"You're always so negative"

59 Comments

1. Alexis GladstoneMay 2,2022 at 7:05PM UTC

   Have you shared with him your thoughts behind why you react the way you do? It sounds like he is someone who likes to think and process out loud. Many times people who think in this way come to their own conclusions about what will work/not work. The thing is, they need to talk and get everything out before they get to the pros/cons of ideas. So when you bring up the hard questions it's soon in his thought process.

   Is it possible to stay in the brainstorming mode with him when he comes to you, then after you both decide on a few options tell him you will take the ideas and detail out the pros/cons or all of the questions you have about the idea?

   Another thought is to bring up your concerns by asking good open-ended questions during the conversation. As he answers them he might talk himself out of the ideas that won't work.

2. AnonymousMay 2,2022 at 7:14PM UTC

   I have, though maybe I did a poor job of assuring him I'm on board.

   You're right on the mark for him being an out-loud thinker. I keep falling into the trap of jumping into action when he comes to me with something because I figure that he needs me to do stuff for him. I didn't consider that thinking about problems would be at the end of all of this. That seems inefficient, but it works for him. He IS my boss, after all, so he's done something right in life, eh?

   This does mean I need to retrain my own thinking to adapt to him somehow.

   The approach of asking "So, how do we approach X if it becomes a problem" is already too negative. I struggle because I feel stuck with a 'nothing matters' approach. It feels so counter-productive. However, you are right. That must be where I go wrong.

   Thank you for your insight!

3. Alexis GladstoneMay 2,2022 at 9:22PM UTC

   It's not a right or wrong in how either of you think or process information, it's just different!

   After he gets the idea(s) out, the questions you ask can be as simple as "so how would that work/fit with the current priorities/fit with the budget?"

4. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 7:52PM UTC

   Honestly, as we learn to "read" people and situations bit better, it might be helpful to be very direct. You could ask, "Are we just brainstorming here?" or "Do you want me to advance any of the ideas and come back to you with work-arounds?" I do this often when employees come to me with problems and I'm not sure whether they need to vent or whether they need my intervention...I have to ask, "Do you want me to just listen, or are you wanting me to help you find solutions?" Direct questions help you both get what you need.

5. AnonymousMay 2,2022 at 7:39PM UTC

   So I get this a lot as well, and tbh it was two sides of the same coin. I had a boss who was a BIG thinker and would get excited about big picture stuff. I stopped saying "that's not going to work because X" and started saying "what's your plan for x?" and that worked.

   But also, you're not being negative because you're thinking of risk reduction and return on investment. People throw around "negative" too much when you're not immediately throwing them a parade for everything.

6. AnonymousMay 2,2022 at 9:21PM UTC

   Phrasing, I see.

   Do you have tips on when risk is being shrugged away? His response to me once was "Don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness", which might work if you take the last slice of cake from the fridge, but when it comes to handling partner relations seems like a disaster waiting to happen...

7. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 2:12PM UTC

   Are you catastrophizing or assessing risk realistically? As a manager, I have had people reject ideas based on outdated assessment of risk or supposed losses that have not been thought out to their conclusion. It depends on your situation, but saying, "Person X won't like this" may well be an acceptable risk. The answer may be "Person X complains a lot but always accepts changes," or "Let me handle Person X, and you can just work on the project."

8. AnonymousMay 2,2022 at 7:46PM UTC

   Brainstorming is just that- throw out an idea- so do that. The next step is sorting them out and looking at the pros and cons. There is something wrong with every idea but that doesn’t mean there isn’t enough right too. It’s easy to figure out why it won’t work. It’s harder to figure out how it can work. Put your focus there.

9. AnonymousMay 2,2022 at 8:05PM UTC

   I think if you dream with him and just go with brainstorming ideas it would help the process. When you're at the brainstorming stage, you are just collecting thoughts and ideas. You are not committed to anything. Creative minds like to get energized this way. It's by no means set in stone.

   Once you two get excited about a few ideas then you can research and collect data on the idea and possible ways to come at the ideas. Any challenges can be highlighted and you can offer solutions and ways around the challenges.

   Finally, this is not a waste of time or busy work. This is a very productive way to grow and develop the business. You need to be a part of this process rather than waiting to be fed the new business process or deliverables. This is not a relative process but instead is a proactive process where you actively engage and participate in the sharing of creative thought.

   You need to lighten up on the critical thought of why things can't work and embrace the possibilities of what might work.

   Coming to the table with an open mind and just play around with dreaming of what might be.

   It's more of a leaders mindset rather than a worker bee mindset. Your boss is looking for a collaborative partner not a hall monitor.

   Stay open and creative. It will take awhile to get the hang of it but you can learn to be that partner.

10. AnonymousMay 2,2022 at 9:19PM UTC

    Thank you, and I want to be that partner. Outside of this clash (which happened a few times now), I know he values me and my work. He will involve me in high-stakes decision processes and often asks me for insight. I also fully trust him and honestly want to continue being accessible to him.

    I'll work on being stiff and inflexible. Perhaps that is the core issue - not negativity, but my adherence to what I think needs to be process.

11. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 2:08PM UTC

    There's a reason why the boss is the boss.

    I have experienced lower-level employees & reports being negative about perfectly workable projects (and even my former boss, who is a negative nelly). It's myopic, and bosses are interested in the big picture. Sometimes a boss gets things wrong due to not listening to the front lines, but when the front line staff are rigid and negative, they will be tuned out. Instead of "We can't do that because..." a more positive framework is "Okay, so we'll prioritize X over Y." X may well be a perfectly valid goal.

12. AnonymousMay 2,2022 at 9:05PM UTC

    Your boss is a narrcissit—time to shop around for better opportunities. No amount of hard work on your part will fix the toxicity.

13. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

    You can't diagnose someone with a mental condition based on one person's report. Calling people narcissists is very fashionable these days, but if you want to point fingers, how is the OP not a narcissist for believing their opinions to be superior to their boss's?

14. Joanne RosenMay 2,2022 at 9:15PM UTC

    When he comes to you, simply say, "That's an interesting idea. Can I kick it around for a day and get back to you?"

    Then, when you have the time, create positive feedback as well as the negatives. Do a quick SWOT analysis.

    Then, you are showing that you have the company's best interests at heart. No one wants to hear their great ideas shot down. That's not being a yes man. It's being a thoughtful contributor.

    Cheers

    Joanne

15. AnonymousMay 2,2022 at 9:17PM UTC

    Thank you, Joanne!

    I think that'll be valuable to me in general... I see everything as a directive, a call to action, something I must solve there and then.

16. Barb HansenMay 2,2022 at 10:13PM UTC

    Here's my take from having participated in hundreds, maybe thousands of brainstorming sessions.

    It's not fun to have a person at the table who is bringing up reasons why a new idea can't succeed, and that sort of talk is counterproductive to what brainstorming sessions are.

    Why? Brainstorming sessions are meant to drive new ideas and innovation. Crazy ideas are welcome. Unrealistic ideas should be talked about. A crazy and impractical idea could spawn a great idea that's not crazy or impractical.

    When brainstorming ideas are damped by opposing or practical reasons why an idea will fail, it stifles creativity and stops people from participating.

    Me: "Here's a great idea that I have; let's do ABC."

    Person A: "We tried that idea five years ago, and it failed," or "Our customers don't like that idea," or "You don't understand our customers," or "This industry won't support that idea," or "Our suppliers won't accept that sort of solution."

    Person B (thinking to themself): Idea ABC sounds interesting, and I think it could work for us with a few modifications but Person A just listed off a reason why it will fail, so I'll be quiet.

    Me (thinking to myself): My idea, although not perfect, is still pretty good. I've got experiences that Person A doesn't have, and I'm sure they know things that I don't know, and I'd love to learn from them, but I'm not going to waste my energy here as they seem adamant that my idea will fail. I'll meet with our boss privately.

    I would have a very similar reaction as your boss's if some or all of your suggestions in a brainstorming meeting were reasons why the ideas would fail, and you and I would be having a meeting to discuss the purpose of the meeting, and we would work on giving you tools to participate in a brainstorming meeting.

    You're not becoming a yes-man because you don't bring up the reasons why ideas will fail, but you don't have to and probably shouldn't bring up any reason why an idea will fail during a brainstorming meeting.

    Just because you shouldn't bring up what's wrong with other people's ideas doesn't mean you should be silent. Join in, let your creativity flow during the meeting, and add positive suggestions.

    But that doesn't mean that your superpower of seeing where a particular idea is doomed isn't valuable. Your knowledge is precious, so take notes and find a way to help new ideas grow into practical solutions after the meeting. Talk to your manager, let them know that you are excited to participate in the next brainstorming session, and ask them how you can bring your expertise to the new ideas (without shutting down those ideas.)

17. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 2:50AM UTC

    So how do I know when something is a brainstorm...
    and when not? Because I only learn that 'I am just brainstorming' after the fact.

    My boss will spring things on me (and everyone around him) no matter what we are doing. No matter what is on our plate. A coworker called him the great randomizer... and I feel like I cannot keep up. Does he need me to implement the thing? Because if he does, then I NEED to tell him if I cannot. If he is just brainstorming, does it have to be right now? Today? Without me even knowing what the situation is about?

    I try to make allowances for him and I will put aside what I'm doing (I have to, anyhow, because when I lose focus, it takes me 5 minutes to get back into it again)... But aside from being a dull yes-man, I have no idea how to proceed.

    Further, thank you for calling my doomsay a talent, but it seems to be my only one. When he brings up why THING won't work, I cannot work around it. Because it is there, and pushing through it just because we want to have a rainbow unicorn does not make the problem go away...

18. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:09PM UTC

    I mean it sounds like you should probably just find a new job. People have given you a plethora of ways to fix the situation and you keep shooting them down. Oh wait... your boss is RIGHT. You are completely negative.

19. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:26PM UTC

    Your assessment and dismissal of the OP while stating "your boss is RIGHT. You are completely negative" is not in the least bit helpful.

    The OP simply provided examples and scenarios and his/per personal thoughts on different situations. That is providing clarification/examples - not shooting down what others have advised.

20. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 2:02PM UTC

    You're talking about something different now. If a decision has already been made, then presenting the boss with a choice of things that would have to be sacrificed in order to accomplish it is appropriate. "I am in the middle of Project X, so should I set it aside and work on New Project first?" is appropriate. Shooting down ideas in brainstorming sessions is not appropriate.

21. Barb HansenMay 3,2022 at 4:29PM UTC

    If your manager is a bit "flighty" (as you said he is called "the great randomizer"), I suggest that you talk to your manager about how they want you to proceed for every suggestion they throw at you (that fits into the random category)

    It's their job to help you manage your work, not to throw random possibilities at you and then get upset when you start making comments.

    I would say something like

    "Interesting, How would you like me to proceed? Should I write up a quick analysis on the impact of this suggestion and email to you? I'm busy with task 123 and project ABC, so how does Friday work for me to get you this analysis?

    Then, let them respond.

    This tactic might not work (I don't know this guy :), but it might be worth a try.

    Good luck!

22. Stef FlorieMay 2,2022 at 11:37PM UTC

    I recommend reading (or listening to) Little Bets, by Peter E. Sims. It's an entertaining read about how to "yes, and" ideas in meetings.

    Brainstorming meetings are about collecting *all* of the ideas and building on them. Once you have a variety of ideas, then you/your team start looking at how you could implement them. "How could we...?" look for ways around what you see as impossibilities and obstacles. It's not intuitive, but if you can start bringing a "yes, and" attitude to the brainstorming meetings, your boss will truly appreciate it. If you want to see the "Yes, and" mentality at work, check out youtube videos posted by IDEO (like this one) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KK958OkD6g

23. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 2:47AM UTC

    I heard about this before...

    And it does not seem to fit into my head. Makes me worried I must be beyond helping somehow.

    If there is a hard set rule, like a partner telling us "Do not do the thing" and my boss insists on "Do the thing"... then it feels like I will lose regardless.

24. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:57PM UTC

    If you see yourself as doing battle with your boss, you have already lost.

25. Stef FlorieMay 5,2022 at 7:35PM UTC

    It's not an easy transition, and if you absolutely can't be a "yes, and" person, you could follow the advice given by a few others - take notes, and start thinking about "how could we..." From your original post, your boss is trying to think of solutions to a problem, no matter how random or bizarre the solution might seem. He has told you what he needs from you - support and creativity. If you legitimately feel like you can't be part of the brainstorming process, you might need to seek reassignment.

    If you're getting conflicting directions from different levels of management, that's a whole other discussion.

26. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 10:22AM UTC

    Although hard to hear, the feedback that your boss gave you is useful. He clearly identified an area that is impacting your job performance. He let you know what is needed. This gives you clear feedback so you are able to enact change. The other comments have shared ways that you implement strategies in your approach which will help you to grow in this area.

27. Sabrina RahmanMay 3,2022 at 10:58AM UTC

    Let him talk. You’re balancing his big ideas with constraints and things you would have to work around. That is reasonable.

    Sounds like he wants you to tell him how to make his big ideas happen.

    I would let him talk write down the options on a whiteboard maybe. And then ask what the critical success factor is/are. Ask him what might be a possible constraint. Get him to reflect a bit more.

    Business is cut AND thrust. Not just thrust. But don’t tell him that. That would be weird.

    At least this way he won’t feel like he’s being shut down.

28. HannahMay 3,2022 at 12:14PM UTC

    Dear friend, your boss doesn't know who a good worker and a trusted companion is.

    You are right, and that what most bosses can't stand. To tell them the truth from the fiction they are dreaming and playing at.
    My advice to you is, don't follow the crowd, that makes you unique from the rest, you weigh everything, good, bad and the ugly before you can take a decision, because you don't want to waist resources.
    Please search for a new job where you'd be accepted and your words will be wighted. Until then, you'd be the prophet of doom. But remember, one day, your words will be remembered and they wished, but it will be too late for them?? Look for a new job?

29. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:56PM UTC

    Yes-but-ism does drag down brainstorming and is out of place when working with a boss. It will be a problem in a next job, too.

    When the boss says what they're doing is brainstorming, and doesn't ask about obstacles, it is inappropriate to offer them. It will be seen as resistance to change rather than being "realistic." This kind of thing is why top bosses often skip consultation with subordinates when making decisions. At worst, this boss is just clumsy about brainstorming or communicating what he needs.

30. Carrie Jo ArndtMay 3,2022 at 12:30PM UTC

    I completely understand where you are coming from, as well as where he is coming from.

    Id start with going to him and thanking him for being honest with you about how your feedback makes him feel. Tell him you are going to approach brainstorming ideas in a different way from now on because you want to leave space for his process, and continue to be a valuable member of the team. I’d also lean in and say that you know that some of your greatest strengths are problem solving, and seeing possible roadblocks so you’d love to bring those strengths to the table as well. Indicate that you are going to leave the timing of bringing possible challenges to the table when he feels that it is the right time in the brainstorming process!

31. KC Ellis SleddMay 3,2022 at 12:31PM UTC

    Look at it in the context of divergence (coming up with many ideas) then convergence (winnowing down). Join him in being wildly creative then ask when it’s time to “converge” on the plan ahead.

32. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 12:38PM UTC

    No that is not being negative. You are being realistic. By thinking of possible benefits, pitfalls and outcomes, you are taking a well rounded approach. Also, you are saving the company time and money by making sure viable solutions are being put forth.

    It sounds like your boss wants his ego stroked and only wants to be told what he wants to hear. You being truthful and realistic is deflating his ego, and he is basically gaslighting you into believing something is wrong with you for taking a well rounded approach. YOU ARE NOT WRONG. Don't do any mental gymnastics to accommodate a bad idea. If the bad idea is wasteful, it becomes an ethics issue.

    Next time ask your boss has he taken a look at how to get around blockers a b, c and the budget. It really is his responsibility as a manager to look at and know these things instead of just pulling ideas out of his hind parts.

33. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:51PM UTC

    Yes, it is negative. It's not forward-thinking, which is what the boss wants. Obstacles are not reasons to reject an idea, and it's the boss's job to decide on new projects and directions and then work out the how-to and what-if of it, not the OP.

34. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 3:36PM UTC

    As I said in my post, it's not negative. It's realistic. Putting an idea out in the work environment without a general idea of how to push it forward is going down a rabbit hole. I can't tell you the number of times I have worked on a project where a manager operated this way and in end the team had to do a complete 180 or I had to come in and fix the mess caused by a BS idea without a path forward and no forward thinking. A just make it happen attitude is a disaster in the making with a lot of unnecessary stress. Also, a manager who calls an employee negative for voicing a concern is problematic. It does not sound like the original poster was nasty when bringing up possible blockers. An employee should bring up concerns and ask questions. An employee can offer a POV that a manager may be oblivious to as a manager. Working on a team is not suppose to be a dictatorship.

35. Rynn StrangeMay 3,2022 at 12:42PM UTC

    Brainstorming is a way to come up with new, different, unique ideas to drive business.
    I'd advise what so many others are - listen, consider, then play devil's advocate. Instead of trying to "be realistic" about whether something will or won't work, say, "What if?" or "How about?" Just because something didn't work before or it sounds outlandish to you, doesn't mean it shouldn't be considered now.

36. C AllenMay 3,2022 at 12:56PM UTC

    My two cents: before you reply with rebuttals make sure you also have solutions in hand. It's a balance. Think the difference between criticism and constructive criticism.

    That goes when interacting with anyone they will value your negative feedback more. If you cannot readily think of anything positive (your brain is quick to think of all the negatives and it will take time to re-train yourself), then simply thank them for their input and tell them you'd like time to consider those options. Offer to follow up later in the day or even a later date with your opinion - positive and negative.

37. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:03PM UTC

    I know it's difficult on the fly, but instead of saying why you can't implement an idea or why it wouldn't work, could you instead propose another idea along the same lines but something that's actually achievable? That way, it doesn't feel as dismissive.

38. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:04PM UTC

    Perception is reality and if his perception is that you are being negative then you are. You don't have to become a yes man but maybe not immediately shut down all of the ideas he comes up with right from the get.

39. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:17PM UTC

    When your mind comes up with 'possible problems' you might face, try to come up with the pro-active solutions to the problems before speaking up. That way you are working to support his brainstorming and not against it as he feels you are doing. His ideas may not always pan out, but trying to see the positive may help you become more creative too.

40. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:24PM UTC

    I'd ask to see if the brainstorm sessions are to merely see possible solutions and a later meeting to go over possible blockages? I do something similar & have noticed people who like to spitball ideas aren't interested in the "what can go wrong" things at that stage - they want to free-associate solutions first before being "bogged down" with the possible issues to the ideas.

41. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:48PM UTC

    I think the boss has already determined that this is the process & OP wants to set a different agenda.

42. JoAnna BlackMay 3,2022 at 1:35PM UTC

    Consider a more formal approach for your realistic take on a project or idea. Conduct a SWOT (strength, weakness, opportunity, threat) analysis so you're showing you see both the potential benefits and pitfalls. I have the same tendency, I start tracking through the ripple effects of a change in process or a new product offering. It can come off as negative if you're not talking about your thought process and/or showing some enthusiasm for making a needed change

43. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 1:48PM UTC

    Brainstorming isn't supposed to have "but" and "what if" as part of the process. Don't express your concerns until there has been some progress on a decision. And anyway, is it really your place to tell your boss where to invest time and money? That's your boss's job. If the boss decides to invest time and money over here and take time & money from over there, that's the boss's prerogative.

44. JulieMay 3,2022 at 1:56PM UTC

    People who play the devil’s advocate or who like to just point out problems without offering comparable solutions and ideas are the obstacles to progress all the time. I live in a “what if it all works out” world and I know people who live in a doom and gloom will surely happen. I like to use the words rational and reasonable. Because there will always be a challenge to anything you do - that’s a given. But solutions are innovative ways to get things done that will be more effective and efficient. I would stop engaging with any employee who couldn’t find a way to be both innovative and solution driven. You are stuck in what is working now.

    The point where any boss has to go around an employee because they aren’t helpful to them is when you need to figure out a better way to stay or a new way to go. Don’t be surprised when you are left out, isolated and ultimately let go.

45. Bernadette M MartinezMay 3,2022 at 2:08PM UTC

    What about suggesting a split process? If he thrives in the unhindered chaos of everything that could be with no regard for practicality or reality, let him do his brainstorming independently. He can then follow up with you and your incredibly valuable ability to see the problems in a process that would need to be overcome. Particularly if your response is written, it would be very easy to provide feedback in the different areas that you are concerned about. A heading for project loss, financial loss, time spent on this new idea versus existing obligations, etc.

    Now, part of your post also indicates that it is your job to do brainstorming. If that's the case, you will have to start figuring out how to reframe your feedback so that he doesn't take it negatively, which is a completely ridiculous notion to me because he should be grateful that he has someone on his team that can see pitfalls and hurdles as quickly as you can.

    And despite everyone below who's saying that it's the boss's decision where they spend time and money and all that nonsense, the best bosses listen to the people they hire. Not everyone is Elon musk running around doing whatever the hell they want ignoring the people around them saying it might not be the best move. You're in your position for a reason and if expansion and growth are part of your job, you absolutely need to be giving your input and feedback. You and your boss need to brainstorm a process that works for both of your styles. If need be, remind him that he hired you for a reason and that you do bring a lot of asset to your role.

46. Bretley DannerMay 3,2022 at 2:56PM UTC

    Not knowing what the business is, it’s a little hard to comment on just how you are “crushing” his creativeness. He definitely sounds like he is passionate, and probably a person who makes things happen. He also sounds pretty dramatic. You are there I am assuming because he needs you…

    And, not sure how the process happens, and exactly when, and how you are “crushing” his creativity? However, it sounds like when he is “Brian storming” he doesn’t want to be thwarted. It also sounds like you are a bit pragmatic, to the point it comes off negatively.

    Perhaps the time to come up with cautionary advice is after the brain storming is finished. Give it a few days perhaps. Nothing happens over night, so let him do his thing, then interject your concerns later when he is calm and ready to listen. No one likes to hear “no” when they are really excited about something.

    He is your boss, but again, he has you in your position for good reason I am assuming. Just give him his space when he needs it, and then gently push back when the time is right…

47. AnonymousMay 3,2022 at 4:30PM UTC

    Your ability to see the potential pitfalls is a gift; this kind of vision allows you to be proactive with strategies, detect and avoid risk, and achieve outcomes.
    However, you must think carefully about how you package and communicate your perspective. When your boss wants to brainstorm, chime in with "We could..." and "We would need to" ideas instead of "We can't do x because of y." Instead of "That won't work because of x..." try, "Yes! That would totally work if we moved x over here and did y!" By focusing your expression of your thoughts on what CAN be achieved, you will not be a "yes" person, you will be still be true to your perspective, and you will help your boss achieve the positive atmosphere they need to be creative. Also, as you take in their feedback about negativity, be sure to be mindful of what your non-verbals are saying. I have to work very hard not to grimace or eye roll when I hear half-baked ideas. Keeping a neutral, engaged-looking face might give off some more positive vibes that your boss is looking for.

48. bmMay 3,2022 at 8:54PM UTC

    Communication and knowing your audience is key.

    I've worked with people where they just come up with ideas, I think, well this is just half baked crap. I don't say that but instead, I say, okay, walk me through your vision, what are you thinking? Then say, okay, let's go back and think through how we could implement this. That is when I'll bring in the blocks and you can then ask, "how should we solve this?" At that point, you're able to say what your view is and his views and it becomes more of a collaboration during the brainstorming, which is what your boss may be looking for.

49. Liz MilneMay 3,2022 at 10:29PM UTC

    I know people like you and I know people like him: you both have value in a workplace. I'm like you in that I look for 'worst case scenarios' but I can also lay out a lot of possibilities ranging from dull but doable to exciting moonshots - at the least I'd say you need to have a discussion and tell him you're not trying to shoot down his ideas, you're testing them for potential plot-holes - playing devil's advocate. If you can train yourself to join in his flights of fancy, that would be good, then once you have five or so solid ideas, then you can start picking at any problems you see - that way you both get the best of both?

50. Joanna PoeMay 3,2022 at 10:30PM UTC

    Both perspectives are necessary for business (or any endeavor) to thrive. But perhaps the "naysaying" isn't appropriate in a brainstorming session. Have a discussion with your boss about how both personality aspects bring value and ask to work together to find a way to discuss things.

51. AnonymousMay 4,2022 at 6:35AM UTC

    It sounds like you provide realistic perspectives on the innovative ideas. For example, you are thinking about the next steps, or the how to go about implementing the idea.

    when I’m leading a team I would encourage such thoughts as this helps the team overall work through potential challenges in a chosen or perceived path given a decision.

    I recommend you continue to assert your perspective because it benefits the team and helps you grow and advance yourself. However, you may need to listen more closely to how your thoughts are being perceived. This may help you determine if your communication style is being received by your audience to help get your good points across.

    in addition, if your inputs aren’t respected this is definitely something to consider when practicing your skills in the work place.

    good luck, hope that helps!

52. AnonymousMay 4,2022 at 1:06PM UTC

    Brainstorming should be that opportunity to express some of those wild, off-the-wall ideas that just might work if tweaked in the right direction. I would take notes on your possibilities rather than verbally expressing ideas in these brainstorming sessions. Then go back to your office, review your notes, and decide how best to express your thoughts. It may be that you are appearing negative because of the 'tone' of your voice or your supervisor may think you are embarrassing him in front of others. And, is your boss is the one responsible for the success or failure of a project or are you? It is important to show all sides (possibilities and roadblocks) to ideas before they are set in motion. Set a meeting with him after you have collected your thoughts.

53. AnonymousMay 4,2022 at 7:29PM UTC

    If your boss perceives you as too negative then you are too negative for them. You are right to be concerned that you will lose value if people leave you out. There's lots of good advice here which I won't repeat, but would like to add two points:

    If the last 4 ideas you ran by your subordinate all received negative feedback, would you go back for #5 ?

    Try responding with positive enthusiasm to the next three ideas, regardless. "Sounds exciting. How can I help?" Seriously, let them flow regardless of your misgivings. Observe how things play out. Even if it fails, don't be negative or an armchair quarterback. Your boss did you a favor by giving you feedback and a chance to change. Take advantage of it.

54. Jenny Cox, PHRMay 4,2022 at 8:29PM UTC

    There's some great advice here. One thing I would add is that rather than pointing out what won't work, tell your boss what you would need to make it work.

    For example, "Bob I love that idea and it sounds like you're pumped about it, too. I know we are brainstorming here so just off the top of my head I'm probably going to need two or three more FTE to get this off the ground in time for XX deadline."

    or

    "Oh that sounds like it could really help our organization, Bob. I anticipate we will need to make some software updates in order for this to be feasible. Can I put together a list of updates we'd need for you to review?"

    Or

    "That's an interesting approach, Bob. How about we brainstorm this for another 20 minutes or so and throw everything up on a whiteboard. Then we can spend the next 20 minutes focused on timeframes, implementation, and what we need to make this happen."

    Rather than fight his ideas, ask for what you will need to make them work.

55. Karen GongawareMay 4,2022 at 8:44PM UTC

    Love the advice. But your boss sounds immature. If he wanted a cheerleading squad he should have hired one. And yes, if I am crazy enough to throw ideas out there at my team (without researching pros and cons) then I darn well better listen to all the comments positive and negative. That's what a leader does.

56. AnonymousMay 4,2022 at 9:33PM UTC

    This may be a bit blunt, but you should let go of your ego and recognize and respect he is your boss, not you, even if you feel his judgement is wrong.

    Sometimes in these situations, you need to be strategic and think about the end game and outcome you want If I am guaging you right, it looks like you want leadership and or possibly think you can do his job better than he can, which is alright, but you cannot and absolutely should not let him know that. Never let your boss see you as a threat. This could be why he is labeling you in this way. Not because it is true, but he could be trying to build a case against you to eliminate you as competition. So don't let it lead to this point. Play the game smarter.

    If you have fact driven, data driven, metric driven, statistical evidence (not solely opinion) that supports your ideas/direction on certain concepts, sometimes it is best to let your boss make his mistakes. If you tell him once your idea 1x and he disagrees, let it go. If his methodology is not in line with the hire ups expectations, eventually they will turn to someone else for solutions and thats where you will come into play.

    If you like your current work environment and team members, try to play along, let him dig a hole for himself so when leadership is looking for an alternative perspective, you already have your innovative and well researched ideas (fully documented) and ready to roll.

    But if you keep trying to impart your ideas onto him, he will only look at you as a threat and make it difficult for you to either stay in your current role or move up, which is what you are projecting.

    Since he has labelled you to be negative, do the unexpected, set a 1 on 1 meeting with him. Acknowledge all the negative things he pointed out and humbly apologize (not because you mean it) but because you dont want this to escalate to where he feels like he is in competition with you. Stroke his ego and play along. As other leadership opportunities come up, apply for them. Focus on documenting your ideas and improving your relationship with your boss because he could be the gatekeeper as to whether you end up in leadership one day. So try your best to not burn that bridge. I totally get where you are coming from. You just have to play the game smarter.

57. AnonymousMay 4,2022 at 10:02PM UTC

    There is a ton of great advice here.

    I was accused of being a dream killer early on and have grown my leadership role largely by finding this balance.

    I had a frank talk with my boss and explained that I understood how my problem solving came across, my intent was just the opposite “interesting idea, how can we make it happen” so at least they knew I wasn’t *trying* to be a naysayer.

    And then I started doing a lot of the advice below. Taking notes about my concerns. Waiting until the brainstorming period ended and possible selections were honed in on before bringing up challenges to implementing the ideas. Phrasing the challenges as problems to solve (with possible solutions, even if if I didn’t think the solution through, it let that conversation get going).

    You can also ask bluntly “is this an ideas on the table session or a what should we do session?” Those are two different things. The first is “no bad ideas” land. The second is “shoot holes and figure out how to plug them” time - you gotta know which meeting you are in.

    And then, in the end, decide and commit. The project will either work despite your concerns (and you get to be part of making it happen) or will fail despite your contribution (and you can’t be accused of sabotage but can offer an empathetic that’s what I was afraid of, bummer I was right.) And the next time, your well-placed cautions might be perceived as voice of reason vs. dream killer.

    I don’t think anyone would accuse me of being a yes man. But I’m also not considered a tower of no.

58. Heather CutlerMay 5,2022 at 3:41PM UTC

    Excellent and actionable advice!

59. AnonymousMay 5,2022 at 9:47AM UTC

    Actually, you need to be silent, because the rest of the team is expecting you to always be the "Eyeore" of the team. Find something that you can support and be enthusiastic about with your boss.