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Anonymous
07/10/20 at 7:20PM UTC
in
Career

Depressed and Trying to Get Motivated for the Job Hunt

I was fired from my last job about two weeks before lockdown. It was an interesting coincidence, but not a direct result of the pandemic. I was fired because I had spoken up about some unethical things I had seen and heard, and then eventually my boss started nitpicking everything that I did in ways she never had before, and there was no way to do anything right. I was at this job for almost a year, and I thought that I was doing well for most of it, and then when I called out something kind of big, that's when things started to go down hill. Anyway, when this first happened, I had every confidence that I had been doing the right things, that I was a great employee. I had asked for a lot of help in leadership, in managing people, but I never got it. I still tried my best, though. And then when everyone started getting laid off, I started a facebook support group for job hunters. I didn't realize how long and how big and how ominous this pandemic was going to be. The conversations in the group were really active for a little bit, but then they died off. So now I find myself making posts without a lot of interaction. And I've become depressed to the point where even considering adding stuff to my resume makes me want to hurl. I come on here and try to network and I immediately feel sad and hopeless. A friend of mine mentioned that my last workplace was abusive, and of course I'm not excited to put myself out there to potentially get abused again. I've also experienced several lay offs and crappy jobs before this, too. Maybe I'm just bad at jobs. But do I want to be an entrepreneur? I don't know. I'm also a musician/singer/songwriter and dancer. My dance troupe has organized virtual shows every week during quarantine, and in addition to performing myself, I have brought in several other musicians and performers. But I find that now I am even losing my motivation for that. Even sending a DM to gage someone's interest in performing seems impossible. To be fair, we're in the middle of a heatwave where I live and I don't have AC. That's probably got a lot to do with my lack of motivation. Plus the heaviness of uprooting racist systems, and seeing how the pandemic has highlighted the flaws in our capitalist economy. It makes me not want to participate. I know that for right now, this is the system we're in, and I need to play along within my abilities and values to the best extent possible. I know I need to do this. But how do I get myself started? How do I get myself past the hurdle of wanting to vomit when I go to work on my resume? And how can I be a leader for my job hunting support group when I can't even figure this out for myself?

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Theresa Anderson
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16
Experienced Healthcare Leader in Michigan
07/18/20 at 12:56PM UTC
It sounds like you've done a lot of self reflection and have likely found some solutions since your post. Hopefully you have some resources through your previous employer (EAP) or locally to speak with someone about depression. Granted, this is situational, but you may need to connect with a professional to more forward. You're doing a great job reaching out now, you've got this!
Teresa Solecki, CSM
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116
Always looking for something.
07/17/20 at 3:48PM UTC
As someone who is currently unemployed I go through this periodically myself. I’ve received a few pieces of good advice that have helped me through the process, the biggest of which being: Give yourself time to feel bad. Accept it, own it, yell, scream and cry about it and then do your best to let it go. Pushing things aside and letting them fester causes a cycle. Whatever the reason this wasn’t the right situation and though it feels awful to have been fired you are now open to finding the thing that brings you joy.
Andrea Madden
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169
Digital Marketing and Communications Specialist
07/16/20 at 5:38PM UTC
I can completely understand how you feel, and I want you to really recognize that you were in an abusive environment. I recently left my job of four years because I was being abused every day, and as someone who was also in an abusive personal relationship in the past, I started to realize how much similarity there was. I will echo what a lot of people have said and remind you to allow yourself time to feel and recover. There is so much going on in the world and sometimes it feels easier to focus on everything external, but the most important person in this situation is you. You can't help anyone else without caring for yourself. Abuse of any kind takes a great toll on you, and make sure you're there for yourself as much as you want to be there for everyone else. And don't give up. I spent two years looking for a new job, and I felt so depressed that I just didn't even want to search anymore. Then a friend of mine happened to send me a listing, I applied and got the job, and I've never been happier. You will find what you're looking for, but you need to make sure you're showing up for yourself first. You've got this!
Anon
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51
07/14/20 at 6:10PM UTC
Having the courage to stand up and call out unethical practices speaks of your character. It's unfortunate that your manager was not on the same page with you on that. You have gone through a very traumatic experience and I suggest that you give yourself some time to rest -mentally and physically. As for next steps in the job search, perhaps take some time to re-assess your skill set and decide what you want to do. Then take some time to skill up. Set small and achievable goals so you don't feel overwhelmed. Go on LinkedIn and start building your network and learn from others. I applaud you in spearheading a much needed job support group group but be careful to also take care of yourself and not burn yourself out even more. I want to encourage you to spend time with people who refresh you, do something that energizes you, and don't let "stinkin thinkin" keep you down.
Louisa Adams
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52
CX Associate with Management Experience.
07/14/20 at 4:52PM UTC
Hi! I just wanted to say that I can completely relate. As someone who comes from an actor/director background, we artists feel the heaviness of the world a bit more personally. I think one thing that you could do right now is like Joan said: take this time to rest, really dig in to what excites you, and then use that as motivation. I also hope this isn't crossing the line, but it could be possible that speaking to a professional about how you are feeling and the very real trauma you have experienced both at this place and other previous jobs will help. I was previously in a position where my manager attacked my ability to write well to a point of borderline abuse. It took a long time to overcome this trauma and speaking with a professional even just a couple of times really helped me to gain my confidence back in my ability to communicate well through writing. It sounds like your previous position was definitely toxic and the fact that it sounds like they retaliated against you for calling out something unethical is very, very shady. I know you will get through it; this is a hard time to navigate and give yourself grace. Know you are doing your best.
Joan Latar
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123
Documentation Management/Project Coordinator
07/11/20 at 12:25AM UTC
Hello: I just read your post and would like to encourage you not to give up, it may be overwhelming but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think what you have done to establish a Facebook group is encouraging and also that you have other activities as well. I am also a professional dancer and a few years ago I was in your situation. During time that I had off I was able to take time for myself and rest. I was also performing with my team for a while just to keep myself busy and doing some traveling. All this was before the new normal of course. My advice is to take it one day at a time and take the pressure off trying to do everything at once. Self care is very important especially in these times, and if you feel worn down take a rest it will recharge your batteries and motivate you to pick up where you left off. I wish you the best.
Manny
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16
Product Management
07/11/20 at 12:20AM UTC
It's so difficult to trudge through challenges without small wins. Markita hit this on the nose. Give yourself a break. Take a walk. Take a nap. Eat healthy. You might need to have a re-programming sesh. I've had a few and several career changes. All of them were unexpected and they happened organically. When I think I'm going through a transition I start working my way through 'What Color is my Parachute?' Check it out!
Mery Ramirez
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92
Co-Founder | COO | Leader
07/11/20 at 12:02AM UTC
I know this is not eye opening but hang in there. What if you try some different formats for your resume? Would the creative side of things give you some motivation? This hurdle will pass too, keep at it and find a new venue for an extra motivation
Anonymous
07/13/20 at 3:43PM UTC
That is a really good idea. I think interesting visuals would be engaging.
Markita J. Billups
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54
VP of Operations
07/10/20 at 11:43PM UTC
Hi there, I wanted to respond to simply encourage you to be kind to yourself and allow grace. It sounds like you are carrying many things at the moment so know that it's okay to take time to care for yourself through it all. I know it's easier said than done but you can't pour from an empty glass. Maybe filling your cup with what energizes you might give you the energy and clarity you need to take whatever the next step is, whether it's looking for a job or being a full time entrepreneur. Also what a beautiful thing that you created network for others to connect around this topic; maybe sharing your current thoughts with the group might reach many who are feeling similarly and reignite the energy and community in the group. Wishing all the best!
Lady Pele
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3.96k
Retired Project Manager
07/13/20 at 1:03PM UTC (Edited)
It's hard to compartmentalize, but I would focus on doing that In my last job search, I set daily deliverables (submitting X applications, contacting someone in my network, researching X companies, etc.) I used a search engine to find interview questions and practiced them before before my laptop camera. I always had something to do rather than dwell on anything negative in the job search; I just tried to accept it as part of the search. Seek out help that might be useful. For example, here are some articles that might strike a chord. https://www.thebalancecareers.com/how-to-handle-job-search-rejection2062999 https://www.careercast.com/career-news/nine-tips-deal-job-search-rejection https://www.monster.com/career-advice/article/get-past-job-search-rejection

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