Remote Co-worker stress

Question

I started a new job (career) woo-hoo! Everything is going great a few bumps with remote work but now my co-worker is trying to micromanage me at home. Nothing I do is up to her standards and is very nit picky. How do I handle her? I've tried being nice, polite and respectful but I need a tactic to overcome this situation. Please help!

Mimi Bishop · Answer

Hi Denise! Congratulations on your new job and career!

This can be very frustrating. A few things thoughts/suggestions:

1. Be curious -- why does this person have the need to micro-manage? Does some of your job impact their job?

2. Are you still in a learning curve? Could some of their advice be helpful to where you're at right now?

3. Be direct with them. Say something like, 'Thank you for sharing your way of doing X, Y, Z with me -- I'm just curious have you found better results doing it that way?' This could help in understanding where it is coming from.

4. Take the thanks so much but I've got it approach. 'Thanks for your feedback, I understand you recommend doing it X, Y, Z but I find I get best results doing it this way.'

5. Ignore em. Some people just can't help themselves.

Denise Lennon · Answer

Thanks for all your suggestions and feedback! I really appreciate it! I feel like since I'm new at the company I'm going to have a few mistakes or a learning curve so I'll just try not to take her remarks as personal attacks.

Tana · Answer

Congratulations on the career move.  As a seasoned career woman I  can tell you there will always be people who are either meticulous and expect everyone else to be the same or who are insecure and feel better about themselves if they can tear down others.  Neither is pleasant. It's so prevalent, I tape the following list  in every one of my work journals as a reminder when faced with micro-managers:

1) Find something about their idea/recommendation to compliment (read: stroke their ego)
2) Treat them as important as they think they are (narcissists love this)
3) Find ways to cooperate. Adjust to them rather than fight with them.
4) Don't actually say 'no' to their requests unless they are unprofessional in nature.
5) Don't take their comments personally (read: it's their problem not yours)
6) Validate them 'It makes sense...' or 'I understand how...' 
7) Related to #6 Avoid the word 'but' instead use 'and'

And finally, I don't remember where this quote came from but I love it. 'If you can't give them what they want, you must give them a solid 'Why'.

Caroline Platt · Answer

I would try to find out if she complained incessantly and constantly said she had too much on her plate, so they hired a new person - you. But she may have been/ be the type that tries to sound busy and now resents having to “share” the job.

Also, COVID and working at home, along with all the racial issues and the constant political backdrop have gotten to many of us. It’s all just been so much and the social isolation has caused additional mental stress on everyone. She may be at her breaking point. It may have nothing to do with you or the job itself.

Cindy Onyekwelu · Answer

Talk to her about setting boundaries and  ask for feedback on her expectations.

Noelle Hassett · Answer

Hi Denise! Being a newbie always adds a layer of complexity when trying to navigate problems without yet knowing your co-workers' personalities  or the company culture.

If you work closely with this individual or share responsibilities on projects, my best advice is to address it sooner than later in a professional manner.  Is there a project that you are working on together where you could set up a discreet touch base and use that as an opportunity to probe a bit into their working style and/or how they expect things to go? Be sure to come with some of your own ways of working and rationale and see if the individual is willing to compromise on some of your approaches. I also wouldn't hesitate to say something like, 'I can tell this is something you feel really passionate about. What are the downfalls of the way that I'm approaching it?' Maybe there's something to be learned, but if there's no real rationale to support his/her suggestions, I would emphasize that you're excited to be a partner on the project and to help the company evolve with new approaches and working styles. You could mention that you'll be working to tune and improve the approach over time, but if anything becomes overly problematic, you'd prefer her to setup a touch base with you directly. This is assertive, while being respectful and reinforces your position as an equal partner.

If you don't work closely together and your approach doesn't impact his/her role, simply say 'Thank you for the advice. It's always great to get multiple POVs on how [XYZ] task should be handled. I'll take it under consideration and am working with my manager to find the best path forward.'

If all else fails after trying to resolve it directly, I wouldn't hesitate to escalate it to your manager and see if they can offer insight as to why he/she feels so passionate about delivering this level of guidance. Just make sure you can demonstrate that you've already tried to resolve the situation directly.

Good luck!

Remote Co-worker stress

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