WFH with children in an open layout home.

79 Comments

1. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:18PM UTC

   I am glad you are able to keep your kids at home while you work, that would be a huge distraction for me, but that is me. Is it possible to hire a college student to help nanny for days when you know you have scheduled meetings?

2. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:30PM UTC

   Is there another adult (your husband) that will be home when you are working or at least when you have meetings? If so, then I would be direct with your manager and say my children are home during the day (if the 5 yr old is for the summer only mention that) and my husband/nanny/mom will be caring for them whenever I have a meeting. Then leave it at that. The next step is to work with the noise reduction feature on the software you are using to have it block out background noise and you should be using a noise canceling headset so you are no distracted by the noise.

   I understand what your husband is saying but by hiding it you are continuing to support this double standard. If he is working from home

   and you care for kids during his meetings he should be telling his manager the same thing you are. Many managers and companies are not used to a workforce that is almost all remote and therefore focus on the wrong things such as kids being home during the work day. That is not a concern if you are getting your work done, attending and participating in meetings and are accessible when expected to be. In the end, if someone says something about hearing one of your kids in the background, you should just reply yes they are playing with .., and move on. Unless the noise is loud that it is distracting to those on the meeting then you owe no one any further explanation.

3. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:40PM UTC

   Use headphones or just a microphone when you are in meetings so that it might drown out some of the backgrounds noise. Demonstrate to your five year old what it looks like when you are in a meeting and when it's appropriate for them to interrupt you (such as an emergency). If you're able and can afford to, invest in a video baby monitor so even if you have headphones in during a meeting you can see if the children are in any distress.

   I think it also comes down to what you can produce. If you are producing your work, showing up to meetings, not getting distracted, and it isn't overly distracting others in the meeting then it's fine, but not all employers see it that way.

4. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 1:41PM UTC

   I made arrangements for someone to either come into my home to occupy the kids with a ling walk or trip to the park or drop the kids off during those critical hours when meetings are happening or when I need quiet to focus for a couple of hours.

   People don't often ask men working from home because this is seldom an issue fir them. I've found that they have help during these times and never mention the issue. Women are often the primary caretakers deal with these issues. On my team ( all 100% remote) of 5 men and 3 females and myself, I've only had distractions of varying degrees impact the females trying to juggle too much in the way of children's interruption, noise and excessive away with child sickness. I've never had the same situation with the males on my team.

   My current company has created remote work guidelines and policies because we are a hybrid organization and folks in the office are highly sensitive to those kinds of distractions on calls.

5. Theresa BlackburnJune 9,2022 at 2:01PM UTC

   Have you considered hiring a nanny? If you have money in the budget for childcare, I would consider this. My kids are teenagers now, but I remember that my first daughter started walking around 9 months. You can park a baby in a playpen but it's harder to contain a toddler, as you know since you have a five year old. I have multiple friends who hired nannies when their kids were little. They still had to deal with background noise. However, they also were able to send the nanny and kids on outings to the playground, library, and so on, so they got some quiet time for work during the day.

   I am guessing that you may be understandably concerned about daycare at this time due to covid concerns.

   I do highly recommend the noise cancelling headphones. My husband uses those for work meetings and they were very effective, especially when our teens were home for virtual school during the first year of the pandemic.

   Best of luck in your new position!

6. Yichen ZhangJune 9,2022 at 2:03PM UTC

   I have not worked remote with children (or pets), but have seen and heard plenty of colleagues' and bosses' remote "office mates." At this point, two years in, it makes me and those I work with feel everyone is human and doing the best we can. :)

   I hope that those who commented on playing sounds came from a place of support or curiosity. Are there other parents at work you can reach out to? Do other people of all genders get "surprise guest appearances" from their children, partners, pets, elders, etc.? Is there a parents/support givers affinity/resource group? Those may be good starting points for working out your approach with your manager and team.

   I've seen colleagues briefly set expectations "You may hear the dog", "the little one is sick so I may go off camera on occasion", etc., without apology. Life happens. "WFH" means we all live at work now.

7. ReachingGoalsJune 9,2022 at 2:43PM UTC

   My daughter had her home desk set up in the dining room. Her back was to the living room. She was on a zoom call one day and several people started laughing, and some guy said “put pants on that kid”. She turned around and the 2 year old who was being VERY quiet and watching TV had taken off his clothes, stood on the back of the couch and was dancing with the movie. Parent Face Palm . EVERY mom on that zoom call knew her pain.

8. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:36PM UTC

   Thanks, I needed this chuckle this morning. Happened to a coworker of mine as well on a call. Her 4 yr old comes in, starkers as could be, covered in chocolate pudding (long story).

9. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 12:36PM UTC

   Mine crawled across the back of the couch in his underwear behind me.. luckily it was an informal chat but still... face palm

10. Explorer630250June 9,2022 at 3:07PM UTC

    I will say that I am exploring options for a PT nanny. It’s really about noise distraction for my co workers I’m concerned about.

11. Julie HumbirdJune 9,2022 at 3:24PM UTC

    Invest in a noise cancelling headset. Poly, Sennheiser or Jabra. I have this one. My callers can never hear my kids, cats or the lawn crew outside my window.

    https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B08F83TPF8?ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_dp_8YRBW3QDM9MMTZ3PXKAD

12. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 7:40PM UTC

    I actually have no problem with the policy being find child care while working at home. After all, your employer is paying you to work, not be “mom or dad”. It is not unreasonable to expect your employees working at home to be focused on the job during the hours they are expected to work. Sure, some people working from home are doing jobs that they can easily stop and start at any time of the day. But some are required to be 100% responsive during traditional working hours. It doesn’t make the employer a horrible boss, but it sure does make the employee horrible when they aren’t able to do their job because the toddler is hungry, throwing a tantrum, or whatever.

    I have friends who work together on their schedules so that one parent has all the kids when the other has meetings, or whatever, and they schedule their work around when they know they will be 100% available. We all figured it out before when we worked outside the home and dropped our kids off, we can figure it out again and do what needs to be done.

13. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 10:57PM UTC

    I think the noise canceling headset is a great idea unless you are charged with childcare during your meetings or calls. Then you might not want to take your attention away from such young children.

    You'll need to get creative with your husband to avoid your children being without supervision.

14. AnonymousJune 9,2022 at 11:38PM UTC

    Headphones, I use apple earbuds, especially with the loud landscaping outside.

15. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 2:10AM UTC

    Headphones so noone can hear my background and I keep my phone on mute unless I am speaking. Also, if your company has teams or gives you an option as to what program to use for calls, teams offers you the ability to block out your background or to use a fake background. Unless your children are up next to the camera they won't be seen.

16. Cynthia Jones 1128June 10,2022 at 12:47PM UTC

    Zoom offers the same option to block out the background. Many of my coworkers use it who have some children at home.

17. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 12:58PM UTC

    Thank you for being considerate.

18. Nicola BanksJune 10,2022 at 3:41AM UTC

    Get yourself a good headset - the jabra ones are really good for no background noise transmission....

19. AnonymousJune 10,2022 at 11:15PM UTC

    I swear by my Jabra wireless headset. It has noise cancelling and you can program it so that one button activates and deactivates the microphone and the other allows "soundthrough" so if you want to check on your children (because you will not hear them) you can tap it, see if anyone is screaming and then tap it again. No one needs to know that you just checked on the kids. Plus it can Bluetooth with multiple devices, which I have found really useful. I do not have children, but I work from home in a studio apartment where I live with my partner and he can be yelling at someone on his phone or watching television and no one knows that I don't have an office (I just sit in front of a bookcase). (Also, the noise cancelling is real, I use them as earplugs or to listen to music when he is on the phone with his therapist and I have never heard a word.)

20. Trish CunninghamJune 10,2022 at 3:18PM UTC

    I'm sitting in a meeting right now where the speaker introduced himself as a new dad with a 7 month old at home! Kids are home sick from day care all the time...I find that people disclose the kids out of courtesy but in no way is it mandatory. So, no, it's not common to have to disclose your living situation as long as you get the work done. Don't let the mommy guilt get to you either! If noise is your biggest concern, most folks understand if you disclose that a child is sick or needs your immediate attn. Like others have said a good headset helps!

21. Camille Jean-GillesJune 10,2022 at 6:16PM UTC

    Are we "post pandemic"? I would argue we're not quite there yet since my kids are still frequently home due to their schools being way less tolerant of them going to school with sniffles.

    I worked with my kids at home pre-pandemic, though, and never mentioned it to anyone. If they disrupted a meeting or something I'd acknowledge and apologize and move away from the noise, but it was never a conversation with my employer. You do need to find somewhere that you can reliably work without being interrupted, quietly, if you are often on calls / meetings and obviously work the expected work hours, but otherwise it's not really your employer's business who is home with you while you work.

22. JJJune 10,2022 at 6:31PM UTC

    I would not mention it. Likely they don’t care and it could backfire.

23. AyianJune 11,2022 at 12:19PM UTC

    It really sounds like you could benefit from picking up a microphone that comes with software to filter the sound, such as a Blue Yeti. There are settings like noise gate which allows you to set the decibel level that the microphone filters out, among other settings to help clear up your audio and reduce disturbance for those who are on a digital meeting with you. This style of mic has a manual mute button with a light indicator so that they never have to know if you've muted yourself due to higher noise levels. This style of external microphone are very robust and can often be found used on eBay and other resale platforms. Specifically seek out one that had software for the filters and spend a little time tweaking yours to suit your needs.

    As for Ye Olde Plague Times, we're still in them. The 6th wave has just begun and the federal government is dropping the requirement for negative COVID tests on international flights. It's still touch and go.

24. Sharmil McKeeJune 11,2022 at 12:48PM UTC

    Yes, I second the suggestion to get the Blue Yeti mic! It works amazingly well in filtering out background noise.

25. Changemaker135222June 11,2022 at 12:32PM UTC

    I also work from home and sometimes have my 6 yr old when he's sick and home from school and I don't want him getting my parents sick (they usually watch while my husband and I work). He was home when I interviewed for my new position and he was busy saying hi to my interviewers and not exactly behaving. They said they understood and didn't seem phased. I actually got a second interview and started my new position. I think most places are understanding...

26. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 12:57PM UTC

    Agree most places may be understanding if it's not a constant distraction.

27. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 1:00PM UTC

    That was what I was wondering! I could not see anywhere that she has someone who is actually responsible for her children while she is working. Being a caretaker of two young children is a full-time job! Hire a nanny so that they are still with you but someone is tending to their needs and stimulating them while you work.

28. Sharmil McKeeJune 11,2022 at 1:01PM UTC

    Working from home with kids during a pandemic is hard enough. Don't pile on the extra stress from worrying about what other people think about your kids making noise.

29. Tamara WebbJune 11,2022 at 1:26PM UTC

    Hello Sharail, I’ll have to disagree. Due to the fact that the world needed to continue to move; the pandemic took a loop for people. If this event hadn’t occurred, this person would of gotten a babysitter and go to the office…

30. MelissaJune 11,2022 at 5:12PM UTC

    Where did she say she ever had a baby sitter?

31. Sharmil McKeeJune 11,2022 at 6:53PM UTC

    Even if she had a babysitter, the kids would still make noise. It's what they do.

32. Rose BushJune 11,2022 at 1:06PM UTC

    I usually take a personal or sick day if my child is sick.

    But for the safety of your child, it would be best if you find a daycare for them. They make great friends and socialize. If your on the phone or web meeting, your not really watching. But if your watching your kids, your not really working.

    Its a very slippery slope to ask how to multitask. Be careful, a lot of negativity may be coming your way on this post.

33. MelissaJune 11,2022 at 5:11PM UTC

    Did you just say that daycare was a safer option than home for the child while Mom is working? I think this comment goes with the negativity on this post.

34. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 1:28PM UTC

    Are your coworkers on these calls working at home or the office?

    I think if someone else on the call is required to be in the office, it is only respectful to minimize distractions on your end. I wouldn’t mind the occasional noise or view of small children, but if it is a pattern, causes the meeting to run over, the person doesn’t cancel out the extra noise etc. and I had to be in the office, I would dread the meetings, and talk to my supervisor about letting me work from home on that day.

    And it is a social nicety to say you are not bothered by the noise, because no one wants to openly be *that person* Just because someone says they aren’t bothered, doesn’t mean that is the truth.

35. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 12:56PM UTC

    Absolutely. Noone can honestly say that hearing a noisy background that disrupts the flow of a meeting . You become the bad guy immediately.

36. Kelly McColemanJune 11,2022 at 1:52PM UTC

    That’s a lot. I have a 4 & 7 year old and work from home about 1/2 the time. Sometimes I have a couple meetings where I have to talk and honestly it’s challenging if they are sick or have a PD day. I would say if you’re in a role where you’re talking to external clients, daycare would be the best option. It’s also draining trying to work, and parent.

37. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 1:58PM UTC

    One could argue that coworkers deserve the same consideration as external clients.

38. CassandraJune 11,2022 at 2:11PM UTC

    It's important to determine your company's WFH policy. Most clearly state that work from home is not a replacement for child care. Work is work no matter where you are working from.

39. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 5:06PM UTC

    One of the reasons people like work from home is because it allows increased flexibility and autonomy. Companies who hire remote workers and then tell them they can’t participate in their own life are disconnected from the realities of their employees lives and the reasons people want to stay at home. It’s an exercise in control and unnecessary.

40. AnonymousJune 17,2022 at 1:01PM UTC

    Key point here- people WANT to stay at home. Remote work is a privilege. Yes companies are benefiting from seeking talent in a larger pool because they can look outside of their geographic region, but candidates are enjoying no commute- which is ideal with as prices sky rocketing. They are also saving that time on no commute. So there are benefits to both, however talk about being disconnected from reality. In what profession other than a daycare or school would parents get to bring their kid to work everyday? There is a major difference between work life balance and overtly taking advantage of a situation.

    Having a sick child at home on occasion is vastly different from working and parenting at the same time. We also have that expectation set for everyone regardless of gender.

    And it may be an exercise in control- but it's not controlling their employees, it's controlling their checkbook. If you don't like it find another checkbook.

41. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 2:24PM UTC

    You wouldn’t bring your children to the office every day and leave them unsupervised. Why would you think this is acceptable to your employer? Get child care.

42. C AllenJune 11,2022 at 3:06PM UTC

    Where did she say her children were unsupervised? Mom's have been multi-tasking since the dawn of time. Dishes, housework, etc. is that neglecting children? My coworker has a pandemic baby and when she cooed during our most recent team meeting (at a most opportune time) my boss suggested we add her to the payroll for her contribution. I love this for her and I wish others had similar experiences and acceptance with their situations. Whether it be multi-family households, taking care of parents in their later years, or even pets.

43. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 7:56PM UTC

    In her message she stated: "...the kids play by themselves during meetings, the baby has a safe place to explore ..." FYI: the baby is 8 months old.
    That is pretty much unsupervised to me. "safe space" of not, I personally would not leave an 8mo to their own devices.

44. C AllenJune 11,2022 at 9:53PM UTC

    Play by themselves does not equal unsupervised. A baby in a play pen is by themselves whilst mom is vacuuming is not unsupervised. That is a huge wreckless leap to your conclusion.

45. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 5:03PM UTC

    My employer doesn’t determine how I live and work in my own home. They don’t get a say about anything other than the tasks I do. Employers trying to exercise control of employees at home is baloney, pure and simple.

46. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 7:25PM UTC

    But an employeer DOES have the right to expect 100% of your time and attention when you are suppose to be working, thus being paid. Your employer is not telling you how to live when they say have appropriate child care arrangements if your working at home.

    In some positions it is very easy to schedule your work day around your kids schedule and get your work done on time and effectively. The problem arises for those employees who must work traditional daytime hours and are expected to be available for them. I'd like to point out that the call for employees going back to the office full time is BECAUSE the person paying you can "control" or tell you how to perform during working hours. If you are in the office, you are not being pulled in different directions by children/family members. And shockingly, you've made child care arrangements. The Boss actually does get to exercise control on your work hours. If you don't like it, then you can find an employer who is happy to let you work on your/your kid's schedule and not the schedule of the boss/customer/person signing your pay check.

    This isn't a matter of accepting the patriarchy, it is a fact of life. Some people never had to opportunity to work from home. They had to figure out how to deal with long days, child care, pet care and sick family members.

    My company is going through the same thing. Everyone needs to be back in the office full time starting July 1. A lot of people are not happy beause they don't want to commute or leave the kids or whatever reason. Honestly, I love working at home, I get to sit in my comfy chair during down time, cook and spend a few minutes in my garden. However, I understand that because some employees have abused the work from home privilege, everyone is to come back. And I know that if I don't want to, I need to look for another job or retire. So I will do what I'm being paid to do. And not gripe about it.

47. CassandraJune 12,2022 at 8:53PM UTC

    Preach

48. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 11:46PM UTC

    Totally agree!

49. MollyJune 11,2022 at 3:16PM UTC

    I support your decision to decide what is best for you and what you can manage. While some of the comments here are NOT surprising, they’re still disappointing and rooted in bullshit mindsets like time is more important than productivity.

    I work remote and have had my kids home often in the last 6 months, if you feel that’s post-pandemic. I find it challenging, but doable because I work on independent tasks early in the morning or late at night, when my kids are asleep. And then I have arrangements for when I have to be on video during a meeting. That doesn’t mean they’re never seen or heard and I’m okay with that. I don’t hide them from my colleagues or clients but I don’t formally notify my director or anything.

    I also worked from home with my kids at home in 2018-2019. They were younger then and it was easier.

    I would review your company’s policies on remote/telecommuting arrangements. Some spell out expectations and some don’t. It important to be full prepared to discuss your situation based on the terms of the policy. Also - a baby or kid making noise (laughing or crying) in background doesn’t mean they aren’t with a nanny, their other parent, or another care provider.

    As your husband pointed out, men aren’t asked these questions. And when men are transparent about it, they’re applauded and promoted. In most companies, patriarchy is still a core driving force and so men who are parents are rewarded in the work place but women who are mothers are held back.

50. Sharmil McKeeJune 11,2022 at 7:04PM UTC

    Yeah, I agree. I am always shocked when I see other women support the patriarchy. I don't why I am shocked, but oh well.

51. MollyJune 11,2022 at 10:16PM UTC

    I imagine you know this well, but for those reading this who don’t: the patriarchy is sustained by women who have been socialized to support it and who don’t do the work is dismantle that mindset.

52. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 8:26PM UTC

    I too work from home pre, post, and during the pandemic. Pre-pandemic my children were in after care once school let out and not home during work hours unless they were sick or it was a no school day. During, they were home all day and attended virtual school along with the rest of the nation. It was honestly refreshing to see how my company and colleagues embraced children and family life. It was NEVER an issue and if there was an interruption everyone thought it was adorable. If we are considering the current day post-pandemic my children are home from 2:30-5:30PM during school year (gone all day during summer camp). They are elementary age and pretty independent. They do homework and spend most of the time on their computers. Very little if any interruption to my productivity or calls. Pre-pandemic I would have felt terribly embarrassed and un-professional if anyone ever heard my kids in the background. Today, I do not feel that way as I was under the impression our society has embraced that we are all humans with families and personal lives. Stuff happens. I feel comfortable since my kids are not noisy or a distraction to me or my colleagues. I can ensure you if I heard kids in the background from a colleague or customer I would think nothing of it. Judging by some of these responses it seems that is not the impression of everyone. Everyone is entitled to their opinion I suppose. So my advice would be understand what you can and cannot handle, and get a feel for the tolerance of your manager/team/company and make decisions accordingly. I would never judge you or any parent for choosing to keep them home or for having child care. Best of luck!

53. MichelleJune 11,2022 at 3:30PM UTC

    I would absolutely bring it up!

    Do you really want to work for an employer who can't be flexible about your family's needs? That's likely why you sought the job in the first place.

    I have never had an employer/client tell me to get childcare because of kid noise, and while it is frustrating, everybody understands and is supportive. Set expectations before accepting the contract so they aren't caught off gaurd (you can say "I wanted to tell you about this because it's important to me, and I care about making sure you know what to expect from me on the job.") Then tell your future boss exactly what you told us. Be sure you ask them to take the opportunity to tell you if they feel the kids are being too disruptive, but also let them know how long you anticipate the situation to continue.

    If it's a permanent situation, let them know that! They deserve to make the best decisions for their company as much as your deserve to make them for yourself and your family. If it's unacceptable, find a workaround (childcare) or don't accept the job, but keep it amicable. You might run into the company again in the future. Find a new opportunity, repeat the process, and stress less. You might want to get counseling if you think it might start to bother you, so you don't take out the frustration on your job/hubby. ? And maybe get that Blue Yeti. ? Good luck!

54. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 2:08AM UTC

    An employer should not have to ask an employee to arrange for child care.

    One should be able to assume that is a given - a parent (man or woman) would provide child care for their children. Too often workers think if they work from home that deletes the need for any child care - it does not. Babies, toddlers and small children need supervision when the parent (man or woman) needs to give their full attention to work like a meeting. A man on a conference call or virtual meeting that has a child interfer will be called on it - perhaps even more so than a woman. Professionalism is in order for both men and women! One might consider bringing child care (in home or out of the home) may be the most fair thing to the children, yourself and your company for those situations

55. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 5:08PM UTC

    You husband has a good point that no one would ask him. I wouldn’t say anything either. If it happens to get mentioned during a meeting than yeah sure, say the kids are there. Since it will be obvious. if they haven’t mentioned it, it’s not important to them.

56. Communication CoachJune 13,2022 at 4:03AM UTC

    Many companies do specify that home workers, men or women, have a quiet child-free area to work from to present professionally

57. AnonymousJune 11,2022 at 5:52PM UTC

    As the co-worker who's at the post-child stage, I worked (and still work) with many team members who have kids at home. The only one I had an issue with was the one whose children literally howled during meetings - we begged him to find a solution of some sort for those calls, as they actually drowned out his voice (very soft-spoken man). He upgraded his headset, and found a better space for calls, and it helped.

    Is it possible for you to set up any kind of dedicated sound-dampening space (convert a walk-in into a "sound booth", complete with USB "On Air" sign, to make it a little more fun), or take those calls out on a patio or such? Not so much a dedicated office space, but one where sound is less of an issue, just for calls.

58. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 12:33PM UTC

    Well said as if is very distracting to have to keep pausing or ask the person to speak up . I think most co workers don't mind the children as long as things are controlled .

59. Liz MilneJune 12,2022 at 1:53AM UTC

    Standing up on feminist principles is fine, but people aren't asking your husband because they assume he has a wife to look after the children.

    They WILL ask you about it, because they'll now assume that your husband has his own work, meaning that a) your children are basically unsupervised OR b) you've 'brought your children to work' essentially.

    When I WFH before covid, the company insisted that no children be heard on calls, and said that, for the children's safety as well as customer satisfaction issues, they should have a child minder looking out for them, be at a grandparents' place or otherwise be taken care in the same way they would be if you were leaving the house to go to work.

    Yes, you're at home, but the company has the right to expect your undivided attention when you are on their clock...

60. AnonymousJune 12,2022 at 2:52AM UTC

    You can renegotiate your contract and ask for WFH with children as a perk, which should be acceptable to your employer, as it is independent work.

61. ILHAM ALAMJune 12,2022 at 1:07PM UTC

    There are bone conducting noise cancellation earphones that’s extremely effective in drowning out any background noise. That could be something you use?

    or as someone suggested, it may be helpful to have a family member or friend or nanny or a daycare look after them for the day, during your work hours.

62. Gail Buckley CraneJune 12,2022 at 9:19PM UTC

    Bone conducting noise cancellation earphones will help the OP hear better; the problem is the microphone on her system picks up ambient noise in her location and broadcasts to the group. Are there noise-canceling microphones?

    Another thought might be to look at a "white noise" machine and put it between you and your children's space.

63. Bradford McCormickJune 12,2022 at 8:12PM UTC

    I have no personal experinece. I have seen instances of persons on Zoom where everybody is understanding and thinks the baby or the dog or the cat is cute or even adorable. One young lady who is studying at the University of Texas even got a compliment from her professor for her cat's perfect attendance at Zoom sessions (the cat seemed interested). Of course not everbody takes things that way.

64. DANA JONESJune 13,2022 at 1:03PM UTC

    Having kids at home at this point in time post pandemic should be the exception not the rule. When they are at home, I tell my team and manager that I have a sick kid at home, or school is virtual this week. I'll be working flex hours and make up the time in the evening or take sick time. As a manager, my first question is do you have adequate child care for your kids. It seems from your post you are pulling double duty. I don't think that is fair for your kids or your job. My 7 yo still requires chunks of my time during the day. When she was home sick for a week, she had a meltdown over mom and dad being on conference calls at the same time she needed someone. Kids can become resentful of the job and it's demands. With my manager hat on, if my employee was getting interrupted by the kids during our conversations/ meetings I would have to have a serious talk with them. I feel you want to do both, but is it really best for the kids/job/your sanity?

65. AnonymousJune 13,2022 at 11:14PM UTC

    You have to have a plan to have your kids under control somewhere, either in a safe room that they can play or with grandma, a nanny etc.

    A lot of it is simply common sense. We had one person who we did get rid of b/c she would literally feed her kids in the middle of a team meeting. Of course this same person would bring her lunch to our team meetings when we were in the building even though it wasn't a lunch meeting.

66. AnonymousSeptember 24,2022 at 9:42PM UTC

    You fired someone for eating lunch during meetings? Did you check if they had a medical condition that required them to eat often enough to prevent a sudden drop in blood pressure and emergency situation?

67. AnonymousSeptember 26,2022 at 3:46PM UTC

    She didn't have any common sense or business acumen/professional demeaner. If no one else in the meeting is bringing their lunch or eating in front of everyone else, you don't do it either. And that wasn't the sole reason she was fired, she wasn't reliable and again, didn't use common sense.

68. Jennifer AndersonJune 14,2022 at 3:00PM UTC

    So the way I was raised. My parents were engaged in sales and I was taught from a very young age that work was work and that if we didn't use our quiet voices while mommy and daddy were on the phone or if there was a client at the house (mom was in real estate) we would be punished. This applied to BOTH my parents. Later, I was trained to answer the phone and by 10 I answered the phone professionally and could take down a message on the pink 'while you were working pad'. We were taught that these conversations were the reason we were able to eat and pay the mortgage.

    I took this forward and when I had kids I made sure I had a quiet area and/or my spouse removed the children when I was working because my kids both had ADHD and quiet was not an option for me. I didn't have the luxury of working from home so when I did, I had to be twice as good. My ex and I worked at the same company and there was a double standard and even he thought it until we had a conversation about it. Our house was open concept and my kids had ADHD so noise was always a problem. We took the hit and doubled the kids up so that we could have an office where we could close the door because, at that time, kids being heard on the phone was a huge no-no.

    As an empty nester, I am thrilled that Covid proved so many folks wrong. I don't understand how parents are coping and I personally don't mind seeing or hearing kids and animals on Zoom as long as I know the parents are present and paying attention. If they aren't, I need them to either reschedule the meeting and/or find supervision for the kids. I understand a crying hungry baby and if the screens are off, I don't care if mom or dad feeds the baby - as long as the focus is on work.

    In my opinion, I think you should invest in a headset with a noise-canceling directional mic and leave the subject alone. If your children are interrupting the meeting and/or being disruptive then, in my mind, this is a personnel issue and your supervisor will bring it up with you.

    If your boss isn't saying anything and you are getting your work done, I would leave it alone. That said, I would also have a backup plan.

69. Kelly McColemanJune 17,2022 at 6:11PM UTC

    Okay I just want to give a quick story from this week about WFH with kids. I had a late one on one with my boss. Post daycare and school. My husband came home but left for a medical appointment. My 7 year old was screaming HELP ME - was she in danger? No, she wanted YouTube and not Disney+, my 4 year came in to tell me he’d pooped his pants. My boss has a 2 year old, the company gets it, we have a flexible schedule, but honestly, it was awful. If it had been a client I probably would have resigned as it was chaotic and stressful. My personal feelings when the kids are around is that I’m not a good parent or employee, and I’m failing at everything. Sick kids, well, yeah, gotta deal with that, but I can’t love my childcare providers more.

70. AnonymousJune 21,2022 at 9:19PM UTC

    I was glad to see this discussion.

    As a team leader of a team of professional consultants, I'm interested because we have all remote workers, but several have children at home.
    My expectation would be that those children would be playing or working independently somewhere not in earshot or with a mother's helper or something similar, but we have a new hire (not my hire) who has a medically fragile infant. She babywears and I'm pretty sure the baby is just under her mic and either cries or babbles, etc. I will be training her shortly, and

    I'm trying to find the balance between being understanding of her circumstances vs. treating this like the professional job it is and expecting her to arrange child care of some sort during her phone consult hours.

    How do y'all work that out? (In-team meetings are one thing--client consults are something else, in my estimation.)

71. AnonymousJune 22,2022 at 3:27PM UTC

    I’ll cast the unpopular opinion here.

    As an employer, I find it incredibly unprofessional when parents are engaging with children during work calls and meeting. As a parent, I also find it troubling when parents are fully engrossed with work and leaving children to their own devices. In other words, if you’re watching your children during the workday, you’re not fully working. And if you’re working at full capacity (which is expected), you’re likely being a neglectful parent.

    I expect my staff who WFH full time to arrange for childcare, just as they would if they were coming into the office each day. I don’t intend to pay employees to stay home and watch their children. I require the same amount of time and effort they would invest were they in the office. In my opinion, that’s not possible when you have a tiny and demanding human around rightfully vying for your attention.

72. Sage FraserSeptember 24,2022 at 8:44PM UTC

    **ALL ANONYMOUS REPLIES TO THIS POST SAY EVERYTHING ABOUT THE RESPONDENT AND I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE THE OP TO DISREGARD THESE (MOSTLY) CONDESCENDING COWARDS AND THEIR RIGID OUTDATED OPINIONS**

    First - We are absolutely NOT POST-pandemic. Plus now we have Monkey Pox to add to public health concerns. Yes. I wish we had beaten it, but we failed. Fact. So get used to a new reality and expectations need to adapt accordingly.

    Second- how many articles have been published about the lack of resources and support for working mothers under these conditions? I highly doubt you Employers condemning the OP don’t pay nearly enough to cover FT daycare for 3 children , subsidize family healthcare plans enough to reduce the financial burden, nor provide childcare arrangements as a company benefit. Add inflation to the mix.

    Third- Would you like to directly contribute to the prevalence of higher attrition rates for the female workforce? Because that’s exactly what will happen if you demand she find care for her children without offering any assistance, flexibility, or understanding. Nice way of continuing to set women back and contribute to the oppression and discrimination that equal rights activists have fought against for so many years.

    I personally find it incredibly endearing to get to know the real lives of my clients, coworkers, and leaders, and vendors. We are not drones, slaves, or robots. We are real people. This mother did not choose the meeting time, right? Perhaps you all can hop on a call at 9 pm after kids are in bed then you wont have to bothered by the sounds of future generations of your employees.

    I noticed some good advice about investing in a quality microphone with background noise cancelling features. This should help.

    Employers- please step up and accept that you will either subsidize child care or accept the situation and adjust as needed to accommodate the needs of your best talent before they take their native knowledge, work ethic, contributions towards building the business, and yes their children, to your direct competitor.

73. Sage FraserSeptember 24,2022 at 9:16PM UTC

    To the OP-

    If you are getting your work done and the noise level does not impede anyone’s ability to hear what is being discussed, I see no reason to bring anything up. If your performance suffers or the noise directly impacts the productivity of the meeting then, yes, you will need to take accountability and partner with your manager to find a solution.

74. Balanced372207November 6,2022 at 9:54PM UTC

    Love your reply. So on point. I am a 69 year old who has a daughter who is 45, and had "working mother issues" back then. Things have NOT progressed as far as most people would like to believe.

75. Bonnie DilberOctober 4,2022 at 4:05PM UTC

    There's an app called Krisp that is a lifesaver!! It drowns out any background noise. It doesn't help you if the noise is distracting for you, but it will prevent others from hearing it. You can couple it with noise canceling headphones if you need to drown out the noise for yourself. That plus a blurred or fake background should be sufficient.

    Re: remote work and communicating having kids, I work in talent for a 100% remote company. We never ask anyone about their work conditions, childcare, etc. and I don't really see how this would ever come up or be relevant. We assume that anyone who has applied and been offered a job is able to fulfill the expectations of their role. If a potential employer were to ask, it would raise a flag for me.

76. AnonymousNovember 10,2022 at 3:55PM UTC

    Just a suggestion for you to help ease the worries of (mostly) women like OP: Maybe you SHOULD state something like "we tell all potential employees (**and not single out women), we won't ask about your work conditions, childcare..." etc. the rest of your whole quote. Hearing a company state that they'll trust their employees to make the responsible decisions for their role would be a huge plus for that company for me!

77. Quasheba BeyTMNovember 6,2022 at 2:35PM UTC

    I wanted to chime in after reading your posts and replies. I homeschool a 4.5 y/o who can now grasp my being on meetings but she still interrupted my interview the other day. I regretted not having a grandparent present. In the past I usually placed meetings during her nap/quiet times. When she was younger I would breastfeed during calls to keep her quiet but I know this may not apply to everyone.

    If possible I would ask for support during the most important meetings, esp ones where you may be talking.

    I love the tech suggestions on a sound booth, noise cancelling headphones, Krisp and even a white noise machine. I also got my daughter her own wireless headphones for when she does her curriculum or watches a show.

    Everyone has their own reasons for having their children home, from finances to educational preference or distant relatives. If you plan ahead all will be well.

78. Balanced372207November 6,2022 at 7:06PM UTC

    I think that most people don't ask for "support" because they don't have anyone to ask. I know I never did raising my child, and that was 45 years ago. Just because there are family members who are technically "available" doesn't mean they are "suitable."

79. AnonymousNovember 7,2022 at 12:07PM UTC

    AS I've read many comments I would also like to point out the others on the other side of the meetings screens and phone calls. Their time is as valuable to be able to do their work as well. If the business requires a certain time of the day to be available and you work on a team please be available for that team and your leaders. Please be mindful with bringing kiddos into the cameras when in online meetings. I believe WFH can work but it needs to show the concern for all and not one sided. Are you really able to 'be' at work? Being respectful with a touchy topic often allows one side to not be heard. Building those work relationships first will bode well when kiddos interrupt. Creating at home processes of being prepped for the day with snacks, lunch, etc, will help alleviate unevenness on a team. Use pto for doctors appointments that go over 2 hours shows fairness to all. Seek support, not all kiddos are created equal. You are able to set such an amazing example, you got this!