Stuck and stressed.

26 Comments

1. Crystal HowellAugust 22,2022 at 9:30AM UTC

   I would read the employee handbook regarding harassment, bullying, etc.

   Document the incidents

   Contact an employee atty, Eeoc, for free consultation.

   Take your warnings, ask for a copy of your personnel file( this puts them on notice),act quickly within your appeal deadline. Ask for documentation as to what proof was used,gossip, hearsay,or ?

   Depending on your state. Is it at will?

   Know your rights away from HR, it's for the company.

   Fight back. Give yourself a promotion, have a recruiter look for a better atmosphere to work.

2. AnonymousAugust 22,2022 at 1:22PM UTC

   First, I'd like to say how sorry I am that you're experiencing this!

   Second, I would definitely consult the employee handbook of your company. The handbook could provide you with more clarity on how best to navigate the situation.

3. Vanda LeeAugust 22,2022 at 2:23PM UTC

   If you are not guilty, FIGHT BACK! No one should struggle under false accusations to keep their job. As others have said, get your documentation in order and appeal to tell your side of the story. They will either believe you and take action on the bullying employee or they will not and do you really want to stay in that environment? Brush up your resume and start looking for another job - the worst case is you will lose your job. Be prepared for that, but leave with the truth of what actually occurred on the table.

4. Lori DrapeauAugust 22,2022 at 2:27PM UTC

   I'm a fighter, so there's no way I would let someone get away with spreading lies about me.

   I agree with the other posters that there is a specific procedure that HR is required to follow. I would familiarize yourself with that and also your rights. For sure, appeal the decision so your side is on the record.

   I know you said you are a single mom and need the income, so start putting feelers out and apply to other opportunities. Who knows, you may find something better. And its best to be prepared in case the worst happens and this person continues to harass you and you lose your job.

5. Patriciai AllenAugust 23,2022 at 1:55AM UTC

   In my experience, keeping your distance from people who causes you stress and is a distraction at work is one of the best things to do : stay away from them.
   The hard work you have done did not go away. Start the next day at work fresh and try not to dwell in the past. Set new goals for how things will be better moving‘ forward. If you want to appeal, think about how it will affect you if the decision is not in your favor. Will the appeal help you feel better mentally? Remember other’s believe people’s judgments about us do not define who we are. Try not to give anyone the power of holding you back from doing great things in the future.

6. AnonymousAugust 23,2022 at 3:25AM UTC

   First, I am so sorry that your duplicitous colleague has put you in this position. It is tremendously stressful and unfair.

   I would undertake the appeal. If you do not, what’s preventing your colleague from fabricating additional charges about you?

   I assume that your colleague has no concrete evidence. Your responses should document each alleged incident truthfully, and you might want to underscore in your response your spotless history, strong work ethic, and respect for company policy. Emphasize that behavior is entirely out of character for you, as indicated by your conduct, and that this supports your contention that your colleague’s charges have no basis. You also might want to express confusion, bewilderment or disappointment that your colleague has misinterpreted (assuming benefit of the doubt), misheard or inaccurately reported what you actually said.

   Would other colleagues speak to HR on your behalf or write statements about their positive experience with you? If others attest to your collegiality and good behavior, it might undercut the credibility of your accuser.

   You might want to do a consult (first visit is free) with one or more employment lawyers about this. I suggest this because you might be able to present your appeal more effectively through an attorney, and because HR might take you more seriously if you have legal representation. I suggest this because HR has already backed your colleague by issuing a warning to you.

   I agree with the suggestion that you update your resume, get your references in order, and start putting out quiet feelers for a new job.

   I also suggest that you document your colleague’s past and continuing behavior in off-site contemporaneous notes so that you have a record supporting your version of events. This will help you prepare your appeal and be in a position to defend yourself going forward, if that should be necessary.

7. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 12:11PM UTC

   I had this happen to me with a co-worker at an old job. I could say hello and she found that to be offensive because it had a "tone". I would appeal it. If you have any more interactions with her, I would document, document, document!

8. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 12:19PM UTC

   unfortunately, I can’t evaluate this situation without knowing the language.
   The scenario you mentioned regarding their behavior irrelevant. It almost reads like a justification for using vulgar langauge.

9. Michele DarleyAugust 26,2022 at 12:27PM UTC

   I was once accused of calling a manager a blankety blank walking down the hall of the company I worked for. My boss confronted me and i was confused and then told him, I remembered when I said the words but they were wildly taken out of context. He believed me because of my reputation.

   My point is that you should appeal and speak to your boss, the boss of the person who did this, HR and whoever else you need to to take care of this. If there is no proof and it's a you vs the other employee, the truth and your track record should win. This also sounds a bit like bullying, which shuld also be reported.

10. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 12:51PM UTC

    Fight for your job. If you did not need to, I would say let it go, but this sounds like ridiculous slander from that other person, and the behavior from that toxic person needs to end.

11. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 1:07PM UTC

    I would suggest going forward with an appeal. HR will typically conduct an investigation for both parties.

    Any subsequent actions you have with that colleague needs to be dated documented and timed.

    The employee handbook is also a great start to gather the information you need regarding situations like this. Reviewing the conduct policy particularly.

12. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 1:16PM UTC

    I'd be cautious, could be an organizational "culture." Two examples, same org. While I was walking down the hall, I had not heard someone say hi to me. The individual went to HR claiming I was not responding because I was discriminating on the basis of the individual's sexual preferences (I'm not sure what is politically correct to say). Another time, bantering about where individuals went to college, one individual didn't like a negative comment about their alma mater leading to returning to their office crying, informing supervisor, and blown into another HR issue. I learned the whole organization culture had evolved to the extreme of political correctness and extreme over-sensitivity in these areas and several others.

13. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 10:19PM UTC

    I wouldn't last five minutes at that place!!! Yeesh.

14. Gretchen SkalkaAugust 26,2022 at 1:54PM UTC

    Wait.

    You have NO history of issue or challenge and you were given a first AND final warning over a non-existent issue?

    Please - take advantage of the appeal available to you.

    Go on record - DOCUMENT that this grievance is without merit and the punitive action taken against you must be corrected.

    Document.

    Document.

    Document.

    And continue to look for other opportunities.

    This does not sound like a company or environment looking to grow you as a professional, valued associate or even be a decent employer.

    You DO have options, you just may not see them with so much else going on to obscure your view to them.

15. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 2:24PM UTC

    I would appeal. But first, review every conversation you’ve had and ensure that you’ve said nothing that this person could perceive as derogatory (“vulgar” might be part of the official description of a complaint of this nature). People have different levels of suitable language and your mention of the other person’s behavior suggests it may have triggered a confrontation. Something innocent on your end may have been interpreted far differently on theirs. Perception is reality. If there’s even a small chance that you’ve offended this person, consider taking action with HR that shows you recognize and regret the instance.

16. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 2:31PM UTC

    This is so difficult. Would be wonderful if people always told the truth and always were 100% objective, but we are emotional beings.

    I think you have to appeal and at least get your side into the record. State your case and side using facts, dates, times. Be objective and professional. Maybe suppose what the other person's motivation might be but state more so the observable facts.

    Good luck and spruce up your resume.

17. Sue Gordon- retired Career CoachAugust 26,2022 at 2:35PM UTC

    You should appeal. This coworker already has a target on your back. Keep professional at all times. Let your prior performance combined with your reaction to this do the work. Stand tall and continue to do your job well.

18. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 3:26PM UTC

    Appeal! let your voice at lest be on record. Keep working hard and keep your head up!

19. Jeannette SeiblyAugust 26,2022 at 4:49PM UTC

    The problem is if you don't you will be fired! The other problem is we think the issue will go away on its own if we do nothing. Your employer has already started their documentation process.

    Now, it's time to get your own documentation written down in writing. Don't wait! DOCUMENT!

    Make sure you take time to write down ALL that has happened during the past month. Include specific times, dates, others that overheard or were part of that conversation. Then, present to your boss and/or HR.

    You may wish to consider talking with an employment attorney for ideas. They'll usually give an initial conversation for free.

20. AnonymousAugust 26,2022 at 10:17PM UTC

    absolutely appeal this warning and simply state that the accusation is untrue. You need the job, fight for it. Maybe submit a complaint about your tormentor's behavior.

21. Audrey KirschAugust 27,2022 at 12:33AM UTC

    Appeal. And if you haven't already, document your co-worker's behavior. Having dates and times will go a long way to putting you in the clear. Also list the times that you have tried to resolve the issues with nothing changing. No matter what ends up happening, you will know that you stood up for yourself and that's important.

22. Joanna PoeAugust 27,2022 at 1:54PM UTC

    The replies have already said what I'm going to: appeal and document your coworker's behavior.

    But I'll go further and say start looking for alternate employment. Anyplace where you can simultaneously get a first AND a final warning based only on hearsay is not a safe, equitable working environment.

23. AnonymousAugust 27,2022 at 10:16PM UTC

    I think you have to appeal. What are the other options? Document any and all exchanges with this person.

    When did this person say you did this? If she/he's saying it happened on xy date and time, can you prove you were somewhere else or that others were around you when the "incident" occurred?

24. AnonymousAugust 27,2022 at 10:17PM UTC

    Also, don't approach her at all.

25. JD MagickAugust 29,2022 at 5:21AM UTC

    Hey there - all the stuff that was offered is good and solid advice. This thing will be ugly no matter how you look at it and you will be the one left feeling paranoid about it.

    So yes:

    1) Document everything so you have it down while you are clear headed and even though you will probably take a printed copy of it to the appeal meeting, make sure there is a digital copy that you send to HR with all the same information. Let me be clear - I'm not suggesting this. I'm telling you to do this - it is important to have a digital paper trail with time stamps that are more than "5" minutes before your meeting.

    2) Start looking for another job, BUT do NOT tip your hand to anyone. Do this before things get worse (and they probably will).

    3) Go through the appeal process with no intention of staying at this job. You will not want to stay working for this company when it sinks in just how fickle they are. Good companies do not do a first and final warning without something in writing and a face to face meeting.

    4) Accept the new job. (Hopefully you will have it before your meeting.)

    5) Walk away from the appeal meeting knowing you have fully documented this incident so the next time she does this to someone, there is an established pattern they can look at.

    That's right - I'm telling you to find a different job on the sly. I'm telling you to go through with the appeal meeting like it's important for you.

    What you are doing is setting up a paper trail of her petty undermining. Believe me, you won't be the last, but with your statements to the appeal board, It could make it very hard for her to mess with the next target in her sights.

    Good Luck and be blessed.

26. AnonymousSeptember 7,2022 at 12:58PM UTC

    appeal, i had the same issue, i am working at a law firm that i worked for 11 years, left and came back. in that first time never had an issued and also when I came back last year. This year a new employee started and i have been her target since she joined the firm. She accused me of the same thing that you are being accused of and I received a written warning and I advised my bosses why wasn't I asked about this and HR only took one side of the story, my one boss said that since they are lawyers they should have done a due process investigation just like they do for any cases. I asked for a meeting with my two bosses and HR and HR really didn't want my bosses in the meeting and asked them not to come into the meeting but they both said that they needed to hear the whole story. Point was that HR didn't do her job correctly. Do i still have a target on my back, yup because I have called out the errors on both HR and the person who wants me gone twice. So now every time something comes up I go to my bosses to give them a heads up and they deal with HR.