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What M.O.R.E. Do You Want? What’s Your Biggest Challenge as a Working Mom?
Happy Monday morning Mommas! As a Working Mom, which one(s) of these do you struggle with M.O.R.E.? Let me know in the comments and why.
(A) Managing Mom Guilt
(B) Overwhelmed
(C) Reassured of you relevance
(D) Exhausted
Chanda DeanSystems Analyst and lover of code
90
08/26/20 at 10:35PM UTC
Ha ha! 3 would drive me nuts. I was told there’s never a perfect moment to grow or start a family. Something will always come up and boy has that been true. Thanks for your encouragement and reminders.
Robbie GreenThe Working Mom's Coach
307
08/26/20 at 5:23AM UTC
...or THREE??. But seriously, after I had my son, I was so in love, I remember thinking how can I ever have another one?? I can never love ANYONE more than this. My Mom looked at me and smiled and said, “Oh, you’ll find some more love.” I had my daughter, and she was right. So in that same lane, Chanda, you will find more love and more energy to get done what needs to be done when you are blessed with another one.
One thing that this Covid situation is teaching us is the lesson of what is truly important. At the end of the day, the people you love are what make you happy. We all need money to survive, but what we are learning is money=income not a job or even career. So never be so tied to a job that the things that are important in your life go lacking. If you want another baby, have one! Remember, never wait for perfection to bring another life into the world, but welcome the present of being made a Mother, one more time. It’s a blessing.
Chanda DeanSystems Analyst and lover of code
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08/26/20 at 3:52AM UTC
I think I’m A and D. I have two sisters and a brother and a gigantic extended family. So there was always someone to play with or be with growing up. I am a Mom to one amazing 3 yo but it hurts me seeing her grow without siblings. This COVID thing hasn’t made things any easier in terms of socializing. Right now me and my husband are our daughter’s only friends. One of my sisters is just a year older and we are very close. I always wanted that for my own children but life happened and time keeps on going and we are all getting older. I do plan to have one more child..hopefully just one as multiples run in my family. The timing just hasn’t been right for some time. I guess one day I’ll just put my foot down and say ok, now or never. Ay, but it does eat at me. And I’m tired with one. My God what about with two???
Amy KeachProject Management Leader, Teacher, Mentor
210
08/26/20 at 3:02PM UTC
Chanda, you have to do what's right for you. I had my son when I was 37. We tried for a second but Mama Nature had other plans, and I couldn't face attempting fertility treatments at 40, so that was that. No way it's happening now that I'm 49 (can you imagine changing diapers while dealing with hot flashes?! no thank you!). There's no guidebook for any of us, even in the best of times - we're all making it up as we go along, especially now. Trust yourself. Your self will thank you. :)
Chanda DeanSystems Analyst and lover of code
90
08/26/20 at 10:28PM UTC
Thanks Amy. You are right. Thanks for the encouragement. It will all work itself out whether I stress myself out or not.
Julie S.I'm an engineer doing environmental compliance.
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08/25/20 at 11:11PM UTC
Overwhelmed with the massive list of everything I need to do at the same time.
Robbie GreenThe Working Mom's Coach
307
08/26/20 at 12:27AM UTC
Hey Julie. Focusing is Freeing. Our brains are not designed to multitask. We only end up task switching. Actively practice starting something and finishing that thing before you move on to the next thing. When you do that, it gives you a strong sense of accomplishment and makes you want to stay in that lane.
Julie S.I'm an engineer doing environmental compliance.
124
08/26/20 at 12:29AM UTC
In theory, with only work, sure. But not with also having to help my 5yo navigate virtual classes at the same time.
Robbie GreenThe Working Mom's Coach
307
08/26/20 at 1:12AM UTC
I totally feel that Julie. As I mentioned to Miquel in the comments above, during these uncertain times, do your best, knowing that your Covid/working while at home / and homeschooling your children all at the same best looks a lot different than your 2019 best. Period. Do the best you can, and try to focus on the things that must get done at the time.
Miquel K. SmithBrand Strategist
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08/24/20 at 4:02PM UTC
Overwhelmed by far, especially since the pandemic kicked in. Work, kids, marriage, home, aging parents, grad school (this last one is on me for adding to my plate, but I really needed the mental stimulation!).
Robbie GreenThe Working Mom's Coach
307
08/26/20 at 12:21AM UTC
Congratulations Miquel on your decision to attend grad school, and doing something for you. When I made that decision 6 years ago, I got through it by telling myself “I can do anything for two years.” Lol. Sounded funny at the time, but that declaration got me through many late night papers.
This pandemic is testing everyone. The day to day unknowns, just intensifies all of the other things that we get to do as Working Moms. It’s a lot. I tell the Moms that I coach that especially right now, the best thing you can do for yourself IS your best, but know that your best will change. And that’s Ok. Your best before adding grad school to your list will look different than it does now. So just be aware of that and keep pushing.
Amy KeachProject Management Leader, Teacher, Mentor
210
08/26/20 at 2:45PM UTC
Miquel, you are not alone. Like Robbie, I got through by repeating "It's only 2 years, It's only 2 years" (in my best Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz voice). I finished one year and one week ago, and that feeling of accomplishment will always be with me. Just like it will always be with you - only you'll be able to say "I did it - and worked and took care of my family, all during a pandemic." As Robbie says, the best you can do is your best. As long as you have that - and a community like this one to cheer you on - you'll get through it. Cut yourself some slack. You've earned it!!
Miquel K. SmithBrand Strategist
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08/26/20 at 1:11AM UTC
Thanks, Robbie. Definitely aiming for growth on the other side of all of this!
Amy KeachProject Management Leader, Teacher, Mentor
210
08/24/20 at 3:51PM UTC
I would have to say it's really a combination of A and D, with each influencing the other fairly equally. I have always leaned toward "workaholism" - I think it's a byproduct of almost 20 years spent working for marketing and software development agencies, which work on the "Mad Men" model. Face time was always paramount, and if you had to work from home for a snow day or a kid's sick day, you wound up putting in more time remotely to prove you weren't off golfing. I was a full-time, WFH project manager in my last agency role, and I had to account for almost every minute of my time. I'm 4 years removed from that life, but the "must prove myself" piece is incredibly hard to overcome, so I wind up having lunch upstairs in my home office and really not paying any attention to my son downstairs - all the while making sure my team members are logging off and taking care of their own families. HUGE mom guilt ensues, so I wind up driving myself to exhaustion to "make it up" to him.
I'm hoping to change that this fall. My son and I have a date this week to "plan our weeks" so we can do things like have lunch together, talk about what's going on with virtual learning, etc. I'm involving him in determining the frequency because if he feels a sense of ownership, I'm hoping it'll lessen the "Mom's making me do this" reaction (even though I am). Like Candida above, I need to be asking those questions - and paying attention to him when I do. Mine is 12 and one of the "smart kids" who was not challenged at all by remote learning in the spring, and I don't want him to lose momentum. (And yes, I'm the mom who asked "so what are you planning for the kids who are advanced, to keep them challenged and engaged?" in our school's town hall earlier this month.)
You know what would be great? If we Type A, OCD, workaholic moms told each other on a regular basis that no, we aren't wonder woman, no one ever can be, and that we're all doing the best we can. Virtual {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} to all of you who need one!!
Robbie GreenThe Working Mom's Coach
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08/26/20 at 12:09AM UTC
Amy, I totally get the whole “prove yourself” shenanigans we have to play. Research shows that management and peers view Working Moms as less competent in the workplace. Seriously?!? We just birthed a WHOLE human into the world who we are now responsible for, every day for a very long time. We show up to work and have to work 3 times as hard as our male counterparts to even be considered equal and we are less competent? Well I’m here to squash that lie. Not only are you already PROVEN, you keep doing it every day. If no one else has cheered for you this week, I am.
And no. We are NOT Wonder Women. I agree that we need to remind each other of that to debunk what society has made us believe. I tell the Moms that I coach that we CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens us, but we can NOT do them all at once! ??
Amy KeachProject Management Leader, Teacher, Mentor
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08/26/20 at 2:39PM UTC
Thank you, Robbie!!
Candida Milliron Sawa
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08/24/20 at 3:21PM UTC
EXHAUSTED
Candida Milliron Sawa
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08/24/20 at 3:29PM UTC
It is hard to be there for all things. My son is 10; with significant self assurance and Independence, I need to be there with school to check (sometimes double check), discuss solutions and help with management of time. Lets not forget downtime and ensuring he is safe, productive or in a good space, asking questions to ensure change of clothes, brush teeth, eating and drinking...not just engulfing junk food. Then sports and the time commitment and prep for club soccer. All while having a full time position in Account Manage;; placing the same effort and time into my customer and their business needs. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be but I am trying to be my best for everyone, while this and house and cooking. This leaves myself little, but some, time for me to shower and allow me feel partially human. HENCE EXHAUSTED!!! That share was very therapeutic. Thanks @Robbie Green.
Robbie GreenThe Working Mom's Coach
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08/25/20 at 11:53PM UTC
Candida, I’m soo glad you used your response to release! As busy, EXHAUSTED Working Moms, we definitely need to do M.O.R.E releasing. Because if we don’t, we usually end up boiling over on the people who least deserve it. And that’s not effective for you, the people you get to care for, or your career. Thanks for sharing.
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