I feel like I am slowly losing it.

46 Comments

1. Christine JacquesMay 12,2022 at 1:59PM UTC

   Wow, I'm sorry.

   Can you get out for a quick walk around the block? Even if the kids have to go along, it will be a change from what sounds like boredom and claustrophobia for you.

   After that, I'd feel more confident about reading your situation, and offering some help.

2. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 2:04PM UTC

   Ooof!! When's the last time you took some time off for YOURSELF? I definitely feel you could use a serious day or two (maybe 3) to go do things during the day by yourself. Do not let your job burn you out (sounds like you are) and it also sounds like mix of breaking up the monotony of your "work/home life" schedule. You're taking an excellent first step though in acknowledging you're not OK and I do commend you for doing something about it, too (sharing here and signed up for outdoor activities). Things will get better for you!! In the meantime, I highly recommend you at least start by taking a mental health day for yourself, just to do you. Since you like the outdoors, I'd say incorporate a daily walk outside to get some fresh air/sunlight or spend the day in park/nature. Even if your activities haven't kicked off yet, try to bring in more nature into your life. I finding adding plants to your workspace or a good earthy candle can help too.

3. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 2:17PM UTC

   Does your company offer an EAP?

   If so, I would consider therapy to figure out a strategy. Perhaps there are other strategies warranted.

   Burnout is very real and requires a comprehensive strategy to really get all aspects of it.

4. TamsterMay 12,2022 at 2:32PM UTC

   It sounds like you may be struggling with depression. It’s very prevalent these days from the isolation of the pandemic. If your company offers an EAP, take advantage of that. If not, there are therapists out there who can help.

   in the meantime, if you live in a city, get outside and socialize. If you live in the country, for sure you should socialize.

5. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 2:36PM UTC

   Exercise & socializing are good for mental health!

6. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 2:57PM UTC

   I would recommend seeing a counselor or someone that you can talk through what you are going through. Many of us are going through similar feelings at one time or another. Outdoor activity, healthy lifestyle and community involvement will help, but getting to the root of what is bothering you is key.

   Life is short. Make yourself a priority. Make sure if you do feel as if you are about to break that you ask for help or take time to step aside. It is okay to say this is too much. It is okay to say I just can't. It is okay to say I need a break. It will take time. Take care.

7. Chan TumMay 12,2022 at 3:15PM UTC

   I think this is a great conversation to be had with your leader. They could help you get more involved with things that you are passionate about which could help relieve some stress and create a pathway into a career you're excited about. Communicate and give them a chance. You could find out some of your teammates feel the same and collaborate to create some social activities where all of you can get together or join one another in something each of you are already involved with. Hope this helps and enjoy sailing and rowing!

8. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 3:33PM UTC

   I totally understand where you are coming from. Working from home is hard. I found the lack of social connection with people other than your family made me feel like that too.

   When you find your job boring, it makes it almost impossible to do. I have had many days where i felt like i couldn't stay on task for anything. I'm starting a new job in a couple weeks doing the same type of work, but returning to an office environment instead of working from home and I am hoping it helps make the job more enjoyable again.

   As others mentioned, please, take time for yourself, and look into seeing a therapist. Having someone that is impartial to talk to and work through your feelings is so important.

   The activities you are planning are a great start to finding others with similar interest, and being outside always helps us to feel a little better.

   Good luck and I hope this weekend goes well for you. Maybe you can find a new place to take the kids, or if the weather is good, stay outside as much as you can, tire them out so you can have a peaceful night to yourself :)

9. JJMay 12,2022 at 3:50PM UTC

   Great advice here and I’ll just add: this is all really hard—the whole world seems broken. Someone mentioned depression to me a while back and I thought “now way” but it can be mild, sneaky, and present in ways that are not obvious. And it is ok to be depressed! Once you notice something is off you can take steps to manage it. Best of luck and sending you love!

10. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 4:22PM UTC

    I completely understand lashing out at your family. You love them, but being around them 24/7 is going to drive you off the deep end!

    I know you mentioned being bored with your job. Perhaps you're not being challenged enough. It would be a great idea to bring it up with your supervisor/person above you and mention that you'd like to dive in a little deeper and really step up your game with whatever it is you're doing. Maybe that's learning something new with regards to your position or tackling a massive project that's been on the back burner for a long time but needs doing, etc. Something that just gets you to reset and mentally focus on whatever it is you're doing that's not part of your daily routine.

    Speaking of routine, have you tried changing things up? Maybe instead of having your morning coffee at the kitchen table with your wife every morning, you could ride your bike to the nearest coffee shop (assuming it's safe and doable). Perhaps you could give morning yoga a shot. Or go for a morning jog on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I know as people we have a tendency to get caught in the doldrums of our lives. We all like routine. But sometimes it's good to break it up once in a while :)

    And as everyone else has said, try reaching out to a therapist or a mental health counselor for a more detailed plan of action.

11. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 5:34PM UTC

    What about using the extra time that you have while you aren’t working to level up in skills, or get a certification to help you change to a more exciting role?

12. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 5:51PM UTC

    I hear you and I am sure this all feels so heavy right now. Please talk to a therapist. You may just need to get this out and talk to someone who can help you unpack and sort through this. I say start riding that bike. Get out into the sunshine, start doing things that make you feel alive again. Be around people that SEE YOU and VALUE YOU, people that make you think and laugh and remind you of who you are and what life is really about. Try that for a few weeks and if that doesn't change your mindset at work, then look for something that will excite or at least challenge you.

    Take a deep breath in.

13. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 5:53PM UTC

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14. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 9:09PM UTC

    Breathe*It sounds stupid but slow deep breaths actually calm the anxiety and unwind the chest a bit. Also take care of you! Bubble bath with lights off, reading outside in nice weather, therapeutic lotions and oils, cooking. Search for a passion, art, woodwork, hobbies help. Being in the house day after day makes ya wanna go crazy. Take action. Hope it gets better.

15. AnonymousMay 12,2022 at 9:48PM UTC

    It looks like there is a lot to unpack here so lets break this down:

    1)Was your job title, role and responsibilities typically the same before COVID/working from home?

    2)If so, was you lashing out then or did this only start post working from home?

    3)If part of the dissatisfaction issue is your job, you need to figure out what industry and job functions you want to work in that you find intellectually stimulating to where you feel a level of self-fulfillment. I am gettng the feeling your issue is not just the social aspect, you are not being intellectually challenged enough to feel motivated to commit to work. It seems as if you do not know what that is now. Take a mental journey back to your childhood to present, what did you really enjoy doing, that kept you engaged and excited to learn and grow from? How can that translate into a job role? You need to spend some time alone and document this out. Do some serious sole searching.

    4)Mental Health-Lashing out: You also need to consider, do you have some unresolved trauma or issues that is causing you to lashout period? If your current job has health coverage or if you are covered under your wife, go get therapy. The issue with lashing out if unresolved is it starts out small can grown into a big ball where you may explosively say and do things you can never take back. What you don't want is to generate resentment with your family members. Start journaling to try to start examining and healing some of your deep unresolved issues and seek therapy with someone you feel can help with that on.

    5) Kids are driving you crazy: As COVID restrictions are lifting, can you get them involved in other activities like sports, hobbies, enrichment science courses so that by the time they come home to you they are too exhausted to cause you distress. Since they are your spawn, you will have to get creative. But just like pets, if you give them enough exercise they are less likely to chew up furniture and destroy other things in the house. So figure out their interest and make them participate in those activities to keep em busy and out of your hair.

    Good Luck, focus on healing and self-care and well-ness

16. AnonymousMay 13,2022 at 12:45AM UTC

    Thanks for this!.... I only come here to check what's new, but I wanted to let you know that I thought this was really good advice to follow!

17. AnonymousMay 15,2022 at 1:18PM UTC

    Thanks appreciate it!

18. Leader135412May 14,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    Get a job where you have to leave the house. I would never work from home. The routine is good, get up get dressed go to work. You will look forward to getting home, the weekend, your family, the activities.

19. monica mottMay 14,2022 at 2:52PM UTC

    100% agree. Getting out is important. There is also that definite “cut off” from work to home as well. Many people say they don’t want to go back in person but I think it’s just the convenience of that extra hour of sleep and no commute that keeps them from doing it. But they are also not happy. We have had some very high performing , engaged employees prior to COVID and in this past year we have seen a decline in these areas. It’s sad.

20. AnonymousMay 14,2022 at 12:43PM UTC

    It sounds like you have acknowledged that first part of a difficult stage - something is not right in your life. Part two would be to actually talk to someone- hopefully reputable. Most will do it anonymously if you prefer. It could be depression, it could be hormonal imbalances (yes it happens to men to) it could be low vitamin D - with COVID most did not get outside and when they did wire masks - so did not produce enough vitamin D - and low vitamin D mimics depression. It could be cleared up by having a frank discussion with a good primary care doctor and a great physical - and enjoying time outside - and get some sidewalk chalk and let those kids have fun. Look up free park and Rex events and take them - libraries have tons of free things to do as well. Keep them cooped up? Yes - you will all go crazy. But - it takes two to create them, but take care of yourself and get to the bottom of your symptoms- don’t treat the side effects only - it is just a bandage on a hemorrhage.

21. AnonymousMay 14,2022 at 12:51PM UTC

    Perhaps a nice walk outside to get some natural vitamin D might help! Take the kiddos to the park or the zoo, some place that they can burn off that energy and be nice and tired come bed time.

    If your workspace is mobile enough, perhaps a coffee shop might be a nice change of venue! Or the library!

22. Mary KerdashaMay 14,2022 at 12:54PM UTC

    Well you came to a good place for support which is a great first step. Now consider going to a licensed therapist, preferably one you leave the house to see. This weekend ask a friend or pay a babysitter to allow you to not feel overwhelmed. You have a lot of issues at once, job, working conditions, kids, feelings, etc so try to take small steps to feeling better. Check in with us too!!

23. Focused721350May 14,2022 at 1:18PM UTC

    Good Morning!

    I can understand where your coming from. It seems like whatever you do it's just BLAHHHH!!!! Well! Try and get outdoors and do some activities with the Kiddos and put everything else on the BACK BURNER.... Clear your head and enjoy quality time with them.... TRUST ME! IT HELPS!

    Try and stay POSITIVE! No NEGATIVE NELLIE! Get the endorphins flowing!!!!! Btw! Maybe! You can seek a Life coach or something along that line....

    Good Luck and God bless, Ms. T ;)

24. AnonymousMay 14,2022 at 1:23PM UTC

    I often hear people WFH having this ‘syndrome’. I say syndrome because I have a friend who tried to change this feeling by starting another job too. A few weeks into the new job. She complained about the same things in the previous job. She then realised there is nothing wrong with the job and admitted she has a thing for ‘starting over’, the thrill for new beginnings. There are great benefits about wfh. She makes good money, travel and work from anywhere she wants, have a lovely apartment near the sea. And yet still complains. I figured the downfall about wfh is the lack of human interaction. This constrains your brains activity and decrease oxytocin which generally is stimulated by trust and touch.

    The best way to compensate the lack of human activity at work is to, attend events, expose yourself to parks, promenades, anywhere else that will expose human interaction, join a local/club/group etc.

    But most importantly be kind to yourself.

25. AnonymousMay 14,2022 at 1:29PM UTC

    I’m sorry to hear that.
    Going to work half time and working half time helped me for a bit but it added more layers of stress. So I don’t know it’s a WFH thing. Maybe you just need to focus on your mental health and do the things that bring you joy and help you to raise those dopamine levels.
    Depending on what article or book you read there are 5 forms of self-care:
    Physical - working out, going for a hike, etc
    spiritual - connecting with nature if you’re not religious works.
    emotional - setting boundaries, saying no to certain people/things, and saying yes to those that you might say no to.
    Intellectual- learning something new or reading or just staying engaged with something of that sort.
    social - hanging out with people who will help bring you joy.

    I also recommend seeing a therapist. It helps.

    burnout sucks. I have been there and got to a point where I didn’t want to live anymore. I sought out self help articles and therapy and I have been feeling better.

    Work is blah but I try to do things outside and even during work to connect with my coworkers and friends to help me stay grounded.
    I feel for you and hope things start to get better.

26. AnonymousMay 14,2022 at 1:50PM UTC

    Hugs!

    1) It took a lot of courage to share this, thank you.

    2) You are not alone.

    3) Have you considered a co-working space for separating work and home?

    4) Exercise and therapy are great, but it is ok to feel malaise when society seems to be divided and media is perpetually negative

    5) What “filled your cup” when you were younger? Sometimes we have to “go back” to go forward.

    All the best!

27. Bradford McCormickMay 14,2022 at 2:05PM UTC

    So you are too intelligent for your job. But you have to do it to pay the bills? You don't say what the job is. But if you worked for only five minutes and couldn't take any more of it, isn't the writing on the wall? How can you get a good performance review if you cannot tolerate doing the work?

    Your wife works? If you cannot get a job that uses more of your talents and knowledge and interests, what is the bottom line financially? Can the family cut expenditures to the point that you don't have to torture yourself every day which, if you are not very close to the finish line (retirement) is not likely to work out anyway, is it?

    It's not helpful to say get a job that's more like you deserve because you have probably done that. I wasted my life in jobs that were far below what I had to offer but what I had to offer was not what employers wanted, and I did manage to find interest and pleasure in a lot of it -- at least at first. Things kept getting worse until each nite when I went to bed I hoped I would never wake up again (I do not want to suffer). You don't say what the work is. You don't say what you could do that you are not being allowed to do by the job.

    If there is something that really motivates you in life but you can't find a way to get paid for it and you don't have entrepreneurial skill (I don't have any), then if it was me I would try to reduce the output cash flow if at all possible.

    Can you live on your wife's income? If she does not hate her job, don't hurt yourself by having foolish feelings like you aren't being a breadwinner. Two kids driving you crazy? You're the housewife. That's a full time job if your breadwinner has to go to work, right? Don't let social prejudices make you feel worse than you need to. "Man up!", i.e., pick your spirits up and stop feeling you aren't being "man enough" -- that's romantic in the bad sense of the word. You feel you're going crazy? It sounds like a very bad situation and you haven't sat down laid our everything and decided what your least worst course of action is and got on with it. Don't let any foolish thing like being ashamed of not being happy doing a boring job drag you down. The problem sounds like it is not you but your situation, right? So don't beat yourself up about being beaten up. One of the worst things you can do is to give into what's hurting you. But maybe none of this applies to you. You deserve better. Life is not fair but we just have to make the best of what we are stuck with unless we can change it, for instance, maybe, by drastically cutting expenditures if that is possible. Much smaller house with a much smaller monthly mortgage? No vacations? Drop cable (except for your internet connection)? I apologize if none of this applies to you.

28. Saria Carter SaccocioMay 14,2022 at 2:35PM UTC

    I am concerned about your mental health. Many people are not ok right now. It’s important and a good first step that you are reaching out for help. I recommend connecting with a PCP that will listen to your story and determine next steps to evaluate your situation. You don’t have to take this journey alone. Hugs…

29. monica mottMay 14,2022 at 2:48PM UTC

    I can totally relate to this. However I did have the option to hybrid at the office. So I work three days in the office and two days remote. It was the people , getting out of the house, change of scenery etc that helped. Not everyone is back in the office but enough to make it feel “normal” again. There are definitely upsides to WFH. No commute, The ability to do or get other things done during the day. But human interaction is so important (at least for me) for my mental health.

    My husband loved being 100% work from home for about the first year. But this past year he’s depressed, lethargic, his mobility has declined and he’s even said he wished he could go to an office a few days a week. Unfortunately he does not have that option as his job is totally remote.

    If you have the option to work in an office setting with other people that might prove helpful.

30. MargaritaMay 14,2022 at 3:09PM UTC

    Thank you for sharing.

    A lot of us feel this way. And at the same time you feel guilt because you’re “not happy”. I didn’t WFH but felt some guilt/ jealousy that my spouse who could WFH. I felt like my spouse didn’t do much at home. Didn’t help with the kids, wouldn’t cook a healthy meal, and the house wasnt tidy. It caused me to be bitter. It’s turns out that my spouse was depressed, and unhappy at home. I assumed, because he was an introvert, he would be happy at home. I was so grateful he was home and the kids were safe. He never communicated his unhappiness. I started to realize it after I started to focus on my mental health. My advice is this… After the conference talk to your spouse. Tell her your feelings and that you want to work through this. That both of you need to plan some time for you to seek and attend talk to a license therapist. You’ll realize she’s feeling some ways too. Ask her. No one wants to see their spouse unhappy but you can’t do anything about it until you first seek help first. This will benefit your children tremendously. (And by the was children are resilient. They will appreciate your progress even if they have to suffer a bit through the transition. ) Nothings is ever perfect but your life is a work in progress. Take time to work on your progress. Sending you good energy, healing and courage!!

31. Lisa MarieMay 14,2022 at 3:17PM UTC

    Hello I am sorry you're feeling this way.

    If you are not able to afford a therapist at this time, you could search for either online or local anonymous group therapy sessions you can attend. Here's a link to one, you can check out, and it looks like it's just $15 after free sessions: https://www.forhers.com/online-support-groups

    Additionally, are you aable to work from a location other than your home? Like say your local library? Or perhaps a cafe/restaurant, where you can buy beverages and lunch in exchange for their wifi and table space. Is there a Barnes&Noble near you?

    You could vary where you work based on the meetings you have scheduled each day (no calls in the library of course).

    Is there citywide wifi in your neck of the woods? Could you capture a small gazebo or a shady tree in a quiet park, and work there three days per week?

    Perhaps getting out of the house and "commuting" to and from a different work space is what you need right now.

    Also be sure to take a lunch break each day as you begin to work a full day again. Take 45-mintutes to an hour if you need to, not just 30-minutes, to have time to unwind as well - not just eat. Just be sure to take a break from all work related activities and use the time to look at, see, and analyze (make up stories if you will) about the scenes around you. Those stories csn help take your mond off work, since many people still think about their next job task to do after lunch.

    I think that approach could help.

    Good luck and stay strong for yourself, your wife, and kids.

    ***NOTE for everyone: I do not know anything about, nor am I affiliated in any way with the website/people in the link I posted. I simply found it via a search while responding to this Fairygodboss post.

32. AnonymousMay 14,2022 at 3:52PM UTC

    About 6 years ago, I was where you are now.

    Burned out with the work I was doing. Burned out with the life I was leading. Work, which at the time was too much of my identity even though the career I built was not intentional and, I know now, not meant for me. I too had a short fuse with people. I was holding on to work though because it was exceptional pay + benefits (for example, unlimited PTO). I hated work so much I took full advantage of the PTO. (many vacations) But then when I came back I felt the dread.

    And I’ve had many jobs prior which I felt this dread.

    Anyway, the last vacation I took, I came back and 2 weeks later I quit. The stock options, and the fact that I’d been freelancing on the side, allowed me make the leap to freelance full time. If I had a partner at the time who was working, I might not have even worked at all.

    I started therapy a month later, and I feel, because I am, a different person 7 years later. I recognized it wasn’t just the job. I’ve had anxiety all my life.. But the way I experienced my anxiety all my life up until therapy, was causing me to not fully be in the world. Which was reflected in the career path I chose that I don’t regret but I no longer pursue because I am a creative person and that career was not. It was reflected in the the types of relationships I had with family and friends. It was reflected in everything I did and every way I thought about the world and myself.

    Anyway, if you can quit your job, please do. Give yourself the time and space to figure yourself out so you don’t ruin your relationships with family because you’re so miserable. But most important, so you can build a better, more solid, more honest relationship with yourself.

    And go to therapy. Therapy is not as expensive as people think (most cities have short term therapy programs as part of low income clinics, That’s what did first before later finding another place recommended by them that offered affordable therapy from a counseling center whose therapists were trainees or intern-level) and kill any stories about therapy you’ve might of heard. Therapy is just you paying someone trained, sympathetic, and compassionate to listen to you and help you deal with whatever you’re going through.

    anyway, hope this helps. Good luck.

33. Laurie GarrettMay 14,2022 at 3:53PM UTC

    Prayers

34. Erica MitchellMay 14,2022 at 3:59PM UTC

    I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I have a mental health disorder. I suggest seeing a Psychologist or counselor. It helped me tremendously. My work has become boring to me as well. It's not challenging enough, but being on the right meds and talking to someone helps me to not take it out on my husband. I hope this helps. Don't give up.

35. AnonymousMay 14,2022 at 6:28PM UTC

    I had the same issue, but no kids in the house. You should really think about finding a job that wants staff back in the office, even if it is only for a few days a week. I started going back a few days a week last summer, it was different/difficult for the first few weeks, but my frame of mind really started changing. While I’m an introvert I discovered that I really do need to be around people for a little while. And as others say, try and find some therapy, or look for a group on line of people that are struggling staying at home all the time.

36. KelliMay 14,2022 at 11:28PM UTC

    This sounds a lit like burnout mixed with a little depression. If you have the ability, talking to a therapist can be really helpful. Sometimes you just need to have someone help you organize your thoughts and feelings. I find it incredibly helpful in my life. You're trying good things, but jumping jobs may or may not work, especially if it is a new job in the same line of work. It sounds like it might be deeper. I wish you the best. I know it's really hard.

37. Liz MilneMay 15,2022 at 1:24AM UTC

    It's a shame that you find parenting something that 'drives you crazy' rather than planning to use that time as an opportunity to spend quality time with the children and get all of you out of the house and doing something active?

    A lot of issues with wfh are to do with the lack of structure, and some people need a very structured life to feel good and be productive (I'm one of them). Try to get yourself into a routine, and do those things you mentioned: sailing, rowing, cycling - exercise is *excellent* for mental health.

    Good luck with it all x

38. Jason LeeMay 15,2022 at 2:12AM UTC

    What industry are you in that your work is soo boring?

39. EPMay 15,2022 at 4:06AM UTC

    This doesn’t sound good at all. Please see a psychiatrist right away.

40. AnonymousMay 15,2022 at 9:12AM UTC

    I'm in this exact same position. I'm already in therapy and my psych prescriber just dismissed me (or rather, claimed I dismissed myself). I am on a mental health leave from work, am in a referral black hole trying to find any new providers getting shot down or indefinitely waitlisted left and right, and am without the wherewithal to manage this nightmare to even fight for resources that just don't seem to be available. I make (made?) 6 figures and honestly worry I'm going to end up homeless. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions, but I certainly feel for you.

41. Deb HornerMay 15,2022 at 1:00PM UTC

    Please contact your local mental health services - they are typically paid for by taxation. Even if they cannot provide you with services on site, they will be able to refer you to a provider within your health care network.

42. AnonymousMay 15,2022 at 5:39PM UTC

    You're burned out, and have a little depression. You need to talk to your doctor about meds and get some therapy as well. I was where you were a few months ago.

43. Lynda BoothMay 15,2022 at 8:33PM UTC

    Figure out what makes you happy and be sure you have opportunities to do that, whether personal or professional. Be sure you have support...your partner, a coach or therapist and someone you can talk to and express how you are feeling. You are not alone and lots of people go through these emotions. Take care of you first and foremost!

44. Karen GongawareMay 16,2022 at 1:54PM UTC

    Go see a professional licensed counselor. You sound like you have depression. Get help immediately.

45. AnonymousMay 16,2022 at 7:35PM UTC

    Many have lived this same experience since the pandemic as lives have been turned upside down. WFH is not for everyone. Some people need the F2F interaction to experience engagement. As others have said, please discuss this with your physician and seek out therapy sooner rather than later. Is your wife aware of how you feel? If not, it's also time to tell her. I'd also suggest that you make a list of elements of a job that have motivated and excite you in the past. Use this as a foundation to seek out jobs that are a better fit for you.

46. Patricia ManroeMay 29,2022 at 8:14PM UTC

    I actually enjoy WFH. I believe I am more productive. But I have no transportation. But this coming week someone is giving me an electric bicycle. So I will be able to ride to parks and downtown, where I can do some photography and video. Which I love.

    What kind of work do you do?