60 Days In and I Want Out

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Anonymous

12/03/20 at 5:34AM UTC

Career

60 Days In and I Want Out

I recently took a job with a pretty significant title jump, though for a much smaller company than where I’d been for 7+ years, and only a $5k raise. While I report to the CEO directly, nearly all of my interaction and work comes from someone else who has the CEO’s ear. That person is making me miserable. She makes me feel like I’m constantly failing, not meeting her unreasonable expectations, and just not good enough or smart enough to do the work. She works all the time, day and night because there’s so much work to do, and I feel like I’m expected to do the same. Meanwhile, the workplace culture is pretty nonexistent as many of us are remote right now with no end in sight, and I’ve barely gotten to know anyone. I’m also not totally sold on the product we sell (it’s just really not my style), and it seems like all the people who’ve been there a while are living and breathing everything our product stands for. I’m sure at least some of these feelings are from being new and making a job change after such a long time at one place, but I find myself already dreading each work day. I feel alone and incompetent, and can’t decide if I should get out now or try to make it work for a year in an attempt to hold onto the title bump and give the job a chance. If the former, I’m worried about how I might explain my desire to leave such a good-on-paper job after such a short time. Especially since it’s very likely the jobs I’ll be applying for will be closer to my previous role and title than this new higher one. What would you do?

12 Comments

Anna Bretschneider

12/03/20 at 6:28AM UTC

Hi Friend! Oh gosh that seems like a stressful situation. I work in HR, and I know that job satisfaction and work culture are very important for your overall mental well-being. I also know that these are shaky days, and you might not want to give up a high-paying job with a steady paycheck. Some questions to ask yourself as you weigh your options: do you have the ability to start applying for jobs while still working at this one? It might be delicate, but are you able to share with your network that you're open to new opportunities? Do you have anyone in the company who might have suggestions for you as you navigate this unique time? Ultimately you have to decide where you draw the line and decide to move on. Quitting a crappy job is always empowering, but I think it's worth being realistic about your prospects for another position . You know what's best for your circumstances, and you need to feel confident, either in leaving this stressful role, or in seeking out a new position. Best of luck to you!

User deleted comment on 12/03/20 at 3:23PM UTC

Mimi Bishop

1.26k

Biz+Life Coach for GenX Women (and Millennials)

12/03/20 at 11:16AM UTC

Hi there. Thank you for sharing all of this. I understand how it feels to be miserable at a job and not sure what to do next. Our co-workers and the company culture has SO much to do with our overall career satisfaction. However, we also have more control over situations than we give ourselves credit for. You mention that the person who has the CEOs ear is making you feel miserable. It sounds like she's triggering some things in you. I would spend some time really evaluating what you are thinking when she triggers you. Those thoughts will create the feelings that are coming up for you. The good news, you have control over those thoughts. While this job may not be a fit over the long term, having agency over the way you respond to this triggering co-worker can help you cope. Sending you the best.

Käte Davis

I help working moms leave office drama behind.

12/03/20 at 2:15PM UTC

I fully agree with the terrific advice you've already been given. I think there are two really important pieces here: 1. You get to control how you feel about this situation. What are your thoughts about that person, what feeling does that cause, and when you're feeling that, does it impact what you're doing? (E.g., I think she's being difficult, I feel defensive, and so I'm spending time avoiding her/work/boss.) If so, that's clearly not providing the kind of results that you want for yourself. What kind of thought could you have instead? (E.g., She's very insecure, I feel bad for her, but I'm just gonna keep doing my kick-ass work because that's what I do.) I am guessing Mimi is a life coach based on her response, and I am, too. The perspective is important. 2. It never, ever hurts to look for other options. I really think titles are fairly irrelevant (I know that's debatable). But, for example, at my company, GM is a higher position than director; at my husband's, it's the opposite! Let your resume speak to the advancement in your career, regardless of title. Personally, I always have my resume up to date. It's great if I get a call, and it's also helpful to keep a library of accomplishments. You've got this!

Laila

12/07/20 at 1:16PM UTC

I was in a very similar situation two month ago when I started as an EA for a CEO. I went through the exact things you were going through and I felt like I had to work all the time along with the CEO. It was taking a toll on my mental health and the pay wasn't great. I barely had time for my family and I decided to quit. I gave my one week notice as required and I felt much happier and relieved. I have been doing temp jobs and in the mean time I have been applying for permanent roles. You got to do what's best for the you.

Anonymous

12/07/20 at 1:34PM UTC

One question that came to mind for me when I read your post was if you report to the CEO, can you talk to him/her to set expectations for your role? As a new employee, I think that's always an important and beneficial conversation to have. Also checking in with the CEO regularly (or periodically if that doesn't work) also help you build a rapport and make you feel comfortable asking additional questions as you continue to learn more about the organization and as you navigate relationships with colleagues. I personally would give it some time because things are very different for most companies during these times of remote working and even though it may be a while, things may change once you are back in the office.

User edited comment on 12/07/20 at 2:01PM UTC

1 Reply

Alyson Long

12/07/20 at 3:22PM UTC

I agree with this; it's not unreasonable to ask for a 1:1 check-in with your direct manager. See if they can squeeze you in before EOY and get clarity on what they expect from you in 2021. Once you take initiative to outline those boundaries, this other person will have less influence over your day/deliverables. The biggest questions are: 1) can you afford to be out of work for 3-6 months if you quit? "Enough to pay the mortgage" doesn't mean you can eat, too. 2) is this dynamic typical of the level of title you've taken? If so, maybe "reverting" to your lesser title which comes with more autonomy may be worth it. 3) can you/would you want to go back to your old company? They may not have replaced you yet and it would cost them less to rehire you than to recruit/onboard/train a new person.

Judi Stevenson-Garcia

Our future lives in the growing mind of a child

12/07/20 at 1:38PM UTC

I empathize with your situation and understand the delicate position. You've been given great advice already. I'm interested in your comment about not being enthusiastic about the product. Do you think that's necessary to do your job well? Can you be successful in this position without being passionate about the product? If not, I don't think it will matter how well you get along with your co-workers - you will always be a bit outside of the corporate culture, which seems to prioritize passion about the product. If you can do this job without being passionate, I think a check-in with the CEO and the person you work with directly about your daily/weekly schedule and clarifying your work goals and deliverables will help everyone understand the work you're doing and the progress you're making. Aligning yourself with a framework will help you feel more like you're seeing success in your role, rather than depending on the opinions of the people you work with. If you can do that, you might be able to stay long enough to really understand if it's a good fit.

Anonymous

12/07/20 at 1:41PM UTC

Hi dear, I kind of understand what you are going through. I was their about 1 month ago. I could not understand why the 2 most senior managers in the company could not bring themselves to work with me. I contemplated with the thought of quitting but could not bring myself to do that ( I have so much mouth to feed) . At a point, I had to sit with my inner self and asked, “what counsel would you give to someone else if they were in your shoes and needing your advice” I simply did the following; a. Like Mimi advised, I did ask myself where the negative emotions where coming from and what was fueling…I needed to know if both triggers were things I could manage, and they were. b. The next thing I did was to engage the CEO who I functionally and administratively report to (but in practice I take others from his wife), his wife (an Exec Director) and the Exec director Finance who were without doubt making may day miserable as it comes. I did state in clear terms my observation, gave them a quick but honest feedback about my 2 months and some weeks with the company, and my desire to move on to another opportunity if things did not improve. Somehow after that closed door 4-way discussion the atmosphere lighten a bit. The environment became a lot less tensed for me and work progressed. I won’t say here that all is fixed, but somehow, I regain my sanity after that honest and open feedback to them. Apparently they have had 4 HR professionals come and go thanks to the 2 Exec Directors, I am currently the 5th in 2 years.

Flossy

1.02k

Client Solutions Consultant

12/07/20 at 1:41PM UTC

There is no shame in identifying the company, product, and culture isn’t for you. If you were happy and secure in your old role and company. Make a call and ask if you can come back I’m serious. 5K or $2.45 an hour isn’t worth it. If you are thinking staying for a title or this person is going to change, it won’t happen. Let me be clear: Jumping jobs for a title change is never ever worth it. Titles cost companies NOTHING to hand out. Reporting to the CEO in a small company, also not worth it. Fail fast while you can remove this from your resume and there is perhaps a small gap that explained with one word “ COVID” Right down the things that you want from a job if title and money are okay. I speak from experience. Inflation of titles also hurt you. Companies are wary of hiring a VP for a director role. Even if the work and pay for the Director is on par or even a stretch.

Amy Horton

12/07/20 at 2:38PM UTC

As someone who works in HR it's not the title but the work. If the title bump just aligned the work you have really been doing to a title you might just need a good resume rewrite and a shift in perspective. If the work is new you might want to take time to reflect on why someone else has you feeling inadequate. Are your making missteps or are you just second guessing? Once you do that talk to the CEO to understand their expectations, discuss third party expectations and how those should be managed. Once you work through all of that if its still not a good fit move on. These days job movement is easy to explain.

Aurora Meyer

Accredited Public Relations Professional

12/07/20 at 3:42PM UTC

I stuck it out a very similar situation for 13 months though I knew it wasn't a good fit after about 3 weeks. During that time I actively looked for other opportunities and particularly looked for one that was a much better fit in a much better culture. The experience gave me the right questions to ask future employers. I encourage you to write down what isn't working and what your ideal situation is on paper. That way you can use it to frame questions that will help you find something that works best for you.

Diane Isler

Business Coach and Consultant

12/07/20 at 9:09PM UTC

Hello! You've gotten a lot of great advice here, but I'll add a slightly different perspective. You were hired because the CEO saw something in you that could benefit the company. It may be your diverse viewpoint on "what the product stands for." I bet he/she would like to understand what's going well and what isn't. Be sure you can speak to both in a very constructive manner. I would recommend entering that conversation with a clear idea of "what needs to change for me to be able to contribute optimally," and ask the CEO for what you need. The result of that conversation should give you the information you need to make a decision to stay or go without regret.