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Anonymous
10/20/20 at 10:52AM UTC
in
Lifestyle & Relationships

what do I do now?

Hi I feel like I really just need to vent and let out my emotion so I hope you don’t mind if u do so here and maybe receive a little advice along the way? Recently I have been very distant with my emotions and keeping them under control. Last year I think I went through a state of depression (or sadness you could say as I was undiagnosed) for a while as of the fact I had little friends and not much of a social life in school and out school. After 6 or so months I had finally managed to fall out of this awful state (in the summer) and had found a new friend group and everything was going perfectly and I was the happiest I had been in years. However recently going back to school I have discovered my new “friend” group actually hung out without me a lot leaving me uninvited and they talked about me regularly. Finding this out was a very big upset to my life, almost as if they had just made my life and then threw it all back in my face, leaving me almost empty and almost friendless. This happened a few weeks ago now but I fear my life has took a turn for the worst and the old anxious, always chocking back tears, emotionally unstable me is slowly returning and taking over my life, I value relationships in my life a lot but I have been left with only a few friends who really aren’t that close to me or interested in me and are invested in their own lives, apart from one who I spend most of my time with but it just doesn’t feel right. I just feel as if my world has been shattered and I have nothing to look forward to these days, just continuous school and watching my old best friends slowly forget about me. Obviously I don’t want to return to my friendship with them because they have made it very obvious to me how they feel about me but I am now left feeling empty and nobody wants to be my friend because I’m not interesting or fun like others. I was wonder if I should go to the doctors to talk about my poor mental health but I don’t really want to talk about my sadness with my parents because they a lot of the time just think I’m being over dramatic and don’t understand. How could I lead a happy life living with few friends? How can I distract myself from this? Do you have any other advice that can stop this from taking over my whole life on top of my school work? should I see the doctor for a mental health check? Thanks for reading

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Veena Grover RYT
10/20/20 at 8:52PM UTC
Please understand the concept of happiness, fulfillment & inner bliss, it comes with age.I had many friends in the past [not real friends] realize with time, develop your own skill to be happy, any activity you enjoy, focus on your professional, personal & family life. Any Higher power you believe, have faith & meditate.When you are happy with yourself, wherever you go you are complete.Dependence or attachment is not good, free spirit & connection with your inner soul please
Sue Wedig
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44
Exceeding Expectations!
10/20/20 at 6:48PM UTC
I'd like to start with saying that just posting this should make you feel better. From a woman that runs a business and suffers from depression and anxiety as well as low self-esteem I would highly recommend journaling. For me when I put my thoughts on paper I have a sense of relief and sometimes when I re-read I wonder why I was so upset. I do not have any close girl friends. I had two years ago that I thought were the best. We went to dinner once a week, shopping, and to football games on the weekend. It was all good. Then I realized I was not as close to my husband. I realized that the conversations I was having and listening to with my two "friends" was toxic. They bad mouthed their husbands, wanted divorce, hated men in general and were not happy at their jobs or life. I also realized that often after dinner the two of them would go to a movie or do something else, without including me which really hurt. Then I found out they were getting together for lunches, and calling each other and I felt left out. I never told them why I stopped going to dinner but I just didn't like the way they treated me. I have realized that have close friends is not all its cut out to be. I know a lot of women that spend a lot of friend time, as I have aged (I am now 60) I realize that my husband, kids and grandkids are who I want to spend time with and really they are all that matter. I'd like to invite you to email anytime, I understand and care.
Shine Bright
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171
It's okay to be afraid. We can do it afraid.
10/20/20 at 8:18AM UTC
This is how my situation right now looks like. It's painful, it's saddening . So glad that to read some of the replies. It makes me feel that I am understood and what I'm feeling is valid. I hope we both get over this situation and learn and grow from it.
Jodie Johnson
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243
Integrity Matters!
10/20/20 at 2:52AM UTC
Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear you are experiencing this. It's a very sad, empty feeling to feel betrayed. Don't be too hard on yourself though. There's so much yet to come in life! College days can feel awkward for a number of reasons, but it goes by faster than ya think and you'll come out ahead with lots to be proud of. You could certainly check in with your campus counseling office; they always have people to talk to. I think another great place to meet people is the activity center and the gym. Fitness will certainly make you feel better/healthier and stronger both mentally and physically and while you're there, you're bound to meet some great people who are looking out for their health also. Once those endorphins kick in, you will see your inner strength kick in and inner peace return. Be sure you're eating healthy foods and taking time to relax and unwind...maybe with a good book or movie. Wishing you all the best going forward. :)
Anonymous
10/20/20 at 1:45AM UTC
I think that you will be okay like the others said. Some people come into our lives for a reason. They are meant to teach us things about what we need in our life and what we do not need. Also I do not think that it would hurt to seek a medical professionals opinion. This is the one thing as women that we need to change the stigma on. Mental health is just as important as our physical health. And it is completely okay to have to ask for help in that area. Please do not be ashamed. I have had the distancing myself from others several times but I am thankful to have a supportive family who recognized what was going on and nudged me to seek help.
Trina Boice
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12
Executive Coach
10/20/20 at 12:50AM UTC
Everyone needs friends, so "living with few friends" isn't an option. Humans are social creatures. It just sounds like you haven't found the right ones yet. I'm sure you're fun to be around, but it also sounds like you're busy with school and that's okay. You need to find friends who are supportive of your goals, so have you considered joining a particular group on campus? Finding something you're interested in and joining that kind of group at school will allow you to connect with like-minded people. Also, take a good look at the type of friend you're being when you're with others. Are you a taker or a giver? In other words, do you serve and help others or do you ask them to constantly help you with problems? You'll find that when you join a group of volunteers on campus that serves others, you'll feel better about yourself, as well as meet really kind people. Look for a service organization of some kind on campus. You'll gain experience, perspective, and friends that way. Finally, remember that going to school is for a short season. Be a good friend to yourself by focusing more on your education and less on what others are saying about you. To find a good friend, be one. Ask others about themselves. Reach out instead of expecting people to. Spend your free time learning from your professors, who could end up being life-long friends. Arrange study sessions with classmates. Align yourself with others who want to be their best self and who inspire you. Life is way too short to be around people who make you feel badly about yourself! There are tons of people out there who will think you're awesome!
Katrina McNair
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3.56k
Assistant Director
10/20/20 at 12:21AM UTC
Hello, First of all I would like to say that I have been where you are and everything will be okay. Trust me. I know you might not see this right now but things will get better. Second I would like to suggest that you might be losing those friends because they are not concerned about their educational goals. Some people come into our lives for a reason and a season. Third it's important to stay focused and remember the path that you are on. Some people will try to stop you on your journey. Remember to be true to yourself and make your dreams come true. Finally if you believe in God I would suggest reading some scriptures and stay connected to the source. This is also very important. I hope this helps you in your time of need. Sincerely, Katrina

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