Baby Queen Bee or Mean Girl?

70 Comments

1. AnonymousMarch 19,2023 at 6:46PM UTC

   Since she is your direct report, you must lead and supervise. Assigning her work is only a very small part of your responsibility. You must also manage her. That means your assignment are in writing with clear deliverables and milestones that are measurable with hard deadlines/dates if delivered to YOU. For every missed milestone and delivery date you track them in writing. If the missed executions add up too much, you write her up, coach and councel and copy HR.Keep her engaged with her work and ontrack with her responsibilities with weekly 1:1s and her reporting her work status in writing. If you fail to keep her ontrack then she will attempt and will win your job. In between reporting and working you keep the chitchat to a minimum. This is all up to you and your laser focused management.

2. Susan MyersMarch 23,2023 at 2:07AM UTC

   I agree with consulting HR. However, I would start with asking HR what they have seen from this person and their take on her meeting with the CEO on her own. It just would be nice to hear someone else's feedback before you express your concerns as their reaction may help you frame how you say something and how much. This will also put this individual on their radar. As an HR Director, managers need to know that the place is also advocacy for the employee. You know your HR Director's track record. Also, I am wondering what kind of relationship you have with the CEO. I would suggest that you may want to consider speaking with the CEO as well and specifically ask that he redirects the employee back to you.

3. M. MooreMarch 19,2023 at 8:09PM UTC

   I have seen girls like her and she's brown-nosing as perhaps in the past, it has gotten her ahead ... Documenting everything from missed deadlines to interactions with her is going to be important in case this meeds to be escalated and you may want to seek support from other leaders in your organization or a mentor outside to gain a perspective on this situation and develop a strategy that will cover you ... I pray this helps ...

4. AnonymousMarch 19,2023 at 8:13PM UTC

   Tell her directly that you respect that she wants to grow within the company, but that she needs to first focus on making a success out of the tasks she has been assigned.
   Any meetings with the CEO need to be shared with you first out of respect for you and because it is your job to determine her priorities. Also let her know that she is not welcome to read over your shoulder when you have work on your screen or to hug you or anyone else without your/their express permission. It makes you feel uncomfortable, too familar, and it is uninvited.

   I've had to do things like that. They never think they are being obvious, and they will blame you. Do it in a private meeting, share every specific thing she hasn't done and document the conversation. Remind her that she is on probation if that's the case for new hires. Let her know that you appreciate her excitment and ambition, but results speak loudest for you.

5. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 12:26PM UTC

   I think that this is the best way to handle this. Wise counsel. Let the person know your expectations, what’s appropriate or not and give them a chance. If things still don’t improve after, then document and take next steps.

6. AnonymousMarch 19,2023 at 11:57PM UTC

   I would reach out to HR and seek their advice. It has helped me so much.

7. Liz MilneMarch 21,2023 at 12:52PM UTC

   If I was the younger woman, I would be trying to fit in and get ahead; I would need my manager to hold my hand and walk me through the way things are done properly, and might - if my manager seems cold and shuts me down when I show enthusiasm - be tempted to go over her head and pitch ideas to execs if I think they're worth it...

   As a manager, I would give any new employee a minimum of one month and more like three months of detailed advice and instruction on how best to complete the job.

   Forgive me for saying this, but it seems as though you are still traumatised by your previous poor employee and have assumed that this new woman will be more of the same instead of giving her a good shot of doing good things for the business - it seems as though you expect her to instantly learn after being told once (most people learn best when hearing or being taught something three times) and then want her to sit in a corner doing her work and not bothering you - that's not ideal management, imo...

8. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 12:21PM UTC

   Agree - my read here is that it's mapping as a 1:1 to the last person you had to let go and you jsut have different styles personally.

9. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 12:54PM UTC

   I was scrolling to see if I was the only one not seeing this as a blatant “red flag” but a management issue / personal & emotional issue.

   She sounds high energy (something I want in marketing),

   unafraid to talk to others and share her ideas (even with c suite),

   she wants to grow and knows what she wants and doesn’t shy from that with anyone - admirable quality,

   chatting with everyone and “over familiar” - she’s trying to build relationships with the people she works with.

   frustrated because she won’t write things down and has tons of questions is a sign that leadership training is needed and to evaluate if your training meets the needs of multiple learning styles and not just your own.

   I think the issue is not the new employee.

10. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:06PM UTC

    I was thinking along these lines as well. Maybe what she really needs is a career roadmap and connections that she can talk to and work with, and ask different questions in different departments. The part about taking the ideas to the CEO, she just may want to be heard, I had a time like this and the way I handled the situation for that particular person, was, we had a really good open and honest chat about how things like this could potentially lead to me “getting caught with my pants down. I approached it from the perspective of I won’t let you get caught with your pants down if you can help reciprocate the respect.” To make sure this person felt they were being heard by others than me, I asked her to let me be a part of the conversations with her, instead of going “ behind my back” and in return, I could help her frame the ideas in a way that are more professional and polished. Not saying this will work for every situation, but it did work for ours. She also found out later, she was ADHD, which contributed highly to her behavior, and then she was able to recognize it and we worked on a plan to help with it in a professional setting.

11. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:00PM UTC

    If the employee can handle the basics of the position, and shine in completing tasks very well as assigned, then by all means do the dance of ingratiating, initiating new ideas. Get the job as assigned DONE, then show the dog and pony tricks by all means. Clarity in expectations completed is what's needed. Over and above is what's earned.

12. Amber MabreyMarch 22,2023 at 12:19PM UTC

    Trust your gut. I recognize that behavior as well. Total red flag! Unfortunately you have to be very careful how you handle it. Best of luck.

13. Queen SmallsMarch 22,2023 at 12:29PM UTC

    Sounds like you need a 1:1 to get to the bottom of this. Consider talking to her directly (get clarification and if the conversation is unproductive then consult with HR). Also, make sure she has clear coaching and direction (not saying you’re not already providing this for her). You can solve this issue and grow from it. All managers have conflicts- a lot of them

14. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 12:34PM UTC

    Trust your gut. Red flags exist in all relationships, whether they're personal or professional. Part of gaining wisdom is reading the signs and knowing where they're leading. If you were dating a guy and he was displaying all of the behaviors of a past boyfriend who did you dirty, would you tell yourself that maybe this time it will be different, or would you be on alert? I'm not saying fire her today, but I am saying to keep an eye on her, be objective, but also realize it's well within your right as her manager to let her go after her first 3 months if you don't think it's going to work out.

15. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 12:34PM UTC

    It's very simple. Set boundaries. Explain your observations and the outcome her behavior is going to lead her. Then offer her a more suitable workspace path for the both of you. And if she doesn't comply, you've already sl made her clear of the entire situation which puts more responsibility on her for her actions at work. It would no longer be just on you. She was made aware of her behavior and the possible outcome and continued her actions. Or she'll trust you and appreciate you more for pointing out that her behavior isn't helping. She might just think she's showing initiative but doesn't understand the chain of things well

16. Jennifer Fay Bogar-RichardsonMarch 22,2023 at 12:36PM UTC

    She is not following directives, being insubordinate, and not following the chain of command. Those are grounds for termination. Warn her if you will, but be sure to check with your HR department to ensure you're following protocol.

17. Reb562March 22,2023 at 12:39PM UTC

    Your post is surreal to me. I went through the EXACT same thing, word for word about a year ago. She eventually took my job as Director and I was put in another department. Grant it, same pay but because she kept going to the CEO with her ideas, the CEO wanted to give her the opportunity in leadership.

    8 month after this happened the CEO called me and asked to come back to the department. She was splitting the workload into two separate identities and I would handle the bigger piece. Apparently everyone was complaining she wasn't delivering on projects, responding to emails. This is where I am now.

    I'm in a weird spot because everyone saw she couldn't handle my job, was brought back (with a better title) and was more appropriated, but they didn't let her go, remove her title and I still have to work with her.

    I guess the moral of the story is...her true colors will come out and eventually everyone will see what you are seeing.

18. Ruth RobbinsMarch 22,2023 at 12:54PM UTC

    That sucked.

19. GirlBossanova934974March 22,2023 at 12:41PM UTC

    Sounds like you "hired a resume". This sort of employee is into PR! PR for herself. And be perfectly candid, this is a behavior which is taught and rewarded by many companies and universities. Rewarded means promoted and given raises. My recommendation? You need to be up front and direct here. Schedule a one on one and tell it like it is. Our organization is NOT into all this self promotion and chattiness. It is NOT going to get you ahead in this organization. We are TASK ORIENTED. These are your tasks and we expect them to be done in a timely fashion. When you have been with us for 1-2 years and proven your value, we will look at your potential for advancement. Now, please go back to work! PS: It is also quite possible that this employee's past manager encouraged this sort of behavior! There are a lot of fragile egos out there in management roles these days and many expect their direct reports to worship at their feet. As this employee is young in her career, there may have to be some "UN-learning" to be done here.

20. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:37PM UTC

    You are correct about some universities rewarding this type of behavior. In my opinion there is a difference between being outgoing and networking to make connections and better yourself in the industry, and blatant self promotion. In this age of social media, a lot of young people are used to putting it all out there. Being straightforward and outlining all the tasks that need to be done is the best course of action. And document when the employee doesn’t do what is asked. And also document every meeting, every communication. And being crystal clear about expectations.

21. Kara SchraderMarch 22,2023 at 12:45PM UTC

    Progressive performance management. It's time.

22. Shelly HartlMarch 22,2023 at 12:53PM UTC

    I’m curious to know…. what is your desired outcome?

23. KathrynMarch 22,2023 at 12:58PM UTC

    Have a 1 on 1 and tell her she is NOT doing what is needed to advance. Make a list of her tasks and meet with her once a week to get updates on where they are on those projects. Remind her of the hierarchy of your company. And ask her to stop chatting so much. If this does not work then progressive performance is the way to go. It happens we hire a resume and they so well in interview, but just are not able to really do the work. It does not make you a bad manager to fire someone who can not do the job.

24. cessieabe2March 22,2023 at 12:58PM UTC

    The longer you take to address her behavior, could put you further behind on deadlines, and also communicate to her that her actions are ok. You need to have a one on one asap, be specific in outlining expectations and detail what actions thus far are unacceptable. After that, if she values her position, it should only require 30 days to fall in line. If she doesn't, then it's better to cut ties while it's still early than to continue tolerating inappropriate behavior.

25. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:01PM UTC

    I wonder about neurodiversity. Some of her behaviors align with patterns of folks who are ADHD, struggle with executive function, or need information in different formats. She may be overstimulated by the fast paced environment and the sheer number of people who are in her space. FGB did a helpful webinar on supervising neurodiverse employees. WebMD has a solid intro article. She may or may not work out, but this could also be an opportunity to think through working with an employee that is just wired differently. Often neurodiverse folks are more insecure and overthink way too much, but they can also bring a very different perspective to the workplace. I supervise someone on the spectrum who also struggles with ADHD. They add amazing quirks to the staff, but require totally different tactics as a supervisor.

    And she may just not fit too.

26. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:50PM UTC

    Thank you for saying this. ADHD is particularly underdiagnosed/unrecognized in women. I wasn't diagnosed until I was almost 48 and I wish I had known earlier because I might have had more insight into what I could have done differently in my interactions with management.

27. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:03PM UTC

    the first thing to deal withy is the hugging. You are going to have to be blunt and tell her it is not appropriate in the office. I had a male boss who effectively stopped this by consistently stepping back as soon as the arms came up and said “no, I don’t hug, that could be considered inappropriate”. Personal questions can be dealt with my also avoiding or not answering. Perhaps when you have your next review you can dodge the bullet by saying that several people have come to you with their concerns about how familiar she seems to be and how some of her questions feel intrusive. HUGe lie, (unless it isn’t) but an easy way to bring the subject up without sounding threatening or specifically saying I don’t like …..

    Document, document, document, when she is not meeting deadlines, or totally missing the mark. How does your CEO feel about her coming to him about new ideas? Hopefully, he is suggesting she follow the chain of command on these things. Good luck

28. Becky JacobyMarch 22,2023 at 1:07PM UTC

    You are assuming that the behavior of a prior employee might be repeated, and I agree that the lessons of experience are important to keep in mind as those experiences got you to where you are today (and you might be right about this employee). At the same time, it is also just as important to not let bias from a previous experience of one person cloud your view of a completely different person and keep you from doing right by her as a new member of your team.

    As a manager of people, you are expected to get results AND develop your people. With a new employee, you should have a clear and specific onboarding and transition plan for her first 90-days with the understanding that it really takes 6-12 months to transition to a new role. She may have this already, so forgive me if I am making assumptions, but I find that a lot of individuals struggle with role transitions because there is little to no onboarding support. We hire you and expect you to know what to do, how to do it and then get frustrated when you don't meet unknown or unclear expectations.

    This means being clear on how you work, how the two of you will work together how she will work with her peers and others. She needs an onboarding plan to help her navigate the new role by giving her specific work tasks, a list of people to meet and learning activities. Onboarding is a team sport, so involve her peers, stakeholders (and customers where relevant) in helping her understand how things work at your company / division / function / team so that she can leverage them when she has questions and/or does not understand how to complete work you have assigned.

    As her manager, you should meet with her weekly to discuss her successes, challenges and need for support. This is where you align on priorities and expectations, provide feedback and coaching and hold her accountable. As she gets more acclimated in the role, you can change the meeting frequency, but I usually recommend that leaders schedule a weekly meeting with a new hire for the first 2 months and then go to twice monthly for the next 2 months and then stay twice monthly or move to monthly depending on the role/support needed.

    Individual and team effectiveness challenges stem from a lack of trust and no clarity of direction. All of this takes effort and time, which is a scarce commodity, but the more time you spend here as leader, the better your team and results will be overall. She might not make it in your organization or team, but if you focus on developing her, then the lack of success is her responsibility.

29. HeatherMarch 22,2023 at 1:30PM UTC

    What a great answer and thank you so much. I was on a contracted position where I received no training or direction and it was absolutely horrible. I had no idea of the expectations and when I would ask my "boss" he would actually say "I don't know, figure it out." It's still so shocking to me.

30. jnewburg@gmail.comMarch 22,2023 at 2:03PM UTC

    At my first job out of grad school (known as the "place whose name shall not be mentioned") had an actual policy in place. After 3 weeks, you were expected to know everything and were no longer allowed to ask questions.

31. Becky JacobyMarch 22,2023 at 3:48PM UTC

    I hope you are no longer there and if you are, I bet you don't do this to new hires on your team!

32. jnewburg@gmail.comMarch 23,2023 at 6:12PM UTC

    Haha, thank all that is holy, no! That was years ago, but it left me with some good stories and lots of ideas on what not to do!

33. Becky JacobyMarch 22,2023 at 3:45PM UTC

    Agree - that sounds like an example of a boss you would never want to emulate.

    About 10 years ago, I hired 6 new people at the same time and a mentor suggested that I try using an "ask 2 peers before you ask me" request as I was getting overwhelmed with basic questions that were documented in our standard work. They ended up creating a strong support network for one another, updating the standard work and learning how to find information across the team. It was a great learning for all of us and I now do this myself before asking my boss questions unless they are the only person who can answer something.

34. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:27PM UTC

    my question for you-do you respond to every email? Sounds like you just don't like her and are the difficult one. I've had bosses that have held me to high expectations only for them to do the opposite. Also, if you're COPIED on emails, I see no need to respond. You may want to keep your control issues in check.

35. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:32PM UTC

    You clearly did not read her post accurately before you hastily judged her.

36. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 2:24PM UTC

    I read it. Just my opinion/perspective. If this manager has fired someone before, and now having issues with a second employee, the problem may be with the manager.

37. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 1:42PM UTC

    Is there a reason you had to be so harsh to her post? I don't understand why people have to judge on here. If you have some helpful advice, then please share it. But your mean assumptions say more about you than her.

38. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 2:16PM UTC

    That was harsh? I saw no problem with what I said. Different personalities I guess.

39. Dcre1977March 22,2023 at 1:42PM UTC

    I see a couple of problems here.

    First you clearly have a different idea on personal space. You are allowed to set boundaries on your personal space with anyone. Simply state to her that you need her to respect your space.

    You can not really do anything about how she interacts with personnel unless they complaign. Some people are more personable.

    For her quality of work I would give her clear written instructions to focus on the tasks at hand. It can take up to a year to learn a new job and she needs to focus on that. Seek guidance from your higher ups on how to address her approaches to the ceo but do not be surprised if the ceo thinks the initiative is great. Some people value that rather than actual work.

40. Erica LanyonMarch 22,2023 at 1:57PM UTC

    Biggest issue - "she is not delivering on projects". This is the one that needs to be addressed immediately.

    She is not doing what she was hired to do. In an even tone explain that extra activities like pitching ideas, or getting involved in emails she's cc'd on can be done once she's delivering (and exceeding) on the position she was hired for.

41. Elise PilkingtonMarch 22,2023 at 2:00PM UTC

    Did you interview this person? The issues you describe sound like personality conflicts. I'm surprised you would choose her if you dislike her that much. It's only been a month and you say she is young. I think it's understandable that she still needs your guidance.

42. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 2:04PM UTC

    Probationary periods are great use them. I hope your company has a probationary clause in the HR manual for new hires. Not looking to get anyone fired, but if she is not living up to expectations, this is your time to document - which sounds like you are, include HR in any discussions at this point and be ready to let go within the probationary period.

43. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 2:45PM UTC

    I experienced something similar with two women at a previous company. I didn’t hire them but was their senior. They formed a clique and basically kissed up to everyone but me, and one frequently copied my style and even hobbies to where it was undeniable. Soon, clients were sending me emails asking “what is this?” because she was communicating directly with them about their accounts when she was expected to go through me, their main POC, to avoid duplicate or contradictory communication. She was promoted and became the ambassador for a brand I’d worked hard to build. Needless to say, I deeply felt pushed out by these behaviors when my position was eliminated after 13 years of quality work, company loyalty and excellence client relationships. She left soon after to go start a company within the same space as our previous company - and founded it with a former client.

    To this day, people defend her because they fell for her flattery and didn’t experience what I did.

    I say all of this to conclude that these types of people know exactly what they’re doing. Don’t assume because they’re young that they just need more guidance. Playing dumb is often part of the whole act. Document every single thing for your own sake.

44. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 3:15PM UTC

    I am so sorry that happened to you. I have had a very similar experience with two women who banded up against me and have done some serious back-stabbing. The structure of my workplace protects me from being pushed out altogether, but the damage they have done between them to my reputation and to the work I did before their arrival to build the program is painful and unfair to live with. Unfortunately it is all too common for women to form toxic cliques against one another in the workplace. The flattery and faux friendliness seem obvious to me from the outset, but many people fall for that because they know it's a way to be protected from the other side of it. I agree that they all know exactly what they're doing.

45. Gem0124March 22,2023 at 3:11PM UTC

    The biggest issue is that she isn't delivering on projects and going around you to pitch projects to your boss and they both need to be addressed. My honest opinion is that she's young, ambitious and she wants your job. She's putting the cart before the horse by going around you to your boss when she's not meeting deadlines. If she's in her probationary period, I'd document everything and make sure that she's aware of the importance of fulfilling her job duties. If she doesn't start meeting her deadlines, then she isn't a good fit.

46. Kathy LeskiMarch 22,2023 at 3:13PM UTC

    While none of us know the full exchange, only the info in this post, I take away a few things:
    she's ambitious and wants to get ahead before establishing she can accomplish the role she's in
    Many new graduates expect an environment where everyone are colleagues and your manager is in more of a servant role (if you're not familiar with the leadership types, servant isn't a bad thing at all.) However, it sounds like your company culture may not meet her expectations.
    You feel disrespected, and I understand, but I'm not sure I would put all the things you've described into one bucket.

    So, here's what I would suggest:
    Sit down with her and emphasize the positive things. She's ambitious, energetic, has many ideas, etc. I would state that it's made you consider a bi-weekly innovation forum for your team. I'd conduct a 30min-60min session where all can suggest ideals and come to a consensus on which deserve more exploration. These can be ideas on working smarter/more efficiently, or ideas that would benefit your customers. This will give not only her, but all a voice. It also builds team collaboration.
    Do you have one-on-one meetings with her once a week? Or are you only calling her into a meeting when you're addressing something that she did wrong? Because you sit next to her- are the communications you spoke of in the post in emails only? If so, they really need to be face to face in a room with a door - or take her out for lunch.
    What to tell her--- See bullet one, then tell her that ambition is great and you want to equip her for success. To do that, she must focus on the projects at hand first. If those are not successful, it will be difficult to move up in your company. Further, let her know you're there to assist on areas where she's hitting a roadblock or doesn't know who to go to.
    While I wouldn't cover in your first 1on1 meeting, but in a subsequent one, I would say in a non-threatening way the etiquette for the company regarding emails is that those in the To: line are expected to respond and those in CC line are there as an FYI unless in the chain a question is specifically directed at her. If you can, I'd use an example where XX owned that project and with her interjecting, it caused confusion. Or something similar where her response cause disruption that wasn't in a good way. If she does feel she may have something to contribute, to forward to (respond to just) you and you can provide context or suggest how to handle.

    By doing both of the above suggestions you give her an outlet for dialogue. If those don't work, putting her on a program would be my next recommendation. You must complete XX within 90 days and demonstrate behaviors of A, B, and C to accomplish.

    While I don't know if this is her first professional job, she needs to understand that culture and process are key components in any role or company. Each company is different. This one may not be a fit for her. The 1on1's give a safe space for discussion between you and her.

    Good luck.
    Feel free to reach out privately to me if you want to discuss further.

47. misskelleypMarch 22,2023 at 3:59PM UTC

    Fantastic advice

48. misskelleypMarch 22,2023 at 3:57PM UTC

    Start the process to terminate her. She needs the lesson, apparently. It's great to be ambitious, but you succeed by making your boss look good and doing a good job on what you're asked to do. She's not doing either of these things. I suspect life is going to teach her some lessons.

49. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 4:13PM UTC

    Has her probationary period expired? If no, have the discussion about her performance and the issues you are seeing now before it’s too late.

    If that ship has sailed, a PIP would be appropriate. And a frank one. You’re not helping her grow if you’re beating around the bush about it.

50. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 4:21PM UTC

    There are a couple things going on.

    She’s ambitious and also unable to direct her energies effectively. She’s also making you feel (understandably) threatened, disrespected and undermined. And she isn’t getting her work done.

    She may be clueless or as another person commented, may be thinking of you are more of a servant-leader.

    And as someone who has been on both the giving and receiving ends of the “don’t outshine me, keep your mouth shut please” manager-worker relationship…it’s tough!! We internalize so much disdain for women showing initiative.

    As for your working relationship with her:

    -keep redirecting and restating expectations. She may chill out once she “gets it” and trusts that your functional systems are already in place.

    -keep telling her that her first priority is completing the assigned work on time and at sufficient quality. You can’t help her if she can’t do step 1.

    -keep mixing written and verbal communication. She may be unable to absorb it all one way or the other and new jobs are overwhelming.

    -keep documenting.

    -if you can move her desk, do. You’ve caught the ick but it may improve after a few months of getting used to each other.

    -explain that there’s no urgency to respond immediately to emails that she’s cc’ed on. In fact, she’s being cc’ed in an informational capacity only. Any ideas she may have go to you first, and saying “hey I’m on it” is a valid response to them.

    If you truly have an ambitious and creative worker on your hands, try and salvage and get her straightened out. Good luck.

51. Me!March 22,2023 at 4:25PM UTC

    Great advice here. I feel it would be very helpful if the CEO would re-route her to you so that ideas can be pitched with your knowledge and assistance.

52. Erica MitchellMarch 22,2023 at 4:33PM UTC

    I recommend informing her that in order to be in a leadership position, she needs to up her game on those projects, come to you with ideas, and then provide her with a clear path to get into a leadership role. I would also let her know how you feel about the compliments and hugs make you feel and set boundaries.

53. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 4:33PM UTC

    Your employee sounds like a covert narcissist. You have my sympathy. I'm a manager and have an employee like yours...so exhausting. Give her a sub-par performance review with a PIP. Maybe she'll quit and you can get someone better...or she gets her act together!

54. Focused721350March 22,2023 at 4:40PM UTC

    Good Morning,

    Be careful! She sounds a bit SNEAKY and FAKE! Only my opinion! But! She might be looking to knock you out of YOUR SPOT! Been there! Since you're the Director and you hired her, I'd have another conversation with her. Letting her know privately about OFFICE ETIQUETTE! After all isn't she on her PROBATION TIME? Not Bad Mgr! Good Female and Thorough Leader!

    Good Luck and God Bless, Ms. T ;)

55. Lori SchmitzMarch 22,2023 at 4:42PM UTC

    ugh, I’m so sorry… I’ve had colleagues behave similarly but not a direct report.

    i would talk to HR to give them a heads up and then I would sit her down and have a Frank & Beneficial with her, outline exactly what you’ve said here and give her a chance to fly right.

56. AnonymousMarch 23,2023 at 6:45PM UTC

    Im going to offer different suggestions here…..why not just have a frank conversation? She sounds like she’s trying to find her way, make connections, and show initiative. People (especially women, by women!) deserve to be developed, to have feedback and coaching in the workplace. Especially in this male-dominated company, she seems a bit at sea/lost. You hired her for a reason….invest in her and see where this goes. I bet she is grateful for your FB and turns it around.

    Frustrating to see how quickly people, especially women and smart ones too, are so willing to PIP/term when they really should invest. This is why we are managers! Managers manage, enable, invest, and develop. Also…it’s costly and time-consuming to rehire snd retrain someone.

57. CYNDI ALLENMarch 22,2023 at 5:06PM UTC

    Been there! Document, create a PIP (performance improvement plan), follow-up with tight deadlines and terminate. Clean and dry.

58. AnonymousMarch 22,2023 at 5:06PM UTC

    This ones easy. Sit her down explain to her that she is still in her probationary period and let her know that there are some corrective steps she needs to take immediately. Set the line firmly. Less familiarity, stay to work topics - its not a club, and while you are friendly your preference with others at work is personal stays personal. Let her know that you want to use a tracker - (make one in a spreadsheet) and that tracker will be used to measure the work she does against deliverables set by leadership. Let her know that there will be deadlines to be met and anything outside of the scope of those is off the table until those are met. Set priority levels and hard dates for delivery of that plan. Let her know that each week she is responsible in your 1-1's for updating with changes that she has completed to the plan. It's her responsibility to let you know if there are any speed bumps or obstacles because as her manager its on you to help to unblock her if she is going to fail. Let her know that you don't expect perfection and that if she feels she will stumble you are there to help.

    As for her sitting next to you purchase a good set of headphones or get yourself an orange desk cone. Put it on the desk between you when you are in a DND (do not disturb) work mode and ask that she not engage while the cone is on the desk. This should solve most of the problems you are dealing with. Additionally document this all in her personnel folder and copy everything. Make sure you let your manager know you have a clamp on her behavior and are watching what happens next closely to assure she is successful. Note that I said successful that way you have their backing vs. saying she is trying to undermine you- which will likely come off as snippy. You got this! Be the strong manager that you are, she may actually learn something and get something done if you lead her into the path where you need her to be.

59. Regina BrownMarch 22,2023 at 6:27PM UTC

    EXACTLY!!! Love your answer!!!!

60. Farah BajwaMarch 22,2023 at 5:11PM UTC

    Regardless of if she is genuine or fake, stick to the processes and avoid making assumptions to make sure you're backs are covered in case of retaliation.

    I would suggest consulting with HR. First meet with the HR rep privately to see how and where her behavior deviates from the company policies and what is considered acceptable. Then decide on how to bring her in for a coaching session (if it'll be you and the HR manager or just one of you.)

61. Bradford McCormickMarch 22,2023 at 7:11PM UTC

    "As a female leader, I don't want to be perceived as a bad manager but I also know when I'm being played. Please help!" You mean it would somehow look better if a male manager dealt firmly with such a problem? This person from you description sounds like "bad news" anywhere , anytime. They must indeed have "sounded good on paper". "At the risk of sounding like a cold manager, I dealt with this with another employee before and it was a huge red flag and eventually they were fired." What's sounding "cold" about somebody who isn't doing their job but is "doing a job" on the company? Read this lady the riot act. Be scrupulously polite to her -- don't give her anything she could use against you because your know she will But be firm. Draw red lines. She sounds like one of those very few perosn who needs "a measured mile". Are you keeping a detailed log (with timestamps) of each of these things she is doing that are hurting the company. Not hurting you because in the end you like everybdy else just work there. But document how she is negatively impacting the workplace, and your only interest is in the company's best interests which she is hurting. A "malignant narcissist"? They do not get better with age. You don't deserve this but you've got to stop it or else you are notdoing you job are you? -- again, not for your sake (keep your thoughts to yourself) but because she is not pulling her wight and is making the worplace toxic. Log every thing she does. Evidence. Evidence. Evidence. When she leaves your company she'll do it all over again some place else because, as you wrote, she's "Great on paper"

62. Michelle S.March 22,2023 at 8:40PM UTC

    I understand why you’re asking these questions but if you’ve ever worked in a corporate environment, you already know why she saying the things that she is. Because if you’ve had an employee like that, in the past, you are deemed emotional by men around you. You can be cold if you’re not willing to be empathetic or if you’re trying to discipline someone. You know how it is with the patriarchy with Women in business. That’s why she’s asking all the questions you reiterated.

63. YASMINE KHALILMarch 22,2023 at 7:33PM UTC

    You've received some great advice.

    Personally, however, I think their hope that this individual will become what you need/want will never happen.

    Probationary periods exist for a reason. If it's not a good fit...

    Waiting too long and dealing with HR & all the red tape will be a major headache.

    I had the same experience a couple years ago. Consulted with the CEO, President & HR and we were all in agreement to terminate during probationary period.

    It was a blessing. Discovered more mistakes made after she was gone & ended up finding a much better candidate who we hired and is still doing a great job.

    Good luck!!

64. Michelle S.March 22,2023 at 8:39PM UTC

    To me, it sounds like it’s a soft skills issue, not a hard skill issue. If it were hard skills, you can turn this around. I very much doubt that you’l she’ll be able to be what you need. I’d also be wary and make sure you keep documenting since it’s happened before, you don’t want to seem like the manager that can’t take upbeat, driven new talent. You’re probably just going to have to let her go and move on as soon as possible.

65. AnonymousMarch 23,2023 at 2:35AM UTC

    I vote Baby Queen Bee who knows no boundaries, can't navigate the business setting, and is extremely high maintenance.With such low emotional IQ, this is not a situation that can be resolved with coaching & counseling because she will choose not to take it.
    This person will require vigilant oversight and hand holding. Perhaps you can request help from HR for guidance since she's going to require a lot of time and effort to keep in line.It's only been a month and look at the chaos. Remember, she's in her 90 day probation period. Is she worth turning your world into that of a babysitter?

66. AnonymousMarch 23,2023 at 5:04AM UTC

    What bothers me the most about most of the responses, is that we don’t know the perspective of the other person. We have no clue as to her viewpoint. It would be really helpful to understand that. Maybe she feels as if she’s not being heard. she has some big ideas that she wants to make sure out there, she may want to shine. She may be in fear every day of losing a paycheck, what’s driving her? Until someone asks we don’t really know.

67. AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 8:31AM UTC

    It seems you've gotten some great advice in the comments. I just have a question: if you're saying she's not doing the work you've already given, why are you giving her more work? That seems retaliatory.

68. AnonymousApril 7,2023 at 6:50PM UTC

    Retaliatory! That's ridiculous Just bcz someone hasnt been doing the work assigned them doesn't mean all other work stops! Her not being on her game doesn't mean there's some place else for required work to go. I didn't want to weigh in on this but i just couldn't ignore that comment.

69. AnonymousApril 8,2023 at 9:17PM UTC

    I was simply asking for clarification beloved. I wanted to know why if she is allegedly not doing the work she already has why it would be appropriate to give more, just for that also not to be done especially if she is alleging deadlines are already being missed.

70. AnonymousApril 10,2023 at 5:23PM UTC

    use of the term "retaliatory" isn't "simply asking for clarification". I thought this was designed to be a supportive community. Enough said "beloved".