times I should have left before I was emotionally almost ruined.
AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 3:13PM UTC
Your company sounds like a terrible place. They are tolerating highly in appropriate behavior and could be held liable for it. I hope that you are documenting every nasty encounter because at some point t when you get fired, it sounds like you will have a very compelling case for harassment, wrongful discharge and more.
This nonsense isn't going to end on its own as long as HR and upper management don't take
it seriously and as well, execute some appropriate intervention in your behalf. Start looking for a good labor law attorney. You'll be glad you did.
EMILY KIKUE FRANKFebruary 28,2023 at 3:36PM UTC
That sounds awful. Start looking for a new job. Reach out to your contacts, follow your workplace's competitors online, and update your resume. Bullies rarely get better, and your mental health is important.
AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 4:23PM UTC
Leave. No job is worth your health (and the toll you are paying now in staying will show up in your body and psyche now and as you age). Bullies are ALWAYS protected by management and executives - because bullies do their dirty work for them, and keep all lower employees fearful and in line. Executives love the bullies (bullies are very adept at charming their superiors and making lower employees look like emotional incompetent fools). You can never win this game unless you become a bully yourself and learn the game and how it's actually played (bullying is a carefully crafted political art, not just being mean). If you don't have it in you to be ruthless and uncaring, politically savvy and psychologically astute, then you need to exit now. Bullying is not illegal and a lawyer won't take a bullying case without proof it falls under a protected class, and even then it is tough to get a verdict in your favor. Cut your losses, get counseling, get angry and sad and raged out, and get a new job. And in counseling find out what you need to work on from your past that makes you put up with such situations for even one second - you should like and respect yourself enough to refuse to work in such places. Go, heal, then get a new great position in a great company.
AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 5:30PM UTC
I second what was just said here - I can personally relate to and attest to this. I was in a similar situation and I tried to resolve the issue as I had invested 7 years into this once great organization. There were 5 stellar employees who left in the span of 6 months, before I had to face the realization that it would be futile to stay unless I had to play the game - I spent more time writing/sending emails and being in meetings/calls about ridiculous/trivial things that alluded to my performance after almost 7 years of being recognized and called upon on for doing exemplar work and teaching/training others. It got to the point of doing the work for the manager who didn’t have the knowledge/expertise and getting criticized/threatened by the same person for them to show their manager that they were being effective. It took a number of months to recover from the abuse after I left, but I am much better off and have my sanity back working in an environment that is professional and respectful. I wish you all the best - it is not easy to accept and make a decision to leave when you have done everything right/by the book and still are not treated fairly.
Jennifer FingerFebruary 28,2023 at 6:09PM UTC
I would leave. Your mental and physical health are the most important assets you have, so since the working conditions of this job show no signs of improvement anytime soon, you need to leave ASAP for your own sake. Hopefully you can find another good job soon!
AnonymousFebruary 28,2023 at 8:55PM UTC
Sadly, once you’ve been put on “the list”, it’s near impossible to get off - even if you’ve done nothing different from your coworkers. I had something similar happen to me as a seasoned professional in my 50s and it was both horrifying and enlightening at the same time. Horrifying in that my reputation was seriously tarnished and enlightening in that when I now see someone being targeted, I’m a kinder person. Always best to get out as fast as you can, lick your wounds, analyze what happened and move on with your head held high. HR is not your friend here. In my situation, I retaliated on my way out - just my personality, and it was effective and it did give me some peace. But I’d advise against it as you’ll stand alone - best to spend your energy where it will help you with next steps.
AnonymousMarch 2,2023 at 3:42AM UTC
So sorry you are going through this. I recommend looking for a new role and getting out as fast as possible. Bullying and toxic colleagues are the worst and can take a toll on your mental health and self esteem in the longer term. They will not change. Set healthy boundaries with work while you look for a new role. Document all your achievements and update your resume, linkedin and stay positive. Look after yourself, stay focused and visualize yourself in your dream job. I have been in several bullying situations and always ended up with me leaving, even going to HR and reporting them did not work.
Do positive things in your spare time to keep you motivated, hobbies, socialize with friends & family. Remember that the problem is not you! If you are able to I recommend speaking with a counsellor/ therapist. That helped me alot to talk things through, to gain perspective and coping mechanisms while I looked for new role. Stay positive and know that you are on to better things! Don't give up! You have a great community of people here cheering you on and supporting you!
MislynMarch 8,2023 at 5:03PM UTC
I would say no and move on!! I had kind of the same issue with my boss that was very toxic. He watched and tried to control everything I did. He had cameras in the office where I worked to see my every move. (I did said had that one stopped working with help ha) my mental health was greatly affected he let on to me like I was absolutely the best thing that ever happened to that company and together we were going to grow the business and have a great future together. Behind closed doors he complained and talked about my performance . I mean the guy seldom did anything while he was in his office besides talk on the phone. (Personal calls wife, kids and sneaky side deals) I left there and have never been happier. I make more money and I actually have freedom at this new job. Something I never had there plus I was the most valuable employee that pretty much ran the whole business and was the lowest paid. So move on and be happy again
AnonymousMarch 17,2023 at 3:25AM UTC
To update: I left the job. I ended up meeting with HR and they disregarded me entirely, and following, my manager got even more hostile. I ended up leaving for lunch one day and never going back and submitting my resignation. I am having a hard time as I loved that job, but it was clear that no one was going to help me, even with all the evidence I was turning in.