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Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/04/20 at 8:33PM UTC
in
Lifestyle & Relationships

A life erased

What do you do with photo albums filled to the brink with a prior life.....every trip, family event, memory connected to someone you wish could be forgotten.....20 years of memorialized history...how do you move on? How do you salvage pictures, our human historical record of a life lived.....feels like a life erased. Thoughts?

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Janice Ferguson
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111
06/09/20 at 2:28PM UTC
I went through the same thing over 20 years ago. I hid the photos so I wouldn't have to look at them. 5 years later, I hid them again. 10 years later, I looked at them and decided they weren't worth keep and I tossed them all. I have my memories, just not the photos.
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/09/20 at 4:51PM UTC
I think it’s what I will end up doing with most of them....it’s the family/friends in the same pictures that I struggle with....some elder relatives have since passed. Seriously looking into photoshop to crop certain things....
Janice Ferguson
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111
06/10/20 at 12:14PM UTC
Yes, especially the ones with the elder relatives. Great idea.
Reaching Goals
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22
06/09/20 at 1:08PM UTC
I'm going through this right now. My mom died in January and I'm going through boxes of random pictures. I sat down over a few days and pulled out all the pictures of their vacations that didn't have them in it and just tossed them. Pretty pictures but meant nothing to me. Then I divided pictures into piles of mom, dad, grand parents, aunts uncles, and their grand kids. THEN, I got 8 photo albums, one for me, my sister and our 6 kids. I just started dividing the pictures, everyone got at least 2 pictures of each grand parent and great grandparent (appropriately labeled on back) and then cousins got pictures of each other and themselves when they were little, etc. My sister and I got more of the historical pictures and our kids can fight over them when we die. Christmas presents are almost done.
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/09/20 at 4:49PM UTC
Oh wow! What wonderful gifts....
Breanna Fountain
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82
Critical care RN turned clinical sales manager
06/09/20 at 4:56AM UTC
Perhaps it is painful now and raw, whatever you are going through, but I think every photo of a vacation or a memory was a glimpse in time. If there are triggering thoughts when looking at photos, put them away for a time as others have said and keep busy, make new memories etc. Although I may not like some of the people that have come into my life, I reflect on how they helped me in some way shape or form. This helps me think of the person or experience in a growth mindset and reflect on how I am made better because of everything and everyone that has happened in life. There are many stages of grief so be kind to yourself and don't do anything that you might regret later.
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/09/20 at 4:49PM UTC (Edited)
Thank you.
Jan Nelmes
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13
06/09/20 at 4:45AM UTC
When my husband of 34 years died unexpectedly, I knew I had to go on as a single, no longer part of "us." It actually helped me to reduce visual reminders, so I gave his wardrobe to a charity, did minor redecorating to claim certain parts of the house as mine, and put away photos. I still look at some of those photos occasionally, but taking away some of the reminders helped me heal.
DeeDeeDeeDee
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20
Widow in the OC
06/09/20 at 3:33PM UTC
I was married 30 years and did exactly what you did. It was tough but the visual reminders made each day more difficult. I too kept a few things. He will always be in my heart and that I will never forget.
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/09/20 at 5:58AM UTC
I’m so sorry for your loss....?
Michelle Cranston
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63
Marketing Analytics
06/08/20 at 4:27PM UTC
Keep what makes you happy.
Anonymous
06/08/20 at 4:18PM UTC
one photo was easy: the awful person just ripped off her side of the table, and now I have this excellent photo of the fine person! And boxes & boxes of photos . . . our was a semi-civil breakup, altho initiated by Himself, and after a year, I'm more sanguine about the pix; it was good to come across a couple of his son to put in a bag for Himself when the son died recently, too, just anyway. I guess now I realize there are very few photos of me with Himself it turns out to be a good thing! Maybe people should be taught to take photos of situations without "significant others" as well as with, so if the bubble bursts, the life isn't erased . . . should be taught life exists in and of itself, apart from as well as with a significant other.
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/08/20 at 5:33PM UTC
I definitely approach picture taking differently these days.....I was the snap-happy person at every event so I feel like I’m a memory keeper for family and friends. I’m hoping to cull one day and share with them the end result. One day.....
DeeDeeDeeDee
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20
Widow in the OC
06/08/20 at 3:40PM UTC
Keep the photos. I lost my husband, brother, mom, stepdad, cousin, 2 aunts, 2 uncles and 3 friends in the past 5 years. On top of that, my remaining relatives have forgotten that my 2 sons and I exist. I had to give up my home and my job ended after 18 1/2 years with an email. I injured my leg and I was in a horrible car accident which has lead to a brain tumor. My sons and I have only memories to sometimes move us forward. Our photos make us laugh, smile, cry, sob; taking us to time and places we had forgotten . I have thrown away some but do not want to throw away the past. It is what has contributed to who we are. We may be homeless soon. I will rent a small storage space for whatever I can fit in, hoping for a new beginning. A new job would be one great gift and put us back on our feet. Until then, we take photos of our journey and continue to live through the photos and memories of our past.
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/08/20 at 5:32PM UTC
Prayers up for you and your son....seems like you have what is most important in this life....grace.
DeeDeeDeeDee
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20
Widow in the OC
06/09/20 at 3:29PM UTC
Thank you. It is a tough road and I appreciate the connection with others. My sons loved what you wrote. You touched me with a few simple words and lifted us up.
Rose Jakubaszek
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14
Trainer & Organization Development Consultant
06/08/20 at 3:08PM UTC
Thank you for your questions, Gibboma, and ladies thank you, for all your heartfelt responses. You’ve given me some more ideas to think about for what to do with all my pictures of people who were a part of my life, but may not be now. Regardless of whether I view the people and experiences in my old photos as being “good” or “bad” in my life, my main problem is that I have no one to leave my photos to, so what do I do? Here are some ideas I’ve come up with recently. At a lunch with some of my professional lady friends, one of the most accomplished ladies said that she was just going to have all her old photos thrown in her coffin with her and buried, when she dies. I also read about a woman who sold her photos at a tag sale to some artist type who was going to work them into an art piece; so I guess the memories get a new life as something else, but they’re still alive in a way. Finally, I recently moved into a house with a big yard and a fire pit, and my boyfriend and I have been contemplating burning our photos and sending the ashes away with our gratitude for whatever the photos meant to us, or a “good riddance, see ya”, kind of send-off. May whatever works for you, gives you peace, and helps you move on…
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/08/20 at 5:29PM UTC
Great ideas!!!! You have given me much to think on now also....love the bonfire idea.....would have to throw a sage stick in for good measure!
sharriharmel
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19
06/08/20 at 2:08PM UTC
It is darn painful, and I know. I filed for divorce after 21 years of marriage shortly after I found my son who I gave up for adoption when I was a teenager. My parents couldn't accept either decision and they as well as my siblings, disowned me. That was 2011. It does get better and though it is still painful at times, I try to remember the good and accept the ending. I created a coaching business to women design their own life reimagined, whether from something you are dealing with or just a desire to do and have something more. You'll find your way but never, ever forget that little girl inside you that dreams of wonder and feels fabulous.
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/08/20 at 5:25PM UTC
I am so sorry......that you can emerge from your experiences and give counsel to others illustrates true grace. I am absolutely grateful for my ending....truly...thank you for sharing your journey.
Paulla Fetzek
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1.73k
Teacher, Lighting Expert, & Office Professional
06/08/20 at 1:33PM UTC
Hi Gibboma. First of all, I am sincerely sorry for whatever happened. To share, both of my parents had passed by the time I was 18. And my only sibling (brother) passed in 2009. Incidentally, I'm 52. I have only one picture of my parents. Just one. For the most part, I'm ok with this. They've been gone so long I can't recall their faces or voices anymore. I have a few pictures of my brother though I don't have any videos of him. I've also kept the last cell phone he owned - because it contains recordings of things he said. He was not only my sibling; but also my best friend. I still miss him terribly. I miss my parents the most when I need someone to turn to for advice. Such was a situation I was facing in 2001. At that time, I lamented to God how I wished I could just see my parents. As I said this, I remember looking down at my hands. At the same time I felt God speak and He said, "They're right here." At that moment, I realized I have the most incredible - and tangible - memento of my family ever... Me.
Gibboma
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97
Learning ninja with solid business acumen.
06/08/20 at 5:22PM UTC
Oh wow! Gentle blessings to you! Sounds like you honor your parents indeed. Perspective.....received. Thank you!

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