I did something on Tuesday that I haven't done in a while. I forgot to turn my work brain off and I hurt my close friends feelings.
My good friend, I'll call him Dave, was lamenting how he's sleeping with too many women thinking the positive affirmation will get him out of his depression.
Dave was going on and on about how he is talking to a half a dozen women (some with the same name to add to his confusion) and he couldn't figure out why he wasn't feeling better.
I want to preface this by saying I am guilty of being a Type-A fixer. My friends call me "Mom" because I am always prepared, know all the details and if I don't, I know who to go to and will get back to you in a timely manner.
As I was scrolling through my work email, I told him
(A) Sleeping with a ton of women is not going to fix you
(B) Therapy or finding some spiritual solution would be beneficial
(C) Nothing in your situation will change if you don't make a change
(D) When was the last time you got an STD screening?
He looked at me and said, "I think you believe I am the worst human on this planet" and walked away.
Dave told my partner later that he was upset with me for what I said.
This is where I had my realization. In my work as a career consultant, I am always diving deep, understanding motivations, uncovering truths and, most importantly, asking questions.
I hadn't asked him, "Are you looking for advice? Or are you looking to vent?"
If I had asked these questions, I would have avoided hurting his feelings and causing tension.
Thankfully, the our tension has been resolved, but it was a valuable lesson. When I am done with work, I need to take 5 minutes and do something to shut my work brain off. Whether that is meditating, reading, doing the dishes or taking a shower, I need to do an activity or action that removes me from work mode so I can better show up for the ones that I love and care about.
What are your tips for turning work mode off?
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Hi I’m in the Bay Area and in a position where I can move.
I was laid off last month as an executive assistant. Is the Bay overrun now?
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My heart is so conflicted as I've had a tempestuous relationship with a direct report since the beginning but tried to give him a chance.
While I was on vacation, he showed his true colors, didn't do any work for company leaders and forced my hand with HR. While I'm ready for him to leave, I hate that this needs to happen. I don't want to deal with him anymore and not looking forward to seeing him next week. Should I continue to meet with him or let the chips fall and then resume meetings if he stays the company.
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Colleague is not delivering and I'm going to have to request our supervisors get involved
A colleague I've been counting on to finish reports that are his responsibility to complete and send to our client is just not doing the work. I understand he may be overwhelmed and that the work is unpleasant, but it's been several weeks of him promising these two reports are on the way without any product to share. The client is starting to get antsy and wants a status meeting in two weeks. I've told him, he says it's on the way, and then nothing. I realize he's been with us for several months and hasn't had a review yet, but this is becoming a problem for me and standing in the way of my success.
I'm not one to go to managers and complain about anyone, but this time, I think I have to. What is the best way to do this without getting the guy fired? I know if his boss tells him to get moving on the reports and finish them asap, he'll know I said something.
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Looking for ideas to create a positive work environment.
I was recently hired as the general manager of a large facility with a small staff (less than a dozen). Most of the staff have been there for years. Two are brother and sister. Two are husband and wife. Many are close friends. I'm an outsider hired into the organization in the top onsite management position. I've been warned by off-site management there will likely be pushback. I truly do want, need, and value their experience and knowledge! I don't have much of a budget to work with, so I cannot just offer them all raises. I'd like to create an environment that SHOWS them each they are valued. I will speak to them all with respect. I will verbalize their importance. But I'm hoping some of my FGB crew has some additional, possibly creative, ways that could help me join the team, as the leader, while making sure they all see that they are valued and respected.
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Heres my situation...I currently live in a sober house but am about to get kicked out due to a positive test for cocaine.
They are suggesting I go to a 28 day rehab. I don't want to get fired from my job. I dont qualify for FMLA since I haven't worked here a year yet. If I don't go to the rehab I will have to move to a shelter somewhere in the area I'm in to be able to get to work everyday. What should I do? How do I tell my boss I need 28- 30 days off for rehab? Or should I rough it out in a shelter for a bit until I can afford a place? I need some feedback. Im indecisive!
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I don't know what to do.
I don't know if I should leave my job to look for another, or stay and try to endure. I'm working at a stage 2 company that runs on intern power. This was good for me when I started as an intern and I was kept on as a consultant. I'm a 55 yo Organizational Psychology PhD student about to finish my coursework and start the dissertation. I've been working part-time for this boutique firm, but it's getting hard to bear. The CEO has to approve everything, everything. So, that is a big bottleneck for work. He's also a detail person so his iterations can take hours. For example, I spent until 2 am one night on a client site visit to change the numbering of focus group questions and fonts on an internal document that the client would never see, that sort of thing. I'm supposed to be a Talent Management Consultant, but the Marketing lady left in May and I was given many of her duties and the duties of her intern. Since everyone starts as an unpaid intern and no marketing students are willing to work as unpaid interns, there have been no marketing interns for the last two hiring cycles. So, I'm looking at having to continue doing the intern and the director duties until January at least and then the director duties until May. He also put me over his operations, because I've got operations in my past work history. These aren't my fields.
I'm surrounded by 25 year-olds who have no experience managing anything, much less other people. So, one thinks I've been trained by the other, who thinks I've been trained by the one. When I figure out how to do things myself, they get upset if I miss something and tell me I should have known.
Last week, I was supposed to be off because of schoolwork commitments and I was supposed to work about 5 hours on this one large client project. I worked 19.75 of my usual 20 hours because I kept getting assigned things.
Just now, I've gotten a message from the project manager that the sub-project needs it's own project plan (which will need to be approved by the CEO and go through all the iterations from him). I was supposed to be logged off all next week for a doctoral intensive and now I've got to figure out how to write a plan in line with the company guidelines and get it approved. When I said this was the first I had heard of a sub-project having a separate plan, I was told that it was said repeatedly. When I asked when and where, there was no answer. I asked three or four more times, still no answer.
This is typical of the gaslighting I'm facing. I don't know how much more I can take. They say they said things they didn't and then treat me like I'm an idiot.
Another example is that we're a BYOD business and about half of us use Macs. They use applications that aren't available for Macs and then act like Mac users are idiots when they can't get the information they need to do the job.
It's been so nice to have the extra money for tuition, but I spend about 4-6 hours in frustrated tears over being treated this way and, now that they put me over orientation, seeing others treated this way.
It is a job in my field, at least parts of it are in my field, and it will look like my field on my resume. I'm terrified that I not get hired anywhere else.