My boss and I are book-matched opposites.

11 Comments

1. AnonymousDecember 11,2022 at 9:18PM UTC

   I would be job hunting for a better fit. Does not sound like the boss is secure in that position. Hard pass for me!

2. AnonymousDecember 12,2022 at 11:37AM UTC

   Since he's in charge and does not accept or want constructive feedback, you need to to keep that to yourself. Ideas are also not appreciated so unless you can tolerate him raking credit 100% you'll need to keep everything to yourself. This is what happens when there is a mismatch in the dynamic. You either accept your role without interaction or look for a better fit somewhere else.

3. Barb HansenDecember 12,2022 at 8:11PM UTC

   Giving constructive feedback to your manager is wobbly line to walk.

   Are you giving feedback on their behavior or on their projects?

   If I was in your position, I would set a meeting with my manager and ask them if they want feedback from me on their work or projects in general.

   If they say yes, then I would ask them how they want to receive the feedback.

   If they say no, I would do that - don't give them any feedback.

   During that meeting, I would also ask my manager if they want suggestions or ideas from me.

   If they say yes (which I'm sure they will, at least, say that they want suggestions or ideas), ask how they want you to provide those ideas to them.

   If they say yes, and you provide your ideas to them and they still present your ideas as theirs, I would have my answer to what sort of manager I'm working for - a manager who doesn't want to share the spotlight or a manager who thinks that ideas only comes from their brain even if they heard the idea from someone else.

   That second type of manager is quite common. The "ideas only come from my brain" type of manager. They hear ideas from other people, they sit on those ideas for a few days, weeks or months and they legitimately don't remember that someone else planted that seed. It's very common.

   So, how do you work with that type of manager?

   1-- Save your idea sharing for a public forum.

   2-- If your company allows for "skip interviews" where you can meet with your manager's manager, ask for an annual skip interview where you can "shine" as well as get feedback and career advice from another person in the company.

   3-- Ask to be assigned to projects that intersect with different departments where you can share your ideas with other teams and managers.

   Good luck!

4. AnonymousDecember 12,2022 at 10:13PM UTC

   That skip interview could backfire, but finding a way to let the boss's boss know about OP's competence and creativity is a good idea.

5. AnonymousDecember 14,2022 at 1:12AM UTC

   Unfortunately, the boss is the CEO. There is no one above him. Myself and 2 others are his first tier leadership team. Neither of them seem willing to provide feedback. False harmony reigns.

6. AnonymousDecember 16,2022 at 2:50PM UTC

   i would REALLY look into WHY you want to give feedback , are you losing tons of money ? Are clients leaving??? Is the future of the company in jepordy ?? Those are the ONLY reasons to get worked up and even then, you have to be positive in the way you bring it.

7. AnonymousDecember 12,2022 at 10:12PM UTC

   You're giving constructive feedback to your boss? Just stop doing that.

   Also, it's commonplace for men to ignore women, then subconsciously remember what we said and think it was their idea.

   Put everything in an email, so you can document his idea thievery if needed.

8. AnonymousDecember 13,2022 at 3:49AM UTC

   Sometimes you need to be creative in how you provide constructive feedback and do it in a way that doesn’t look like it.

   The way I give feedback to my boss is to piggyback off of something that he’s doing great. For example, my boss is really busy and I know he doesn’t reply to emails all the time to his staff. One time after he replied, I said ‘thank you for replying to my emails even though you are super swamped’

   After this encounter, he always reply back to my email.

9. AnonymousDecember 14,2022 at 1:18AM UTC

   I'm currently in the mindset that as long as the ideas are getting implemented, I don't care who gets the credit. However, since my secondary language of appreciation is Words of Affirmation, it would be nice to hear a "great idea" every once in a while.

   My first is Time. I love deep, profound conversations with people. This is another area where we are matched opposites. I dive deep. He wants gloss and fluff. I want to dig into how people feel and react the way they do. He wants everyone to get along without disagreement or emotion.

10. Vanda LeeDecember 16,2022 at 4:39AM UTC

    You're being used for your ideas... start looking for another position where you will be appreciated.

11. AnonymousDecember 17,2022 at 12:43AM UTC

    I could have written this post myself. In my case, I have decided to make the most of a crap situation, so I will keep offering feedback and ideas but take the credit personally. When ideas do get implemented, even later on when my boss may perceive those ideas as her own, I can use all of the data resulting from

    that change at the very least to spin my next interview to highlight the benefits *my ideas* brought. Obviously, I’ll leave out the gap in time and the part where my supervisor is stealing all of the credit.

    In your case, too, maybe changing your approach when offering ideas and solutions could be the trick. If you’re just offering ideas off the cuff, you could schedule a meeting instead. Or vice versa. If you’re approaching problems from a personal standpoint, try to use feedback from third parties instead. It’s hard to work for people with fragile egos; sometimes you gotta get creative to survive.