Gaming control | Fairygodboss

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Anonymous

11/09/20 at 2:45PM UTC

Parenting

Gaming control

Hi parents. Is anyone else out there struggling with managing video gaming time with their kids? It's a continual source of angst here. We have tried no games. Limited game time on weekends only. and no limits. No matter what it always seems to end in arguing! Looking for some advice. Thanks!

8 Comments

Anonymous

11/09/20 at 3:39PM UTC

The PS4 and Xbox One offer parental settings if you're on their gaming networks. My husband manages our boys' game time from an app on his phone. They only play Friday through Sunday unless school is out, and they get two hours of game time. Once the time limit is reached, the system shuts off - even if their games are not saved. They get 30, 15, and 5-minute warnings from the system. So they need to be paying attention, or they can lose any unsaved game play. If they do chores around the house, he can reward them with extra time right from the app. For phones, I use the Screen Time feature in iPhone iOS. Our boys cannot access games or social media while in school. Those apps only turn on after 3:00 pm when school lets out. I also have app limits set up, which means I control how much game time and social media time they use on their phones. If they do something inappropriate on social media, then I can ground them just from social media by setting those apps to 0 minutes. We have a 13-year-old son who would never leave his room if his phone wouldn't turn off. The older boys (16 and 15) tend to get bored with games, so they will walk away even before their times are up. The youngest? No way! He's milking that time to the last second. For their Chromebooks (used for virtual school days), we have a first gen Disney Circle attached to our home network. I can restrict YouTube access and common porn sites. I can even set up age appropriate content for Kids, Teens, and Adults. The newest Disney Circle will even allow you to monitor accessed sites while they're not home. It's on our list of future purchases. For the record, we're not dictators. Our boys are adopted from foster care; and as a result, they had developed several inappropriate viewing habits that needed to be addressed and prevented going forward. December will mark four years with them, and they are leaps and bounds better; but it's been a struggle.

User edited comment on 11/09/20 at 3:39PM UTC

1 Reply

BeaBoss979975

107

11/09/20 at 6PM UTC

You are wonderful parents! The boys are so lucky.

Kara Geiger

Development Director in Bismarck, ND

11/09/20 at 4:54PM UTC

Struggling here, too! We have a 6 year old only child who would spend all day and night on her iPad or Switch if we let her. The problem is, sometimes we do. I'll admit, some days, especially when I'm trying to get things done around the house, it's just easier for ME. So, no actual advice, just solidarity!

Eve Koopmann Odar

Thoughtful people leader, mom and wife

11/09/20 at 5:30PM UTC

I agree with using the controls - it definitely helps -but overall you do need to enforce it and there will be arguments over it. The one thing that I had to learn over and over again is that you are not responsible for entertaining your kids even if you have said no screens. It is ok for them to be grumpy and bored and annoyed at you. It is a skill you are teaching them to find out how to entertain themselves without screens - or even sit on the couch just thinking (which our 13 year old does quite a bit). Take out the screens, let them be annoyed and do not feel like you then owe it to them to entertain. Just let them be bored and annoyed, in the long run you are doing them a huge favor - once they figure out the limits are there to stay they will move on and figure out other things to do.

1 Reply

Ashley Basilio

Product Development Manager, Program Leadership

11/09/20 at 11:05PM UTC

Hey Eve - this is Ashley Barnes from PSU. Wow what a coincidence! Let me know if you would like to catch up some time. I think about you so often. Ashley.

Laura Carmela

Life + Health Coach for Working Women/Moms

11/11/20 at 5:51AM UTC

Ah yes the screen debacle. Agree boredom is healthy and I remember being bored as a kid and being resourceful. Every family will be different....Our two boys(8 and 10) know that we are ok with them being bored and talk to them about it and they can choose how to entertain themselves after we set guidelines on screens. Our 8 year old could not handle time limits and would have a fit. Melt down-mode. So we decided it was best to have no game screen for a few months, his lashing out was not a healthy behavior and it was clear he was not mature enough to handle it. Once we decided to try again, we were clear BEFORE he would get on the game or TV, if he did not turn it off when the time was up(we use a timer), then the next time would be a no. We were extremely consistent when he lashed out and it was on him, not us. HE made the choice and we were all clear what the outcome would be based on his behavior. I always hear Brene Brown saying "Clear is Kind!" and apply it to this too :) We did our best to not raise our voices and reminded him it was a bummer he decided to not follow through with our agreement and know next time he will make a better choice. Happy to say it is rarely an issue anymore. Here is a great resource called Common Sense Media our school recommended and our school families refer to it a ton for helpful tips of https://www.commonsensemedia.org/screen-time/how-much-screen-time-is-ok-for-my-kids

User edited comment on 11/11/20 at 5:53AM UTC

M Elizabeth Ingram

497

HR, administration, & benefits at work; mom of 2

11/12/20 at 2:52PM UTC

We work on a case by case basis; my oldest is almost 6. So he has to ask anytime he wants tv or play video games; he knows that sometimes, we'll have him do chores first or play. It works for us, but as you know, every kid responds differently. Good luck!

Kristen Wavle

Private School Counselor in Baltimore

11/13/20 at 1:48PM UTC

Constant screen use is simply not good for kids, and now that they must use screens for school, limiting games is more important than ever. I would make sure to put together some activity areas (craft crates, origami paper and directions, coloring books - kids love the ones made for adults!, games, building sets, etc.) and then have a family meeting about the new rules. It's 2020 - if you want to change something about how your house works or even everything about how your house works - this is the time!! You can have a family meeting / discussion about what is reasonable (with you deciding the ultimate limits) in regards to screen time and show how they can earn that time, you can give "x" number of minutes per day or week and they have to decide how/when to use it, or you can simply say - my house, my rules. Whichever path you take, just be prepared for an increase in bad behavior until the adjustment has been made. Parenting isn't easy, and being a good parent is even harder! Remember that this work will help your kids learn boundaries and resilience - two things that are essential to being mentally strong. Don't be afraid to do what you know is right - create the boundaries, but also, you must enforce them! Have the rules outlined from the beginning so that everyone is on the same page and then move forward. Best of luck!