What does it mean when someone says to a woman that she is “not a personality fit?”

Anonymous

October 4,2021 at 1:27PM UTC

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What does it mean when someone says to a woman that she is “not a personality fit?”

Is that just a way of discarding? Is that a way of swing that she is “emotional” without saying the word?

I work in a consulting setting where we engage with all sorts of office cultures. I’ve had a few demanding clients who didn’t know what they want. When I began to gather requirements, they expected me to make them up on their behalf. So I did and got their feedback in daily and weekly increments. Noting the risks of that approach. Meanwhile, the client called me stupid. Etc.

My company said it was “not a personality match.” How can berating consultants be a personality match issue??

what is going on here? Why are they “messaging” it in that way?

Am I bring set up to take the fall for something?

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AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 1:45PM UTC
You are being told you don't fit in with the way tge company does business. Whatever their approach is........it is very different than your approach. It is what it is. I'm not sure you're being set up so much as you're being shown the door.
Styles, company cuktures and temperaments differ greatly. This one is not welcoming.
You can spend days trying pinpoint the differences, but really why waste your time? Find a place where you do fit and you'll thrive.
Rachel GoldenOctober 4,2021 at 1:46PM UTC
It’s a common theme among hiring to hire for “fit”. But your instincts are right - it’s often discriminatory.
AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 2:23PM UTC
So sorry you're going through that. It's probably for the best to not work at a place that has that standard. Most decent workplaces understand when a client is being difficult or a "problem client" and just placate them. In my industry we have a phrase - "buyers are liars." Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but you would be shocked at how many customers lie or try to get our employees in trouble over personal vendettas. It's just the way things are.
Anyway, keep your chin up and know your worth. You've got this!
Sabrina RahmanOctober 4,2021 at 2:42PM UTC
I think it means you make them think too much.
Which isn’t a bad thing.
If they hire a consultant to get to the root of a problem, they can hardly complain if you do a good job and find out the issue.
It might be that management are the issue within the client organisation.
Find a better place that deserve you.
And in future/subsequent engagements you might want to add in a clause about being paid by stage of completion, that way you will get paid for your time and it won’t feel like you wasted it.
DianeOctober 4,2021 at 3:01PM UTC
Are you thinking it's gender bias or just a comment? Maybe there's more that was said, but to me it doesn't sound sexist.
Kelly MiholicOctober 4,2021 at 3:35PM UTC
The sentiment of the first anonymous post is spot on. There is such a thing a "group think" and "company culture". We can't fit them all. I do not know how much time you were given to understand and adapt but it sounds less like discrimination and more like a poorly communicated way of telling you that your approach does not match theirs.
KathyOctober 4,2021 at 3:58PM UTC
Without more detail it's difficult to understand what is actually happening. Did they ask you to resign? Or did the client ask for another consultant?
Barb HansenOctober 4,2021 at 4:07PM UTC
IMHO "not a personality fit" is a dog whistle for "this person doesn't look like the person we want to work with" . I.E - that person is a woman, or older or a person of color.
Or this client is truly just awful and they didn't like you
AnonymousOctober 4,2021 at 4:31PM UTC
Usually means a woman is not attractive, skinny and/or extroverted and bubbly enough and talking a mile a minute.
Coach Nancie Kay ShumanOctober 7,2021 at 12:56AM UTC
Not necessarily. There really are times when the personalities are not compatible with the company culture. I used an example from my own life above.
Denise UtterOctober 4,2021 at 4:34PM UTC
Ok, prepare yourself, for this may hurt... I think that's a nice way of saying they simply didn't like you. It has nothing to do with being one gender or another. And I think it's a blessing in disguise, don't ever work for a place where they don't like you! Leave, run, don't look back! That place most likely has a toxic work culture. Keep your chin up and seek a new job where you are celebrated and appreciated.
AnonymousOctober 5,2021 at 2:31PM UTC
Not a personality match means you don't fit.
It's pretty clear but I question whether you or anyone would want to match?
AnonymousOctober 6,2021 at 3:23AM UTC
HR folks, can someone be let go from job due to “personality fit?
Coach Nancie Kay ShumanOctober 7,2021 at 12:53AM UTC
If you are in a At Will Employment State, they can fire you because they don't like the color of your shoes. That is a little bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.
I went to work for a company which billed themselves as tattoos and rock and roll. They were exceptionally hypers, and did the whole, everyone goes out for drinks together after work, thing. I was a 45 year old Mom, in Grad School, whose son was leaving for Uni the next fall. I also didn't do high anxiety, ie: I am a no drama Momma. This don't fit into their way of being, so they gave me an extra weeks pay and said, thanks but you don't fit. It's not as though I had been anything but authentic when I interviewed.
Noreen WhyselOctober 6,2021 at 1:12PM UTC
You say they asked you to make up requirements on the spot and then they didn’t like what you delivered. Why am I not surprised? It’s a “bad culture fit” because you have scruples and they don’t. Run.
Coach Nancie Kay ShumanOctober 7,2021 at 1:06AM UTC
Years ago, I went to work for a company which billed themselves as tattoos and rock and roll. They were exceptionally hyper, and did the whole, everyone goes out for drinks together after work, thing. I was a 45 year old Mom, in Grad School, whose son was leaving for Uni the next fall. I also didn't do high anxiety, ie: I am a no drama Momma. This don't fit into their way of being, so they gave me an extra weeks pay and said, thanks but you don't fit. It's not as though I had been anything but authentic when I interviewed. The irony was that a few weeks after I left, they called me up to ask me to come in and go over some (massive) documents which I had created. And basically offered me my job back. Um, no thank you.
It sounds as though the person they need to work with this client would have the skin of an elephant and be a mind reader. Plus be totally unflappable. Anything else would not be a personality fit.
Remember, hurt people hurt people. And those who are afraid to loose their power will exert it, badly, over anyone they can. (I know, I should be working for a fortune cookie company.) You may be looking at a luck exit.
AnonymousOctober 7,2021 at 12:30PM UTC
Thank you. I needed to hear that. All of these comments.