I have worked on it plenty in therapy, but it follows me to every role, and I fear I have become unemployable.
I worked really hard at my job over a few years, aiming to get promoted into leadership: I took extra classes, I did leadership training, got a mentor, and became an expert. I was lucky enough to get promoted. At every job I've had since, my team and I have had a deep trust in one another and appreciate each other, work through hard things beautifully, and seem to move mountains together. I love that I seem to be the boss I always wanted.
But MY bosses and C-Suite folks are never happy. They don't seem to ask questions or understand our department's work. Our teams get demoralized from their disconnected decisionmaking. Some of these work environments have been truly toxic, misogynistic, bullying. I have quit jobs when it's not right and knew it was the right thing to do. Level-headed people who were in the room have told me these situations weren't my fault.
But all of that has taken a toll and my work baggage is heavy now. I like my current job and my boss is wonderful. But we had a situation the other day (one of several now) where HR did something upsetting. In this case, someone deleted a lot of people's work accounts by mistake. Thinking all my work might be gone, I got very upset and was ready to go into HR and tell them how I felt unvalued by the company and that a lot of other people must be after all that has been happening. My coworker talked me out of it and urged me to take a beat, reminding me my own boss loves my work and I should ignore HR's mishandling of things.
I realized that I was so upset because it was triggering of all the other times I felt unsafe at work. My brain said, "you thought this place was different, but it's not, no place is, they don't care about you or anyone else." It wasn't that big a deal in the end and everything was back to normal the next day, my work wasn't permanently gone. But I still feel like I'm working for a bunch of clowns.
Does it get better? I know a lot of workplaces are just shitty. I feel like I have ended up in a few rough places with bad communicators, but I also realize at this point, I'm sort of traumatized and waiting for the other shoe to drop at any place I work. I came in here confident, and it's being eroded yet again. Do actually good workplaces exist? Is there such a thing as actual accountability anywhere? Do safe workplaces exist? Do I need more therapy? (Yes). Should I work for myself? A work life where I just get to do my job without the BS feels like it doesn't exist. Real talk, folks. I know I have more work to do on myself, but do I have anything good to look forward to in working for other people?
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I live in rural West Virginia, master's level counselor/therapist with lots of experience and great references, but no license.
I'm 76 years old: too old to go back to school for 2 years and then do the 3000 hours of supervision. I work remotely for a toxic company; along with others haven't been paid in over 2 months. I love helping my clients but the $$$ issue is eating away at my peace of mind. I've interviewed several places, but lack of licensure is a hurdle. Ideas on how to get out of this trap really appreciated.
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For those who identify as female, what “traditions” exist today within the world of work that need to be removed or updated?
For background, I'm a cisgender white male looking to find ways to become a stronger ally through action and priviledge.
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Any advice on how to generate writing samples for a content writer position if you are transitioning from another career path?
(I am a transitioning English teacher, so I have plenty of writing experience, but nothing that would be suitable for a writing sample.)
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Why is that we are not allowed to bring up salary until after offer acceptance, but yet companies can ask what the range is that we are looking for right in the application?
How is that legal? If it's not a numerically required field, what is the best verbiage for how to get around it?
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I have a bossy coworker (male) who has usurped by (female) boss's authority previously, and attempted to do it again today.
He has derailed work meetings by questioning me, and my boss doesn't interfere or interrupt at all. She didn't question his previous action, which basically took a job duty away from me and appropriated it for himself. I asked her about it, and whether it was permanent. She indicated (vaguely) that it wasn't, but she didn't seem too worried about it. It was his area of expertise, so I let it go. If he wants to reduce my workload, I'll just spend that time posting to FGB!
He sent an email today, cc'ing her, and gave me some orders outside of his wheelhouse. I spent at least an hour writing a draft that detailed my level of knowledge and how I didn't need to do what he insisted on, then decided to simply say I'll do whatever our boss says in a reply-all response.
The other email would have been sent to my boss's boss and someone else in the organization who supervises my stakeholders, and the supervisor of my stakeholders.... and I wanted to cc' others as well.
But I felt that would have been a jerk move response to a jerk move.
I'm proud of myself for standing up for myself and keeping it brief, but now I know I really need to discuss it with my boss, and she doesn't have time for this nonsense.
What would your next step be, hive mind?
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I Love Being Treated Professionally - I am Over "Trendy" Companies
When I left my last position at a major company, I never thought I would find something I liked as much.
At my last job, it felt like a family. I was incredibly close with all of my teammates and there was a very jovial, fun-loving atmosphere. I liked the work I was doing and I knew the intimate details of my co-workers' personal lives. We would have Margarita day, Nerf gun fights, and get up to other management-sponsored tomfoolery.
That is why I overlooked a lot of red flags.
I didn't want to leave and let me teammates down, even when I knew in my heart it was what was best for my family. I had a very important role that would have been difficult to replace, and that made me feel trapped. Some of my coworkers would joke and say things like, "You had better not ever think of quitting, because we would miss you too much. We need you here and it wouldn't be the same without you!"
Every time I thought of quitting that would play in my mind. I know they meant well and were trying to say something sweet, but I felt burdened by it.
I don't want to get into why I left, but I am now at a new company. It's very different, but I'm loving it.
First of all, there are no long "heart to hearts" over people getting their feelings hurt. This was a frequent thing with one of my male colleagues at my old work, who was highly sensitive. I liked him as a person, but he was always getting his feelings hurt and it often felt like you had to walk on eggshells around him.
The HR person was also often moody, and while I liked them it was very stressful trying to communicate with them if someone else had upset them. In fact, there were a lot of people whose "moods" needed to be accommodated, and it was stressful - especially when you liked the person. Then their snappiness was even more upsetting because it wasn't just about work, it was personal.
It's not like that at my new place. People don't get offended easily here. They are professional. They say, "I hope you had a good weekend," but they don't need to know my life story. They aren't constantly trying to force "team building exercises" that waste time. They don't schedule me into endless meeting "just to chat." They don't constantly ask me to go out for drinks after work. I don't feel stressed trying to get my work done while still being a "good teammate" who is emotionally there for everybody and isn't a "stick in the mud" who can't have fun.
And I like that.
I like being treated like a professional. I like people not trying to "figure me out." I like less drama.
I just want to go to work, do my thing, get my paycheck, and go home. I have learned that having my emotions tied up with my co-workers did nothing for me except make leaving harder and stress me out. I don't want to work at another "trendy company" - I want to work at a normal place with normal hours and normal expectations.
Has anyone else experienced this?