So, I'm struggling with talking to the person in management about a new role that I was recently passed over for. The person I would have been working for would have been my boss's boss. I do have regular opportunities to chat with her, today was one of them. In response to the reasoning she gave me via email a few weeks ago, I was very crushed. I didn't feel like it was a real reason, and at the time I didn't know who the position was going to. I did respond and say thank you for the consideration, but I was failing to see why I wasn't the right fit.
At the time, I was told the person had experience with a "complex" project.
And I just keep feeling more and more raw. The news came out about who got it just a few days after her email. And yes, the individual does work on many different projects which working on that many projects in itself could be complex I suppose. However, this person seems to have it all. Same amount of time in the industry as I do (but has only been at our current company and I have worked at 2 others), but she also seems to have the benefit of work life balance in her prior group and our group doesn't seem to have that luxury. (And honestly, it was a big reason why I wanted the job. I wanted some control of my workload.)
However, I feel very unseen. I have notes from my boss's boss from several years ago thanking me for my years of work on critical and complex projects. So, there is another reason why this feedback does not make sense. I even mentioned this to her in my initial response. And she basically said that we need more people like me, but that was it.
The workers in that specific group get smaller duration projects to work on and lots of space to take on improvement projects. They get to work from home more as well. Our group gets the larger and longer ones, and I'm often stuck doing the intense physical work that has to be done in person on top of other random things that most people in my department can't do because they "don't have time". It can lead to unexpected or planned 14 hour days or varied hours outside of a 9-5, and boss makes it known that he expects overtime from each of us. There was one very big project I inherited when I joined the company in 2015 that had been going since 2004. I finally got it to completion during the pandemic. I also sacrificed my health, my graduate degrees and countless other things to get it done. At first it seemed like a big accomplishment, but now I feel like that has been forgotten. I often try to work as efficiently as possible while getting a lot of things done. I try to delegate where I can, but her boss's expectations are very different.
Also, there was no interview for this position. The director chose the individual based on previous performance reviews. From an HR standpoint, many colleagues were wondering if they had already chosen someone for the job before advertising and they worried that if people wanted it, there wouldn't be a fair shot.
I just feel so raw, and I'm wondering if not bringing it up in my meeting today was the right action or not. I likely might bring it up to my boss first and see what he says. But even as I write this I feel pretty upset. I worry that my accomplishments have not been adequately captured even though they have been very visible to management. I don't think they understand the depth of work that went into it.
9 Comments
9 Comments
Malissa
484
Controller in the Agricultural Industry.
12/16/20 at 11:06PM UTC
in
It's very hard not to take something like this personally, because to you it is personal.
The question you need to ask your boss (or anyone above you) is "what do I need to do to position myself for a similar role in the future?"
You might find better answers there and if you don't then it's time to look outside your company for growth.
Good luck!
4
1 Reply
Farah Bajwa
187
Manager | Mentor | Consultant | Coach
12/23/20 at 8:46PM UTC
in
My thoughts exactly!
What I heard in Elizabeth's phrasing is her comparing herself to the person chosen rather than comparing herself to the actual position and its requirements.
Elizabeth, I feel your question will be more received based on how you frame it. Rather than "how come this person was picked over me?" ask, "I'm really interested in this position as my next career move. What are some steps I can take to improve my chances or make myself a better candidate?" And as hard as it really is, Try as best you can to disengage emotionally because for the company its just business.
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Aubrey
24
12/17/20 at 12:11AM UTC
in
Hi Elizabeth, this sucks. As a HR pro and leadership coach, I do encourage you to inquire more about what you can do differently going forward that will position you for the next promotional opportunity. It is a fair question and deserves a solid, real answer. Many times, people will skimp on the feedback because they 1. don't want to hurt your feelings and/or 2. don't want to share because of the legal ramifications. There's a way that you can present yourself to overcome #1 which includes doing your own personal inner work so you can receive the critical feedback openly. I specialize in Crunchy Conversations, so if I can help you, please let me know.
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Anonymous
12/17/20 at 3:06AM UTC
in
Dear Elizabeth. This is one of the hardest situations one faces in the workplace. Other commenters have given you very good advice but organizations are comprised of people and personal preferences also dictate decisions.
Don't let this make you question your accomplishments or talents. If advancement is not an option there it may be elsewhere. I'm sorry for that.
1
Reply
Ann Burke
20
Educator, Writer, Facilitator, Learner.
12/22/20 at 5:55PM UTC
in
I'm sorry you've had to navigate this situation. I agree with the above comment that you should not question your accomplishments or talents. In fact, this is a good opportunity to reflect on all that you have accomplished and use that as arsenal for next time, whether it's with your current company or a different one. This might also be a good nudge for you to consider what you want in your career and who can help you to achieve your goals. Brene Brown's work (esp. Daring Greatly and Dare to Lead) offer good reflection exercises that can be turned into implementation--especially if you want to be seen.
1
Reply
Punya Sandhu
125
10 yrs in Big4 Consulting, Founder - BYONDGOOD
12/22/20 at 9:17PM UTC
in
Dear Elizabeth - I'm sorry you're upset and I hear where you're coming from. In fact I've experienced a similar situation where I had to position myself for a promotion THREE times before I got it. It sucks...its annoying. Maybe think of what you can do differently next? If you're in the mood for some ideas, read this FGB post I wrote to share my story. Good luck!
https://fairygodboss.com/articles/i-ran-my-career-like-a-political-campaign-and-got-promoted-in-6-months-heres-how#
User edited comment on 12/22/20 at 9:18PM UTC
1
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Rosa Goes
90
12/23/20 at 1:39AM UTC
in
Sorry to hear your going through this Elizabeth...all great advice given by commentators above. I think you did the right thing asking for feedback. Give yourself a couple days to regroup and envision your career goals with company. If they still don't give you a straight answer (I'm guessing they are trying to be politically correct), then start the new year looking for a better opportunity.
1
Reply
MoneyCareerMotherhood
141
Smart financial decisions for work & home
12/23/20 at 11:21AM UTC
in
I totally understand why you're disappointed & have been there myself. In addition to the advice above, take a look at the individual who got the job's actions outside of her actual work - Does she network and advocate for herself differently than you do within the company? Or does her boss have a track record of doing a good job moving his/her employees? Sometimes it's factors other than experience that determine who gets a position. Without there being an interview, it sounds like that may have been the case here.
1
1 Reply
Elizabeth Marie
188
Scientist and M.B.A. Candidate
12/23/20 at 1:49PM UTC
in
From what I’ve been able to gather...it’s definitely her boss
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