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Chaotic Co-worker
I started a new teaching job, and my co-worker has been passive-aggressive towards me even though I have told her directly to use a direct communication style with me. She's been trying to use her position as lead teacher as a power source to show me who's the boss. She's changed the class flow and my lunch break several times, claiming that she's trying to adjust them to fit the classroom flow. Based on my observation, she's running around like a headless chicken managing preschoolers without a clue. I gave her unsolicited advice about classroom management, and she has not responded well. I hate to see her, and the children suffer and create chaos in the classroom. She blames me for creating negative energy stating that having two adults in the room, facilitating children's interactions, disrupts their social communication. I admit that it's partially true, but when I am the silent observer and notetaker, the lead teacher ends up having to chase preschoolers and stop them from misbehaving. Clearly, the lead teacher does not know how to manage preschoolers, and the preschoolers are not getting their needs met. My talents are planning a play-based curriculum, assist children with special needs, and transitions; I also know how to use technology. She personally and professionally chooses to limit her use of technology. She has helped in a mixed-age preschool classroom, but this is her first year as a lead teacher for a Montessori program. Last week, I observed her create a hot mess metaphorically and for real. Should I start looking for a new job or stick with this job until they fire me? I like my job and the children, but the lead teacher has such a massive ego that she's drowning in the quicksand that she has built for herself.
I had a hiatus from teaching for over six years and didn't know if I could manage to be a lead teacher, so I applied for the assistant teacher position. Maybe, I should start looking for a new job? I want to make this work for at least one year. I welcome new perspectives.
Aly
44
09/24/20 at 7:35AM UTC
I’m in a similar situation in a totally different job field but in a new position trying to win over the established but struggling and very passive aggressive and impossible to break the ice coworker. I’ve read everything I can on getting along with coworkers and team building, talked to management which has now turned against me, and tried everything I can think of to have a harmonious working relationship with this woman who is supposed to be showing me the ropes but instead throwing me under or pushing me in front of the bus. I like the job itself and hate the thought of changing jobs again. Don’t want to seem like a job hopper. My previous job closed in March after only being there 2 years. I’m at the end of my rope. Been looking at other options. My number one criteria from now on is “do I dread going to work each day?” Wishing you all the best. Things are usually more tolerable if they are temporary if you can stick with it a year. I totally get it if you can’t. Our company gives a huge bonus in March. I just started in June. I’m having a really hard time trying to stay there until then even.
User deleted comment on 09/23/20 at 8:48AM UTC
Anonymous
09/23/20 at 5:55AM UTC
So you give her unsolicited advice then wonder why she reacts the way she does? You clearly think you're better than her and better than the job you're doing. So, why not leave and work somewhere that suits your ego much better and leave her alone?
Elena RogersSenior Payment Rep. From DETROIT
79
09/23/20 at 8:48AM UTC (Edited)
Anonymous,
There is a better way than this to respond to someone seeking advice in a situation that feels difficult or maybe yet impossible to them. If the ego of this person was that big, I would not really see them seeking any supportive advice in the matter.
Anonymous for a day
449
09/23/20 at 5:11AM UTC
I hate to sound mean but are you sure she’s the one with the massive ego? Your tone comes across as at least slightly condescending. If that’s the tone you’re using with her I can see why she doesn’t want to take your advice. From what I’m reading, you really don’t want to be in the assistant position so I would quit and look for a lead teacher position. You’ll be much happier and so will whoever works with you. You want to be in command, whether you know it or not.
Anonymous
09/28/20 at 3:50AM UTC
Anonymous for a day, I like being an assistant. I do not have a massive ego; if I did, I would have applied for her position, which was open and for which I considered applying. However, I felt that the lead teacher should be trained in the Montessori curriculum and approach, and I am not. You are right in that I probably didn't advise her in a typical passive female way (where women ask questions instead of stating in an affirmative statement). If she weren't so concerned about the hierarchy of teaching titles, both of us would have one less dispute. I hope in my next job, I can find a co-teacher to work together as equals, complementing each other's strengths and sharing the less appealing work.
Susan LimeSouthwest Civil Engineer
34
09/22/20 at 11:44PM UTC
Relate to this as I don’t have many people on my team...it can be uncomfortable and competitive. Can you introduce some fun competition into the class room, like “teacher vs teacher challenge” - say “who guesses the number of jellybeans in a jar closest and the kids count and then their results are used to see who wins. Or if you guys aren’t ready for that yet, what about just going for a walk together, or a lunch bag meeting to watch a school relevant presentation., or Doughnuts and coffee to discuss something enjoyable like what kind of relaxing classical music to play for quiet time. I don’t know - just some ideas. ? and also...don’t quit. Hang in there-you are needed there.
Anonymous
09/28/20 at 3:37AM UTC
Thanks, Susan, for your suggestions. They sound like excellent team building activities. Interestingly, some of the suggested activities are how the lead teacher currently builds rapport with the preschoolers. She has figured out that positive relationships will help the children respond to her better. Maybe, in the future, the lead teacher and I can write an article about working together with in-person instruction during the pandemic and get it published in an educational magazine.
Anonymous
09/22/20 at 11:32PM UTC (Edited)
Know your knowledge, trust your ability and update your resume. There are soooo many open teaching positions bc of the pandemic, you’ll find a place that fits better in no time.
Carli GarciaProfessional Dot Connector
658
09/22/20 at 9:13PM UTC
1. The teacher should not have any influence on whether you keep your job. 2. Make an attempt to ask how you can help them in front of the principal. 3. Remember that some people don’t want to be helped and that is their problem, not yours. 4. If you are more qualified and calm under pressure, then chances are you are being perceived as threatening. 5. None of this would be happening if the administrators were doing their jobs. You are not this teacher’s shrink and you are not responsible for their meltdowns. 6. This teacher is wildly disrespectful and their inability to receive constructive criticism is a huge problem. 7. If you encounter other teachers who behave similarly, that is a red flag. That means there is no accountability from the top and I would start to look elsewhere. 8. Trust your instincts. 9. Trust your knowledge. 10. Yoga, meditation, chocolate, etc.
Good luck!
Anonymous
09/28/20 at 3:28AM UTC
Thank you, Carli, for reminding me that I am in control of my actions and responses. However, many people change jobs because of staff turnover, and they don't like the people they work with. The lead teacher and I have been doing morning meditations upon her request. I think of it as the two-minute meetings. It has helped us see each other's truths and daily goals; hopefully, she will not use my honesty for ulterior motives. It has helped us know that we are operating from our training and wish for a more cohesive relationship. It's hard to do even with the best intentions because of old habits and new settings.
Carli GarciaProfessional Dot Connector
658
09/28/20 at 4:09PM UTC
I completely understand as I left teaching recently. We must remember that dysfunction and stress are everywhere. Now that we are in a period of extreme overwhelm, we have to remember to put our own oxygen mask on first. We can only control our response to external factors. More importantly, we must not conflate one’s inability to cope, be accountable, or grow as a measure of our abilities. Energy boundaries are a must!
Amy
28
09/22/20 at 2:49PM UTC
I’m in a similar situation. I don’t know if this will help, but it’s sure helped me. I chose to start seeing my bully as a three year old herself and doing the accommodations and interventions I would for a student. Delivered respectfully of course. It’s made a world of difference in my ability to cope, and I have hope that things will move in a positive direction.
C. Jane Lake
43
09/22/20 at 2:24PM UTC
May I suggest that your power-struggling with your lead teacher (who is accountable for the class) is a toxic environment for pre-school children? The lead teacher may be making appropriate, much needed changes. Consider that she sees you as someone who assists her and the class.
Anonymous
09/28/20 at 3:15AM UTC
CJL, you are entitled to your opinion. However, I did not intentionally participate in the power-struggle. I understand the hierarchy of the three roles: lead teacher, assistant teacher, and teacher's aide. I was hired to help with classroom management. If the lead teacher knew how to manage transitions in the classroom, hallways, and outdoors, I would not have given unsolicited advice and stepped in. My talent is following the rhythm of the room. However, I have learned that the Montessori approach is quite different from the play-based approach from which I am trained. The HR and EC Manager knew that, but they must have known that the lead teacher has no experience managing three to four-year-olds and hired me to help.
C. Jane Lake
43
09/28/20 at 5:18AM UTC
Sounds like a big gap in philosophy. I'm surprised you were hired in the first place. Montessori is child-directed. Regular pre-school is more about learning class rules and routines. Hmmm.
Anonymous
09/28/20 at 1:48PM UTC
Well, that's not necessarily true of regular preschools. Many state-run and high-quality preschools are about teaching routines with child-centered interests. However, the Montessori Method is more about directing and redirecting students by example (modeling) and using gestures and language to promote children's executive thinking skills to be creative and solve problems. The Montessori classroom where I am the assistant teacher is not a typical Montessori classroom; it is similar to a high-quality preschool with three and four-year-olds. My expertise helps facilitate classroom management and foster peer mentoring. The lead teacher is a fresh AMI Montessori-trained teacher and is learning to blend idealism with practice. Next school year, when a COVID vaccine will be more widespread, the Montessori school will hopefully return to their previous normal.
Lauren Persons
16
09/22/20 at 1:35PM UTC
This dynamic sounded familiar. I am the creative, chaotic, but hopefully, not the hot mess type of teacher. My intervention specialist was organized, technologically savvy and a stickler for detail. It could have been a very dicey situation, but, instead, it grew into a wonderful partnership. Yes, as one of the commenters suggested, this organized, detailed person may pose a threat to the other teacher. It took a while to find an equilibrium, but in the end, it was a win-win for all. I was great with new ideas, new ways to reach our students. I would come up with a great anticipatory guide, and he would take the ideas and enhance and refine them into an incredible worksheet with graphics and quotes. By the end of the year, he had me the most organized I had ever been, complete with meticulously labeled folders and a file system. How did we get to this point? I takes time. As in most school schedules, there is little time to talk and plan together, a set up for problems. We worked hard to communicate with each, in person as well as in emails. There were days, I would turn the class over to him. That was eye-opening for me and my students. Along with his order, he loved video games and could speak fluent Spanish. This endeared him to some of our students and give me a chance to take a bit of a rest. identifying and celebrating each other's strengths may help jumpstart this partnership before you move on to another position.
Anonymous
09/28/20 at 3AM UTC
Thanks, Lauren, for sharing your experience and insights. In the past, I've been successful in anticipating what the lead teacher needed so she could focus on individual and group instruction. This new job is a bit more challenging because the lead teacher and I are "new" to this program during a pandemic. She is new to being a lead preschool teacher in a modern Montessori school, and I'm new to the Montessori approach. After reaching out to the EC manager, I feel more confident finding the sweet spot where our strengths are utilized in a teaching partnership.
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